The hardest thing...

[Shannonymous]

Voice training has been the absolute hardest and most frustrating part of my transition.  I have dropped thousands of dollars on lessons from multiple people, spent hour after hour practicing and recording myself, and all for what?  Nothing as far as I can tell.  I can raise my pitch.  I can reduce vocal weight.  I can change my resonance.  But when I try to put them together, I sound like an absolute parody of a woman, and it triggers more dysphoria than anything else.

I've been considering VFS, hoping that if the pitch were raised on its own and I could just concentrate on the other aspects of voice training, I'd have more luck.  (Plus, I would no longer have the ability to cheat and just default back to my male voice....)

Any tips or tricks that anyone here can give me?  Or any relevant experiences post VFS?

[Devlyn ✅]

I wouldn't give up my Boston accent for anything, and besides, I've talked the same way for over 60 years now. I have no desire to change the way I speak. Sometimes when I talk to someone they'll start with female pronouns and switch to male during the conversation. That's fine with me.

So basically I'm not answering your questions, but I just wanted to say you're absolutely nailing the art of putting your posts in the right subforums. 🙂

Hugs, Devlyn

[Shannonymous]

I just wanted to say you're absolutely nailing the art of putting your posts in the right subforums. 🙂

I may be new to this forum, but I am a veteran of many a forum in the days before social media.  I've missed it--glad to find this place!!!!

[tgirlamg]

@Shannonymous

Welcome Aboard Sister!

I had similar experience with lessons, paractice and coaching etc... when I could kind of make it happen in controlled conditions... it would all go out the window in real world conditions and I would be misgendered on the phone... I also was bugged that I had to do all these "tricks" just to speak... I wanted my voice to just be... my voice!

I had VFS in 2017... it was slow recovery, I lost a lot of vocal power, and took me almost two years to get to a good place power wise... it is still a bit difficult to make myself easily heard in loud environments but, in everyday situations, no issues!... I do a lot of public speaking at the local university and other venues and have no problems... I no longer have to think about it, what comes out naturally is my voice without "tricks" and now, I am always gendered correctly on the phone.

Seattle Voice Lab on YouTube seems to have really good tips that are much easier to connect with than much of the coaching I received in early days if you want to try more on your own!

May Your Vocal Journey Be Blessed Sister!

Ashley 💕

[Shannonymous]

@Shannonymous
I wanted my voice to just be... my voice!

Yes, exactly this!  I want my gender to be something I am, not something I have to do, you know?

@Shannonymous
I am always gendered correctly on the phone.

This is the big one for me.  I am on the phone a lot for work, where it is important that I sound professional.  So I can't get away with a female voice that's half-baked.  Instead, I wind up defaulting to my old voice and just deal with the constant misgendering.  I'm lucky to have very supportive coworkers who are careful to gender me correctly, but with coworkers that don't know me, or customers, or vendors, it's a constant battle.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience!  It gives me hope....

[tgirlamg]

Yes, exactly this!  I want my gender to be something I am, not something I have to do, you know?

This is the big one for me.  I am on the phone a lot for work, where it is important that I sound professional.  So I can't get away with a female voice that's half-baked.  Instead, I wind up defaulting to my old voice and just deal with the constant misgendering.  I'm lucky to have very supportive coworkers who are careful to gender me correctly, but with coworkers that don't know me, or customers, or vendors, it's a constant battle.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience!  It gives me hope....

Let Hope be the fuel that powers your journey Shannon for there is so very much to be hopeful about! 🌻

Amazing Discoveries patiently await your arrival! 🌻

Onward Brave Sister!


Ashley 💕

[Maid Marion]

You may be trying too hard.  Maybe your practice sessions are too long which means they become infrequent.

    The way to learn something new is to practice constantly. A couple short sessions three times a day works a lot better than one a day.  And once a week is almost useless for re-training your brain.
I also did a lot of work on the phone.  I had speech therapy to get rid of a flat monotone.  After that I'd consistently get gendered as female.  Besides modulating their voice females typically use more complex sentence structure and longer sentences to express themselves.                                                             

Marion                               

[BlueJaye]

I had one lesson with a voice therapist, found it confusing, gave up, watched some YouTube videos and had things fairly dialed in within a couple of weeks. The videos weren't very helpful, either, but they weren't costing me hundreds of dollars. It really just came down to me sitting in my car while driving and playing around with my voice until I noticed improvement and building on it little by little.

[Stottie Girl]

Yes, exactly this!  I want my gender to be something I am, not something I have to do, you know?

This is the big one for me.  I am on the phone a lot for work, where it is important that I sound professional.  So I can't get away with a female voice that's half-baked.  Instead, I wind up defaulting to my old voice and just deal with the constant misgendering.  I'm lucky to have very supportive coworkers who are careful to gender me correctly, but with coworkers that don't know me, or customers, or vendors, it's a constant battle.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience!  It gives me hope....

I'm in the same situation. I'm not out the closet yet but I do a technical admin job and do take the incoming calls to the department. They are mostly calls from the general public making enquiries. It is very important to me to get the voice right. I do not want to have to deal with being misgendered on the phone.

There is a trans girl (living stealth) in the council IT department and she has a perfect feminine voice so I know it's totally possible. I'm going to start training my voice as soon as I get into the privacy of my new home. I'm not sure I can continue in that job if I can't get the voice at least mostly right. It is a worry.