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FTM's who identified as lesbians pre T but now are leaning more towards bisexual

Started by millsy, July 16, 2010, 09:05:45 AM

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Ryan

I've found the same. I'm far more open to the fact that I might actually enjoy something. I've spent the past few months jerking off to random stuff on XTube, just to find out what I like.
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Greg

I consider that who I have sex with and who I have a relationship with as two different things. For example I'm horny enough to want sex with pretty much anyone at the moment but I'm only interested in making any sort of emotional relationship with a female. But IDK would that technically make me bisexual even though I'm not interested in a relationship with a man? In fact, I don't really care about labels anyway :laugh:.
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Nimetön

Quote from: kyril on July 16, 2010, 03:08:52 PM
You're on the right track. Men's sexualities are generally best thought of as relationship orientations rather than purely sexual orientations...

The longer I think on it, the more convinced I become that this is probably the most succinct and accurate description of male sexual orientation that I've yet read.

- N
While it is entirely possible that your enemy entertains some irrational prejudice against you, for which you bear no responsibility... have you entertained the possibility that you are wrong?
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Rosa

Most people's sexual orientation is not 100% straight or gay, even if it is close to one end or the other.  We all have different likes, dislikes, and potential for one thing or another, but I don't think there is any evidence that T changes sexual orientation - so those starting T and worried about that probably don't need to be.  If you start T and then find yourself gay, I think that was already inside, even if not recognized.  Not all gays realized that they were gay from early childhood, and plenty had heterosexual relationships prior to coming out.  That said, its all my opinion and I'm no doctor. (I prayed to got that starting T would make me straight, but it didn't).
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kyril

Quote from: Greg on July 16, 2010, 07:10:16 PM
I consider that who I have sex with and who I have a relationship with as two different things. For example I'm horny enough to want sex with pretty much anyone at the moment but I'm only interested in making any sort of emotional relationship with a female. But IDK would that technically make me bisexual even though I'm not interested in a relationship with a man? In fact, I don't really care about labels anyway :laugh:.
I'm sure by the formal definition of bisexual, you technically qualify - but in practice, as the terms are actually used by men to describe ourselves, you're not. Women use the terms slightly differently and you might find yourself included under the female understanding of bisexuality.

Post Merge: July 16, 2010, 07:37:40 PM

Quote from: Nimetön on July 16, 2010, 07:19:23 PM
The longer I think on it, the more convinced I become that this is probably the most succinct and accurate description of male sexual orientation that I've yet read.

- N
Thanks N :)


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Greg

Quote from: kyril on July 16, 2010, 07:37:00 PM
I'm sure by the formal definition of bisexual, you technically qualify - but in practice, as the terms are actually used by men to describe ourselves, you're not. Women use the terms slightly differently and you might find yourself included under the female understanding of bisexuality.

Makes sense. I just read your post that Nimeton quoted from which pretty much answered my question. That'll teach me to post without reading the rest of the thread.
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Nygeel

I identified as a lesbian before I realized any attraction to people because it seemed like the best fit. For myself it was a matter of not wanting to be seen as feminine, that being with a woman would make me feel more masculine.

Now I think that after testosterone and feeling more comfortable in my body (and most likely horny as a rabbit on viagra) I would be more open sexually. I think I'll figure it out if and when I go on T.

Post Merge: July 17, 2010, 01:26:04 AM

Quote from: Ryan on July 16, 2010, 06:52:37 PM
I've found the same. I'm far more open to the fact that I might actually enjoy something. I've spent the past few months jerking off to random stuff on XTube, just to find out what I like.
When I got curious about how genitals change with T I looked up trans guys on xtube, ended up watching about 5 trans guys I knew personally. It was...a boner killer.
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Silver

I wasn't sure whether I should reply or not, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to.

I identified as straight before I figured it out, and once I did I started looking at females differently. No T or anything at all yet, I consider myself bisexual now.

I really think that being in a relationship brought it all to my notice though. I wasn't in a really traditional, stereotypical one at all but that's when I realized that others expected me to fill the female role and I don't fit. I reject the female role because I am not one. That sort of started the snowball for me and I started thinking about my identity a lot more from there, looking at the signs I'd been ignoring.
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Jude_

Quote from: Ryan on July 16, 2010, 06:36:26 PM
I completely disagree. For most of us, it just seems to lower our inhibitions, but I know a guy who was completely straight pre-T. He was in a long term relationship with a girl and everything. Then he started T and just wasn't attracted to women anymore and is now gay.
This has happened to a few of my friends as well.

Personally, i identified as lesbian before i realized i was trans. After i came out as trans, i wasn't too into labels. I liked men and women and everyone in between. I've been on T for 4 months, and now i'm almost exclusively attracted to men/masculine identified people.

I'd heard stories about this happening, but i always assumed that T somehow made people more comfortable with themselves, so they were more open to the idea of being with men. Now that i've gone through the experience myself, i would disagree with that. It might be that way for some people, but in my case, i'm just NOT attracted to women anymore. I have no clue why. I'm just not. It didn't have anything to do with being comfortable with myself.
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Nicky

I don't think you will find only one reason to explain this.

I was just talking to a lesbian friend the other day. She had another Trans guy friend who was identified as lesbian before transitioning and now they are a gay guy. For them they said they always felt queer, and not figuring out otherwise assumed that they were a lesbian and dated women. After finally transitioning they realized they were still queer, just not how they thought they were.


I have to say I kind of felt the same. Before I realized I was trans I seriously wondered if I was gay. Tried it out and was rather repulsed it. I guess if my sexuality was a bit grayer then maybe I would of lived as a gay man for a time?
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Cowboi

I completely disagree with any statements that T changes your sexual orientation. The system in your body that controls hormones has been studied several times and has never once been tied to sexual orientation in any way.

I think that in general being on hormones, beginning to feel more comfortable with yourself physically, allows for more growth and exploration sexually that many of us weren't open to before. When you are comfortable with your body you will be more comfortable with other people being intimate with your body. You are no longer staring at men's bodies with only envy and jealousy, you are no longer as concerned that a man will see you only as a female and treat you as one. You in general are more comfortable with your male identity and this allows you to be more open with your body and partners.

Also think about the stereotypes society pushes on us. If we wanted to be men we were expected to like women, so many of us did. Many of us felt genuinely attracted to them as well. But men are far more closed to the idea of liking other men, so why would any of us have gone out of our way to admit to or follow through on the idea of being attracted to or interested in sex with other men in any way? It would be like allowing ourselves to be used as and seen as women. That is exactly what society would have said about us.

If you like men why become a man? Why not just stay a girl? Why did that girl become a guy just to be a queer?

Ever heard any of those statements before?

We all, in our own ways, followed strict guidelines of what we felt made as "men" in the eyes of those around us. Rather it was working on cars, dating girls or refusing to wear pink. This is just another good example of allowing society to teach us to act a certain way to present as who we are.

Personally, I identify as bisexual. I don't have an interest in men beyond physically. I have met one man in my life who I genuinely felt any kind of emotional attraction to but could not have had an emotionally fulfilling relationship with him. I still would have desired more. My attraction to both genders physically is equal. However, I personally need a woman. The way a woman makes me feel about me emotionally is what I am drawn to. A woman makes me feel like more of a man, the way they treat me, hold me, look at me, need me... it makes me feel male. That emotional relationship and attachment reinforces who I am. Emotionally I feel like men see me as a female and so I can't connect that way with them. It makes me feel like I'm not really being seen and loved for who I am. And that is just part of how I personally react to emotional contact with each gender, not everyone will feel that way about it.

However I highly doubt it is even physically possible for any hormone to control our sexuality. Any man who was deficient in T and had to much E in their body would be gay. Any woman who had a higher levels of T would be a lesbian. It simply is not that way. If you look at society there are way more explanations that make sense in our social structure than there are in science and hormones.

Any woman who went through menopause would become a lesbian if this was true. There would be a huge study about women suddenly becoming lesbians after age 40.
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Alessandro

Quote from: Nicky on July 17, 2010, 03:07:06 AM

I was just talking to a lesbian friend the other day. She had another Trans guy friend who was identified as lesbian before transitioning and now they are a gay guy. For them they said they always felt queer, and not figuring out otherwise assumed that they were a lesbian and dated women. After finally transitioning they realized they were still queer, just not how they thought they were.


This is pretty much what happened to me.  I always liked men, but not in the 'straight' way.  So I thought I must be a lesbian.  Turns out I just really, really like the gay male kind of fun... but definately always felt queer. 
"You can't look where you're going if you don't know where you're going"
-Labyrinth
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