"I'm just a CD" - Long Story but I need advice on this matter!!!

[PrettyFlowingGown]

This is my first real post on here!!! and pretty long. Yes, you can call me Pretty by the way. LOL.
I'll try make my story as short as I can. Here goes....
I started talking to a lady I met through transvestites queensland in Feb. 2005. She was a real lady, she was 51 and we became instant friends. She understood me anyway and was the first person apart from mum who truly accepted me. I was living in victoria, she was in queensland. I was'nt sure why she was on transvestites queensland all the time, but I found out a few months later when I eventually moved up to Queensland.....
We got on so well, that she invited me up to stay with her a few days, I did...and we got on so well. I wore my dresses everyday in her house, slept in my nightgowns, without embarrasment, nerves or anything. It was a dream come true. She became my best friend.....and I quickly moved up to queensland to not just be with her, but to be myself and dress how I want in my own space. I had no more fear, guilt or anything.

Fast Forward to 5 months after I'd been in Queensland.
We are still very close, but she has other CD/TV friends coming to see her while I'm not there.
I wont mention any names but they are yound guys who she met on the net.
I get to meet a couple of them through time and they are TVs, not TSs.
She starts not treating me as a equal to them and labels me as "just a CD" and one of her TV friends oneday says quietly but overheard "Hes a wannabe".

Through time she would always say I was "just a cd". I was feeling isolated again and started refusing to wear my dresses at her place anymore. She asked me oneday why I'm not coming over dressing anymore and I said cause I dont feel comfortable, and you judge me, and you said you never judged anyone. How wrong was I?

She meets a Transgender lady in may last year, who has'nt had the full sex change yet, but dresses as a woman and is a woman in every day life. She looks nice but she still has the penis.

They become very close, very close and are like best friends. Time goes on and shes ranked her number one. She sees her as her best friend and I'm being totally resented. They cuddle each other, hold hands, etc. and try to make me as uncomfortable as they can. What this lady and I had so special is now looking grim was what I thought? I was'nt being jealous, just a little hurt.

I said to her oneday, what does she have that I dont, and she said, shes a female and your a man, your "just a cd". Those words hurt me once again. I felt as though I was "good enough until someone better came along".

Now, we are not talking, I walked away cause I was angry at her for resenting me. Am I right doing this. We talk, but only over the phone. It seems that being a CD was not the friend she wanted, she judged me from the start, tried to make me have sex with other TVs etc. and I could'nt quite make the grade.

I'm hurt....deeply hurt. Sorry for such a long story but I had to get this off my chest.

[Brianna]

Dear pretty,

I certianly understand where you are coming from. I would like to give you an alternate perspective.

Close female freindships are one of the most powerfuls joys of transsexual transition. It makes the hundreds of hours of torturous electrolosys, the loss of sexual function with hormone therapy and the social ostrazation worth it.

I think in some ways, you're not grasping an important point. TRANSSEXUALS ARE WOMEN! Of course we will have closer friendships with other wormen.

I know it hurts to be demeaned, and I can easily understand why the "Just a crossdresser" comment hurt you. But - I also think it's illogical to expect to have the same level of intimacy that another woman can earn.

Keep posting. Myself and Brandi, a CD fellow op, had a lovely conversation about this post. It was quite provoking!

Bri

[Bdnewgirl]

Hello Pretty.
First off being just a CD is alright. I have always said you have to learn to love yourself for who you are before anyone else can love you.
Now on to your other questions
I hate to say it, but to me, it sounds like this girl is just wanting sex buddys.
There are a lot of things like that that go on on the internet.
As for the TVs saying that your just a wannabe, well maybe you are maybe your not, but if you love yourself what does it matter what two other people think. Sounds to me that they are a little stuck on them selfs anyway.
The Relationship now with a TS can be stated under of when might she get tired of her like you and the rest of them.
My advice from what I read is be nice if you run into them in public, But its sounds like you might be better off out of there.


Love And Hugs
Brandi

[Cindi Jones]

I'd say blow that gig and find some new friends.    There are lots of people in the world, you don't need depend on one.

Cindi

[TheBattler]

Hi Pretty,


Wellcome to the 'Just a CD' club to which I proudly belong.

We need to be happy with who we are first and foremost. If others prejudge us or make out they are our friend when they in fact have other motives well we should just move on. There are many more experienced people out there who are just like as and help us throught.

Have you checked out the sea-horse group (I will post links to them later)? I know they are active in Sydney and they may be able to help you contact others in Queensland. It is always good to chat to people as being isolated is very hard as I have found out.

Alice   

[Suzy]

Hi, Pretty!

I'm with Cindi:  That you don't need.  Everyone on here has their own set of gener issues, and the key is respect.  There are lots of others who would love to have a relationship with "just a CD."  The right circle of friends will come along.  And I've found that this issue is not static.  It is fluid, changing, growing, maturing.  So no need to label yourself and use that as some kind of hierarchy.

Thanks for posting!

Kristi

[PrettyFlowingGown]

Thankyou for your replies so far, I do hear you. I have'nt seen my friends face for nearly 4 weeks and when I do, its going to be very hard cause I am a emotional person. She did alot for me to get up to queensland and be myself, but when she got to know this TS properly, yes, our friendship just wained. She blames me, ofcourse, she said I was posessive and obsessed with her. Well ofcourse its all the males fault, thats always the way. LOL!!!

Anyway, we do have a seahorse here in Brisbane, but I work saturday nights and thats the night they have their social clubs. All I want is a new CD friend to confide in, in person wise. I'm moving on from this ladie, its very hard, more harder than I thought. I cry alot, that sounds sad for a 34 year old, but I do.

I moved up here alone, which was something no one ever thought I'd do. I've got friends which I have made, but not a CD friend.

I've tried even looking on singles sights for a girlfriend, but dont know if I should mention if I'm a CD or not...

[TheBattler]

I would personally try and get to know the people in seahorse first. If you can not make their time try and create something on other nights just so you can talk and get to know them. If ou have a Saturday of uoi would feel more comfortable going there knowing a few people.

Hmm - Normal dating - I trying that and was not to sucessful. I guess it depends what you have in mind when looking for a friend. If you are looking for someone to help dress then you will have to mention you are a CD. If you just are looking to increase your circle of freinnds then it is not nessicary to come out straight away.

Alice

[Melinda]

No one should ever judge someone based on anything-except in a trial. 

She blames me

thats pretty low  blaming someone else, and not accepting someone for who they are rather than what they look like. 

Better people exist in this world.  It sounds like you've become emotionally attached to this person or were at one time, you shared moments and personal info with this person only to have them slap you in the face and say rude things to you, new friends will make that 1 bad one seem so petty-youll turn back years later and wonder why hanging onto that person was to your benefit. 

[BrandiOK]

  I get so irritated when I hear people say "just a CD".  Since when did being transgendered come with a rank system?  This is isn't a contest....there is no "first one to be a TS wins".  That is ridiculous and I would imagine that any supposed TS who referred to a CD as a "wannabe" probably didn't understand what CD's or TS's were in the first place. 

  You sound like you have a much better grasp on the situation than the people you have been associating with so use your knowledge and move on.  As for finding friends I'm sure they will come.....take your time and enjoy yourself

  "I would gladly trade a dozen roses for just the briefest smell of a single honeysuckle"....Me. 

[Cindi Jones]

  "I would gladly trade a dozen roses for just the briefest smell of a single honeysuckle"....Me. 

Brandi, I love your perspective.  That's a very special thought.

Cindi

[PrettyFlowingGown]

Great words Brandi. I found out when I met this lady that she had no idea what a CD actually was....especially in my case. I love the feel of the dresses and the fabrics and the feeling of being feminine. Her prospective of a CD was a guy who dresses up for sex and to get their rocks off.......not this little rubber ducky.
But as you said, it was a competition between me and her TS and TV friends and they were coming first. Not anymore, I've bowed and I've bowed out a winner, not a loser. I've been hurt but not anymore.

[robinhayes]

Through time she would always say I was "just a cd". I was feeling isolated again and started refusing to

I generally try not to hate much, but "hate" is just about the only word I have for the use of "just a CD" as a negative thing.

Especially at gender conferences, where you wouldn't expect there to be a lot of labels, there are so many people who identify as pre-op TS, post-op TS, non-op TS.  Then the term "just a cross-dresser" comes into play.  Using that phrase not only negates the value of people who are CD, but it also implies that transitioning is the end goal for everyone.

It isn't!

There are those who just don't feel the need.  There are those who would love to, or who need to, but don't have the courage.  There are those who can't afford it.  There are those who might like it, but aren't willing to give up their male life (family, friends, career,whatever).

There are soooooo many alternatives out there!  Saying "I'm *just* a crossdresser" almost creates a second-class of people on the TG spectrum.  If we can't all be first-class citizens in the TG community, how can we ever expect general society to fully accept us?

[ sorry - getting down off the soapbox now ]

Robin

[Pica Pica]

Sounds like you are brave and romantic, swanning off somewhere new and setting a perfect time for a while. I hope you treasure those memories when the bad stuff goes.