Chapter 2 - Charlotte's scratch post

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Thing's not great. Overdosed on Venlafaxine last night and was squirming in discomfort all night in a weird half sleep state. Today getting shivers and sudden jolts all over my body. Feeling wiped out whilst still kinda high.

Not sure where I'm going, what I'm doing and what I want from life, if anything

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I keeps bursting into tears. Just constantly all day. Who am I?

[Devlyn ✅]

Girl, stop overdosing on things. We need you around.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Everything smells weird..nothing is familiar...where am i

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

The sky just looks vast..

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I'm floating...i smell flowers...feels like my past

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Its calm....just ringing in my ears

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

@Charlotte Kitty
Dear Charlotte: I absolutely agree with what @Devlyn told you....
... "Girl, stop overdosing on things. We need you around."
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Girl, stop overdosing on things. We need you around.

Hugs, Devlyn

[davina61]

 cant tell you off on here like I would face to face but your ears would defiantly be ringing by the time I finished. Look after yourself my dear ,you have the world at your feet.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I wonder how your fiancée feels about this.

Is he home with you right now?

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Doing these things stops all the noise and screaming in my head. My boyfriend was around throughout as we live together. Hes used to my emotional breakdowns now.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Well it seems on the female dating app that if you're trans then 95% of your likes are other trans women. Seems we really are not seen as women. Wonder if that'll change after grs if I highlight my bits are corrected

[Lori Dee ✅]

Well it seems on the female dating app that if you're trans then 95% of your likes are other trans women. Seems we really are not seen as women. Wonder if that'll change after grs if I highlight my bits are corrected

I can see it now.

Charlotte Kitty
Now with new and improved plumbing!

[Petunia]

Hey Charlotte, I'm on the same antidepressant. 50ng

When I had my accident they asked me for a list of my meds and I told them I was on 25.

They couldn't prescribe that as 50 was the min

6 days later I was out of my mind.


I can't complain because it saved my life when it was first presribed for me

I was in a really dark place just before Christmas everything shutdown and I wouldn't have lasted.

I have been going ok, so I thought.  I thought estrogel was my saviour and I had finally found equalibrum

Well after maybe 6 days of half dose desvenlafaxine I have really fallen apart.

I was questioning what I'm doing, my wife was asking why I'm angry all of a sudden and was having end of life thoughts.

This is not a drug to play around with.

[Petunia]

Charlotte, also going back to your now retired blog thread.

I hope you know I'm not really your chearleader. Even though I'd love the costume, the girls around me and the rest.

I'm pretty pragmatic. I'll say straight up what I see.

I'll tell you when I think you look good, which btw is pretty much everytime you are happy and smiling.

I also get the times when you're down.

It seems a morning thing, but I could be wrong.

Despite saying you don't like being with people, when you are out with the womens groups you seem to shine.

Bums, tums, runs, you lucky girl.
 
You need to make that a routine.  Maybe you can branch that out to more activities

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I just wish id never started this journey. I'll never be a woman. I'm just weird and messed up looking. No other women trans or cis has my gross looking screwed up eyes. I would be put down if I was an animal. Just the runt of the litter. Wish my mum had aborted me.

[tammy753]

So I have said a lot of this stuff. That is why my therapist has me on Antidepressants. So when you have these feeling please contact your therapist is you don't have one please find one. These thoughts are self destructive.

[Stottie Girl]

Hiya Charlotte, sorry I haven't popped in for a while.

It seems you have been having an "interesting" few days! You really need to be careful honey. You might not care what happens to you but we do.

This evenings post and your mood is likely just comedown or withdrawl depression from the drugs because it has no basis in reality. We see your images Charlotte, we see the change in you. You ARE a woman. You are fixating on the tiniest details and blowing them up out of all proportion. That is dysphoria at work. Deep down you know this.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I just wish id never started this journey. I'll never be a woman. I'm just weird and messed up looking. No other women trans or cis has my gross looking screwed up eyes. I would be put down if I was an animal. Just the runt of the litter. Wish my mum had aborted me.

Can you spot the ANTs?

They show up in absolutes that seem unchallengeable and are therefore false.
You know how to stomp out ANTs. Don't let them get to you. When you put them down, you win!

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Hey Petunia,
Interesting to hear your experience with Venlafaxine. I think my body seems to tolerate it more as my normal dose is 300mg daily. Even at that I can't always keep my head above water. But it does stop me waking up shrouded by darkness everyday. I certainly know if i miss a dose. I only took about 1200mg when I overdosed. It's all I had with me!

Thanks too for your kind affirmations and that you really do believe I'm doing ok. That really means a lot. I'll try and do more exercise but my calendar is getting pretty hard to manage at the moment. I have ideas though.

Hi Tammy,
I did have a therapist but my last session was Tuesday as the funding ended. I was in tears after as she was amazing and helped me figure out so much. Being trans herself she really got me. That was the hardest break from a therapist ever.

Hi Sarah,
Awwww so missed you and really smiled seeing you back here. I'm so happy 😊 Thanks sweetie I really appreciate your support. You're right, that felt very much like comedowns I've experienced after other things. Lethargic with depression from lack of energy. Had an early night then swimming this morning got the energy levels back up. Hope you're ok? I'll stop by your blog next.

Hey Lori,
Thanks for your support again. You mention absolutes and that is sometimes the way I think. In BPD its called splitting.  Rapid change from everything is good to everything is bad thinking. Along with identity issues, its one of the defining symptoms.

Hugs all. I've got a few more updates, but wanted to reply to you all first. I'll follow soon. 🥰

@Petunia @tammy753 @Stottie Girl @Lori Dee