How did you choose your female name

[Anne_lifetrip]

So, just found this post and I wanted to share one of my ongoing doubts and headcache with my name.

I posted that I have travelled a lot for work and pleasure, but what I did not say is that when I was younger I would have an androgynous figure. As a Spanish citizen I have a name, which is for men in Spain, but for a woman elsewhere...so I have had "the Looks" from customs agents in French and English speaking countries. In fact, my colleagues would just change my name for a more comfortable one for their country. Some very good Aussie friends used to call me Bob. 😂 Bob's your uncle...

Now, for the sake of the post, lets say that the name is "Angel María", (Angel Mary) which is a male name in Spain.
Now, my constant doubt is, should I change completely my name for Anne, which is the name that I have found very confortable for me?, should I just change one of the names for example, Mary Anne, or Angel Anne?.
This would allow me to avoid the second process of having to change all my certificates with the excuse that I only use one of the names, and either Mary, Anne or Angel are perfectly female names.

So, administratively talking, that would be the easy part...but the name is sooo many more things and I have my doubts if I would be comfortable keeping my...not so deadname.

And here I am, sharing this, I guess to take it off my head and highly appreciating your comments and experience.

Love, Anne.

[Laura Squirrel]

I made 3 top ten lists for the first, middle, and last names. I mixed and matched until I found one that I liked. My family was mad because I changed my surname. But I didn't care.

[Finally Anna]

I went with a name that is a bit popular with women my age, that I like and that has a kind of bearing with my  male name. Since I am my male name to the world until I transition (if I do) things a yet very smooth with respect to id and other documents.

[Stottie Girl]

@Anne_lifetrip I don't think choosing a name because it makes the admin easier is a good idea Anne.

You will have your name for the rest of your life so it's more important it is right for you not the government! Choose a name that has meaning for you if you can.

[Anne_lifetrip]

Thank you all very much for your insights.

I have gone through this exercise

I made 3 top ten lists for the first, middle, and last names. I mixed and matched until I found one that I liked.

And eventually found out that Anne is my name. I feel it as mine. I have already been using it with my therapist and other people to whom I have come out and I feel very comfortable with it.

As for what I comment concerning the admin side..

@Anne_lifetrip I don't think choosing a name because it makes the admin easier is a good idea Anne.

The name is already chosen, now, my thoughts go on the area of practicality. For the moment I don't really care my deadname as it has also been a part of my female side out of Spain.
The issue is not so much the government, but all the paperwork that would come with it, whereas just changing my name for a double name as is also common, would allow me to avoid extra paperwork.
The objective is not to avoid the paperwork, but to try and make a conscious decision looking for the best win win situation.

So, welcome to my whirlpool over the name hahahahaha

[Finally Anna]

Just spinning my thoughts in the whirlpool, with your example name from the post above. This is not a suggestion.
Anne Ángel María. That would make sense in a Spanish context, wouldn't it?

[KathyLauren]

@Anne_lifetrip , if you can reduce paperwork with a name you like and feel comfortable with, then by all means go for it.

To address the original question of the thread...   Years ago, in a moment when my female side was close to the surface (though not quite breaking through), I wondered what name I would use if I were female.  I decided that I would want to keep my signature similar.  My deadname was Keith (I don't normally discuss it, but it is relevant to the story), so I decided that Kathy was the closest female name calligraphically.  I never thought any more about it.

Years later, when I was coming out, I needed a female name to use for support group meetings and therapy sessions.  I recalled that earlier name exploration and figured that Kathy would do until I came up with a better one.  With use, it became familiar and felt right.  It was also age-appropriate: a millennial name for a boomer would just be too weird.    So, when it came time to start all the bureaucratic stuff, I went with it.  Since Kathy is a diminutive, I had to figure out what it was short for.  I picked Kathleen, rather than Katherine, because it is the Irish version. 

My middle name is a feminine version of my old middle name.  So I feel some continuity with my old identity, I respect my parents' choice for me, and I keep the same initials.

Keeping my initials means that I can display my military certificates, since they only used initials and surname.  I had to get a reprint of my university degree certificate, because it has my full name.

[Anne_lifetrip]

Anne Ángel María.

It does make sense, but it gets a bit too long, that is why my thoughts are more on the Angel Anne option, keeping it simple.
And for the administrative side, I have had students that that choose not to show their second or third names in their degrees, so they have their first name and their surnames.

Hmmm...as I am reading it again, it looks and sounds nice...looks like we have a winner 🏆 and I get to have a little more or inner peace, at least concerning this.

Thank you all for your insights, comments and experiences. They have helped me a lot 😊

[Gina P]

   Choosing a name is a very personal decision. Many use a female version of their male name. Ex. Joe-Jo, Sam-Samantha. Others ditch the common and go with something exotic. I didn't want something that stood out. My male name was Greg. At first I went by G G, but as I got serious about transition I searched data bases on female names and liked Gina. Then came the legal process of having my name changed on all my legal documents. I still get an occasionally piece of spam mail in my dead name but that is dwindling.
  I realize this didn't answer your question but ultimately, 'you' have to be comfortable with it.

[ChrissyRyan]

You need to like your new name as Gina says, for sure.

[noleen111]

my story is a simple one.. My mother once told me, that if I was born a girl, my name would have been Noleen

so, when I discovered i was really a girl on the inside, I assumed the name..

No other potential name was even seriously considered. For a short time, I did consider the name Jo-Anne, but Noleen was always the front fav. I remember the first time I dressed fully as a women, my female friend, who helped me asked, so what is your girl name, straight away I said ,Noleen

[Robyn Zola]

I'm relatively new to all of this – like walking-on-eggshells-all-summer new. I wanted to go with names that I've always loved: Ophelia, Circe, Medea, Dionysia ... but then I started thinking, this is my real name, those sound like a cabaret name.

So, I'm published professionally under my dead name, middle initial, then last name (Germanic Heroes, Courage, and Fate: Northern Narratives of J. R. R. Tolkien's Legendarium, on Amazon or Powells) and now trying to build a brand for my fiction. So, pragmatically, I can start to use an author name of two initials and last name. So I needed something matching my initials.

Lot's of names beginning with /R/ are nice, but Robyn really, really spoke to me. I knew immediately that was it. For middle name, it was a long fight between Zoë and Zola. To me, Zoë has a spunky and playful feel. Zola has a bit more gravitas. It came from my memory of the 1984 Summer Olympics when the South African runner Zola Budd, who was famous for running barefoot, collided twice with Mary Decker on the 800m (??) sprint and I remember thinking to myself, "That's how I like my women – barefoot and ruthless!"

Looking back now with hindsight, it was actually that I wanted to be her in some way.

So, Zola won out. And Robyn Zola it is!

[Devlyn ✅]

Just a gentle reminder Robyn, this is a public forum and anyone can view what you've posted. 🙂

Hugs, Devlyn

[Lori Dee ✅]

now trying to build a brand for my fiction. So, pragmatically, I can start to use an author name of two initials and last name. So I needed something matching my initials.

I had considered the same thing with my brand. I had already legally changed my name, so I just went with that. Will you use an author photo as well, or a brand logo? I'm using my profile pic here, as I also use it on my website. That sort of ties the brand's elements together.

[Robyn Zola]

I really don't know. It's something that I would need to discuss with a future agent – I'm finishing up correcting the developmental edit so that search begins next month. I've already got an author website with my pictures and I have a (not very good) author portrait on the back of my monologue I mentioned above next to my bio. So, I am not sure how to handle it, but there are professionals for that. Eventually, the entire Tolkien Scholar community will find out. I think most of my colleagues will be supportive. But that is what pride is about: I need to wear it when it happens as a role model for the next generation.

A fiction brand I'm only beginning to develop, so there is more wiggle room there. It will simply be R. Z. [last name].

I just thought that was the most practical solution – for me – in choosing a name.