Should I Or Shouldn't I

[Danielle66]

I have just split up with my wife of 9 years (her decision, she didn't know about my dressing and we split for other reasons).  It is a blessing in disguise as I now can resume dressing when I want.  In fact I spent about $300 on new lingerie and make-up in the last couple of days (yes, mourning purchases !) Nothing like ice cream and shopping to soothe a girl's soul is there ladies ?

So this is my dilemma,  I am so caught up in dressing once again. Today was the first time in 9 years I dressed completely ! Full make-up, skirt, blouse, blazer, new lingerie but unfortunately no shoes, those will follow at a later date.  Just have to get up the nerve to go and buy some.  Today was very refreshing and I managed to shop in 3 large department stores and I was hardly nervous.

O.k I am finally getting to my problem, sorry ladies, I just feel "born-again"

I live on the west coast of Canada and I am driving home to Ontario to stay with my parents and sisters (they all live in their own houses).  My father is flying out to join me for the drive (almost 5 days of driving).  So we will have much time for talking.  I am contemplating telling my parents about my hidden life.  Nobody knows about it (I assume) except for an old ex-girlfriend, that I split up with 15 years ago.  My other statistics, 39 years old, quite successful job wise.  Completely straight with my mind wandering towards being with a man but only while dressed.  I do not find men attractive and when I do fantasize when I am dressed my man is always faceless (if that makes sense).

My question to you ladies is: do I spill the beans ?  Yes or no ?  Do I tell my parents or should I just tell my sister ?  I have 3 sisters, 2 of which I feel closer to than the 3rd.  My one sister I share a few gory past issues of things we have in common (she is 3 years older than me).  Or do I tell my oldest sister (10 years older than me).  She is quite switched on and kind of more with the times etc ...

Or do I spare myself and keep it to myself ?

Looking forward to your assistance, I leave on Aug 17th (hopefully my order from La Vie en Rose shows up before then or my ex-wife will be signing for my lingerie !!!  Won't that shock the snot out of her !)

Hugs

Danielle

[Terri-Gene]

In a lot of ways it's easy to feel free and euphoric Danielle, but before coming out to people about it, consider a few things.

Are you ready and willing to face the worst possible consquences?  does it mean enough to you that you would risk the rejection of people you love and need? Can you overcome the rejection of these people if it occurrs?  Are you willing to bet the rest of your life that coming out will improve your life even if you must live with possibly less income, less status and less social interaction in the true sense, and can you live as a more complete person by doing so?

Is it important enough to you to face the worst possible outcome and still be content that it was the best and only possible "choice" you had?  If not, think a bit on it, as once you come out, you can never return to what was, it will follow you forever.  It must be what you need to do, not what you would simply want to do.

Terri

[stephanie_craxford]

Hello Danielle,

It trully is a bit of a dillema that you face, but Terri has given you great advice.  You have to be certain that this is what you need do, because as she said it will change your relationship with your family forever.

If after this you decide to go forth, I would take it one step at a time by coming out to your closest sister first then you would have an ally to stand with you.  But above all else be sure that you need to do this.

Take care,

Steph

[Danielle66]

Hi ladies,

Wow, thank you for the advice and "talking me down".  My head was in the clouds and I was just in such a state, I wasn't really thinking of all the what ifs.  I think you are both correct.  I will see if I can bring up the subject with my sister.  I know I can trust her and after all the two of us have been through when we were kids I think she will understand just how I feel.  I will bring up the topic and feel her out first, but will be very careful not to ruin our relationship, which I am pretty sure it wouldn't.  My parents, not sure.  I once found a gay porno in their collection, caught me totally off guard.  I actually think my mom knows as I used to wear her lingerie all the time and a few times I put it back not exactly the same way I found it in hope of getting caught.  She found my sister's borrowed panties in my clothes drawer a couple of times and I almost got busted once when I ordered some clothes from the Sears catalogue under an ex-girlfriends name, Sears called to let me know there were some backorders on my garter belt and thongs and my mom was the one that took the message !!! She asked me and I came up with some stupid answer as to why my girlfriend was ordering stuff from Sears using our address  etc ...

I have typed a letter to go in with my clothes that I have.  It just says what I am how I am thinking and pretty much just a little history of my extra special self.  Because we are extra special, just because most of the world can't see it, it isn't our fault, just their loss.

I would like to thank you again for making me stop and think before opening my big mouth.  I'll let ya know how it all goes.

Love Danielle

[Bernice]

Hi Danelle just a few words to let you know about my situation, first my wife of 25 yrs is very supportive, she manage to tell my daughter and she is also very supportive as my little brother who is 45 yo, both my parents are gone but I believe that my mom would have been supportive but not my dad. I haven't told my sisters because I know they wouldn't understand. I work with other guys and none of them know about Bernice I wont tell them dont need that greaf.

Please enjoy your new found freedom and be careful, I hope things work out great for ya 

Hugs Bernice         

[Louise]

Be careful of the pink fog that often accompanies the release after many years of repressed feelings.  In your new found freedom you may be tempted to go further than you really want to go.

Telling others feels good, but you need to try to assess this from the other person's perspective as well as your own.  Does this person need to know about my crossdressing? (Telling those you live with is one thing, but telling those who live apart and are not likely to encounter you dressed en femme or become curious about the contents of your wardrobe are another matter.)  How is this person likely to take the news? How could this be of benefit to the person who I tell?  Will it make them feel any better or make their lives better?

I have faced this question in relation to telling my grown children (who do not live with me and my wife).  I do not see that there is any reason to tell them, although I do not have any doubt that they would be accepting and would not think any less of me.

If you will be staying with your relatives for an extended period of time and cannot bear not to dress en femme during that time, then there is reason to tell them.  Otherwise it is something they do not need to know.

This doesn't mean you should tell no one.  One of the greatest benefits of a support group is being able to talk to others about our deepest feelings while not having to worry about the complications that come from relationships with family and coworkers.

[Shelley]

Hi Danielle,

That pink fog that Louise mentioned really does exist and some decisions made as a result of it cannot be undone. Take your time think about any decision you need to make carefully. Once you have told someone you can't take it back.

Think, do they need to know. If you live with them my thinking these days is yes if not probably not. It's your choice just think carefully.

Shelley

[gina_taylor]

Hi Danielle,

i agree 100% with Terri and Stephanie, that you should really weigh the consequences about telling your family an is it really worth it. If I were you, I'd just keep your feminine side to yourself and really enjoy it.

Gina

[Danielle66]

Hello Ladies,

Danielle here.  Into day 3 of my roadtrip with my father and dog.  So far all is going well.  Lots of long days of driving. Almost 2000 miles down and only about the same to go !!!  Whew.  I have read all of your responses and I thank each and every one of you for your opinions.  They are all fabulous, thank you for caring.  I think, o.k., I know I am going to take the "why bother telling them something they don't need to know about" route.  I totally agree.  It won't hurt them not to know (unless I am in an accident one day in my pretty little panties and bra or something, heaven forbid).  Same with my sisters, why bother, don't ask, don't tell.  It won't make anybody's life any better for telling them so I shall keep my little secret to myself.  No need to spill the beans.  I am over the high of dressing again for the first time in many years and now i am just enjoying my re-found feminine side.  I do want to take a trip to Wildside one evening in Toronto when I am there and have a proper makeover done.  I haven't been there for many many years, first time I went I just went in and walked around and I think I bought a CD magazine or something.  So i am looking forward to that little trip.

So thank you again for your guidance and support.  I am sure you all saved me even more unpleasantness (is there such a word ?) in my life at this time when I already have enough to deal with splitting from my wife.

Love n hugs

Danielle

[Shelley]

Good for you Danielle,

Good luck with wherever the road takes you now. Take your time enjoy and think about where you want to go and most of all enjoy.

Shelley

[Louise]

Best wishes, Danielle.  I am glad you are taking it slow.  Enjoy your time with your family.

[michelle]

I guess the problem is that once we come out to our close relatives it changes how they see us.   If it is extremely important to them to see us as they always have,  the hurt may be really deep and the divisions great.   If we only see them once in a while,  it may not make any difference if we come out.   If we live within the same community as they do,  we may have to come out some,  to protect our own sanity.

I do not see my brothers and sisters much and my parents have past.   In a moment of extreme  crisis and drunkiness I came out to my youngest sister thinking that she might understand.   She freeked and told the others.   Communication with every one but her has pretty much come to an end.   At time I needed family,  but trying to be my she me with her was not my brightest idea.   I only hope that some time in eternity things will straighten out.

Think about carefully if coming out to close family is really necessary.

[Danielle66]

Hi girls, Danielle here,

Sorry for the long moment of silence.  I have been keeping myself busy these last few days.  Unfortunately I haven't had an opportunity to dress all that much.  I am able to wear my "silkies" to bed though so that keeps me happy.  I appreciate all of your support and I have totally decided to keep my secret to myself.  Thank you ever so much for all of the different opinions, it really helped me.  As much as I would love to tell the entire world, it really would not do any good, so why bother.  Has been a secret for 30 years, why not 30 more ?

Happy dressing

Love Danielle

[Cassandra]

You don't have to keep it a secret forever. You do need to choose the right time and place and be prepared for any reprecussions. That's all in your hands, whenever you feel the time is right if ever.

Cassie