Bahh!!! GID Triggers!

[jesse]

You're not alone. The GID will not magically disappear. It will get stronger as you get older.

Aunt Virginia is not screwin' round about that

what virginia said i am living testomony for that it will get harder your resolve will have to get stronger hugs good luck sweety
jessica
p.s. im sorry this ignorant person stumbled onto your road

[Just Kate]

It's not going to go away infact it will get worse until you do the one thing you know you need to. You're not weak you're human. A diabetic isn't weak for fainting from low blood sugar, someone with depression isn't weak for feeling depressed. Your not experiencing psychotic delusions, just a  female in a males body. I'm not trying to be rude but not going to give you any special treatment like alot of other posters, just telling you the same thing I would tell ANYONE. Stop torturing yourself.

I appreciate your directness, but I don't feel that I receive special treatment by other members of the board.  Perhaps I do, but I don't perceive it.

I have been in the throes of agony over my gender dysphoria in the past.  It was unbearable, almost lead to a suicide, and ultimately I transitioned.  I lived FT, enjoyed it, loved it, but felt (and to steal a popular Dennis quote) that I was trading one box for another so I de-transitioned.  It has been 9 years since then and I think I've held up extremely well.  I have a strong support system, and an equally strong, introspective mind that can review the way my condition effects me and how to prevent problems.  I refuse to believe this will beat me - I know of others who have made it (at least to this point in their lives), albeit very few.

I know that I will always have GID, but I needn't let it control me (at least not 100%).  It was worse than it is today many years ago, and I'm actively making decisions to prevent it from growing in intensity.

I think this time was an interesting exception to my normal calmness.  There was an explanatory factor I didn't mention.  I just restarted hormones this past week,so my emotional outburst could VERY well be explained by that.

All that said, I am extremely aware that your position could still very well prove true, and if it does, so be it.  I am enjoying life now, I will enjoy life then even if I re-transition, but as it stands, I have no intention of doing so.

[heatherrose]

How do you justify to yourself, "being on hormones" as not transitioning?
To me, that would be like enjoying the heroine high but denying I was a "junkie".
Are you on estrogen or only androgen blockers? Not an attack

[Just Kate]

How do you justify to yourself, "being on hormones" as not transitioning?
To me, that would be like enjoying the heroine high but denying I was a "junkie".
Are you on estrogen or only androgen blockers? Not an attack

Testosterone.

EDIT: I thought I'd expand on your question even if it doesn't apply to me.  Transition to me means, "actions that are geared toward and will eventually result in living permanently as the opposite biological sex."

I don't consider crossdressers to be in transition even if they where clothing of the opposite sex, as they are not intending to live as the opposite sex.  Were I using female hormones, but still have no intention of living full time as a female, it would be difficult to announce to people that I'm transitioning.  Female hormones do not make one female on their own - trust me, I was on them for years, and though I have significant changes to my body, I am still male (even if I have to bind).

[heatherrose]

I was directing the question to you.
Are you on testosterone in an effort to cure your GID.
Is this a medically sanctioned course of therapy?
What has the result been so far, besides the mood swing thing.
What are you hoping to achieve with this?

[Just Kate]

I was directing the question to you.
Are you on testosterone in an effort to cure your GID.
Is this a medically sanctioned course of therapy?
What has the result been so far, besides the mood swing thing.
What are you hoping to achieve with this?

I apologize for the confusion. I recognize you were directing the first question at me, but you were doing so under the assumption I was on female hormones and questioning how I justified it.  Since I am not actually on female hormones, the question was moot in my case, but I decided to try to answer it anyhow.

As to your other questions, I take it you are asking out of concern for my wellbeing and I'm grateful.  Here are the answers:

Are you on testosterone in an effort to cure your GID.
Not at all.  In fact I'm not really in favor of taking any hormone at all.  I had an orchiectomy almost 10 years ago and stopped my estrogen regime when I detransitioned.  I took testosterone for a little while when I detransitioned to regain some masculine features to make a more convincing male.  Taking testosterone proved to be unbearable though, so I quit.  Due to that, for the past 8 or so years I've not had any hormones at all.  After my last physical in March, my doctor warned me that I really needed to get back on HRT in order to prevent long term health problems due to low hormone levels.  Over the past 7 months, I've been agonizing over which hormones to take, testosterone or estrogen.  My preference was estrogen and my wife's was testosterone.  We weighed the options and consequences and we decided that I would take testosterone for a month at least to see how it affected me.  If that didn't work or it made me feel worse, I could go back on estrogen.

Is this a medically sanctioned course of therapy?
Absolutely, I'd never even think of self diagnosis/perscription.

What has the result been so far, besides the mood swing thing.
Constant sexual urges (unpleasant), assertiveness (even in my femininity), and more intense emotions.

What are you hoping to achieve with this?
Be healthy and live a long time.  I wouldn't take ANYTHING if my long term health were not at risk.

[perfectisolation]

Hey don't push yourself interalia. You could take estrogen while still living as male..There are males with high estrogen naturally after all.

[Autumn]

Hey don't push yourself interalia. You could take estrogen while still living as male..There are males with high estrogen naturally after all.

I don't think you quite get how that works. When you have no testosterone, and you take estrogen, you look like a woman. If you take a low dose, then you're still at risk for having low hormone levels, and you should still see feminizing effects when there's no T to counterbalance it. Interalia transitioned early in his/her life and for such a duration as to have some permanent female features, plus the male body does naturally produce estorgen, so interalia's body has been running on fumes for 8 years. Just being on a very low dose of spiro by itself screwed me up for FIVE months, let alone 8 years of no hormones...

Female features + estrogen + no natural T = hard to pass as a man.

Forgive me if I missed something, Int.


I had naturally high estrogen before HRT. 124 or 126 with a spectrum high end of 130 when I was tested. It wasn't enough with a quarter-HRT dose level of spiro. I was dead to the world.

[Just Kate]

I don't think you quite get how that works. When you have no testosterone, and you take estrogen, you look like a woman. If you take a low dose, then you're still at risk for having low hormone levels, and you should still see feminizing effects when there's no T to counterbalance it. Interalia transitioned early in his/her life and for such a duration as to have some permanent female features, plus the male body does naturally produce estorgen, so interalia's body has been running on fumes for 8 years. Just being on a very low dose of spiro by itself screwed me up for FIVE months, let alone 8 years of no hormones...

Female features + estrogen + no natural T = hard to pass as a man.

Forgive me if I missed something, Int.

You hit the nail square on the head.  I was on estrogen long enough post orchi that I have most if not all of the permanent changes already.  Going back on E will only emphasize those, restribute a little fat, smooth out my skin a bit, but nothing too drastic considering how many changes I've already undergone.  Due to that E is still a possibility for me if T doesn't work out.  I know though that if I go back on E, the effects, though minor at this point, will still be noticable.  It was hard enough back then to pass as male and it has taken a bit of work to do it today.  I'm thinking if I go on E, I'll prolly move toward a totally androgynous presentation, but I'm not sure I'm ready to take that step yet considering the social implications for my career/family.

[perfectisolation]

erm..I understand that, Autumn.
I have higher estrogen, because I'm female. Does that make me a woman?
There are women with beards, and male-ish bodies. Does that make them less of women?
And likewise, men with curves and breasts and soft skin. Are they women? should we identify them as women based on that?

if interalia went through a full male puberty, and now T, then surely there are still some male secondary characteristics that are unchangeable by estrogen. (sorry I'm avoiding gender pronouns cause I don't want to offend you or anybody )

[Autumn]

Is it necessary for us always to debate the zen of gender?

If you are castrated and take sufficient estrogen for health purposes (preventing osteoporosis and removing lethargy), then *you are on full HRT.*

The fact that not every woman looks like a pixie supermodel is exactly why you can't eliminate testosterone, take estrogen, and easily present and live as a man.