Hi,
I found out about my husband's hidden secret about five years ago going on six actually. We had been married amost 20 years. I am 52 now and he is turning 59. During this time since he told me, he and I found it very hard to find people on either side to talk openly. It as been quite a journey of seeking information and support. Continue to read on and you will see what almost six years has produced.
You have to search for the conection. I think it would be great if the TG groups held meeting for their partners and families at the same time they held theirs. Maybe in a different room is what I thought until this past weekend. I'll relate on this topic below. I have such great open channels of communication with my husband there is nothing we don't speak of now. No Topic is off limits any more.
My husband had been trying to find other TG's for help and direction for about a month when he came across This site it has been a great boomerang site for helping direct and meet others.
We went to visit a person in Pueblo, Co. that he met on the interenet. She shared living her life for so many years in secret and coming out and the seperation and devorce. She had sons and grand children that she sees from time to time. She had just completed SRS. Sexual Reasignment Surgery. Still in the six weeks recovery period.
That person gave us information on another couple that were living in a very small town ect., similar to ours situations maybe. She also told us of an event coming up called Gold-Rush in Denver. We went and on the way home we stopped off to meet the couple.
The Gold Rush had Great lectures from DR.'s, Surgon and even a person speaking from being a Tgal of several years. They gave bits of encouragement to us signifigant others off and on in their talks. That was all. Nothing very directly to us.
The couple we drove to see on the way home was very much different from our situation. They drank, we don't, the TG only dressed in private and took on the part of the woman of the house. The signifigant other was just there and seemed to just become a girl friend for the day. Maybe giving off an air of tolorating the situation. They were not interested in us and our situation. The TG was not interested in going farther to change over to female, just the dressing and roll playing on an occassional basis. They had a daughter that they had not told the ins and outs to.
Then my husband found another perosn on the internet. This one was a Therapist from Florida. He and his wife met more of the similartities of our situation. He was on the hormones and the SRS was already finished. She then earned money from referrals to the Thailand Surgon. Her wife and I spoke on the phone a couple of times and had very good conversations. She shared the concerns of her family and the effects it had on them, their children and grandchildren. She shared how her life had been changed without her having control over the changes. They were in public eye at dinner parties and at the office where they both worked, she the Receptionist for her signifigant other the Therapist. She shared how the man she once had been married to was not that person anymore. They do change. moods change, physichle changes and desires change according to her.
Our situation is a little different than others we hear about. My husband wants SRS and will have it with in the next year if the plan goes with out a hitch. He is completely repulsed by the male body and has not shared it for almost 7 years. Before that time period he only shared it about once every few months. I had no idea why. I thought it was something to do with me. My shape, my size, my way of responding to his touch ect. During the past 2 years or so prior to his telling me I had spoke to 2 of my three sons about it thinking he was ill and wouldn't go to a Dr. They said "good greif mom he's over 50 years old, face that part of your lives is coming to an end."Boy do they have a suprise waiting for them when they reach older years! They will still have the desires. No we are more intimate than we ever were in our married life. Not having to perform as a man lifted such burdens from him he is touching and caressing daily. We us other methods of intimicay that are very satisfying. Better than before!
My husband and I were begining to feel that all TG's were self centered and paranoid. We wrote an email about it to the 20 or so post op patients on a Dr's webpage that we had been thinking of going to for his SRS surgery. We got 3 responces and some very good explanations for why people had not responded before. Some little things we had over looked. We have visited back and forth by email and some phone calls for the past couple months now. They have been very helpful and very informative. Even a little scarey for me to find out the few couples that stay couples after the TG comes out. My husband and I have a very good relationship and communicate very well our dream and desires. We talk about everything my fears, my feelings, his fears and feeling. I hope that will be enough when his SRS is completed to stay together. At any rate I want him to go through with what ever it is he needs to. He has lived so long as something he was really not meant to be. He needs to have the wondeful experiance of being as much female as he can be.
About a month ago my husband found another group in Albaqurque, NM. They had a webpage of their own and it tells what the topic of the weekly meeting is going to be. We went this past weekend. The meeting was on Friday evening. The Tg meeting included signifigant others. There were only about 3 other signifigant others present and then myself made 4. The meeting this time was a 1953 film directed by Ed Wood entitled 'Glen or Glenda". Very good film. The group sat on sofa's and layed on pillow's eating popcorn while they watched the movie much as you would in your own home. The meeting was held in a church family room. There were 26 total in attendance. They were so comfortable, and very talkative, which inturn made us feel very comfortable and welcome. They pasted an offering basket for donations for the room fee. The group as a whole were very willing to help and talk about everything we brought up. 12 of us went out to get a bite to eat after the meeting. There we got to visit for about an hour more and really had a great time. Out of the 26 there were only 3 new comers or first timers. So it was worth the seven hour drive from our home.
So when other's email you telling you to not give up on the group for support take the advise to heart. Keep searching. Keep seaking out the answers you need. We are centrally located. Just 200 to 500 miles from any town of any real size to it. So we knew we would have to go to them for a group for support.
Feel free to contact me about anything and I'll do what I can to help with what ever it is you seek.
Warmest Regards,
Leah
