Quote from: Finally Anna on Today at 06:11:54 AMI think that fear in some way is probably a constant companion, one way or the other, regardless of whether you are cis or trans. Sometimes dormant, sometimes shouting. It's only that the typical trans fears are about what people would think of me, while the typical cis fears are about what people would think about how I look.
But "normal" fears are there to be overcome so I have kind of accepted that it is about how I live with those fears, making them my companion instead of my antagonist. Trying to embrace the fears. Trusting that I can push the fear boundary just a bit, now and then.
How many really bad reactions to your presentation have you had? I know that you aren't presenting femme to the world, but from your pictures I would guess that you could male fail more often than you think.
How may people have said something really hurtful about you, to you?
How good does it feel to present femme and how painful is it to present male? Is your public presentation the same now as it was six months ago? Or a year ago?
End of my little rant. I guess I better write that I mean this post in a soft and caring way, not in a pushy and questioning way.
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Well first off nobody officialy knows I am trans except for my mother so some of these are difficult to answer.
I have had hurtful comments directed at me a few times by so called friends over the years, sometimes it has been vicious. I was bullied at school too which has probably shaped some of the low self esteem issues. It has made me very wary of letting people in really.
The climate in the UK is such that I see hateful comments directed at people for the slightest reasons. I can imagine being viewed as openly trans will be a red rag to a bull for some of these vile people. Some on here have already shared their experiences of abusive comments, I don't mind admitting that scares me. I want to be able to be stealth to the man on the street, among friends well that is different but I just want to go about my day with nobody abusing me for not being CIS.
I have not had any bad reactions to my femme appearance though the only people who have seen that are online in trans safe circles. In real life I have had comments in bars from drunk lads, I remember one just flat out shouting at me in a crowded loud bar "are you a girl or a boy? Why have you got T****"? Only the people immediately around me heard that but I felt really put on the spot.
It feels incredible to be femme, that is confirmed to me since my forced boymode experience. I hate having to put on boy clothes just to go about my days.
My public presentation? hmmm, clothes wise it is the same, no change but my body is really starting to cause issues. I have large boobs that are pretty much impossible to hide in warm weather, they definitely do get looks, and I suspect comments. My face is really starting to look androgynous now if not outright female.
Most on here seem to have support around them, be it from wives, friends or family. I have none of that, no encouragement, nobody to hold my hand as I take those first few steps. I think that is why fear is so hard to overcome.
I will beat it but I need to be able to convince myself that I am going to pass before I do, I am getting closer in that regard though. At any rate, until I get a passable femme voice I'm not coming out as it does not matter how I look or act if the second I open my mouth everyone sees a trans woman. I kind of feel like I'm in Invasion of the body snatchers and the moment I drop my guard everyone will stop, point and shriek lol!
I want to blend in, I don't want to be singling myself out as trans.
