What do you buy a transwoman for her 60th birthday?

[Petunia]

Two days ago I went to a place that does reputable ear piercing. I have been thinking about second piercings in both lobes for a while.

TBH I would have loved this for a 60th present.

Anyway I walked past the place twice before pushing the door.
And the door was locked. Not open until tomorrow!

Instead I went shopping and bought some nice stretch linen slacks and a zip up jacket.

On the way back I found a packet of 4 styles of glue on french nails, a heap of hair ties, pencil sharpeners and a hair brush for under A$20.
The nice check out girl didn't bat an eyelid. I love the young generation.

Today I applied some of the short square nails, put on tinted sunscreen, and more visible lipstick than I normally wear and went for a bike ride.


After getting back and feeling good, showered, tinted sunscreen reapplied, lips redone darker, lashes with a hint of mascara I went looking for a nail salon to redo my pedicure.

Beside the woman next to me who looked at my red toenails and refused to make eye contact with me (red before and after) it was a really great experience.

Oh, I found an op shop on the way back and found a nice pair of girl shorts.

So other than losing a glue on nail, happy day.

Oh as a PS on a good note,
my wife told me she had a pedicure today.
I said so did I. I told her it was great for the leg massage and for the massage chair.
Small steps make me happy as I sit here looking at my red vibrant toenails

[KristaFairchild]

Two days ago I went to a place that does reputable ear piercing. I have been thinking about second piercings in both lobes for a while.

TBH I would have loved this for a 60th present.

Anyway I walked past the place twice before pushing the door.
And the door was locked. Not open until tomorrow!

Instead I went shopping and bought some nice stretch linen slacks and a zip up jacket.

On the way back I found a packet of 4 styles of glue on french nails, a heap of hair ties, pencil sharpeners and a hair brush for under A$20.
The nice check out girl didn't bat an eyelid. I love the young generation.

Today I applied some of the short square nails, put on tinted sunscreen, and more visible lipstick than I normally wear and went for a bike ride.


After getting back and feeling good, showered, tinted sunscreen reapplied, lips redone darker, lashes with a hint of mascara I went looking for a nail salon to redo my pedicure.

Beside the woman next to me who looked at my red toenails and refused to make eye contact with me (red before and after) it was a really great experience.

Oh, I found an op shop on the way back and found a nice pair of girl shorts.

So other than losing a glue on nail, happy day.

Oh as a PS on a good note,
my wife told me she had a pedicure today.
I said so did I. I told her it was great for the leg massage and for the massage chair.
Small steps make me happy as I sit here looking at my red vibrant toenails

I love this story! Not only did you find affirming things to do and buy, nothing stopped you. Not a locked door or a lack of eye contact. I'm trying to be like you!

[Finally Anna]

And then one day you stop to find,
10 years have got behind you,
no one told you when to run,
you missed the starting gun

Do you like PF or is it the deeper meaning of the lyrics that you like, or both?

[Anne_lifetrip]

Wow @Petunia , loved your last post and what a day!

The nice check out girl didn't bat an eyelid. I love the young generation.

New generations may have other areas of improvement, but in this sense they are light years ahead.

Going back to

This woman I know who is still in the cupboard has a birthday coming up. I want to surprise her even though she hates surprises.

Maybe not the whole day, but how about a femme celebration?. I mean, going for massage, manicure, pedicure, face cleaning.
Used to have an aesthetic clinic some years ago and there are treatments that can work on men and on those that have their doubts but love being treated with care. Used to have men for face (or hand) peeling, followed by mesotherapy. Results are great and make your face glow (and hands look great too). I don't know the prices at your place, but here they are reasonable and certain clinics (like mine) can offer the experience for two or more friends with intimacy.

Could be an option...

[Petunia]

Do you like PF or is it the deeper meaning of the lyrics that you like, or both?

Like doesn't really cover it.

I saw them in Sydney 1988 concert no.1.
Very expensive at the time. Twice the price of anything I had seen before.

It was so good that I went back 3 days later for concert 4

I have seen a lot of bands and shows but these concerts blow anything else away.

I have also seen Roger Waters 3 times, and they have been good concerts, but not like the Floyd.

I'm big into music lyrics.  Time will be my eulogy.

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
Sun is the same, in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught, or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say

Except for the "English way" it kind of describes my life.

Thinking about things but never acting.
Then you look at the hourglass and you finally see it's running out.

[Petunia]

Wow @Petunia , loved your last post and what a day!
New generations may have other areas of improvement, but in this sense they are light years ahead.

Going back to Maybe not the whole day, but how about a femme celebration?. I mean, going for massage, manicure, pedicure, face cleaning.
Used to have an aesthetic clinic some years ago and there are treatments that can work on men and on those that have their doubts but love being treated with care. Used to have men for face (or hand) peeling, followed by mesotherapy. Results are great and make your face glow (and hands look great too). I don't know the prices at your place, but here they are reasonable and certain clinics (like mine) can offer the experience for two or more friends with intimacy.

Could be an option...

My hope is that I can go with my wife and have pedicures together with polish.

I'm trying the glue on nails for a trial. If I can function out of the house with them, I also hope this is something we can do together.

Given I'm "banned" from crossdressing out of the house I don't know what is possible.
But if I'm lucky enough for this to happen, I hope the preparation makes me confident enough

[Petunia]

I love this story! Not only did you find affirming things to do and buy, nothing stopped you. Not a locked door or a lack of eye contact. I'm trying to be like you!

WHAT !!!?

Krista you are an inspiration to me. I aspire to be where you are.

I'm ok when I'm in the "zone" but most of the time I'm full of doubts.

[Anne_lifetrip]

Given I'm "banned" from crossdressing out of the house I don't know what is possible.

@Petunia, if there are aesthetic clinics nearby neither of you need to be femme for the plan.
And, usually, we are very discreet and don't judge at all...that is rule number one when you get into aesthetics.
I still proved treatments on my friends, family and myself and that doesn't change.
Worth a try.

[Finally Anna]

I'm ok when I'm in the "zone" but most of the time I'm full of doubts.

I think this is something that many of us just have to learn to live with. Accepting the doubts and treating them for what they are, namely a product of how society works and the norms that are more or less enforced on us during life. Making them our trusted partner without letting them cause (too much) pain.
Hey, doubts! I know you! I see you! But you are the Wingman, I am the Leader!
💕

[Petunia]

@Petunia, if there are aesthetic clinics nearby neither of you need to be femme for the plan.
And, usually, we are very discreet and don't judge at all...that is rule number one when you get into aesthetics.
I still proved treatments on my friends, family and myself and that doesn't change.
Worth a try.

So, from what has been happening, wearing leggings, yoga pants, girl jeans and jeggings, women's tees, women's boots, tinted sunscreen, neutral lipstick, hairless body, whatever earrings, shoulder length hair, waxed brows, femme deodorant and perfume and hidden painted toenails are not considered as being crossdressing.

If I'm going in I'm fine with dressing in those parameters.  The issue is my wife doesn't want us to be seen doing it in case someone we know finds out.   

   

[KristaFairchild]

So, from what has been happening, wearing leggings, yoga pants, girl jeans and jeggings, women's tees, women's boots, tinted sunscreen, neutral lipstick, hairless body, whatever earrings, shoulder length hair, waxed brows, femme deodorant and perfume and hidden painted toenails are not considered as being crossdressing.

If I'm going in I'm fine with dressing in those parameters.  The issue is my wife doesn't want us to be seen doing it in case someone we know finds out. 

 

Great thoughts, Petunia. I love your openness and honesty. 

Last year we had a slogan at work that was everywhere. "Make It Happen". We were also encouraged to choose a word for the year. My inspirational superintendent looked at me while I was trying to figure out a word. He looked me in the eyes and said what is your word. Instantly, I said "Emergence". I framed a loan desert flower coming out of the Earth with that word and kept it on my desk all year.

Put back to making it happen. A month would go by and my superintendent was talking to some students. These were kids who had had a rough life and had struggled. One of them heard the phrase "make it happen" and added words that I've never forgotten and neither did he. 

"And Do It Scared." That's what many of us are doing. I'm scared for parts of every day. Lately I'm euphoric for a better part of the day. It's all settling in. 

This made me chuckle, "leggings, yoga pants, girl jeans and jeggings, women's tees, women's boots, tinted sunscreen, neutral lipstick, hairless body, whatever earrings, shoulder length hair, waxed brows, femme deodorant and perfume and hidden painted toenails are not considered as being crossdressing."

Girl. Really? 

I was like that for months, maybe years. I thought I was so subtle! No one noticed, right? They just thought I had style! Maybe I was metrosexual or something? I didn't know that everyone knew I was trans. When did my outfits out myself? I don't know. I advanced in my presentation, slowly, gradually, safely. Longer earrings. Eyeliner. A little extra flourish on a blouse. 

No one at work or in my social circles said a word. Neither did my wife for a long time. 

When I finally put in a dress, breast forms, and a wig, it was like people I knew were saying, "FINALLY!" 

It turns I feel better fully put together than 3/4 put together. 

[Finally Anna]

If I'm going in I'm fine with dressing in those parameters.  The issue is my wife doesn't want us to be seen doing it in case someone we know finds out.   

That sounds great!
I'm going out on a limb:I guess she will gradually let go of the fears. It's just that she has to become more comfortable with that people around you probably already know and that most people actually are ok with it.

Paradox, paradox: I write this well aware that the fear is also with me, about my own presentation. But logic about things and emotions about things are not always in line.

[Petunia]

A funny story. We have been out walking the dog with me in my yoga pants or legging a lot lately. There were eyebrows from my wife at first.

Then one day I wore my old guy track pants and top and she asked me if I was trying to look homeless.

Not a slight against people doing it tough, but these yard clothes are what I had been wearing outside for years.

So the changes in my wardrobe must make me look better.  And I have to say, a lot of our girlfriends have had only positive comments, plus the odd "I would have never recognized you"

I know several of them have clocked me, but they are all to polite to say anything. My wife is scared they will think less of her for having a partner like me.

But, I've been treated as one of the girls for about 30 years.

This made me chuckle, "leggings, yoga pants, girl jeans and jeggings, women's tees, women's boots, tinted sunscreen, neutral lipstick, hairless body, whatever earrings, shoulder length hair, waxed brows, femme deodorant and perfume and hidden painted toenails are not considered as being crossdressing."

Girl. Really?

Yeah, I get it.
But I don't make the rules.  It's no dresses, no skirts, no blouses, no make up.

At the same time I've heard her say, "you know women can tell what you are wearing?"   

[Finally Anna]

Then one day I wore my old guy track pants and top and she asked me if I was trying to look homeless.

I still think that this! (it is actually a bit hilarious)

I know several of them have clocked me, but they are all to polite to say anything.

And this!

But, I've been treated as one of the girls for about 30 years.

And this!

But I don't make the rules. It's no dresses, no skirts, no blouses, no make up.

Will make this be a bit softer along the edges, with time.
But if it does not, then perhaps it is a thing that you can live with?

[Petunia]

I get it Anna. I'm trying to throw one old piece out for everything new I buy.

Anytime I get criticized for wearing something yardy out, I toss it.

I have worked in heavy industry for 40 years dressing most days in dirt and industrial clothing.

I never threw any of my old home clothes out, I just wore them till they fell apart, which was usually decades.

When I first went op-shopping and bought femme styles my wife wasn't happy, but because I was taking care of my appearance it became ok.

My wife keeps wanting to buy me guy stuff. I asked her to return one top and she bought me a man's bracelet for my 60th. It sat at the edge of the dining table for 3 weeks before I had the courage to ask her if I could return it.

It was a nice piece but I wanted something from the other side of the aisle. I know why she did that because I have been wearing an obviously femme (junk jewelry) silver bracelet for 12 months and there is no mistaking it.
Also a femme junk necklace that she wasn't happy with.

I'm hoping over time we will just move on   

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I get it Anna. I'm trying to throw one old piece out for everything new I buy.

Anytime I get criticized for wearing something yardy out, I toss it.

I have worked in heavy industry for 40 years dressing most days in dirt and industrial clothing.

I never threw any of my old home clothes out, I just wore them till they fell apart, which was usually decades.

When I first went op-shopping and bought femme styles my wife wasn't happy, but because I was taking care of my appearance it became ok.

My wife keeps wanting to buy me guy stuff. I asked her to return one top and she bought me a man's bracelet for my 60th. It sat at the edge of the dining table for 3 weeks before I had the courage to ask her if I could return it.

It was a nice piece but I wanted something from the other side of the aisle. I know why she did that because I have been wearing an obviously femme (junk jewelry) silver bracelet for 12 months and there is no mistaking it.
Also a femme junk necklace that she wasn't happy with.

I'm hoping over time we will just move on   

Still breaks my heart reading that you're getting pressure to not present as your true self. Each time I read these kind of accounts about partners not fully onside it makes my heart ache. I can't imagine that pain. But I  do understand its a complex situation  not simply solved. If society at large made less of a big deal then i thibk it would consequently be easier for partners to accept. I dream of utopia, but know it'll never be.

Sending love and hugs 🥰

[Petunia]

Thanks Charlotte

If it comes down to it, I can't break up with my wife. We have been through too much together.

We both agree we don't want that.

So we have to find another way. 

I know I am a nicer person as a woman than as a man. I think she is starting to see that.

Sex is a long forgotten memory but we have been cuddling more than we have in years. 

[Petunia]

Thanks Charlotte

If it comes down to it, I can't break up with my wife. We have been through too much together.

We both agree we don't want that.

So we have to find another way. 

I know I am a nicer person as a woman than as a man. I think she is starting to see that.

Sex is a long forgotten memory but we have been cuddling more than we have in years. 

To be fair to her she married what she thought was a man, even though she was attracted to the softer, gentler side of me.

[KristaFairchild]

A funny story. We have been out walking the dog with me in my yoga pants or legging a lot lately. There were eyebrows from my wife at first.

Then one day I wore my old guy track pants and top and she asked me if I was trying to look homeless.

Not a slight against people doing it tough, but these yard clothes are what I had been wearing outside for years.

So the changes in my wardrobe must make me look better.  And I have to say, a lot of our girlfriends have had only positive comments, plus the odd "I would have never recognized you"

I know several of them have clocked me, but they are all to polite to say anything. My wife is scared they will think less of her for having a partner like me.

But, I've been treated as one of the girls for about 30 years.   

Yeah, I get it.
But I don't make the rules.  It's no dresses, no skirts, no blouses, no make up.

At the same time I've heard her say, "you know women can tell what you are wearing?" 

You are slowly and steadily changing perceptions and expectations. How exciting!

[Finally Anna]

If it comes down to it, I can't break up with my wife. We have been through too much together.
We both agree we don't want that.
So we have to find another way. 
I know I am a nicer person as a woman than as a man. I think she is starting to see that.

Petunia, I understand this perfectly and this is also how I currently view me and my wife.
And, I'm sorry about my clumsy post just above. 😔 ❤️