Making love to the wife

[alia]

No consideration of self medicating at all- I just like to know my options before I get to the office. I like throwing questions at them.

Antiangdrogens would be wonderful, but i'm more interested in the effects of a low-dose estrogen program for the time being. Any beta? As far as I understand it, an abundance of estrogens in the presence of a T-dominated system would lower the uptake of T metabolites, effectively producing a mild antiandrogen effect.

Please correct me if I'm wrong.

[28BROOK]

Stephanie

"I am taking finasteride for prostrate issues (bph) so I don't think it would be a good idea to quit that and I am only taking a low dose of estrogen."

While not a real religious person, I pray this is your only problem, although bph isn't something to take lightly as it shares some of the same signs as prostate cancer. 

I bypassed bph into prostate cancer which is likely why I was able to have kept mine for ten years after a seeding treatment.

I hope your treatment works out.

Brook

[JessicaH]

E is a definate T agonist but it could also lead to more T being converted to DHT unless you are on a DHT blocker and DHT is much more androgenic than regular T. It also has a potential of your body raising its T production to try and maintain the T-E balance.

[Cindy Stephens]

Sorry if this is prying, but are you totally impotent, or just when trying to consummate?  If you are still "polishing the ole bayonet" on occasion, but unable to consummate with your wife, it may be fear of rejection, depression, or even actual (albeit subconscious) rejection on her part.  I ask because you mention  "I think I need, somehow, to deal with her inadequacy issues as well."  Somehow, I'm sensing that there is more at work here than just the physical.  Taking beginning steps (low e) toward transition or at least gender accommodation as well as bph, can take a toll on your manly side, then the added stress of family tension and strife are not conducive to the kind, loving sharing of sex.  You said you would like to penetrate her, does she feel the same way?  I don't know how old you are but men usually get bph at an age where the wife may be going through her own change.  Damn, that could be a powder keg. IF that is the case, she would be experiencing a "sense of inadequacy" even without your changes.  Is it possible that you don't need another drug in the mix, but rather a counselor? Again, just asking because sometimes it is hard to look at ourselves objectively, and even harder to look at our relationships.  At least until we screw it up, they kick us to the curb, and we have lots of time to realize we were part of the problem, not the solution.  I know how important my marriage is, so wishing you the best.   

[Stephanie Stephens]

Cindy, you are very intuitive to say the least. This will take some very careful thought on my part and I am not sure of the can of worms I may open. Thank you for your response.

[carolinejeo]

The suggestion to come off an anti-androgen is a good one, especially if you have been taking it for more that 3 months. It is unlikely to affect feminization as the body will be tuned to estrogen.

That will help with erections. However, are you sure that's the whole problem and it is not psycological?

Caroline

[lilacwoman]

surely resorting to short term help from Viagra or stopping  and starting E or Spiro will just thoroughly mess up everything and mask the reality of the true self?

if there is desire to penetrate with the penis it means the penis owner is male and has no need to transition and should remain as a closeted CD/TV?

I've seen a figure of 90% given as being the number of 'people' who start transition and drop out when they realise it is not for them.   I think this 90% only applied to MtF though.  If it does then maybe it is reasonable to assume that 90% of females who start transition to male might drop out and realise that they are somewhere else on the gender spectrum?

[sarahla]

I've seen a figure of 90% given as being the number of 'people' who start transition and drop out when they realise it is not for them.   I think this 90% only applied to MtF though.  If it does then maybe it is reasonable to assume that 90% of females who start transition to male might drop out and realise that they are somewhere else on the gender spectrum?

Great point!  I will add, though, that there are those that might have mixed feelings on the topic, so the "desire to penetrate" may not be such a black and white issue as the statement implies.  Still, I cannot argue with you.  Women want to be poked, not to poke.

[JessicaH]

if there is desire to penetrate with the penis it means the penis owner is male and has no need to transition and should remain as a closeted CD/TV?

I highly disagree with that statement, with all due respect. What a girl wants or enjoys with her private  equipment is very personal. Some M2F trans are Highly disphoric of their penis' and some are ok with using it for pleasure while they have it. I don't think it is indicative at all of if she should transition or not or go through surgery.

The attitude strikes me as "trans elitist" by saying that "your not trans enough, because you don't fit this ridgid ideal". I'm not trying to be snarky or confrontational but that statement does rub me a bit the wrong way... 

[Janet_Girl]

 

if there is desire to penetrate with the penis it means the penis owner is male and has no need to transition and should remain as a closeted CD/TV?

I highly disagree with that statement, with all due respect. What a girl wants or enjoys with her private  equipment is very personal. Some M2F trans are Highly disphoric of their penis' and some are ok with using it for pleasure while they have it. I don't think it is indicative at all of if she should transition or not or go through surgery.

The attitude strikes me as "trans elitist" by saying that "your not trans enough, because you don't fit this ridgid ideal". I'm not trying to be snarky or confrontational but that statement does rub me a bit the wrong way... 

I also if it "elitist".  Please keep to the subject at hand and review the following .....

If you disagree with transgender individuals, or activities which cross gender boundaries take your arguments to a more appropriate web site.

Bashing or flaming of any individuals or groups is not acceptable behavior on this web site and will not be tolerated in the slightest for any reason.  This includes but is not limited to:

Advocating the separation or exclusion of one or more group from under the Transgender umbrella term
Suggesting or claiming that one segment or sub-segment of our community is more legitimate, deserving, or more real than any others

[alia]

Women want to be poked, not to poke.

I know plenty of gay cisgendered women who are tops. Are they not true females then?

I'm probably going to be non-op. Does that make me less of a woman?

The brain is a massively complex organ. Please do not assign absolutes to something humankind does not understand.

[annette]

Hi all
I think Alia has a point, everyone have to decide for theirselves how far they will go with transition.
We can't put a label on a person.
But the main issue is, Stephany has a problem and wants some tips for solution.
Okay Stephany, your wife doesn't like strap ons, but was does she like ?
Maybe an honest and open conversation about what she likes and what not, will help.
Did you ever talked with her about that, is she able to say what she preferred.
communication is such a powerfull thing.
Don't do that in a stressy situation but in a quit time, just having a glass of wine in your hands, maybe some candlelight and talk things over.

I hope  it might help

hugs
annette

[GinaDouglas]

if there is desire to penetrate with the penis it means the penis owner is male and has no need to transition and should remain as a closeted CD/TV?

She did put a ? on the end, so she is not asserting a statement, so much as asking a question, I think.

However, the question is still penis-centric.  I use my parts because of the brain-chemicals that are released during intercourse, increasing physical sensations in my body (dopamine) and the sense of connectedness with my girlfriend (serotonin), not because it makes my peepee feel more gooder.

[rejennyrated]

I think the problem with a lot of discussions like this is that they can easily rapidly degenerate into feelings of defensiveness and elitism.

Let me say that I do not hold with the train of thought that say that any one form of gender expression is any more valid of worthy than any other. However I do think that in our efforts to avoid offending each other we sometimes end up throwing out the baby with the bathwater. WE ARE EQUALLY VALID - however that does NOT mean that are all the same. Nor do we necessarily want the same outcomes, and that is why threads like this can get a little confusing and sometimes we end up with silly misunderstandings.

I for example have some difficulty understanding the motivations of a non-op. For me it is almost incomprehensible that anyone would want to keep those bits because for me changing them completely was pretty well 100.00% of what my transition was all about. NOTHING else really mattered to me, not clothes, not pronouns, not social role NOTHING. All the rest was entirely negotiable as long as I could have female bits.

As it happened by the time I had finished I actually ended up being fairly conventionally female in all respects, and I have no problem with that, but the point I am making is that all the social stuff really wasn't my primary motivation, and that does make me different from someone to whom those things DO matter.

I am not more right than anyone else, but because we are all different, it is important to understand that what for one person will seem obvious, may be far less so to someone else.

Where I think Lilac may have a slight point, even if her choice of phrasing was perhaps not terribly helpful, is that an inevitable consequence of HRT is loss of male sexual function, and so if that is not part of your desire, it may well be that you need to look at other ways to achieve your desired outcomes.

[alia]

I for example have some difficulty understanding the motivations of a non-op. For me it is almost incomprehensible that anyone would want to keep those bits because for me changing them completely was pretty well 100.00% of what my transition was all about. NOTHING else really mattered to me, not clothes, not pronouns, not social role NOTHING. All the rest was entirely negotiable as long as I could have female bits.

I have trouble comprehending transmasculine people as well. My brain just has no idea how to relate to that. I get around it intellectually- these people are close friends, human beings, and have the same rights as I do, etc.

I'm the opposite. My junk isn't the issue (well, I mean, it is, but it's not really, REALLY intense like the accounts of some ladies). I think i'd be satisfied with the correct hormones in my brain. After all, consciousness is the only basis for reality. And so, dear testosterone, I ask you kindly to please stop f**king with my head.

[Sada]

bye

[Stephanie Stephens]

Well just keep with the HRT and your libido should vanish as well~^^ Otherwise checkup on castrated fellows and see what they are up to or not, mainly they need some kind of hormone therapy to help in that department. Your wife obviously knows what you are doing and becoming ~prepare her for a lesbian relationship toys and all !!! pop some black and decker into your bedroom and she will thank you 

I would love to have that knid of relationship with my wife dut I don't thing she will go for it.

[tekla]

I know it often seems to come as a mystery around here, but what the other partner wants in a sexual relationship is kind of important too.

Your wife obviously knows what you are doing and becoming ~prepare her for a lesbian relationship
The only thing the wife has to prepare for is cashing the checks after she files for divorce seems a lot more common around here than that.

[Cindy Stephens]

I would also like to point out that when you are in your late teens-early thirty's, you have boundless optimism, endless possibilities.  When you get a little older, you realize that a lot of your dreams have faded away into impossibility.  That is OK if you have learned to focus on accomplishing something, anything, that you can mentally deem a success.  If you think finding a new life partner is hard at 25, then I suggest you try it at 55.  I believe that Stephanie is trying to find a way to keep her wife happy and satisfied, while fulfilling herself, satisfying the dysphoria,  as much as possible.  I would suggest that finding that course will keep her home life stable and it is always easier to transition in a stable, loving environment.  You can only have so many pools of chaos around you before you go mad.  At least at our age.  Is it possible to have a frank discussion about it, maybe go to a sex therapist together?

[GinaDouglas]

I for example have some difficulty understanding the motivations of a non-op. For me it is almost incomprehensible that anyone would want to keep those bits because for me changing them completely was pretty well 100.00% of what my transition was all about. NOTHING else really mattered to me, not clothes, not pronouns, not social role NOTHING. All the rest was entirely negotiable as long as I could have female bits.

I'm non-op, and I don't think it's so different from you.  I needed to have female parts too bad to wait for surgery, so I simply made my mind believe that I have them.