Blamming Allah?

[bigbreastlover4269]

I mean no disrespect to The Creator but my mom and I had this talk yesterday...

When I get the "You're not here to serve you, you're here to serve The Creator," response, I get argumentative and taking into consideration that The Creator is being selfish. Because I always thought/think that He doesn't care that I want to be female but expects us to serve Him!

It's just like this; you're throwing a party one Friday night, and all your guests arrive. You have them on a strict schedule, like watch a movie, dance, music, games, junk food, etc. all scheduled at specific times. Then one of your guests say "Why can't we do what we wanna do?" Simply put, you expect your party goers to do the things you have planned but they don't like how you're doing things and you know it.

Doesn't make any sense at all, does it?

Well... you don't have to be at a party... and you don't have to live the rest of your life either!

Although there are too many things that I want to do and see before I leave this Earth, I thought about hanging myself.

Back to the party analogy; Your guests don't have to stay if they don't want to but you'd appreciate it if they did so because you'd want them to have all the fun at your party before they go. It's no different than Allah not wanting you to leave your life behind without learning this lesson He had planned for you.

Let me say one thing; My mom tells me that I'm disrespecting Allah. Well y'know what? I feel that He's disrespected me! But I am thankful for the other good things He's provided me with.
But when I hear about the benefits of being a female, at Him, I'm as mad as all heck! I'm honestly not trying to fight with Allah, or don't intend to. All I want from Him is my ideal body.

I was also mad at Allah for something else but He knows what I'm talking about and this isn't the place so I'm not going to get into it. But that's that.

Also, I would even get "If God wanted you to be a girl, you would be a girl," Then I would reply, "I don't care!" because it doesn't change anything for the better but actually making things worst on my part! Then I get, "I'm being selfish," How so? It is He who is being selfish, I think!

Is God really to blame for giving me a male body when I wanted to be female, and He knew I wanted to be female? I think, because I heard that God knows all the things that you want before you even realize that you want them.

Perhaps I was disrespectful to Allah in a previous life and this is His way of getting revenge on me. Either that or I probably was a FtoM transgender. Or maybe even my subconscious has a recollection of being a big-breasted cutie. But maybe there's a lesson He wants me to learn in this life.

[Michelle.]

Jihad.

Isn't the proper connotation of the word jihad to mean inner struggle?

Overcomming lifes obstacles, while remaining true to the faith?

So if Allah put us all here to learn and learn from each other than couldn't transition be a manner of submitting to Allah's will... which I thought was the overall concept of Islam in the first place. Islam... submission.

I'll pick up the Koran at somepoint in the future. But so far I'm half way thru the Bible in a "year," downside to this is I started about 1.5 yrs ago.

[mina.magpie]

I think it's very easy for people to put words in the creator's mouth. To my mind though, if God/Goddess/Allah/Brahma/<insert name of deity> is perfect, that includes perfect love. Also, a perfect being does not want or need for anything - the whole idea of "serving" God makes no sense to me.

Serving one another, on the other hand, does make sense. We ARE imperfect beings and we DO need and want things from one another, and it's to every individual's benefit to make sure that everybody's needs are met as much as possible. The alternative is an unstable, unjust society, which only leads to suffering for all of us.

Religious people (such as your mom, for example) often end up projecting their own prejudices, social insecurities and stuff onto God/dess, and that's as true for the people who wrote religious texts in the first place. There is wisdom in those books, to be sure, but at the end of the day, I think it's always a good idea to filter what you accept and what you reject with a very simple question: Does this come from a place of ignorance and fear or a place of compassion? Your mom is reacting in fear - she is afraid of what the neighbours will think. She is worried that God/dess will punish you or her perhaps. She is afraid of losing her child. God/dess, being a perfect being, would not be coming from such a place.

Just on a last note: When I create, I create in love. I am proud of the things I create and want the best for them, and I would think a highest creator would not be any different. Yes, I might get attached to my creations, or I might destroy them in a rage, or whatever, but those are my FAILINGS, not my right, and I would assume that a perfect being would not have those same shortcomings.

Anyway, that's my take on it, for better or worse. I try to be careful of blaming God/dess for how people interpret him/her, or for disasters ("natural" or otherwise) that can usually, with a little investigation, be shown to be our own fault due to ignorance or greed.

Mina.

[bigbreastlover4269]

Mina, Listen.

Of all the others who posted, you gave me the best reply. I barely understood everyone else's posts! I wanted to say that you made a very good point and will say this as I cannot seem to emphasize enough how still mad I am at God for not making me a female!

Person: We're not here to serve us, we're here to serve God.

Me: God is perfect in all being so what could God possibly want from us? And since God loves me so much and wants us all to enjoy life wouldn't it make sense that He would've made me a girl from the beginning?

Person: God knows what's right for you though!

Me: *nods smartly* Oh really? Well in that case, why is it that he couldn't make me a girl and then make everything turn out right for me!

If I was sick enough in the head, and so mentally ill, I would actually get a rope and hang myself! Because that just goes to show how mad I am at Him!

I never wanted to be a man, not for one flying second!

I asked God the other night why didn't He make me a girl. And right now, I feel as though my anger toward him has taken over me!

And you know what else, God won't even send me a psychiatrist or someone I can talk to so I can take my anger out on them! Well... I didn't have some chances but blew them all so I can't really say that's his fault. But he could've prevented all this from the beginning! 
All He had to do was make me a girl! He made some other species females so why not me! I mean- c'mon people! It's not like I had the chance but wasted it, That was up to Him, not me!

And you know what else else?

I would for the most part hope that one night I can go to sleep and dream that I'm standing in my ideal body but God just won't seem to let that happen for me! WOW! God just don't want me to experience the female perspective!

I know He's reading my posts as I'm writing them, but I'm expressing my anger, getting it all out. I mean- I've tryed not to disrespect the Creator but my rage has filled me for the last time. I feel vexed. VERY Vexed! And He knows it.

Let's see... what else did I wanna say?... 

OH! I'm not surgically getting my body changed and I can give you a list longer than the Empire State Building as to why but I'll only give a few; the high cost, the dangerous side effects, and mostly, although i'll look like a female, I won't have my ideal body figure so what's the point!

[tekla]

Pretty much proof that trusting in god is basically its own punishment.

[Nero]

Pretty much proof that trusting in god is basically its own punishment.

close to rolling. 

[tekla]

Hell, its my almost best birthday in the entire f*cking universe (the real on is next year) and damn skippy I'm right about that.

[mina.magpie]

I cannot seem to emphasize enough how still mad I am at God for not making me a female!

I can absolutely understand that hon. Being trans is a huge mountain to climb, no jokes. And venting seems to me to be a rather healthy thing to do. And I'm sure God/dess won't mind - perfect beings don't sweat the small stuff.

I'd like for you to just consider two points.

In the first place, what if we are meant to be the way we are. Most modern cultures are exceedingly intolerant of us, but it hasn't always been that way. There have been cultures where trans people were honoured and valued, considered an integral part of the greater plan. Native-American Two-Spirits, for example, were traditionally teachers, healers and chiefs. They were considered the custodians of their people's cultures. Likewise, in many other parts of the world, trans people were priests, leaders and many other things. I'm not saying that would've been the perfect situation for us, but don't make the mistake of considering who and what you are a curse because of your environment. We are special. We always have been, and it's only because our societies and our religions get co opted by people with their own bigotries and insecurities that we face the situation we do. I know believing that doesn't change your situation or mine, but we are MEANT to be. I firmly believe that, and the struggles we face, for better or for worse, well, lay that at humankind's feet, not God/dess'. God/dess doesn't reject us. If everything happens according to some intelligent design, then we are a part of that. Other people only tell us that (s)he hates us, because they fear what they don't understand.

The second thing I'd like for you to think about is that we live on a planet that gets influenced by all kinds of things. Besides the obvious that living beings evolve through variation, there's environmental stresses, chemical pollution, radiation from various sources, all kindsa things. Now, considering that reptiles can choose the sex of their offspring based on how warm it is where they lay their eggs, imagine how much more we can be varied by all those influences. God/dess gave us free will, and the flipside of free will is consequence. We choose where we live, what we do and who we do it with. We choose to pollute the planet, either willfully or ignorantly, but nonetheless, the consequences are our own. If God/dess actually exists and had a hand in our creation, that would have had to have ended the moment we got free will, because divine interference would remove that freedom.

Hugs, and I hope that things work out for you.

Mina.

[bigbreastlover4269]

Okay Mina,

Can you answer me one question? Who is it that I have to blame for not making me my ideal self? God does control everything, you know?

I know being a girl is probably not all fun and games but I get jeilous and envious. Then when I see other girls out there that look like me (my ideal female form), I get so freaking angry at God! No seriously, why couldn't He/She make me that instead of this? If only He/She would give me some sign of reason as to why he couldn't make me a girl.

Sometimes I feel like God is my enemy... because once again... I feel that my anger at God has taken over me.

If it means shooting God in the foot, I intend to stay angry until He/She can tell me why i couldn't be my ideal self!

[Miniar]

The real question is, "What does Allah want you to do?".
Maybe you're in this position to find out just how far you will go to be the man/woman that you know deep down you are supposed to be?
Who's to tell what "God" has in mind?


I personally don't believe in a creator god, but if I operate under the assumption that he/she/it exists, then I'd think it's a greater sin to presume to know what his/her/it's plan is for another human being, than it is to try and seek out to do what you know deeply within yourself is the right thing for you to do.

[mina.magpie]

Hon, logically, God/dess DIDN'T make you. (S)he would have had to stop interfering in creation the moment (s)he introduced free will, because the flipside of will is consequence. No, you came about as a result of a PROCESS that God/dess may have put in place (sexual procreation), but the factors that influenced your development and birth, such as when and where you were conceived, the chemical pollutants that may have been in your environment at the time, etc - those were the results of the choices and actions of other human beings.

I can understand that you're angry though. I know how I felt about it for a long time, and I felt nothing so much as rage at being robbed of that normal life as a girl. In that frame of mind, you NEED something to focus your anger on, and yeah, God/dess is a natural target.

But think about it this way: We know of at least one chemical compound, DES (Diethyl Stilbetrol) that specifically leads to higher incidences of transsexuality in children. DES was used widely as an anti-miscarriage drug in the 50's and 60's, and some places even now. Now is it fair for those trans people to blame God/dess for being trans? God/dess gave the people in the pharmaceutical industry the free will to invent a bad drug and profit from it despite what God/dess teaches about greed and the pursuit of power and profit; He gave our society the free will to listen to their fear and discriminate against us despite what God/dess teaches about love and compassion and acceptance; He gave those trans kids' mothers free will to choose to take a drug because they wanted to save themselves and their unborn children. If you wanna blame anybody hon, start with those people. Or for that matter, it might not be any of that in your case, and you're simply gender variant because you're grandmother had many daughters, or whatever. It's all just cause and effect, and assigning blame becomes kinda useless after a while. All we can do is accept the situation as it stands now and do our best to change it. Anger only hurts you in the long run.

Mina.

[Maebh]

Hi Big Lover.
I'm no expert on religion but would consider myself a spiritual being. Your anger remind me so much of mine when I was younger, confused and fearful. Why did God made me this way? What I had done to deserve to carry such a burden? Despite being raised a Catholic I had never accepted the concept of original sin.
I don't know if this is hepful but I can only speak from my own experience, so there we go:
Years later, now, after a lot of soul searching, thanks to the help of place like this and other people like us I have become clearer, wiser and stronger.
Today I do not see my TGism as a curse but as a blessing.
Looking back I realise that because of it I had to explore dimensions about gender roles and attitudes that have freed me from the narrow, blinkered vision of "normal" people. It has given me insights about the fears and oppressions of minorities. It has given me an ability to empathyse with others, taught me patience, solidarity and humility.
  Without that "curse" I would have never met such a wonderfull and rich array of people like on this site, I would never have been touched by the struggles of so many, I would never have been inspired by the courage of so many, informed by the clarity of so many restless seekers of truth. I would have never found out which relationships were worth of nurturing  and which were shallow. I would never had to test my resolve and discover in me strenghts I didn't know I have. I could have coasted through life oblivious, ignorant and prejudced.
Yes, only now, and looking back on my past, do I understand that all this made me a better person, that I was blessed with an opportunity to learn, discover, grow and marvel at the richness of creation. It wasn't an easy journey but it was and still is an exciting one.
I will not dare to pretend to know what Allah has in store for you, or what his motives and intentions are. All I can say is that my own experience has taught me trust and acceptance, brought me peace and fulfilment. All  I can do is wish you a similar outcome.

Go n-éirí do bhóthar leat. Bail ó Dhia ort. Go dté tú slán

All the best of luck, safe journey and God bless you.

HLL&R
Maebh

[Vexing]

Is God really to blame for giving me a male body when I wanted to be female, and He knew I wanted to be female? I think, because I heard that God knows all the things that you want before you even realize that you want them.

Perhaps I was disrespectful to Allah in a previous life and this is His way of getting revenge on me. Either that or I probably was a FtoM transgender. Or maybe even my subconscious has a recollection of being a big-breasted cutie. But maybe there's a lesson He wants me to learn in this life.

Or maybe there is no Allah and you are simply a random product of genetics and enviroment.
There is no blame to lay on anyone or anything.

It's worth considering.

[PolarBear]

Can you answer me one question? Who is it that I have to blame for not making me my ideal self?

Question is, why do you feel the need to blame anyone?

Even if you found the "right" person to blame, would that change anything? Would you miraculously change overnight? Would somehow the world be a more accepting place?
No, and you know it.
This has nothing to do with 'blame', but everything with accepting yourself. You are who and what you are. Now what are you going to do about it? Sit here and try to place blame on someone (which really solves nothing) or better your situation in whatever way possible?


PolarBear

[Katie.D]

You didn't say if your family embraces Sunni or Shia practices, THe Khomeni issued a fatwa giving protection to the transgendered who live as honest women - you might want to do a bit of research before speaking to your mother again

http://www.progressiveislam.org/surprising_persia_iranian_shariah_permits_space_intersexedtranssexual_person

Katie

[Catherine]

I believe that if you look to the Iranian policy on Transgender people. Then you may find some answers. Shia Islam is completely intollerant of Homosexuality and is punishable by death. But the regime there has decided that Transpeople are I guess Ill and need to have their bodies corrected. Hence SRS is offered in Iran where I guess you would least expect it.

I mean no disrespect to The Creator but my mom and I had this talk yesterday...

When I get the "You're not here to serve you, you're here to serve The Creator," response, I get argumentative and taking into consideration that The Creator is being selfish. Because I always thought/think that He doesn't care that I want to be female but expects us to serve Him!

It's just like this; you're throwing a party one Friday night, and all your guests arrive. You have them on a strict schedule, like watch a movie, dance, music, games, junk food, etc. all scheduled at specific times. Then one of your guests say "Why can't we do what we wanna do?" Simply put, you expect your party goers to do the things you have planned but they don't like how you're doing things and you know it.

Doesn't make any sense at all, does it?

Well... you don't have to be at a party... and you don't have to live the rest of your life either!

Although there are too many things that I want to do and see before I leave this Earth, I thought about hanging myself.

Back to the party analogy; Your guests don't have to stay if they don't want to but you'd appreciate it if they did so because you'd want them to have all the fun at your party before they go. It's no different than Allah not wanting you to leave your life behind without learning this lesson He had planned for you.

Let me say one thing; My mom tells me that I'm disrespecting Allah. Well y'know what? I feel that He's disrespected me! But I am thankful for the other good things He's provided me with.
But when I hear about the benefits of being a female, at Him, I'm as mad as all heck! I'm honestly not trying to fight with Allah, or don't intend to. All I want from Him is my ideal body.

I was also mad at Allah for something else but He knows what I'm talking about and this isn't the place so I'm not going to get into it. But that's that.

Also, I would even get "If God wanted you to be a girl, you would be a girl," Then I would reply, "I don't care!" because it doesn't change anything for the better but actually making things worst on my part! Then I get, "I'm being selfish," How so? It is He who is being selfish, I think!

Is God really to blame for giving me a male body when I wanted to be female, and He knew I wanted to be female? I think, because I heard that God knows all the things that you want before you even realize that you want them.

Perhaps I was disrespectful to Allah in a previous life and this is His way of getting revenge on me. Either that or I probably was a FtoM transgender. Or maybe even my subconscious has a recollection of being a big-breasted cutie. But maybe there's a lesson He wants me to learn in this life.

[Alyssa M.]

Great ... so if I move to Tehran, I can get SRS, but then I have to date guys? Ew.

In the U.S. there are groups that try to treat people who are homosexual by making them like someone else; in Iran they try to make them be someone else. And somehow that's supposed to be better? 

[Catherine]

I was just trying to point out that Transexualism in Iran and some parts of Islam is not looked upon as a sin. I would never want anyone to actually go and live there it is after all a totalitarian state.

Great ... so if I move to Tehran, I can get SRS, but then I have to date guys? Ew.

In the U.S. there are groups that try to treat people who are homosexual by making them like someone else; in Iran they try to make them be someone else. And somehow that's supposed to be better? 

[Cindy]

My Apologies,
I've read most of the thread but not all.

As Minar said if there is a perfcet Creator (paste name here) why would it create imperfect things? It is a logical paradox, and unsolvable.

To miss quote Einstein, who was a deeply religous man; God doesn't play games.

It seems to me much of this thread are about games Gods play.

Maybe its about how we manipulate each other to achieve our goals. Individually, as Countries, as Blocs, and so far unknown as planets. galaxy's etc.

I still believe we have the ability to change for the better. Yes there are oppressive countries. There are some countries who maintain democratic principle but are in practice run by the rich minority for the rich. The UK papers have been full of this!! Before anyone jumps to conclusions.

There are places run by "evil" people, who control by force and violence.

I don't think blaming deities helps anything. Just distracts from the obvious.

A bit drunk Cindy

[Alyssa M.]

Catherine, I understand. But Iran's narrow acceptance of transsexuality at the expense of acceptance of homosexuality is offensive to me not only because it specifically excludes me, but becaues it reinforces the constraints of the patriarchal gender binary that serve to oppress all of us. I haven't heard of a lot of transsexual men in Iran either. Any similar conditional acceptance within my own religion (Christianity) would similarly leave me cold.

If, however, Iran's theocracy were to legalize homosexuality and transsexuality without contraint and to outlaw discrimination based on sex, gender, or sexuality -- in keeping with the spirit of the very liberal reforms Islam brought to a far more repressive, violent, and misogynistic culture -- then that would be something to celebrate.