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Switching back and forth is exhausting

Started by tammy753, June 19, 2026, 07:32:54 AM

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Jillian-TG

Yes it can get very tiring flip flopping back and forth. And I really dislike feeling like I'm living a double life and basically lying to a lot of people. I hate lying because I'm by nature a very honest person.

I would "come out of the closet" right now and live more authentically if I could but I'm married and I want to fully consider the feelings of my wife. Protecting my marriage is important to me. So I cannot transition faster than my wife's ability to process things.

But yes I can relate to the fatigue referenced by the original post in this thread.
Born XX and married to XY.
I am gender fluid but live primarily in male mode. My wife knows about my gender identity struggles and we are navigating how to come out and be more public about me being trans.

JasmineHeart

I get being shy, I really do. I hope there are people around you that understand and support your true self, so that you can find your confidence.
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KristaFairchild

Quote from: tammy753 on June 21, 2026, 05:56:59 AMSo I have a couple pairs. one pair works but my favorite have gold buttons on the front so they are very obviously women's. I just bought new jeans so hopefully they will be less obvious. I am making a plan to come out to my brother. once I do that I won't care as much.
I had to go through this and most of have to live it for weeks, months, or years. Not wanting anything too obviously female while also craving to just BE female. 

I thought every step made me stand out as "a guy in women's __________". 

At each step, it seemed like no one clocked me.not my friends and not strangers. Maybe somone did and said nothing? Saw but didn't even give me an up and down look?  Women's skinny jeans? No comments. Two metal stud earrings? Some compliments. Nothing else. Pretty studs got the same response. Clear nail polish was visibly noticed once without comment. 

Over a year later it was colored nail polish, dangly earrings, v-neck feline blouses, full makeup (though not blatant), and still no one is saying anything. 

I was actually frustrated! I swear I would not be noticed or called ma'am until I added a skirt, heels, a wig and sometimes breast forms with obvious makeup and red lipstick. 

I suggest you keep a gender journey journal. Rereading mine shows patterns that have helped me. 

As for stealth clothes... women's jeans, women's collared blouses (how I loved fumbling with the buttons), undergarments, bracelets that could pass as men's or that hid under the cuffs,  blurring serum, and light foundation. I  hid some things at home from my family.  

Don't forget to enjoy what you feel safe to do. 
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tammy753

I am keeping a journal but didn't think to write what positive steps I have taken to address my dysphoria. Will add that Today I don't have to go anywhere so I get to wear my new pink floral top with a skirt. I have to keep a men's shirt close by in case my boss demands cameras though.

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