Not Feminine enough?

[Camille58S]

Hi all!
 On the subject of femininity, I completely agree with Lori. Feminine enough for what? As I have gone on this journey, I have discovered that femininity really comes from within. I have met transgender women who have had no surgery, and aren't on HRT, and who  are the definition of femininity. It's all about how you define yourself. At least in my case, I am learning to accept and love myself as a transgender woman. As I do that, I have found that femininity seems to flow out of me.
 As far as clothing goes, I struggle sometimes with getting the right look down also. But, look around at how women present themselves on a daily basis. They are wearing the same type of clothing as men! Just female versions of it. I have found that wearing women's clothing doesn't have to mean trying to be something you're not. It feels wonderful to know that everything I'm wearing is women's clothing, and I'm still comfortable! On a related note, I gave away the last of my men's clothing this morning. It felt wonderful!!

[Lori Dee ✅]

I have found that wearing women's clothing doesn't have to mean trying to be something you're not.

Exactly this.

We are not trying to be something we are not.

We are trying to stop being something that we are not.

[Petunia]

@Tammy 753

You're not going mad. You are trying to come to a point that you can accept yourself.

I'm doing the same. I really can't believe what I've been hiding.
I've long believed I'm just a normal guy who has emotional issues.

I've come to understand my shell doesn't match my programming.

60 in a bit overba week, I wish I knew this 30 years ago.

You can't go back. So the question is what do I do now.

But the underlying thing is why do I keep denying what I already know.

It's years of inbuilt transphobia. 

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

@Tammy 753

You're not going mad. You are trying to come to a point that you can accept yourself.

I'm doing the same. I really can't believe what I've been hiding.
I've long believed I'm just a normal guy who has emotional issues.

I've come to understand my shell doesn't match my programming.

60 in a bit overba week, I wish I knew this 30 years ago.

You can't go back. So the question is what do I do now.

But the underlying thing is why do I keep denying what I already know.

It's years of inbuilt transphobia. 

It sounds like you're female self is desperate to be out and living, now that you have full clarity of who you really are. Are you still getting to buy and wear some cute women's clothes even if not overtly feminine? As others say a lot of women wear that kind of stuff and as you are a woman then that's living some of the life you want. I wish I could make it possible for you to fully transition as never too late, but know your circumstances just make that impossible.

I'm wondering if somehow we could all work out a big selection of things that can be done to live as a women more covertly. It might be stylistic things or even lifestyle stuff like groups or hobbies or what you read. Don't know but may be a good resource for anyone that cant live as much in their preferred gender as they wish.

I know for me the most affirming things was being accepted into girly conversations with other women. Like even really private stuff is now casually discussed.

[Petunia]

Charlotte, you have so nailed me.

I just sit in on my wifes girlfriends conversations.

I've long been one of the girls and I love it.

So where I'm at.

My undies are all girls.
My sleepwear is all girls.
My body is hairless from my eyebrows down.

I've lasered my face. I have a lot of grey on my face but shaving 2 or 3 times a day keeps it at bay.
My hygeiene products are all female.

My brazillian has been lasered. And I'm sure the girls have seen my nails as I spread.

My nails are too long for a guy and glossed.
My toenails are usually bright red and glossed up at home. I want to go to a salon.

I wear leggings or tight jeggings.
My tee shirts are all womens, pastel shades.

I wear lycra yoga pants for my physical therapy sessions.
My hair is shoulder length and growing.
And I'm fighting getting it cut.

My ears are singular pierced and I changed my earrings daily. To be honest, the more feminine I can get the better. I am also craving a 2nd piercing in each

My brows are waxed and tinted, my lashes are tinted.

I wear either tinted lip balm in a soft pink or a nude lipstick 235 by loreal.

I usually wear tinted suncreen to camoflague some of my blemishes.


So anyone who has read this far knows I am a normal cis guy. HAHAHAHA.

WHO AM I TRYING TO FOOL.

It is sooooo obvious.

Yet there is a guy I know that still wants to destroy my body.

Oh btw, all the above is pretty much how I present as a pretend guy.

Is there anything else I can do before the tipping point?

[Maid Marion]

I'm over sixty and have legs that look good in a mini skirt!
My legs are slightly longer than one might expect for someone my height.

I wore a wool top and skirt last night.  It may also be good summer wear.

Marion

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

@Petunia You are actually ahead of me in many ways. I'm only lasered on my face and that's incomplete. Also my toe nails are not painted, partly as I have an overlapping big toe which has ruined the second toe nail. My finger nails just break so are a complete mess although I badly paint them! No lip balm, no tinted sunscreen etc.

The only things in my favour are HRT and FFS I had done.

I wish I had nice legs - they are just covered in brown marks and higher up folliculitis spots and about 30 deep sores from that wont heal after months. My skin is just a complete mess there and struggling to sort it. I only really like my face - the rest of my body I'd chuck out with the garbage!

Charlotte

[Stottie Girl]

Charlotte, you have so nailed me.

I just sit in on my wifes girlfriends conversations.

I've long been one of the girls and I love it.

So where I'm at.

My undies are all girls.
My sleepwear is all girls.
My body is hairless from my eyebrows down.

I've lasered my face. I have a lot of grey on my face but shaving 2 or 3 times a day keeps it at bay.
My hygeiene products are all female.

My brazillian has been lasered. And I'm sure the girls have seen my nails as I spread.

My nails are too long for a guy and glossed.
My toenails are usually bright red and glossed up at home. I want to go to a salon.

I wear leggings or tight jeggings.
My tee shirts are all womens, pastel shades.

I wear lycra yoga pants for my physical therapy sessions.
My hair is shoulder length and growing.
And I'm fighting getting it cut.

My ears are singular pierced and I changed my earrings daily. To be honest, the more feminine I can get the better. I am also craving a 2nd piercing in each

My brows are waxed and tinted, my lashes are tinted.

I wear either tinted lip balm in a soft pink or a nude lipstick 235 by loreal.

I usually wear tinted suncreen to camoflague some of my blemishes.


So anyone who has read this far knows I am a normal cis guy. HAHAHAHA.

WHO AM I TRYING TO FOOL.

It is sooooo obvious.

Yet there is a guy I know that still wants to destroy my body.

Oh btw, all the above is pretty much how I present as a pretend guy.

Is there anything else I can do before the tipping point?

I hate to break it to you Petunia but with all that you are doing and wearing you are most defnitely not in the closet, you are hanging out the closet door and waving about for attention!

What is stopping you taking that final leap?

[Petunia]

Sarah, intellectually I understand what you mean and at the same time I don't think I'm being that obvious.

I only get "sirred" but I do get a lot of side eyes from women and I've noticed a hell of a lot of crotch stares from women when I wear tight clothing. (I do try for a flat look and my junk is best described as micro)

My relationship is what is stopping me. And my doubts.

My wife doesn't want me going out crossdressed, so what I'm trying to do is compromise.

I want FFS as my face is a mess. My nose really needs to be fixed and if I'm doing that then I want a female nose, even if I do nothing else.

I'm going to have to start electrolysis to get rid of the grey beard.

I've stopped seeing my psychologist for now but she has said soon as I'm ready she will recommend HRT for me.

I've walked past friends and they haven't recognised me. I really like that.
Those who have seen me are really checking me out but have said nothing.

So, for now I'm in denial.

At some stage I'll need to try hrt to see if it's right.
But I am concerned about clots given I've had a double bypass.

But I'm not transgender hey!
That's something that other people have to go through.
😁

Oh, my depression has been missing for a couple of months.
It's almost as though I never had it

[Stottie Girl]

HRT isn't for everyone Petunia, there are many ways to excerise your femininity. Only take it if you are under the care of a specialist seeing as you've had a history of clots. It's potent stuff.

It's good you are seeing a psychologist and if she is willing to prescribe you HRT then she must strongly believe you are transexual but only you can choose your own path.

[Petunia]

Yes Sarah, hrt is not to be played with.

I'm pretty sure my doctor suspects something is going on with me. He hinted as much about 6 months ago.

I will only proceed if he oks it.

I have no real need for gcs bottom surgery.

I'd love to get to the place that I'm gendered as female but I don't think that will ever happen.

I stepped through the possibilities with my psychologist and I can't say for sure where I fit.

It is pretty obvious that cis male can be ruled out.
As for other options, I really don't care at the moment. I don't have a need to label myself.

But the more feminine I can look and feel the more I can accept myself.

[Sephirah]

I don't think I am super feminine these days. I seek out comfortable clothes. I know when I was younger I wanted to wear the heels and dresses and now I am looking for a stylish but comfortable look. I don't know if this is a question or not but I think its feeding into my "I'm not trans enough" thoughts. Am alone in these thoughts? Is it just an age thing, I am over 50? Is it the hormones, was I over compensating to feel normal? Some insight would be helpful. I think this is probably A topic I will bring up with my therapist but I would love some perspective from others.

You don't have to be feminine to be female. You don't have to be masculine to be male. When you think like that... it's folly. It's entangling two different things. People born female don't think they have to be the embodiment of femininity in order to live and love their life. You shouldn't either. Just be you. Do what you do and like what you like. Not all women fantasise about getting their nails done, or lip gloss, or fashion, or boys. Some like to strip engines, or probe the depths of the universe.

Just be you and don't worry about if you're too this or that. If you're female, you're female. That's the canvas. Blank and waiting for you to paint your life upon it. That's all there needs to be.