Chapter 2 - Charlotte's scratch post

[Devlyn ✅]

Visible veins! There is another one! I have them too. It comes with having large breasts Courtney, not much you can do about them. My breasts are close set and high set so pop them in a bra and cleavage is easy but take that bra off and they hang low. You can't have everything!! Though I am hopeful Progesterone will change this a bit. If it doesn't then ok that's what I was destined to have. No biggie.

Ten four! I'm Irish, my entire circulatory system is visible through my skin. 🤣

[Stottie Girl]

In that respect i could have essentially changed nothing, remained exactly as i was as a man and just changed my perception and called myself a woman. If the whole thing is about accepting what you have and having a wider definition of what a woman is, why bother with HRT at all? In reality no medical transition is needed - just a change in perception!

Okay, that is not what I said at all Charlotte. I said nothing about perception. Please don't twist my words.

I'm saying accept the woman you are becoming, the woman you are genetically predisposed to be. I never said don't transition or just accept what you have pre HRT. Just that you should widen your vision of what makes you a woman. I worry that you are likely not going to achieve what you are wanting because you have your blinkers on and such a narrow vision.

In my opinion, the way you are talking right now tells me you should not be considering surgery right now, you are not making rational judgements here. Honestly, you need to think very carefully about what you are doing. I know that transexualism is a broad spectrum but there are major alarm bells ringing for me here. I'm sorry but that is how I feel. I just cannot understand your reasons for wanting surgery if you do not identify as a woman, if you just want to "see what it's like" then transition back to male. It will be too late then. I honestly do not think there is a psychologist in the UK who would sign a referral for surgery based on what you are saying.

I truly hope I am mis-understanding what you saying. I am also no expert by any stretch. Maybe it is me who is in the wrong here. If I am, I would appreciate someone telling me so.

Please, please, just stop, think, get professional help and then make your decision.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Sorry for my emotions. Its really hard having hoped for something that will never come yet seemingly everyone else gets lucky and is in euphoria.  I just have to settle for something that brings no euphoria. I'm digging for every bit of strength to like what i have. I really dont want to be a man. I want to be a woman. But ok i am woman, but i dont like the woman I am.  I cant honestly look at my body and see sonething i remotely desire. So ive totally achieved becoming a woman, i just dont find her desirable at all.

She is a woman i wouldn't even look twice at.

Again im so sorry. This is extremely hard.

[Stottie Girl]

We don't all get to be pretty Charlotte. It's awful but that is life. Suck it up and accept it. If that is the only way you will accept being a woman then I really do not know where that leaves you.

You have breast forms so if you still hate how you look in the mirror with them, then getting implants won't change that, unless you plan to wander around topless all the time! GRS won't change your outward appearance either apart from being able to wear leggings and swimwear without a bulge. It seems like you only wanted to become a sexy attractive desirable woman, well don't we all, but it is not going to be likely for the vast majority of late transitioners like us. There is zero point moaning about it. Accept it, deal with it or detransition. Those are your options but you need to decide that now before you go further down this road as nothing ahead of you will give you what you seem to be wanting.

You won't be the prettiest girl in the club, you likely won't be a girl that a lot of people desire (same as most of us) but who are you trying to be that girl for? You are already engaged to be married. What does it matter? It's people like me who should be worried! I don't have a partner, I will have to try to find someone looking the way I do, you already found your life partner, I'm probably destined to be alone.

I'm sorry if I'm dishing out tough love here but you need a dose of reality Charlotte.

[Courtney G]

Ten four! I'm Irish, my entire circulatory system is visible through my skin. 🤣

Funny how beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My wife makes fun of my "weird" breasts, with the prominent blue veins. But I shared photos of them on a site that allows people to compare/study regimens and results and I got a ton of comments and messages from men who love the veins!

To Sarah's point, beauty is a subjective, relative, moveable thing. Trying to live up to some pre-conceived notion of femininity or beauty is a waste of time. There are people who LOVE very small breasts and those who need them to be cartoonish. They are people who adore large-bodied women and those who prefer waifs. The best we can do is set reasonable goals for how we hope to present ourselves to the world, then focus on self-love and acceptance.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Thanks for trying to help 😊

In reality I don't really care if people like small breasts or not. I dont care if i dont look beautiful. I don't care if i dont look young. This is for me. Its about what i can see and what i like.  I just envisaged larger, hoped for larger and really i could have done everything without HRT. Thats my only point.

My boyfriend is pretty useless to me in any way apart from platonically. So i absolutely don't get what i need from him. Im not sure a wedding will be happening as its not something i want anymore as I am. Wearing a wedding dress is the last thing i want now. My breasts however aren't a concern regards this. I can find people - the main issue here is most women dont want trans women. I can't change that.

Ive no choice but to deal with this i know. Doesn't mean i can get my head around it easily. It hurts...i wish it didn't

Another big problem is i dont find men attractive anymore!

[tammy753]

I've learned 2 things from therapy. Everyone's transition is different and my therapist is usually right.

The first applies to you. You have to find what makes you happy. No one can do that for you. Comparing your self to a super model isn't going to do you any favors. You need to find Charlotte not this idealized version that society puts on TV and in Magazines. I know I am not attractive but I have the face I have.

You can have surgery if it will make your self feel like your true self and I think that is great. If you are having it to match a magazine then that is where a problem exists.

I have never wanted a partner, for me I always believed that wasn't fair to someone else to be with me. You can't keep looking for outside validation. You need to find what makes you happy with Charlotte.

I really hope this is helpful but I am not a therapist. I just pay one to tell me I am wrong. So take my comments for what they are worth.