Family

[Plix]

Out of all the people in my family, 3 know I am TS. They are my mother, grandmother, and brother.

My mom is not supportive at all, and she seems to enjoy striving to make this clear each time we talk. For her the issue is religion. She says that if God had wanted me to be a girl, he would have made me that way. She says she in no way supports or accepts me, but she will not disown me as if that is supposed to make me feel better.

I have been seriously considering taking a break from her until after I have transitioned. I probably would have already done this if not for my 9 year old sister. I'm just concerned about how this would affect her. But at the same time, my mom is really dragging me down and contributing to much of my depression.

My grandmother has said she is happy with whatever makes me happy. I don't think she's thrilled about it, but I think she is willing to accept and maybe even support me, especially with time. She is the only person to say she has known from my early childhood. My mom claims I was a typically masculine boy, which all other family members know is not true.

My brother is not much different from my mother except that he does seem to be disowning me. His calls have become much less frequent since learning about me. I suspect with him the issue is losing an older brother who is close in age (he is 17), though he will not admit it. He has told me it is sick and wrong and that I am sick if I transition.

Clearly it is not easy to see why I have no IRL support. My grandmother is probably the closest I've got to supportive, and she doesn't seem to be there quite yet. As of now I am 100% alone. How am I going to make it without support?

[stephanie_craxford]

Hello Plix

It's really tough when family members don't support you or are  not there for you.  I have a couple of family members who treat me the same way you are being treated.  It is a little heart breaking, but it is to be expected.  Remember this is just as hard for them as it is for you.  In my experience I have found that friends are more accepting as they have no vested interest in you, where your parents and sibblings do, as family tends to look to each other for support and in your case they may think you are threatening the family.   Your mother is probably thinking that she may have somehow failed in your upbringing, and how is she going to explain this failure to others.

It would seem that you have an allie in your Grandmother so build on this, and with her, team up and start to win back those who may not accept you.  Your mother may never accept, especially when she is falling to her religion to rebuff you, so you must prepare for this eventuality.  Just keep plugging a long, after all she hasn't disowned you, so that's a start.

I wouldn't take a break for her either, as you may send the wrong signals.  If you want to keep your family you have to communicate with family and even compramise, if that's what it takes, but remind them that this is who you are and that you will not change.  Reasure them that you have not changed on the inside, and your love for them will not change even if they don't support you

My only daughter is having a hard time with my transition, she still loves me and everything but at her request, I've agreed not to dress as Stephanie, when she visits, until she gets her head around this.  She asked me to bear with her while she sorts this out.  She visits about once a month, so It's a small sacrifice on my part over the short term but it means that I will still be able to see my daughter and my relationship with her will continue.

You have to be firm in your convictions as there will be others who will not understand or support you, and eventually you will have to cut your losses and turn to those who do.  You questioned "How can I do this without support"?  You do have support, your grandmother, and for as much as we can the people here at Susan's

Don't give up on them or yourself.

Take care

Steph

[stephanie]

Don't underestimate how much this site can be supportive, either.  Any time I have had a question or needed someone to listen, the people here have been wonderful.  We're here for you, Plix.

[Susan]

My mom is not supportive at all, and she seems to enjoy striving to make this clear each time we talk. For her the issue is religion. She says that if God had wanted me to be a girl, he would have made me that way. She says she in no way supports or accepts me, but she will not disown me as if that is supposed to make me feel better.

My reply probally belongs in spirituality but since you posted here, here is where I will respond.

God didn't make your body your mother did. Human beings are imperfect. I am sure that their are billions of steps involved in making baby. During that process something went wrong. It might have been chemical levels, it might have been genetic, your mothers will might have infuenced the shape of the body while god shaped your soul,  or  it might have been god reaching in to make you special in his own way. Who is to say. If you feel in your heart and soul that this is right for you then why should your mother's opinion be allowed to come between yourself and your spiritual journey. I am sure if you explain this to her you might be able to overcome her objections.