Ok, so not sure the usual route some people take. Fear is something I've always had. And in the past it stopped me from many things. But in the last few years I have become a person who swallows fears to an extent and moves forward.
I think it was 3-4 months ago, maybe 5 I took the step to find out why I was different and if I was transgender. What I found made things click, and I was proud of myself for finally solving at least a piece of the mystery about myself that bugged me so long.
So anyways, my father was the first, a week out he gave me a ride from school. I broke it to him, that at time believed may be transgender. There was some slight discussion, he admited that my stepmother had mention to him that I may be and that they had suspected some.
He told my stepmother... but after that it felt like the promise of them understanding turned on end. Now I was crazy and out of mind or something, or a freak. Least as my father relayed the feelings of my stepmother to me and some concern from himself.
Lead to many arguements (not really unusual between us but was more intense and often), and then just plain bitterness on my part as I became fed up not only with his critisism and such after that knowledge but from the years of it I had to put up with it which I finally realized had taken part in my difficulty with self esteme and confidence. (something I struggle to improve now)
After that. I was afraid to tell member of family and hesitated for a while. Some point my Aunt in South Carolina found out, and the 'suspected it already' part came up, but again my father relays conversations he has with her with her saying that I didn;t know what I was doing etc.
But talking to her in person I didn;t get that sense. While not always correct I've always had fairly good sense for a person on how they are inside. And she seemed understanding enough.
So a month passes... and finally I have the guts to talk to my mom some about it. It was a short conversation though and I sense she doesn't quite know what it means and unfortuantly she is hard to get in touch with because she is rarely home unless sleeping. Don;t know if my little sister knows, probably not.
Anyways. It's been a few months, I finally got the guts to call my Grandmother on father''s side. I was very worried, as I have heard of to many stories of how christians have reacted to these things. I was relieved, very.
On thing I had going for me, As a child she was the one who called me a tomboy. I started out asking her why she called me that. She told me of how I had as a child said I was a boy, or would be a boy. Reaccounting all the stuff I did as a child to, the wrestling, climbing trees, always wanting to play with the boys rather than girls. About that point, I finally told her. And rather than some shocking breath, I found her calm, and she told me, that she wasn;t really surprised, and while she rather I be the girl my body was born to be, she would love me and be there no matter what I had to do to be happy...
So today thats where I am. But there is still a long road ahead. My family is large and spread out over the US, some I don't even know how to get hold of. One... I dread ever telling her as she tends to get manic and torment everyone in family when she is upset with a family member. Blame everyone as well. She's someone who might even go so far as sticking me in a church to wash my mind out and repent... (maybe not, but she's pretty scary lol)
Anyways, comments, ideas, etc welcome. It's good to have people to talk to who can relate
Posted on: July 27, 2008, 11:40:31 PM
Ok, finally remember how to spell Misery LOL
