I am still a man

[Janet_Girl]

George.

I have a question, if I may.

If you are not TS, why did you elect to have an SRS?  You could have had another option to have a "male" reconstruction.

Please explain, even if it is in a PM.

[George]

Of course! I already said in my introduction, but let me repeat. I got penile cancer, and total penectomy was recommended as "highest chance to survive" cure. I didn't like it, but this life is only one I have, so I had no other choice. So, I have to lose my male genitals in any case, so getting something in return sounded as better option. I had an option to get later phalloplasty and to get something what looks like a penis. But, it will not be functional, just sort of ugly appendage usable for nothing but peeing. So, I decided for second option, to have vaginoplasty and clitoris reconstruction (using my penis glans which was cancer free; my cancer was located in the penis root). So, that way, I got something functional. True it is far from what I originally had, but better than nothing.

George.

I have a question, if I may.

If you are not TS, why did you elect to have an SRS?  You could have had another option to have a "male" reconstruction.

Please explain, even if it is in a PM.

Post Merge: August 08, 2010, 02:51:51 AM
Thanks April! It is nice to hear such compliments But really, what can i do after all what happen to me but been accepting? I have still to learn much about my body and to try my best to adjust too. For now, it is going, more or less, smoothly.
Just one question to those experienced. How long it will take to get my sex drive again? Or, it will never return completely?

George, I think you are an amazing man! If only more men could be so open and accepting, this world could be so much better for everyone. People in general need to really learn that everyone is more than the sum of their parts, and no matter how our parts are configured, we are all still human beings with dreams, goals, beliefs, feelings, and rights.

I hope you can find true happiness with the results of your situation. It seems to me you are well on your way, as long as you keep thinking positively!

[Hermione01]

Of course! I already said in my introduction, but let me repeat. I got penile cancer, and total penectomy was recommended as "highest chance to survive" cure. I didn't like it, but this life is only one I have, so I had no other choice. So, I have to lose my male genitals in any case, so getting something in return sounded as better option. I had an option to get later phalloplasty and to get something what looks like a penis. But, it will not be functional, just sort of ugly appendage usable for nothing but peeing. So, I decided for second option, to have vaginoplasty and clitoris reconstruction (using my penis glans which was cancer free; my cancer was located in the penis root). So, that way, I got something functional. True it is far from what I originally had, but better than nothing.

I find your story truly fascinating George and I hope you always feel as you do now. 

I don't understand though when you say 'you've gotten something in return?' Is this the way your doctor described your SRS procedure or is it yours?

Could I also ask what country you reside in?  Were the other cancer patients who had same SRS procedure from your country or in another part of the world? Thanks.

[Fencesitter]

Just one question to those experienced. How long it will take to get my sex drive again? Or, it will never return completely?

Your sex drive depends on your sex hormone levels. In case you had your testicles removed, you won't produce any of your own and need to get testosterone from the outside, but your doctor probably told you this.

Another aspect for the sex drive is the psychology. You are really in a weird situation, man. Having suddenly ended up with a vagina instead of a penis is the least thing one would ever expect to happen in one's life. This might also affect your sex drive, at least until it becomes more or less normal for you to have what you have now.

The third aspect may be the pain from the sex reassignment surgery, if you still have some pain of course this might turn you off.

I really wish that the cancer won't return and you get along with your new body part. You have a lot of courage, man.

[George]

Actually, my doctor recommended me two procedures, total penectomy (with much higher survival chances) and wide incision (what would save my penis, but inactive, and with lower chances to survive). Just when I chosen the first one, he told me that there is another "sub option" of the first procedure, what would me give something more, but maybe too unusual to cope with, so it is up to me. That is when he introduced what he call "modification of srs surgery", but really i think he didn't really believe i will chose it. I didn't believe tooo, and it sounded as completely crazy idea. To get vagina instead a penis for a man... doesn't sound as a good prospect. However, after long time (full week) of thinking and analyzing all the aspects together with my sister and my best friends, i found that it can be some benefit, or at least some interesting "entrance into new world". To have at least part of my penis (the most sensitive part) saved in form of clitoris would be some advantage. Also, to be completely frank, I already had prostatic (anal) orgasm and enjoy it, so to have better (cleaner) way to have it would not be bad. All in all it would not be worse than no be able to have any sex at all, at least? So, I finally decided to try that "unusual" procedure. did I made mistake? I still don't know!

I reside at Cyprus, but I had my surgery in England. Cyprus is too small country to get so complicate procedure like cancer surgery. So, our doctors usually send patients to Israel or England. As I know, my doctor had only two patients in his career who had similar procedure.

I find your story truly fascinating George and I hope you always feel as you do now. 

I don't understand though when you say 'you've gotten something in return?' Is this the way your doctor described your SRS procedure or is it yours?

Could I also ask what country you reside in?  Were the other cancer patients who had same SRS procedure from your country or in another part of the world? Thanks.

[Fencesitter]

I think I would have chosen the same procedure If I were you. At least you saved your glans, and if you don't like the rest, you can still concentrate on your glans and ignore the rest.

Did they also build inner and outer labias?

[George]

Yes, they were removed, so I don't have any production of the testosterone at all. Even not such small amount produced by ovaries in women. Of course, my doc told me that, and he also did not recommend me to get any hormones before at least 3 weeks after surgery. Even then, he is not sure what level to fix... just because lack of testosterone is very good anti-cancer cure. Not very nice, but true

You are right it was great change... and, btw, I am sure I have that other part, psychological, of the sex drive. I enjoy watching pretty women, and not only that, there is somehting strange... my own "new parts" have interesting effect to my psychology. Maybe it is not so strange, because I am so new in all that... but, still, I do not feel that "parts" completley as mine, so when I see it, its effect is nearly like i've seen some nude woman hahaha

Yes, pain still exists, especially afetr dilating So, my doc told me that there will be no sex at least for 2-3 months after surgery. Is it right period?

Your sex drive depends on your sex hormone levels. In case you had your testicles removed, you won't produce any of your own and need to get testosterone from the outside, but your doctor probably told you this.

Another aspect for the sex drive is the psychology. You are really in a weird situation, man. Having suddenly ended up with a vagina instead of a penis is the least thing one would ever expect to happen in one's life. This might also affect your sex drive, at least until it becomes more or less normal for you to have what you have now.

The third aspect may be the pain from the sex reassignment surgery, if you still have some pain of course this might turn you off.

I really wish that the cancer won't return and you get along with your new body part. You have a lot of courage, man.

Post Merge: August 08, 2010, 05:08:03 AM
Yes, it was just that - it was saved! And I know I can feel it there. That was just what make me to decide, I always can ignore it! But if I have nothing, I even cannot ignore

Yes, they make it quite realistic, but maybe with little smaller outer labia then normal... but it is just what I asked for. I didn't want to be a woman nor to look lie a woman, I just wanted sensitive genitals!

I think I would have chosen the same procedure If I were you. At least you saved your glans, and if you don't like the rest, you can still concentrate on your glans and ignore the rest.

Did they also build inner and outer labias?

[Fencesitter]

So if no testosterone is a good anti-cancer cure, it might be good for you to keep it out of your system until it's clear you have no metastases. Sex drive is less important than survival, and the sex drive will probably come back again once you get testosterone.

I don't know about the dilatation period for your vagina, but you might ask the girls in the MTF sector of this forum, they will probably know (provided your new vagina is pretty much like a MTF vagina and not something completely different).

You are right it was great change... and, btw, I am sure I have that other part, psychological, of the sex drive. I enjoy watching pretty women, and not only that, there is somehting strange... my own "new parts" have interesting effect to my psychology. Maybe it is not so strange, because I am so new in all that... but, still, I do not feel that "parts" completley as mine, so when I see it, its effect is nearly like i've seen some nude woman hahaha

It might well be that you will never completely adapt to your new genitals and feel like they are "yours". After all, you had SRS but you are a guy in your head, so it can cause you exactly the same amount of gender dysphoria trouble which we FTM transsexuals still have to deal with if we don't choose to go the whole way, but have already gotten our other body issues "fixed" (testosterone + chest + being rid of the uterus + ovaries). Which over time is still way better than if you had ended up in a completely female body where nothing fits your self-image, plus everybody treating you as a female and saying you are crazy if you say you are a guy and want to be treated as such.

But your situation may be easily as hard to deal with as the FTM situation if not worse. As it came to you so suddenly and unexpected instead of you growing slowly into gender not fitting sex, so no time to adapt to it mentally. Plus the danger of death by cancer... Really, I don't envy you.

You might start a thread in the FTM section of this forum and ask the transsexual guys who are in this late stage of transition how they cope with their vaginas, it might help you get some good advice. Some never really cope with having a vagina, others are pretty cool with it, and many are in-between. Altogether, I get along with my vagina though it's a weird mind-f*ck and feels a bit like I'm trapped in a weird surrealistic Sci-Fi movie by David Lynch or David Cronenberg. Plus I need to trick my mind to get along with the vagina and to be able to enjoy sex. But those tricks work very well (in my case) and sex can be fabulous, so don't give up too early. As long as you don't have testosterone, it might be difficult for you to find out how far you can adapt to your new genitals as they will just serve for peeing and hurt while you dilate and almost nothing else with your sex drive being low.

About the female parts being a turn-on while feeling like they don't belong to you at the same time, I know exactly what you mean and my body had the same effect on me. Before transition, when I looked into the mirror, I often thought, well, that's not me, but this chick here is really hot. But this effect was really not strong enough for me to cope with what's "wrong" with my body forever. The combination of turn-on and "it does not belong to me" is a weird mind-f*ck on its own. And the more time will go by the weaker this turn-on might also be for you as your new genitalia will become "normal" for you in a certain way. At least, the turn-on may help as a little consolation, and it's less awful if the genitals don't match than if nothing matches.

Maybe it is also a little consolation for you that you are/will be one of the few people who can really understand transsexuals. At least, you experience some of the same things which trans people do.

You might also try to contact FTMs and MTFs in your area to meet them directly, this might help you.

Meaning of mind-f*ck: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mind>-bleeped-<

[Alyx.]

So let me get this straight, a full grown, cisgendered man had some cancer in his penis, so he had to cut it off. His doctors suggested getting GRS, to which he agreed, despite him being a man perfectly happy with himself as a man.

First, what the hell kind of doctor suggests that? To get GRS as a transwoman[/i], you must go through some extreme hurdles, and yet he suggests that to a perfectly normal man? Who would do that? Where the hell do you live?

Also, I wouldn't think that a guy that didn't feel at least slightly transgendered would consider that his best option. I really don't feel we're getting the entire story. Coming on to susans and stating how much of a man you are sounds like denial, possibly regret, or perhaps a longing for someone to relate to to me, for a few possibilities. Possibly a troll.