Not Feminine enough?

[tammy753]

I don't think I am super feminine these days. I seek out comfortable clothes. I know when I was younger I wanted to wear the heels and dresses and now I am looking for a stylish but comfortable look. I don't know if this is a question or not but I think its feeding into my "I'm not trans enough" thoughts. Am alone in these thoughts? Is it just an age thing, I am over 50? Is it the hormones, was I over compensating to feel normal? Some insight would be helpful. I think this is probably A topic I will bring up with my therapist but I would love some perspective from others.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I avoid pretty much all clothes that are not hyper feminine as dont really feel like a woman without them. Got loads of stuff like t shirts that i like but just dont wear becase they don't emphasise femininity for me. I don't think these thoughts are uncommon, but maybe you're right and your therapist can help if its causing you distress. Hope you get through it soon x

[Lori Dee ✅]

I think we all have had these thoughts from time to time.

Let's reframe the question:

Not Feminine enough? For what?

What measurement of femininity are you using? If you are comparing yourself to how others look, who specifically? There are women who look more manly than some men, and some men who look more feminine than women. Humans come in all shapes and sizes.

If you drill down to what is actually triggering these thoughts, you may find the area that you want to improve. Bigger bust? Voice training? Mannerisms? Makeup skills? Clothing? Walking style?

Each of these can be things that can be addressed, but remember, they are only appearances. There is no standard for what a Real Woman™ looks like. Make a list and take it with you to your therapist. If it is something that really bothers you, make a plan to work on that.

In physical appearance, I don't think I am all that feminine. Hair, makeup, jewelry, and clothing help. But I am also at peace with who I am because I refuse to be held to other people's standards.

Be patient with yourself. Work on what needs work, and learn to accept that no one is perfect.

[Stottie Girl]

Tammy, we all start out wearing the ultra feminine clothes, it's exciting to get those looks you dreamed of when you were male but you have to remember that presenting as super feminine in heels, dresses and full make up takes a huge effort. That's why most CIS women don't do it 24/7. They spend most of their life in normal everyday clothes that are comfortable.

It doesn't mean you have to slouch about in leggings all day (though they absolutely have their place). Look around at what most women your age are wearing at the shops or in cafes etc. See if you find a look you like and try to replicate it. Leave the ultra feminine dressing for the night on the tiles with the girls or a hot date or some other special occasion. It feels more special that way too.

The hormones provide relief from the disphoria. It becomes such that you no longer need to dress ultra glam to feel feminine all the time because you simply are feminine all the time. I spend most of my time in more casual but feminine clothes. I wear leggings or skinny jeans, If it's hot I'll wear a boho hippy skirt which is feminine but very comfortable or I might pull on a pair of wide leg white linen trousers. And I just pair this with a scoop neck top or a tshirt or a tank/cami top. It's all relaxed. I can wear my comfy sketchers with any one of those outfits or I can pop on a pair of wedge sandals. It's not the high maintenance of glitzy dresses with tights, heels and full make up and clutch bags and all that.

I'm 50 too for comparison.