Interview and How To Come Out To A Job

[xAndrewx]

I've got an interview to a theme park soon and I don't know what to do. I don't want to come out at the interview and risk not getting the job. However I'll have to pick up a new uniform everyday and the system will have me as female till I come out which would mean having to wear the girls uniform or come out.

I want to wait to tell them but I cannot wear the female uniform. So if I get the job should I come out to them on the first day if they won't let me wear the mens uniform? Or do I out myself at the interview (really don't want to do that)  I know I'm stressing over a job I might not get but I just don't have much time to figure it out. They have trans policies in place and can switch me in the system as soon as I tell them. What should I do?

[annette]

Hi Michael

wow, it's hard to say whatever you should do.
Do you want to work as a female, do you need the money from the job?
these questions can only be answered by yourselve.
If you need the money, I should say work as a female for a while and tell them, at least you got the job by then.
If the money is not that important I should say, stay the nice guy you are allready.

I know I'm not very helpfull but that's the best I can do.
btw I'll hope you get the job in your preffered gender, cross my fingers for you.

hugs
annette

[xAndrewx]

Thank you Annette

I really need the job to help my mom out and such. Also my college loans don't always come when they are supposed to. I had a talk with my mom though & she says if I don't get it she'll continue to help me out so I think I will just tell them at the interview. You're post was helpful because it really made me think whether I am okay with that or not. The truth is that I'm not okay working as a girl and I pass well enough that the guests at the park will see a man in women's clothes.

I'm thinking about saying something along the lines of "I really did not want to mention this for fear of not getting this job, because I really want it. However, I felt you need to know if I work here that I am trans." The company is very glbt friendly as a whole so I just will hope that I get a glbt friendly interviewer.

[Al James]

 That sounds a really good way of bringing it up in the interview and at least if you get the job you'll know you got it for being you. Good luck

[tekla]

So if I get the job should I come out to them on the first day if they won't let me wear the mens uniform?

It's a total shame that our school waste time on teaching crap like abstinence and DARE when they ought to be teaching stuff like employment laws and employment realities.

First - Most jobs come with some like 90 day period of no-fail termination.  Being, if they - for any reason, and they don't need to state one - don't want you to continue (not suited, too much trouble, they just don't like you) then they can end it then and there.

Second, depending on your state, if it's 'right to work', it's also 'right to fire'.  Most jobs anymore at 'at will' contracts anyway, meaning they don't need a reason to fire you.

Even in places with very strong trans protection laws, you pretty much have to have your ducks in a row first.  No legal marker change?  Then they have no reason to accommodate you, and perhaps have legal grounds not to.  Like the difference between a guy in a dress vs. a fully transitioned woman.

The system more than likely have you as F until you legally change it.  "Coming out" is not enough, but perhaps 'being in treatment' is.  Make sure you know exactly what the policy is.

And if they have such a policy, failure to disclose at the interview might be a deal-breaker.

[xAndrewx]

Yeah there is a 90 day policy here sadly. I've decided to come out at the interview and hope for the best. If I get hired their policy will put me as male in their system except for the highest up computers. Every one besides those will have me listed as male so everyone who is not my manager and the people above him/her who need to know will know. All I have to do is give them a letter diagnosing me as transgender which I think my letter for T will be good enough.

I have many friends who came out there so I know the policy. Problem is they came out after they started so no one I know has experience with whether they won't hire me or not. I think your right about the failure to disclose during the interview which is part of why I've decided I should tell them during the interview.

[tekla]

Yeah there is a 90 day policy here sadly.

I see nothing sad about that.  Just because your application was OK and you interviewed well is not always a guarantee that you can actually do the job in the manner they want it done. 

[xAndrewx]

I only mean it's sad because it technically gives them the ability to fire a person for no reason so they can fire a person for being gay or trans or even because they don't like them and get away with it.

[tekla]

We (I) don't actually 'fire' anyone, we just don't book them for anymore shows.  But I've 'lost' a lot of phone numbers over the years for reasons ranging from work habits and work ethic (or lack thereof), to working in an unsafe manner, to being late (I hate late), to lying, to, yeah, because I just don't like them.  So long as I get to choose who I work with, why should I hire people I don't like?  And some of those people had worked there for a long time before I showed up.  That's life.

[Mister]

I normally wouldn't recommend this, but since a job is essential both to live your live your life and progress with your transition, you need to do whatever is necessary for you to land and keep the job.  If that means keeping your mouth shut about your status, so be it.  State you'd be more comfortable in the male uniform and that, if possible, you'd like their permission to wear it.  But to tell them you want to wear it b/c you're male ID'd, even though your documentation & presentation (I assume on both) are in disagreement with that?  No way.  Put money in the bank, get your work documentation changed, get your transition farther along and worry about disclosure at your next job.

[xAndrewx]

But to tell them you want to wear it b/c you're male ID'd, even though your documentation & presentation (I assume on both) are in disagreement with that?

They are very adamant that if you're male you wear the mens uniform, female then you wear the girls unless you come out to them. I wish that would work. Also I present as male and pass more than 95% of the time so I can't fool them. My documentation does say female though. 

[Mister]

They are very adamant that if you're male you wear the mens uniform, female then you wear the girls unless you come out to them. I wish that would work. Also I present as male and pass more than 95% of the time so I can't fool them. My documentation does say female though.

Then I guess you need to decide for yourself how much this job is worth, and I don't just mean the hourly wage.

[tekla]

Theme parks have pretty strict dress codes for employees, hell, Disney had a pretty strict dress code for 'guests.'

[Nero]

They are very adamant that if you're male you wear the mens uniform, female then you wear the girls unless you come out to them. I wish that would work. Also I present as male and pass more than 95% of the time so I can't fool them. My documentation does say female though.

What does the women's look like?
I don't know, if you know they have trans policies in place, it might be worth a shot.
How bad is the women's uniform?

[xAndrewx]

All of the womens uniforms are obviously womens. The costumes differ per exactly where I will be put. I just applied for general food service so I could be put at any food place in the park. But some of them are pink, the pants are shorter and the shirts usually look more like blouses. Plus I've never worn women's clothes since I was 6 so the dysphoria makes me upset just thinking about it.

So I'll definitely have to tell them just wasn't sure if I should say something first day or during the interview. I guess the thing is I don't want to loose a job on my first day over that, so I guess I'd rather just not get the job at all than get fired :/

[Nero]

All of the womens uniforms are obviously womens. The costumes differ per exactly where I will be put. I just applied for general food service so I could be put at any food place in the park. But some of them are pink, the pants are shorter and the shirts usually look more like blouses. Plus I've never worn women's clothes since I was 6 so the dysphoria makes me upset just thinking about it.

So I'll definitely have to tell them just wasn't sure if I should say something first day or during the interview. I guess the thing is I don't want to loose a job on my first day over that, so I guess I'd rather just not get the job at all than get fired :/

Well, normally it's not a good idea to start making requests for special circumstances at an interview. So, you know people who came out after they got the job and got their uniform changed?
It may not be a good idea to drop this on them the first day - 'here's your uniform.' 'I can't wear that, I'm trans'.
So it depends on if you think you could stomach wearing it for awhile and then come out. Once T has had a chance to work, you may have an opener - 'just in case you start noticing a change in my appearance, I'm under a doctor's care in treatment for transsexualism... it's part of my treatment that I dress and live as male...'

If that's totally out of the question, then it's probably best to risk it at the interview. If you're not going to wear the pink one either way, you're not really risking anything.

[tekla]

Employees are like the old Holiday Inn commercial where 'the best surprise is no surprise."  They are not hiring you to help you, that's Goodwill and Salvation Army stuff, they are hiring you to make them money.  No more, or less.

[Radar]

This is why I'm not looking for a new job until my IDs all say male. I want to work stealth and don't want to have to go through this BS again. Once is enough thank you. So, even though my workplace is a seething hellhole I can wait a few more months.

However, not having a current job and working on getting one has got to be really hard. Ask the trans employees what they did. How far along in transition were they? If they came out after being hired and were O.K. it might work. Learn by their experience.

[Cindy]

I have to admit I do not see the problem.

This might sound rude, but listen.

If you are a guy present as a guy then wear a guys uniform, tell them an interview that you are TG FtM a explain in two sentences or less what that is. State that mentally you are male but physically female but are on therapy and are very uncomfortable wearing female clothing. You live your life as a male and interact as a male.  Do make sure you do not come over as butch lesbian, even if you may be (don't care don't want to know). You will need proof you can physically do male work, in strength etc. Enthusiasm
and team work are keys for this sort of job.  Make very sure you can answer these questions. And saying I worked as a check out chick as enthusiasm or ambition will kill you.

How have you got off your arse?

I hold a lot for this question no matter how it is hidden. And I hide it. I think Tekla goes a similar way, tell me why you will work yourself to the bones? and don't mention money. The pay is the same but I want the best return.

The job market is very tight.  You really need to think, 'why would anyone employ me?

Cindy

[xAndrewx]

Hey thanks for the advice Cindy I had the interview and it went well. I told him before the end that I was transgender. Didn't have to explain it to him. I think my interviewer is part of the lgbt community and the place has employed quite a few trans people. Explained I want to work as male. He looked up jobs, said they didn't have a position open but put me on the waiting list, and gave me his info to contact him. I have to call back on Valentines day if I don't get a call by then. I explained my past with theme park work and he seemed very happy about all of that.

Thanks again for the advice everyone!