Quote from: BlindSeeress on July 09, 2014, 01:19:08 AM
As an open-question to anyone in the older-than-30-transitioning club: do you ever feel as though you wasted your youth? Like the chance to be young and hot and desirable is gone forever, or is all the hype about '30s are the new 20s, 50s are the new 30s' ... is any of that for real? Just had my 35th birthday, and I am feeling pretty blue. Weight is coming off, though slowly, and hair removal is progressing slower than I would like. I'd like to believe that when I get down to my goal weight and have a year of hormones behind me (36th birthday, hopefully) I'll look in the mirror and still see a beautiful and YOUTHFUL woman, because that's how I feel. I still live the life I lived in my 20s and early 30s, with a few minor modifications (I can't stay up ALL night anymore, and I have more aches and pains than I did when I was 20 something) and I want to keep living that life until I'm in my 50s, at least. I want to be pretty and desirable, even if only in a MILF sort of way, or a Cougar sort of way ('pretty' as opposed to 'passable.' Whether I'll be able to pass or not is not quite as important to me - It's not like my transition is anything like a secret from most of my friends and coworkers. I just want to be 'read' as a pretty, feminine, youthful woman ... who happens to be a transgendered woman). Is that really a possibility for us late transitioners? Do any of you feel these things, regret for a young adulthood spent in the wrong gender, with missed opportunities to feel young and beautiful, or has life post transition really slain all of those regrets?
A tricky question, but an interesting one and quite important for our age-group
. I would subscribe to a lot of what You said and say "yes!", but then again... and here we come to this old discussion of "transition while still being in Your teens/early 20-ties" vs. "transition while being slightly older".
For me, I sometimes wish things were different, but I know they would not have been any other way (not in that country and time), so all those wishes are kinda moot and rather fantasies of that sort of "what if...". At the same time, being who I am now, it was much easier - both financially, socially and even logistically to plan everything out and then start transition. Without that knowledge, background, social contacts - I would have been stuck in the very beginning, not knowing what to do.
And then again, age brings up more social responsibilities which are sometimes tested to their limits by hardships of transition - the amount of those social ties is much less in young age, but then again - some of that stuff is clearly social "luggage" which You feel is unnecessary now and would rather leave behind, but there is other part, which I would call a kind of blessing - knowing people for many years, maybe even decades, realising that they really dont care to which gender You belong (after the initial shock subsides of course) and staying by Your side.
As for Your comment about looking in the mirror and seeing someone who is feminine, graceful, pretty, maybe hot... hell yeah
. It is in our nature, engrained by genetics, hormones, whatever - does not matter
. Quite slowly (slower than for younger transitioners - which is another pro in their favour), but I see this happening eventually.
I am 36 now and I have had year of hormones behind me and believe me, even at our age we still can and do change. It was quite a stunning experience and until 8-10 month mark not much did happen, but afterwards it just sort of all suddenly blossomed and "exploded" outwards. First kinda "male fail" was at 9 months, then some smaller fails or confusions here and there, and now, at times, I am being read female even when I am dressed in male (not andro) attire. When first contemplating "if I could do this" I kept looking in the mirror and all that I saw was quite depressive. Shoulders, neck, facial features, frame, bulk... What did help were those few YT videos of 30-35+ y.o. transitioners (which are not that many btw) where I finally found someone whose features pre-HRT resembled me a little bit, so I could kinda figure out what to expect and in which direction those changes could proceed. It was a huuuuuge boost of confidence and of course, I turned out to look different than she did, but... I am not complaining
. And the most ironic part is that when looking in the mirror - I see exactly those facial features which I always found strangely attractive in other women. In other words, I always had crushes on "my type of women".
