I told my ex wife

[yuldah hadasha]

thank you kimberly - my wife and i talked last night and i'm kind of devastated this morning.  i like the ship metaphor - it's important to see the shore in a storm even when you can't reach it.

and i'm not drowned yet - just very, very wet.

[Shelley]

Good luck Yulda Hadasha,

One thing that I've learned about this lovely place in the short time I've been coming here is that there is always people willing to lend support. As you move through this process with your wife this can be, a it is for me, a haven to share your feelings and be treated as you see your self.

Shelley

[Maura Hartman]

I'm happy for you Beth! I'm still married lo these 36 years now and I can attribute it to the fact that even though she started out very conservative and closed minded that just as Stephanie has said communication is everything coupled with a lot of patience and a willingness on her part to do some investigation on her own.

I have always said that one of the keys to success in anything is communication.  In fact I believe that Winston Churchill said "communication is the queen of battle".  It's very hard for those around us to understand what we are going though, and for us to understand what they are going through, unless we communicate.  Talking and discussing things rationally, with give and take on both sides, tears and smiles, laughter and frustration, anger and sympathy.  Easier said than done I know.
Steph

[beth]

update:


                  after the first two days when she was happy and almost glad i'm TS, she started thinking that our whole marriage was a lie and that the whole time i didnt want her. i guess i contributed to that conclusion by saying "(my real name) never existed" i was just trying to show how deep the feeling of Dysphoria was for me. i did love her with all my heart for many many years. my being TS contributed to our problems because i was constantly depressed, but we had many problems unrelated to it also.

                    i explained to her that i did love her and everything we shared was real, and she is fine with everything now. we communicate some now that we have been apart for a while.      i have someone else in my life now who knew who i was when we met.

thanks all for your comments, and yuldah i'm glad we got to help you in this thread, i just know you will be strong and things will work out for you and your wife soon.

beth

[tiffani66]

As several others have stated in this thread, communication is the key to any meaningful relationship.

Stephanie and Maura, you are both very lucky that you have wives that are willing to talk and to listen to you, no matter what.

I have never been married myself, but I have been in a relationship with a woman.  Everything started out great, but as time went on, I noticed that I was being pushed away by her belief that no one could ever love her. 

I struggled with that for several months; in the end, though, I was forced to see that she could not understand the concept of unselfish love. 

She went so far as to try to hit me and threw things at me several times.  Eventually, I realized that staying with her would only end up with my being hurt even more than I had been up to that point in time.

To this day, I still love her.  I miss her a lot, but I know that I am safer away from her than I would be if I were still with her.

Yuldah, take time to discuss what you are feeling with your wife; give it some time and hopefully she will begin to understand you a little better, maybe even be more willing to stand by your side through your time of transition.

Tiffani