Envy of biological women.

[CosmicJoke]

Hi everyone. I'm honestly not sure if anyone will really be able to relate to this feeling but I decided to post anyway.

Sometimes I get this feeling of envy towards biological women. It seems like they can express themselves as masculine or as feminine as they want to, and nobody will see them as anything else based on pure biology. It's like we have to "work harder" in a sense. I think that's where that feeling stems from.

Like I said, I really don't know if anybody would even be able to relate to this but has that feeling at least been felt once before?

I have heard of the feeling of seeing a beautiful woman and feeling jealous. I think this feeling I am talking about is a little different though, but I'm just genuinely interested.

[Stottie Girl]

I sometimes look wistfully at women and wish I could look just like them, I'm not sure if that is really envy or not really. I think most people have that when they look at someone more attractive, it makes us see faults in ourselves.

I think if I was envious of anything relating to women it's that I won't ever be able to carry a life inside me. Seeing pregnant or breast feeding women or women with babies makes me smile and feel sad at the same time but there is definitely a bit of jealousy there too.

[Sephirah]

Hi everyone. I'm honestly not sure if anyone will really be able to relate to this feeling but I decided to post anyway.

Sometimes I get this feeling of envy towards biological women. It seems like they can express themselves as masculine or as feminine as they want to, and nobody will see them as anything else based on pure biology. It's like we have to "work harder" in a sense. I think that's where that feeling stems from.

Like I said, I really don't know if anybody would even be able to relate to this but has that feeling at least been felt once before?

I have heard of the feeling of seeing a beautiful woman and feeling jealous. I think this feeling I am talking about is a little different though, but I'm just genuinely interested.

If I could offer a different suggestion, sweetie. It seems like what you're envious of is someone for whom it doesn't matter. Where gender expression and gender identity aren't tied up like spaghetti in an Italian restaurant. And yeah for a lot of trans girls that is a thing. You first have to be happy enough with yourself before you can allow yourself to not care what the rest of the world thinks.

That is difficult when it's on your mind literally all the time. When everything around you is trying to reinforce that point. It's hard to just... be. I think that's why a lot of trans folks go through transition. To get to that point. Where it just does not matter anymore and you don't have to think about it. Where you can explore being masculine or feminine without always having to try and link it to how the world sees you, or how you see yourself.

Because they are not the same, in my opinion. I would not think any less of a trans girl who was into muscle cars, or fishing, or whatever. Nor would I think any less of a trans guy who was into fashion, or catering, or whatever. These are things we put on ourselves. A lot of the time if you are a trans girl, you have to be the girliest girl you can envision... just to satisfy yourself or others. When the truth is, that's not how women are. We don't all like pink wallpaper and fluffy slippers.

You are who you are and you love who/what you love. Being male or female should be a baseline, in my opinion. Not an identity. It's the thing you don't care about when you don't have to care about it. Instead of trying to work out what it is. It is what you want it to be.

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

@Sephirah
Dear Lauren:
I completely agree with your posting reply comment to @CosmicJoke ...
What you stated is exactly what I would have said if I was on this thread
earlier today.

Thank you for sharing your insight, your kind compassion, and your life
journey insights.

Please continue being the sweet sense of being the purveyor of common sense
and wisdom for our LGBTQ+ members.

I always look forward to reading what you post... always good advice.

          ❤️
Many HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
  The Forum Admin  Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

[KathyLauren]

I do envy women who were raised as girls.  That is a whole experience I will never have.  And I would be lying if I didn't admit to envying pretty women.  I don't think I look too bad for an old dame of 71, but I'll never be pretty.

But that is the limit of my envy.  I don't consider "biological" women to be a valid category.  Cis women do have a slightly different biological history than trans women, but being trans is also biological.  I, too, am a biological woman, so there is nothing there to envy.

[Pema]

I understand the question and I also understand that the experience is fairly common. I find René Girard's "mimetic theory of desire" very compelling as a description of much of human behavior.

I've never found envy to be very useful to me in general. I am who I am, I have what I have, and I have an infinite number of possibilities of what I could do and where I could go with that combination. Wanting what someone else has or had kind of (seriously) detracts from living the life I want (and am living). Like...to what end?

AND I see being transgender as a gift. We have the opportunity to see ourselves, others, the world in a much more expansive way than most people. We get to experience "gender" in ways that very few others even realize exist. We get the opportunity to examine what gender even means to us and to make conscious our sense of who we are and how we move through the world. People who are content to behave as they were expected likely have no awareness of those possibilities. I feel blessed to have been given this genuinely extraordinary opportunity.

[Devlyn ✅]

I understand the question and I also understand that the experience is fairly common. I find René Girard's "mimetic theory of desire" very compelling as a description of much of human behavior.

I've never found envy to be very useful to me in general. I am who I am, I have what I have, and I have an infinite number of possibilities of what I could do and where I could go with that combination. Wanting what someone else has or had kind of (seriously) detracts from living the life I want (and am living). Like...to what end?

AND I see being transgender as a gift. We have the opportunity to see ourselves, others, the world in a much more expansive way than most people. We get to experience "gender" in ways that very few others even realize exist. We get the opportunity to examine what gender even means to us and to make conscious our sense of who we are and how we move through the world. People who are content to behave as they were expected likely have no awareness of those possibilities. I feel blessed to have been given this genuinely extraordinary opportunity.

Well, after sixteen years on this site, I find myself in rare company. 🙂

I've said many times over the years that I considered discovering I was transgender was the best gift I ever received. I don't get a lot of agreement around the subject. 🤣

Hugs, Devlyn

[Alana Ashleigh]

Sometimes I get this feeling of envy towards biological women. It seems like they can express themselves as masculine or as feminine as they want to, and nobody will see them as anything else based on pure biology.

I felt envy is this same exact way long before being transgender was a thought in my head. Women were allowed to be themselves, and express themselves in whatever way they so wanted. I didn't understand that feeling until well into my early 30's. 

[Stottie Girl]

Well, after sixteen years on this site, I find myself in rare company. 🙂

I've said many times over the years that I considered discovering I was transgender was the best gift I ever received. I don't get a lot of agreement around the subject. 🤣

Hugs, Devlyn

I see it as a gift too Dev, I absolutely agree with you there. We get to see both sides of the gender divide and I think that makes us more rounded people. Definitely more understanding. Plus we get to experience puberty when we are old enough to enjoy it and appreciate it! Doesn't mean I don't wish I could get pregnant though. Maybe I wouldn't feel that way if I had offspring from before.

[noleen111]

I have 2 main envy's

1, That I was never a teenage girl. The female me is far more outgoing than shy male I was growing up. If I was a teenage girl, I would have taken more advantage what my school offered and since the girl version of me is more outgoing, I would have made friends. As a teen the female me was deeply closeted, I loved wearing pantyhose and my stolen cheerleader skirt. I think if I was a teenage girl, I would have wanted to be on the cheer leader squad.

2. That I cant bear life. This was something that never occurred to me. when i started my female journey, I was 19 at the time, but after I got married that changed. I started wishing I could bear my husband a child. We did adopt and I love been a mother.

I was very jealous when my friends and my step sister fell pregnant,watching the baby grow inside them. My friend says, at least I don't menstruate.. honestly, if I did, it would mean I could fall pregnant.. I would gladly suffer through the cramps and mess that is the monthly menstruation to be able to bear my husband a child.

[big kim]

Not envious but sometimes disappointed I missed out on over 30 years.
 One incident brought it back to me. A few years ago a girl around 10ish was dancing with joy as she came out of Build a Bear with her mother. I was never that happy as a kid, not once.

[Stottie Girl]

Not envious but sometimes disappointed I missed out on over 30 years.
 One incident brought it back to me. A few years ago a girl around 10ish was dancing with joy as she came out of Build a Bear with her mother. I was never that happy as a kid, not once.

You can still go to Build a Bear Kim, it's never too late! ha ha!