Anna, finally but not yet final.

[Stottie Girl]

Today, @Stottie Girl!

I stand corrected Anna! Happy Birthday for today! I hope you have a belta of a day!

[Gina P]

Happy Birthday, Anna
  Enjoy the red nails, you deserve them.

[KristaFairchild]

Happy birthday for today! get the red nails on, its my fav colour.

I love this casual post, Davina! 

Red nails and red lipstick felt like a huge turning point for me and tasted like freedom. It took a long time to be able to glove myself permission. I somehow thought this step would generate stares and comments from random people or those who know me. It only brought a few affirmations. 

[Finally Anna]

I somehow thought this step would generate stares and comments from random people or those who know me. It only brought a few affirmations. 

And still we (well, at least I) have this doubt, this fear, this hesitation, about just painting them RED. I wil probably get there in the end, or not, but my pace is a bit slow. I integrate things with the speed that comes naturally to me. No insane speeding. Hopefully not too much braking. As it feels good and natural.

[ChrissyRyan]

Happy birthday Anna!


Chrissy

[KristaFairchild]

And still we (well, at least I) have this doubt, this fear, this hesitation, about just painting them RED. I wil probably get there in the end, or not, but my pace is a bit slow. I integrate things with the speed that comes naturally to me. No insane speeding. Hopefully not too much braking. As it feels good and natural.

I agree about the process being personal and at the speed you need. I can look back and wish I hasn't taken two years to get beyond simple subtle earrings and nail polish, but I also know that is what I had to do. I tried something, felt overwhelmed at first, waited for my system to accept it, and then I was ready for more. 

People told me I should just get over it and dress any way I wanted. I thought they were either crazy or they didn't understand the deeply conservative area I live in. 

I was wrong on both counts but I still had to find my own pace. 

The great part was it was like my first time on a roller coaster. Terrified to try it. Has good reasons. Tried it. Screamed and felt my bones feel weak. Then got in line to do it again.

In the end, it was so joyous I had to try more things. It hasn't changed, either. Wear a wig?! Who would do that? Would you like 9 reasons not to? I have them. No one is convincing me otherwise. 

Yet

But my feminine soul hopes someone will encourage me. Gently push. Because dammit I love how I feel and look in my favorite wig! 

I can't help but laugh at myself - in a kind way 

[ChrissyRyan]

I agree about the process being personal and at the speed you need. I can look back and wish I hasn't taken two years to get beyond simple subtle earrings and nail polish, but I also know that is what I had to do. I tried something, felt overwhelmed at first, waited for my system to accept it, and then I was ready for more.

People told me I should just get over it and dress any way I wanted. I thought they were either crazy or they didn't understand the deeply conservative area I live in.

I was wrong on both counts but I still had to find my own pace.

The great part was it was like my first time on a roller coaster. Terrified to try it. Has good reasons. Tried it. Screamed and felt my bones feel weak. Then got in line to do it again.

In the end, it was so joyous I had to try more things. It hasn't changed, either. Wear a wig?! Who would do that? Would you like 9 reasons not to? I have them. No one is convincing me otherwise.

Yet

But my feminine soul hopes someone will encourage me. Gently push. Because dammit I love how I feel and look in my favorite wig!

I can't help but laugh at myself - in a kind way

Krista,

It is wonderful to feel so delightful in your appearance.  I mean, for me, I am not one of those beautiful women but I can look nice, at least sometimes!

Chrissy

[KristaFairchild]

Krista,

It is wonderful to feel so delightful in your appearance.  I mean, for me, I am not one of those beautiful women but I can look nice, at least sometimes!

Chrissy

You have such a healthy attitude! I try to focus on my strengths, and to enjoy feeling content with my gender. 

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

@Finally Anna     cc: @Lori Dee  @ChrissyRyan
Dear Anna:

I fixed the July 13th Happy Birthday Greeting that I posted to you on the wrong thread!
          https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=254324.msg2346447#msg2346447  
     
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
  Forum Administrator  Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Finally Anna
Dear Anna:
  Your special day arrives on Monday July 13, 2026

Might have landed in the wrong thread

[Petunia]

Happy Birthday Anna.

I hope you have a special day

[Finally Anna]

The great part was it was like my first time on a roller coaster. Terrified to try it. Has good reasons. Tried it. Screamed and felt my bones feel weak. Then got in line to do it again.

This is so true!
All the small "roller coasters" I have tried for real have made me get back in line to see if I dreamed or not. Then I buy a life-time ticket. For real means not only solo in front of the mirror.

Slowly and softly, but it makes me happy. And I love roller-coasters, both the real ones and these presentation ones.

Repeat reflection: I feel so good in comparison to how things were before I hatched. Then: "Hurled headlong...down to bottomless perdition". Now: Roller-coasters.

[Finally Anna]

The roller-coasters

Femme things that I need, and that are used all the time with no exceptions:

• Longer hair. It has now grown quite a bit and at next appointment with my hairdresser I will ask for her to start styling it more androgynous.
• Femme-ish and androgynous perfumes (of which some are rather femme). My old male AS/EDT are totally undoable, I just can't use them.
• Shower gels that are femme.
• Long-ish nails with polish
• Gym tights.
• Sweatsuit.

Things that I need and do a lot but that are not strictly required at all times:

• Underdressing, but I think this is going to be "always" quite soon.
• Shorts, jeans and trousers.
• Sneakers in various models.

Things that are on the "looking at you-list":

• Blouses.
• Very light makeup like brown mascara, taupe brow pen, ...
• Shoes (flats, slip-ins).
• Boots with Cuban- or block heel with a bit of height.
• Biker jacket.
• Laser of beard.
• Jewelry.
• Wrist-watch.

Other: Colours!
Shirts and polos with colour, but this is nothing new and has been a part of me forever. Red, orange, pink, yellow, lavender, purple, ... Shorts that are bright blue, orange, red, ...

[KristaFairchild]

The roller-coasters

Femme things that I need, and that are used all the time with no exceptions:

• Longer hair. It has now grown quite a bit and at next appointment with my hairdresser I will ask for her to start styling it more androgynous.
• Femme-ish and androgynous perfumes (of which some are rather femme). My old male AS/EDT are totally undoable, I just can't use them.

• Shower gels that are femme.
• Long-ish nails with polish
• Gym tights.
• Sweatsuit.

Things that I need and do a lot but that are not strictly required at all times:

• Underdressing, but I think this is going to be "always" quite soon.
• Shorts, jeans and trousers.
• Sneakers in various models.

Things that are on the "looking at you-list":

• Blouses.
• Very light makeup like brown mascara, taupe brow pen, ...
• Shoes (flats, slip-ins).
• Boots with Cuban- or block heel with a bit of height.
• Biker jacket.
• Laser of beard.
• Jewelry.
• Wrist-watch.

Other: Colours!
Shirts and polos with colour, but this is nothing new and has been a part of me forever. Red, orange, pink, yellow, lavender, purple, ... Shorts that are bright blue, orange, red, ...

What a fun post! I love this wish list and just can't help but respond to almost everything on your bulleted list.

I confess to being jealous about the longer hair idea. My curls just don't grow out the way they used to and I have this unsightly nearly bald patch on top of my head. I did find an amazing affirming stylist by searching for one using AI. She does the best she can with my hair and it definitely looks great for what it is. Unfortunately, what it is is a plea for a nice wig! LOL! I haven't posted any photos with my real hair in here.

I had a ball with perfumes when I first started transitioning. I very carefully found ones that could pass as male or female, but Tameeh smelled feminine or they were meant for women, even though they smelled neutral. It  was another fun research project. 

I recall, transitioning, my slacks, jeans, and shorts to female. At first, they were nearly in distinguishable from my male counterparts. After about a year in cute feminine shorts, I was going to scream if I didn't put on a skirt. 

I laughed at your make up list because it's so like mine was. Brown mascara? Check. Top eyebrow pencil that could barely be seen? Check – but it did bring my eyebrows to life. Where is the new lipstick? LOL! Foundation that match my skin was an essential. It made me wonder why all genders don't wear foundation, Especially at my age. From there, it was so easy to just add a touch of blush of the lightest shade. Enjoy. 

I have to dress up a little bit at work so for shoes I first moved to women's loafers that could pass as men's. The next step was ankle boots and I was in love. I had a little gray ones with slightly pointy toes and then I impulsively bought the blush colored ones. 

I think it was the earrings that changed my life, the most. From tiny studs to tiny hoops to studs that almost dangled to true dangling earrings. I slowly added color and flare until I looked in the mirror and saw that I was trans. 

Thanks again for this fun post. 

[Finally Anna]

I have not been very dysphoric lately, and not been craving much femininity, but today we have super-nice summer weather and there are so many women in summer dresses and that makes me be a bit more dysphoric/euphoric/longing. Hair, curves, legs, shapes, shoes, dresses, skirts, shorts, ...

[KristaFairchild]

Realities. Fears. Needs. Choices. 

I hope you find joy and peace today. 

[Finally Anna]

I will be ok. Was just that streak of envy when in town.

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

I will be ok. Was just that streak of envy when in town.

@Finally Anna
Dear Anna;
Please know that you are not alone with your thoughts of envy when looking at other women

Your readers and followers are like-minded and I feel safe in telling you that just about ALL trans women and also trans men have those very same feelings during the journey, especially in the early transition year(s)

I wish you happiness and success as you continue on in your life journey.

Many HUGS,
Danielle

[Stottie Girl]

I will be ok. Was just that streak of envy when in town.

Watch them and instead of letting evy take hold use that experience to learn from them. What are they wearing, how are they wearing it, are they the same age as you and are outfits like that age appropriate, how are they walking, what colours are in etc etc etc. There is so much to learn from them that you might find there isn't enough room for envy to creep in.

[Finally Anna]

Watch them and instead of letting evy take hold use that experience to learn from them

Oh, I try to do that a lot but now and then I just get a bit overwhelmed by pure and raw gender envy.

[Finally Anna]

Just venting, no real problem right now.

And...while my gender envy is a rather contant companion it is mostly just this slight envy-longing that appreciates and wants without really causing "pain".
But today was painful for a while.
I find that it helps to do a bit of meta-level thinking. "I am now thinking about being envious...".
It also helps a bit to relate to how things were before my acceptance. Then, apart from the envy, I also had these periods of quite unmentionable things that were really unhealthy (psychologically and physically) and those seem to be thing of the past. I really hope they will never, ever return.

And I do appreciate all of you in here. You ARE a shining light and what you do IS helping. 💕