'I Was Raped' Should Horrify. But Our Culture Has Stripped the Word of Its Power

[NicholeW.]

O, wait, I see now, you never read the article at all, only the first 200 words I had given in the post. No wonder you don't see. This ain't "Reader's Digest." The articles posted here give a brief example of the first few lines of an article. They don't synopsize them so you needn't read the article. When you don't read the articles you don't have the knowledge to comment on them.

Nichole
Post Merge: April 30, 2009, 01:50:06 PM
I don't need to read the article to substantiate a fact that's written in the first 100 words.

Nope, no need to twist your words. You didn't read the article period. I think that gives us all we need to know. You can blame "outdated" dictionaries all you wish. But the fault still lies exactly where I said it does. In you as a reader. In this case the reader who didn't bother reading the article at all before deciding he had found a flaw.

I think I get that, Mister.

Nichole

[Cindy]

Hi Nichole
As I stated in my first post I didn't and have not read the article. The title of the post awoke memories. I'm quite OK nowadays. I have in the past seen a psychologist and talked through the issues. Fortunately it was way before HIV was in the UK, or at least before it was widely spread, mu understanding is that case 1 was in Liverpool in the late 1950s. I also didn't contract any other STDs.

I really don't want to pollute your post particularly as I said I haven't read the article. But I have been very disturbed by the use of R as a "weapon of war". Particularly with that foul expression "ethnic cleansing".

Thank you for your kind words
Love Cindy James

[Lisbeth]

In the last few weeks this topic has become something of a trigger to anger for me. Damn straight "I was raped" should horrify. I get so angry with people who disagree with that that I lost someone I thought was a good friend over it in the last few days.

[Alyssa M.]

There are two issues -- weakening the language and being sensitive. They're just different.

The argument ought to be (and the article fails to convey this) that using the word loosely can be upsetting to victims of the crime, something that is all the more important considering how many people are victims.

Instead the article talks about the meaning of the word and some hifalutin' linguistic nonsense. And it is nonsense -- "rape" has always had more than one meaning.

From the American Heritage College Dictionary, from Houghton Mifflin, published 2004:

rape¹
n. 1. The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, esp. sexual intercourse. 2. The act of seizing and carrying off by force; abduction. 3. Abusive or improper treatment; violation.
tr. v. 1. To commit the crime of rape on. 2. To seize or carry off by force. 3. To plunder or pillage.
[ME <rapen, to rape <OFr. raper, to abduct < Lat. rapere, to seize.]

rape²
n. A European plant (Brassica napus) of the mustard family, cultivated as fodder and for its seed.
[ME < OFr. < Lat. rapa, pl. of rapum, turnip.]

rape³
n. The refuse of grapes left after the extraction of the juice in winemaking.
[Fr. rape, grape stalk < OFr. rasper, to scrape. See RASP]

Furthermore, we've always used language metaphorically. Sports teams are frequently trampled, mauled, slaughtered, even murdered. If someone says "The Cubs got murdered yesterday," does that really make it less shocking when someone says "My friend was murdered"? Does the fact that rape is an important agricultural plant in Europe (canola oil is made from it) make it any less shocking that rape is epidemic in South Africa?

I have heard plenty of people use "rape" metaphorically or in some of the other sense than the primary one. I've heard plenty of people say they were "raped" on an exam. And I have heard people tell me, "I was raped," or, "He raped me." There is no mistaking the difference. There is no confusion whatsoever. Other uses don't make it any less horrifying.

I agree with the basic premise, that people ought not to use the word frivilously, and I don't, but the reasoning in the article is just so misguided.

[Mister]

Good post.  I'd write more, but I have to make breakfast. I'm starving.

[Kayden]

My main beef with the whole original definition, which I realized when Mister brought up his argument about the gendering/sexing of rape... is that the definition used in the article restricts rape to sexual intercourse.

I have whole new thing about the gendering issue, but it's not a mistake someone on the forum made, so it's pointless to complain about it here.

Thanks Alyssa for those other definitions.  Very thorough.

On the topic of getting over rape.  I was in therapy a bit.  That's not really what helped, though.  It was realizing that I wasn't going to let one person (though this particular scenario isn't the case for everyone) ruin the rest of my life and prevent me from enjoying the rest of my time on this earth.  I don't want to deny myself of experiences just because of what some arsehole did to me when I was 17.

Just my 2 cents.  It seems like everyone has their own way of dealing with it.

[Nero]

My main beef with the whole original definition, which I realized when Mister brought up his argument about the gendering/sexing of rape... is that the definition used in the article restricts rape to sexual intercourse.

I have whole new thing about the gendering issue, but it's not a mistake someone on the forum made, so it's pointless to complain about it here.

Thanks Alyssa for those other definitions.  Very thorough.

On the topic of getting over rape.  I was in therapy a bit.  That's not really what helped, though.  It was realizing that I wasn't going to let one person (though this particular scenario isn't the case for everyone) ruin the rest of my life and prevent me from enjoying the rest of my time on this earth.  I don't want to deny myself of experiences just because of what some arsehole did to me when I was 17.

Just my 2 cents.  It seems like everyone has their own way of dealing with it.

That's a good way to look at it, Kayden. Glad to hear you're doing well inspite of what happened.

[Cindy]

Good on you Kayden

I'm trying to work out what you are singing, includes a bit of air guitar?
Definitely rock, can't be rap with that expression. And I doubt it's a Celine Dion

mmm
need a clue

Love and Hugs
Cindy James

[Vexing]

"The unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse,"

Sounds to me like the author needs a new dictionary.

Also my first thought after reading that passage.

[Kayden]

Good on you Kayden

I'm trying to work out what you are singing, includes a bit of air guitar?
Definitely rock, can't be rap with that expression. And I doubt it's a Celine Dion

mmm
need a clue

This is a digression from this topic, but I will answer it.  Just know that I'm not trying to take away from the seriousness of this discussion.  I'm singing to a Disturbed song (definitely rock) in a PT Cruiser in MA... this was right after I came out to myself actually.  Over a year ago.

Anyway.  I really don't want to further detract from the seriousness of the topic at hand here.

[Cindy]

Dear Kayden
I apologise. I wasn't in anyway trivialising the post. If you read back I could never.
I was just trying to inject some warmth where there are only horrible memories.
Live in Peace

Cindy

[Kayden]

Dear Kayden
I apologise. I wasn't in anyway trivialising the post. If you read back I could never.
I was just trying to inject some warmth where there are only horrible memories.

I wasn't accusing you of anything, Dear Cindy, I just didn't want people to think I disrespected their experiences.

I'm all about warmth and creating good memories.  We could all use more of those, no matter who we are.


Also, if anyone wants to partake in some of that healing business where they need someone else who has been through these experiences to talk to, you can message me on here or using the number of messaging devices under my avatar.

I'm always willing to lend a helping hand.

[Cindy]

Dear Kayden
I don't have any great problems anymore regarding the things that raped me. I'm well adjusted. Sadly my younger GG sister was raped at Uni (UK) by a drunk who broke through her bedroom window in the flat she was renting. He was well known, left evidence everwhere got 18months, Catherine killed herself by drink and depression. I really like rapists.

Sorry
Thank you for your kindness, I hope your surgery goes beyond expectation and you have a gorgeous life.

Love and Hugs
Cindy

[aisha]

wow yeah, this post hits on some truth... I feel raped sometimes, for some reason I remember a while ago, a guy, kind of a wierd guy who I kind of considered my friend would reach down my pants, Im sure he didnt mean to be malicious its just I never told him how uncomfortable it made me feel, i don't know why.. then he was gone. My mom sometimes talks about how she was molested and how she holds in a lot from that experience, which I feel like maybe comes in subconscious in how my family and me interact, like its just a self fulfilling prophecy, but its just in words and behavior, like they come too close to me, they don't respect my physical boundaries, or beliefs but its in a subtle enough way that I can't really say anything, or I just seem crazy, like its not that big of a deal and I should get over it. They have so much fear about my life style, about what I do that I know is right, and that even they can't justify as being wrong for any real reason, but yet they feel its right to try and suppress (maybe just subconsciously) all the things I do that allow me to fully express myself, live out what I feel like my purpose is and be healthy. Its horrible when the things you need to do for true healing and wholeness are things that make others see you as wrong or crazy (and as soon as that happens nothing that you say really matters), and the alternatives that they offer are not helpful in the least and in some cases more harmful. I try to deal with it at times, but I wonder if it even needs to be dealt with, or if its just that no one is saying what really needs to be said, I feel like a lot of it, is not really my problem, its the fact that I live so close to other people who live with almost a totally opposite philosophy to mine, but I don't have the strength to just go.. luckily theres still love, and we all have our issues, but we can put them aside.. hopefully lose the egotistical bull>-bleeped-< about helping eachother, let ourselves grow in whatever way we need to, and then move on, things will happen like they need to.

[yabby]

  I can understand the shame and humiliation that she feels
Janet

it is more about the feel of shame and humiliation imposed on us rather than a natural feeling.

while i was not a victim of rape, i did non stop face sexual harassment while in school.

inside me i was terrified but on the outside no one could had guessed any thing. It arrived to a point where i was nearly dragged to the school in the morning. and after much struggle i managed to get moved to another school and on the first week in the new school some other students told me: if you join that social after school event you'll get raped.

do you think i complained or told anyone about this (even my parents)? NO, a man is supposed to defend himself and be strong enough to do so. if someone harese me i should be strong enough to give kick him so strong that it will make him fly around the earth 445567 times (ok i am exaggerating but you get the idea).  I am supposed to be strong enough, to talk like a man, walk like a man,.....ect

i have difficulty today talking to a man without feeling uncomfortable or afraid.

[NicholeW.]

it is more about the feel of shame and humiliation imposed on us rather than a natural feeling.

...

i have difficulty today talking to a man without feeling uncomfortable or afraid.

And that is part of the problem we've seen in this thread, imo. The discussion of how linguistically correct the writer is has simply missed the social point that she's made. Rape has devasting consequences. As does the threat of rape.

OK, she should have used an up-to-date dictionary.

Now about the meat of what she was saying rather than a discussion of which dictionary is best and how she should write.

yabby, you're not the only man who walks around in fear of other men. Large numbers of men have been raped and assaulted and threatened in like manner and not simply in prisons. They tend to hold all of that within themselves due in large part to exactly what you said makes you hide your own fear. And hide your own experiences and how they affect you.

"I have to act like a man." Well, dear, acting like a man definitely includes being afraid and suffering from PTSD just as does "being a woman."

And which dictionary one uses doesn't help anyone in that regard at all. 

[yabby]

"I have to act like a man." Well, dear, acting like a man definitely includes being afraid and suffering from PTSD just as does "being a woman."

by acting like a man i meant when i am screamed at and asked to act like a man, when i was screamed at:DAMN IT WALK LIKE A MAN. or when i am put to shame for shaking hand like a woman and like a man.

i am supposed to act and pretend to be something i am not.