Quote from: Nichole on May 23, 2009, 09:55:15 PM
Here I've been thinking I've been writing about the ways we see and esteem ourselves. Not how we compare with others in our own minds. I can generally make sure that any comparison I make between you and me, for instance, has me all higher than you. Q.E.D.: by the metaphysically evident fact of the matter. 
Not particularly surprising or valid is it? 
It was brought to my attention today by PM that the quote above could have been misconstrued by not only Mister, but quite possibly by others.
Thus, today I wrote a more full explanation of my response to Mister to show that, no, I was not unequivocally stating that I thought I was "higher" than him at all. The point was illustrative of something I am getting at: that a rather facile and invidious comparison of any one to any one else is not only not meaningful, but is downright ridiculous.
As I also mention below, in my PM response to the questioner I decided to make a short story long so as to avoid, if possible any further misunderstanding.
The post is long, but I felt that the shorter one was not understood and I wanted to try to avoid any more misunderstanding of my position.
My position, as hopefully all will see below, is that GID quite obviously continues to plague many post-op individuals given the ways they seem to be loathe to embrace life rather than catechisms, ideologies and labels that attempt to make some better in the TG-rainbow and others less-than.
Hopefully the explanation below will clear up any misconceptions about exactly where I stand.
You missed the irony I intended. What you said there is true, I have not much of an idea about him except that formed from the things I read that he writes here and the nuances of the way he uses language.
And that was my point. One can always rate him or her self "better than" "smarter than" or "whatever than" someone else: in our own minds. That doesn't mean that he or she is in fact "better than," "smarter than" or "whatever than" anyone else at all.
It was illustrative of how ridiculous that entire "I am better than because I have had full SRS and now am a 'real' woman or man and you're not because you ONLY had an orch, a breast-removal but no hysterectomy and no phalloplasty; or because you are just a cross-dresser, etc" is in reality.
You're absolutely right. The statement I wrote there was ridiculous. But no more ridiculous than those other statements I see made here and elsewhere every day I am on this or another board or have occasion to read someone's blog.
That valuation is no better than a valuation that a white man might make that he is better than any woman because he's a man, or that he's better than a man of color because he's white. They are all ridiculous on their face. Just as are the ideological HBS-like statements about valuated degrees of transsexuality and "fetishism."
Which in point of fact is one of my major points in that series of essays in that thread: the invidious comparisons made between ourselves and others on something as insanely non-comparative as, in that case, how much surgery anyone has had, or whether or not they refer to themselves as TS or TG or as woman or man
is an absurd way to value or devalue any one or any thing. The statement you took offense at was meant to show just how absurd all of that sort of valuation is. Not to make some statement that Mister has less value or intelligence or ability than I have. Yet, most of us make that sort of absurb valuation almost daily, especially in regard to other people who transition or do not.
Your immediate offense at just the suggestion shows me that you understand that illustration on a gut-level. With that understanding, perhaps, you can also see how when you, perhaps, might make a similar valuation of someone else then offense is a rather natural reaction and the statement is, on it's face, ridiculous as well.
You and they are valuable and have talent regardless of anything else. If we are going to build self-esteem and self-worth then it has to be an internal thing where we get comfortable and content with whomever we are. No amount of comparison we make between ourselves and others gives us any self-value at all.
If my self-value is actually high I will be able to face the world as just me, a being who was formed through her own history and life. I will find worth there and none of it will embarass, frighten or shame me.
The "newbies," or however you referred to them as people, being weaker in a lot of ways in regard to their self-esteem can thus, be treated in a way that does take care of the external regard we show for them for they'll derive both benefit from it just as we did when we started transition and others showed us that same positive regard. They are, of necessity, weaker in self-esteem, allegedly, than someone who transitioned ten years ago, or someone who had their surgeries, name/sex changes on legal documents, etc, etc.
What you called a double-standard is the absolute difference between someone just discovering themselves and others who try to maintain that their worth and value come through having "totally completed srs" and now being "women and men." Yet, that difference says absolutely nothing about the value or worth of the newbie.
They are, allegedly, weaker in that regard than someone who has completed his transition like you have. Thus, it's incumbent, seems to me, to be able to show them that positive regard and be more understanding of the ways they are likely to feel about themselves.
I recall my shame and self-loathing and fear when I was bound in the coils of GID. I'm sure you do as well.
If that second group has gone beyond their GID in a way that they have ended their GID, then such ones will not try to use some invidious comparison to make themselves seem "better than." If they are actually "beyond their GID" then it should become easier, I believe, to show tolerance and acceptance that others do NOT have to be just like them (the "complete transitioners") through their approach to their lives.
Afterall, I am then supposedly no longer struggling with the fear, self-loathing and shame. I've done what I've done and am walking elsewhere in my life. I can show those "others" regard and understanding because I am no longer enmeshed with GID and it's consequent fear, shame and self-loathing.
If I still live, after SRS and being designated legally and physically for all to see and regard as "just another woman or man," in the fear, shame, unbelief in myself that are some of the key components of GID, then I am, regardless of surgeries, showing a serious lack of overcoming any GID at all. I am still acting and living in the throes of GID regardless of op status. Op status doesn't make anyone better than anyone else. Nor does it make an end to GID.
That becomes quite obvious when one sees post-ops vigorously object to being "like" someone else who hasn't become post-op as yet, or never will. The external difference is no difference at all. Rather it's a pose by the post-ops to try and make themselves feel that they have successfully overcome what their behaviors show they have not:
GID.
What I wrote to you in that post was an illustration that any of us can make the claim to be better than anyone, but that the claim is invalid and self-serving and very likely has no basis in truth.
Just as I said in the sentence that followed the one you took offense at.
Whew, a really long explanation for something I thought you'd be able to "get" right at the moment you read it. Sorry that you didn't. I do not think I am better than you. Different, perhaps, especially in regard to MTF and FTM, but not better in any way.
Note: I am NOT saying that people aren't entitled to choose with whom to make friendships. They are of course. But the unreasoning and hateful and vociferous claims that "I am a real woman and you are not because of your op-status, way you designate yourself, looks-status, etc" is a pose that is used by people to try and make the semblance of a self-esteem, fearlessness and worth that they do not feel within themselves.
Nichole
