Well I must say the last week has been...intense! Honestly I think I overwhelmed myself because of the rollercoaster of ups and downs, which culminated in the OD and a mini breakdown on friday.
So I've been looking for hookups, friends with benefits and just friends on an app. I got chatting quite closely to a trans girl who shared one of my kinks and fantasies which was obviously very compelling. But it kinda ended up one-sided, wanting me to dom her over video calls, which yeah was fun. But she wanted me to drop everything at like 10pm during the week and drive an hour to see her. Two nights in a row. She knew I worked full time. So I didn't. But we planned to meet Thursday. However the planned meet day like, yeah all good, saying that all day. Come afternoon sacked it off. I've had this before...wants you to drop everything when they're feeling it, but sacks you off when they're not.
This gave me really bad flashbacks to times past and identical experiences and rejection. With BPD I seriously can't process that especially on the back of the highs. I broke down and ate loads of venlafaxine.
On better news I'm meeting a woman on Friday so we can get to know each other. She is really kind and loves the fact I've been kind, and not moved straight onto the subject of naughty stuff. Like just normal chat. Honestly I think she's looking for friendship and I'm very happy with that. I won't push for anymore unless that just kind of happens. I'm excited though!
Ive chatted to a few trans girls that liked me for hookups, but they are like 19 to 22. I'm not 100% I'm ready for that...I don't know...don't know how to feel! I'll keep that on ice as I need time to think. I'm also considering long term dynamics of my relationships. Could I consider polyamory? Or just FWB? There is a lot going on in my head right now.
Today I met a trans friend for coffee with one of her friends, also trans. We got on amazingly. The coffee date is a regular thing and I'm now invited, which is so good. They also do nights out, gigs, clubs and such. This could be a great thing moving forwards!
Anyways here are a couple of pics from today and yesterday. Hope you like them.
