Let's say that a transgender woman goes through her transition, has FFS, GRS, and by the third year, she passes beautifully. She's actually pretty and nobody can tell she was ever in a guy's body. Yea, she's tall (5'11) and some of her features are bigger than usual GGs (like her size 11 feet), but she doesn't look like a linebacker. She's relatively thin, she's relatively youngish (30, 31), and she dresses in a trendy way. Long hair, tan, makeup, nice breasts. She looks pretty damn good, and it took a LOT of work and time to get here.
Now, she's in a new place in life. She's just beginning to enjoy her new life as a woman - bubble baths, feeling her new body, experiencing orgasms for the first time as a woman. Then, let's say, one day her sink doesn't work right and she needs a plumber... so in walks this hunky plumber who's right around her age and instantly there is an attraction. He fixes her sink and it gives this woman an opportunity to talk to a guy she's never met before. He likes her and asks her out on a date.
Alright, so now what happens? When do you tell him, you have to tell him but when? You really want to have sex with him, but you do want a relationship... what do you do??? You really like this man, he has no clue about who you are, and you desperately want a relationship and this one seems perfect. How can you tell him without scaring him off?
Hi Sysm29,
Great question! For me, I would like to one day just be considered a woman. In the ideal situation which you describe, I think I would enjoy life more if I never had to say the words " I am a transsexual". However, if a person happens to meet their soulmate, how could they avoid exposing the truth?
Jennifer
I don't see why it would have to be disclosed straight away. I'd at least go for the first date and then worry about telling him if it looks like there might be a second or third etc.
First off, if you're going to be a woman, you have to think and act like one. A woman who meets a guy who she's serious about wants to spend a considerable amount of time letting the relationship develop and getting to know the guy before she jumps in the sack with him.
Once she's "given it all up" in the sack, most guys will be gone. They consider her to be "easy" and they disrespect her.
Speaking with a natal girlfriend the other day, she talked enthusiastically about meeting a new guy and having a first date. She said, "We both agreed that sex was for after marriage, but there are a lot of things you can do that feel really good with your clothes on, let me tell you".
Most successful post-ops will tell you that you let the relationship develop and then tell the guy. You do not need to let on to everyone and it's not everyone's business. Getting into bed with anyone and everyone is a sure way to never find a great guy, as well as a serious health risk.
Hey, if you're in Vegas and have a casual encounter that finds you in bed and you'll never see the guy again, what's the point in telling, anyway?
Once you fully transition, you no longer concern yourself with "passing". You ARE female, there is no more passing. It's who you are. Now, you're only mildly concerned with history...
I would not tell him straightaway as it might scare him off... First i would take the chance to get to know each other better. If we then still like each other I would tell him without feeling ashamed.
Just a few thoughts.
We, none of us, tend to tell complete strangers, everything about us.
If he needs to know later and you feel comfortable, then you can tell him. If he makes an issue of it, greater than it really is, then that's his loss.
In reality, the only significant difference between you and a Gfemale is you can't have babies.
If he thinks otherwise, then he might have a problem.
Kia Ora,
::) Take him to a gay/trans-friendly restaurant/bar [one where the clientele are diverse=a mixture of straights, gays, trans, in betweens] or alternatively a movie where diversity is the main theme...If he feels uncomfortable and makes derogatory comments in private to you, then you will know how he feels about 'people like you', and if he's quite open and accepting[perhaps even sympathetic to gay and trans- people's plight] then the door is open for discussion/disclosure !
Metta Zenda :)
This is always a tough question. I think you should get to know the guy first pretty well, and let him get to know you before doing anything physical. Get a feel for how open-minded he is and perhaps, educate him on GLBT issues, and see how he responds. This will give you both time to see how you feel about each other and you can determine if he can handle your situation. Hopefully, his feelings for you and his open-mindedness will make your TG status not a HUGE issue. It will probably be a bit of an issue, but if he cares about you, he might be able to overcome it. He may have a hard time finding love too, and you might be the first person in a long time that he has had any feelings for. I have a couple of straight, non-TG girlfriends who are trying with all their might to find a mate with no luck. My heart breaks for them, but it shows that it is hard for a lot of non-TG people to find love as well. Just keep trying, I say. It's worth it.
I think women tend to be more receptive to dating a transgendered person, because women being gay is seen as more acceptable by people, it's even seen as positive and hot. Sadly, male gay sex is hard to swallow for most straight folks, whereas lesbian sex seems more palatable and even natural. I don't agree with this, but I believe this seems to be the way the public views these things. I hope this makes sense and that I haven't offended anyone. Just never give up.
When I read the first few sentences of your post I thought "hey, stop describing my life" :)
I remember back when I saw that last therapist, the one to evaluate everything MY therapist had written about me... the one that was to present my case along with a recommendation to the people giving a yay or nay to my application for surgery (yes, that's how it works where I live...). He asked me "you are an attractive young woman and can easily get by in society. How will you deal with meeting men and starting relationships, if and how would you tell them?". I replied that "honestly, I have no idea. I've been thinking about that and I have absolutely no clue". Now several years later I'm still no closer to figuring out a good way to deal with this but I've learned that you have no idea how people will react until you tell them. And then it's too late to do anything about it.
Just because someone talks badly about minorities (or transsexuals) doesn't mean they wouldn't deal with it OK. People tend to talk badly about others just because it creates an us-against-them feeling. And likewise, just because someone is OK with transsexuals in general doesn't mean they'll accept having a relationship with one.
I'm fairly fast to say I can't have children because that can be a big no-no to guys who has family on their to-do list. Other than that you should probably not listen to me. I'm still involved with my boyfriend who was supposed to just be a temporary "fling" that I never had to tell. So I never told him... and now a year has passed :/
It's amazing how fast you forget you are "special" when you don't think about it or get reminded of it....
Quote from: Re: Joyce on December 18, 2011, 10:05:12 PM
First off, if you're going to be a woman, you have to think and act like one. A woman who meets a guy who she's serious about wants to spend a considerable amount of time letting the relationship develop and getting to know the guy before she jumps in the sack with him.
Once she's "given it all up" in the sack, most guys will be gone. They consider her to be "easy" and they disrespect her.
Speaking with a natal girlfriend the other day, she talked enthusiastically about meeting a new guy and having a first date. She said, "We both agreed that sex was for after marriage, but there are a lot of things you can do that feel really good with your clothes on, let me tell you".
Most successful post-ops will tell you that you let the relationship develop and then tell the guy. You do not need to let on to everyone and it's not everyone's business. Getting into bed with anyone and everyone is a sure way to never find a great guy, as well as a serious health risk. Aids is God's way of saying he didn't exactly call it the "Ten Suggestions".
Hey, if you're in Vegas and have a casual encounter that finds you in bed and you'll never see the guy again, what's the point in telling, anyway?
Once you fully transition, you no longer concern yourself with "passing". You ARE female, there is no more passing. It's who you are. Now, you're only mildly concerned with history...
I'm sorry but I find that a sad, upsetting and sexist way to look at the world.
My best friend slept with her husband the first night she met him, they've been together for 10 years and you could not find a better pairing.
I've slept with men & women early on, and I've waited, in some cases the wait wasn't worth it.
Sex and god are 2 words I hate seeing together, in fact I don't believe in any god and don't feel its the right way to live a life around.
Just because you are female that doesn't mean you can't have some fun, yes there are risks, like HIV/AIDS but use a condom, even thou I'm post op and there isn't a single chance I could have a baby (nor do I want one) I still make sure if I don't know the guy too well he wears a condom.
Back to the OP.
I think it depends, I don't tell, in fact I've told 1 person who I've met since my GRS, she didn't believe me at first.
Unless you feel that they should know, they don't have to.
this is just my opinion and i do not state this to place my own morals as anyone else.
With that said, if I know there is a guy who wants a serious relationship then I tell him. Actually, I always tell them before the first date happens.
For me, it's just one of those things that I feel honesty is the core heart to any relationship and if the relationship gets serious I do not want that burden to tell him.
In an ideal and perfect world, every human being would not care about gender or the past of gender but this isn't a perfect world. Men and women has their own preferences and for some, they have no desire to date or have sex with someone that used to be physically of the same gender.
So far, my own philosophy in this matter has worked well for me. I have had a few boyfriends who knew before the first date but didn't know when they expressed their attraction for me; a way I can weed out >-bleeped-< >-bleeped-<s. Have I had guys who said "no thank you?" Yes. But at least, for me, I told them before things really got complicated.
Have u read this? Just a tidbit for thought:
The Second Most Beautiful Girl in New York (http://www.observer.com/2008/arts-culture/second-most-beautiful-girl-new-york)
i would "let on" right upfront, don't waste time when he should already have known. Stealth deception is why we are often despised & feared so much ya need to get used to the stoic attitude of oh well, it's his loss not yours.
Tell him your a lesbian and like transgendered women. Tell him he would make a cute girl. If he is cool with that then hey flirt some. Its a great ice breaker and not all serious etc..
This question has been asked many times. It seems to be a really big issue with a lot of us. Prior to living full time and becoming comfortable with who I am, I wondered, if I ever got involved with someone, should I tell them? That is, if I could pass completely. For many late transitioners, the answer is often "No", at least once someone really gets to know you. But if I passed 100%, I just couldn't see myself ever pondering when I would tell anyone. It's none of their business unless I make it so. And if they found out and want to make an issue out of it, I would explain the obvious, "everyone I tell treats me differently from that point on and forever" and hope we could move on. If not, it's time for them to move on.
This is an analogy to explain my line of thinking:
Imagine this is a forum for people born with bone deformities. Those deformities have caused them a lot of emotional pain and suffering due to social prejudices based on ignorance. Through medical intervention, some of the members have had their bone deformities corrected. They can now go out into the world and no one knows they ever had their respective bone deformity.
Would the question "how do I tell?" ever even be asked on that forum? Is the fact you once had a birth defect relevant to who you are today? Why put yourself in a position that could handicap you in a prejudiced and judgmental world?
I believe the vast majority of those people would agree, there is no reason to divulge. We are not defined by our medical conditions but rather by who we are as people.
While I believe it's a good thing for society to be aware of their ignorance and for the promotion of education and end of prejudice, I don't believe we need to place ourselves, individually, in the line of fire unnecessarily. If the time comes, we should be prepared. But until then this is a personal matter between you and your doctor.
Julie, would you tell a potential partner that you can't have babies? If they ask why, what would be your answer? That you were born without ovaries and uterus?
Julie, I can totally understand how you feel and your analogy is good. I guess my concerns are of the people you get involved with. If they would have such an adverse reaction by your disclosure than obviously it is a concern to them. You wouldn't want to disclose because of a possible adverse reaction. Don't you think they have a right to know about something that they might feel extremely strong about? I also can understand your feeling that if they like/love you as you are now completely -- what does it matter what you used to be?
I think the other issue would be living with a big secret from your partner. That can't be good or healthy. Also, you would be making your old friends and family lie as well. How would you feel if your partner was keeping a big secret from you and making his/her family and friends do the same? I just think you'd be carrying around a heavy weight, that would really keep you from being completely happy. And if you did decide to finally disclose, your partner might not have left you if you had told him/her earlier, but now does not trust you and feels betrayed, and you won't be able to turn back the clock. I would think it would be pretty hard to keep this from him/her forever. Inevitably, something will come up and you will always be watching your back and worrying. To me, it doesn't seem worth it. If you have the courage to go through transition, I would think the whole dating and disclosure thing would be a piece of cake.
My friend who is on some dating sites doesn't put up a picture. She is heavy, but cute, though not particularly sexy. She has "met" a few guys online, but after she sends her picture, they disappear - sometimes slowly, but sometimes quickly. One guy just stood her up and she waited an hour at a restaurant. I told her to put up a picture so they know up front what they're dealing with. She IS cute, and there is someone who will find her attractive, plus she has a great personality. My point is - tell, show up front. It might seem hard and long, but I think it's better than keeping a secret for the reasons I wrote above. AND like I always say, it's hard to find love for most people. I know so many single people who are lonely and sad and none of them are TG. I'm sure if you do pass extremely well, you will be able to find an intelligent and open-minded person who will love and accept you (you wouldn't want to find an unintelligent and close-minded person anyway, so it might even be a good screening device!) Remember, you are worthy and valuable, so they are not the catch - you are!
Quote from: Julie Marie on December 20, 2011, 06:45:21 AM
Imagine this is a forum for people born with bone deformities. Those deformities have caused them a lot of emotional pain and suffering due to social prejudices based on ignorance. Through medical intervention, some of the members have had their bone deformities corrected. They can now go out into the world and no one knows they ever had their respective bone deformity.
Would the question "how do I tell?" ever even be asked on that forum? Is the fact you once had a birth defect relevant to who you are today? Why put yourself in a position that could handicap you in a prejudiced and judgmental world?
I believe the vast majority of those people would agree, there is no reason to divulge. We are not defined by our medical conditions but rather by who we are as people.
While I believe it's a good thing for society to be aware of their ignorance and for the promotion of education and end of prejudice, I don't believe we need to place ourselves, individually, in the line of fire unnecessarily. If the time comes, we should be prepared. But until then this is a personal matter between you and your doctor.
to society there is a world of difference between a physical issue that has been corrected and a gender issue that has been corrected.
For example, many people will look at a person who had been "cured" of bone deformity as a medical process you overcame. To the majority of society, that is different than saying "I used to be a man and now I am cured" because you now have sexuality thrown into the mix....as well as a social taboo to some.
I would compare our situation not to bone deformity but a black girl who lived in the 1800 or early 1900s in the south who looks just like a white girl but one of her grandparents were black. In some southern states in that era race was a prevalent issue and no matter how white you were, you were still black to those people.
In a perfect utopia, I would agree with you, but in today's society I would tell a person who is attracted to me. You can tell if they really love you for who you are if you tell them rather than keeping it to yourself with the notion it's none of their business.....because if the relationship gets more serious and he is considering marriage, then you have a mountain of dilemmas to face and there is no such thing as 100% stealth when it comes to that level of commitment unless you completely disowned your family, your friends prior to transition, and stayed away from any doctor's office or hospital for the duration of the marriage.
Finally, if your partner was completely open and accepting to you no matter what and he found out through other means deep into the relationship he will feel betrayed. He would feel that you didn't trust him enough to let him know. I know that's how I would feel and I am pretty open to a lot of things. I would probably consider ending the relationship if I found out later in the relationship because if he or she did not feel that they could tell me such an important life changing event in their lives then it will be much easier to hide "smaller" things from me. That sense of mutual honesty and respect would be gone.
Basically find out if their trans friendly by whatever means possible but tell them about another person not yourself. That way you get right to the point of their attitude and from there you know all you need to know if your going forward or not.
Quote from: Annah on December 20, 2011, 10:08:16 AM
to society there is a world of difference between a physical issue that has been corrected and a gender issue that has been corrected.
For example, many people will look at a person who had been "cured" of bone deformity as a medical process you overcame. To the majority of society, that is different than saying "I used to be a man and now I am cured" because you now have sexuality thrown into the mix....as well as a social taboo to some.
I would compare our situation not to bone deformity but a black girl who lived in the 1800 or early 1900s in the south who looks just like a white girl but one of her grandparents were black. In some southern states in that era race was a prevalent issue and no matter how white you were, you were still black to those people.
In a perfect utopia, I would agree with you, but in today's society I would tell a person who is attracted to me. You can tell if they really love you for who you are if you tell them rather than keeping it to yourself with the notion it's none of their business.....because if the relationship gets more serious and he is considering marriage, then you have a mountain of dilemmas to face and there is no such thing as 100% stealth when it comes to that level of commitment unless you completely disowned your family, your friends prior to transition, and stayed away from any doctor's office or hospital for the duration of the marriage.
Finally, if your partner was completely open and accepting to you no matter what and he found out through other means deep into the relationship he will feel betrayed. He would feel that you didn't trust him enough to let him know. I know that's how I would feel and I am pretty open to a lot of things. I would probably consider ending the relationship if I found out later in the relationship because if he or she did not feel that they could tell me such an important life changing event in their lives then it will be much easier to hide "smaller" things from me. That sense of mutual honesty and respect would be gone.
I am going to remind you and everyone else who is posting here that this is a "POST-OP" Forum. Then answers given should be reflected to be those of post-ops.
The reaction of a potential partner and the reaction of a date with a straight guy depend a lot on what's in your panties. If you are capable of normal male to female sexual intercourse, that's a completely difference issue than still having incorrect genitals for your outward appearance.
I do not wish to portray anyone as better or worse than anyone else, I only want this Forum to be helpful to those seeking resolutions to post op issues.
Despite what many pre-ops will say, surgery does change the brain, it does change your life and it does change how you see sex. A pre-op person simply cannot state how they will FEEL after surgery. There is a reason that most of the post-ops have left this site and one of those reasons is that this truth is hooted down and those who communicate this truth are frequently attacked for saying it.
Quote from: JenJen2011 on December 20, 2011, 08:07:09 AM
Julie, would you tell a potential partner that you can't have babies? If they ask why, what would be your answer? That you were born without ovaries and uterus?
I would take a page out of the book of women who were born infertile, who have had a hysterectomy, who have sustained an injury that caused them to be infertile, who have gone through menopause, etc. I doubt any of them tell a some guy they are interested in all about their internal organs.
Quote from: Re: Joyce on December 20, 2011, 11:46:09 AM
I am going to remind you and everyone else who is posting here that this is a "POST-OP" Forum. Then answers given should be reflected to be those of post-ops.
I know this. I am reflecting upon my own experiences. So my answers are valid.
QuoteThe reaction of a potential partner and the reaction of a date with a straight guy depend a lot on what's in your panties. If you are capable of normal male to female sexual intercourse, that's a completely difference issue than still having incorrect genitals for your outward appearance.
It can also have a lot to do with how the thing in your panties got there in the eyes of some potential partners.
QuoteI do not wish to portray anyone as better or worse than anyone else, I only want this Forum to be helpful to those seeking resolutions to post op issues.
I agree; which is why I am giving my opinion on this matter. I think I am entitled to my opinion...unless my opinion doesn't count because Im post op whose opinions differ from yours.
QuoteDespite what many pre-ops will say, surgery does change the brain, it does change your life and it does change how you see sex. A pre-op person simply cannot state how they will FEEL after surgery. There is a reason that most of the post-ops have left this site and one of those reasons is that this truth is hooted down and those who communicate this truth are frequently attacked for saying it.
Post op may change the brain but it doesn't change the circumstances that some potential partners may feel about the subject. I am still here because I love the community and I enjoy giving advice. I am still me. One thing I promised myself was the fact that I would not become one of those girls who got the surgery and then feels that they need to have a crusade telling other trans they are not really girls yet until they had the surgery they just had. I am thankful I had not turned into that. Although, I believe it is a choice to be like that. Surgery has nothing to do with it. But that's for another topic.
Don't assume everyone here speaking contrary to your opinions are pre op. And this may sound very weird to some, but because I am post op doesn't mean I post only in the post op section or answer only post op questions. To me, the surgery and what happens after it is just a slice in the entire pie of the experience. I am still me post as i was prior to the surgery but my entire time here isn't talking purely about post op things; nor do I want it to be. Because there are two things I will never talk about here in great length: my physiological situation growing up and my surgery.
My family and boyfriend knows everything about me, I feel I don't have to extend that to everyone on the internet.
Quote from: Re: Joyce on December 20, 2011, 11:46:09 AM
I am going to remind you and everyone else who is posting here that this is a "POST-OP" Forum. Then answers given should be reflected to be those of post-ops.
The reaction of a potential partner and the reaction of a date with a straight guy depend a lot on what's in your panties. If you are capable of normal male to female sexual intercourse, that's a completely difference issue than still having incorrect genitals for your outward appearance.
I do not wish to portray anyone as better or worse than anyone else, I only want this Forum to be helpful to those seeking resolutions to post op issues.
Despite what many pre-ops will say, surgery does change the brain, it does change your life and it does change how you see sex. A pre-op person simply cannot state how they will FEEL after surgery. There is a reason that most of the post-ops have left this site and one of those reasons is that this truth is hooted down and those who communicate this truth are frequently attacked for saying it.
I'm in my 14th yr post op and have met many in real life who have dealt with this situation and first and foremost never tell and use another person as your way to find out if someone is trans friendly or else it might be your life that you lose..
Quote from: Julie Marie on December 20, 2011, 11:49:14 AM
I would take a page out of the book of women who were born infertile, who have had a hysterectomy, who have sustained an injury that caused them to be infertile, who have gone through menopause, etc. I doubt any of them tell a some guy they are interested in all about their internal organs.
None of what you said is true for you though, so you'd be lying. Saying you were born infertile would just be a cover up for the actual truth, IMO.
Quote from: Re: Joyce on December 20, 2011, 11:46:09 AM
Despite what many pre-ops will say, surgery does change the brain, it does change your life and it does change how you see sex. A pre-op person simply cannot state how they will FEEL after surgery.
I certainly found this to be true. Of all the things I did during my transition, nothing even came close to the effect GRS had on me as a person. Pre-op I would have had a very different answer to the OP. Today I see the need to disclose as a by-product of guilt, like I did something wrong so I have to confess. I used to sort of feel that way but after living MY life for a while I realized I was carrying their stuff and I didn't need to.
I understand the real fear some nut case could cause you harm, but like any woman out there, we all have to choose our friends and partners carefully. The dating process helps weed out the bad ones and that would include the phobes.
Quote from: JenJen2011 on December 20, 2011, 12:15:15 PM
None of what you said is true for you though, so you'd be lying. Saying you were born infertile would just be a cover up for the actual truth, IMO.
I would have to agree. Such an answer is really only an option if you want to live an absolute Stealth-life in its fullest and not tell anyone, even your partner, but yet wants to give an 'explanation' for why you cannot become pregnant.
If someone however wants to give a"Trans-politically correct" although in many times true explanation, then they could always say that they were "born with TS", as a friend of mine put it.
Sounds a bit silly, I must admit, but technically, it is true for HBS-transsexuals that have had their feelings since childhood.
Some would probably not have a clue about what "TS" would mean anyway and just say; "Oh I'm so sorry". ::)
Quote from: JenJen2011 on December 20, 2011, 12:15:15 PM
None of what you said is true for you though, so you'd be lying. Saying you were born infertile would just be a cover up for the actual truth, IMO.
I had a misterectomy. ::) But really, I'm not suggesting lying. What I am suggesting is simply saying, when the time comes, and that is usually only after the relationship starts to get serious, that you can't have children. Let's face it, if you're on the first date with a guy and you even hint at anything related to having kids, for most guys that will be the last date.
For those who say, "I used to be a man" I feel compelled to ask, "Really?"
Quote from: Julie Marie on December 20, 2011, 12:34:23 PM
For those who say, "I used to be a man" I feel compelled to ask, "Really?"
Like this? :laugh: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=2flTCHU10ao#t=72s (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=2flTCHU10ao#t=72s)
Quote from: Annah on December 20, 2011, 11:50:33 AM
I know this. I am reflecting upon my own experiences. So my answers are valid.
It can also have a lot to do with how the thing in your panties got there in the eyes of some potential partners.
I agree; which is why I am giving my opinion on this matter. I think I am entitled to my opinion...unless my opinion doesn't count because Im post op whose opinions differ from yours.
Post op may change the brain but it doesn't change the circumstances that some potential partners may feel about the subject. I am still here because I love the community and I enjoy giving advice. I am still me. One thing I promised myself was the fact that I would not become one of those girls who got the surgery and then feels that they need to have a crusade telling other trans they are not really girls yet until they had the surgery they just had. I am thankful I had not turned into that. Although, I believe it is a choice to be like that. Surgery has nothing to do with it. But that's for another topic.
Don't assume everyone here speaking contrary to your opinions are pre op. And this may sound very weird to some, but because I am post op doesn't mean I post only in the post op section or answer only post op questions. To me, the surgery and what happens after it is just a slice in the entire pie of the experience. I am still me post as i was prior to the surgery but my entire time here isn't talking purely about post op things; nor do I want it to be. Because there are two things I will never talk about here in great length: my physiological situation growing up and my surgery.
My family and boyfriend knows everything about me, I feel I don't have to extend that to everyone on the internet.
Annah,
I simply don't believe that you are post op. You asked to be admitted to the private post op forum earlier in the year, stating that you only had X weeks to go until your surgery (I think it was 5 weeks). You were turned down at that time. I was not the only one who watched carefully as the time came and you continued posting every day and talking about attending your classes during this time. You've not taken any breaks from school. Strangely enough, that particular post of yours disappeared after you were called on it in a later discussion with another member.
In short, your behavior is not consistent with someone who had major surgery during the time you said you were scheduled to have it.
It is of no consequence to me one way or the other. It is also not my concern who disagrees with me or agrees with me, as I'm not here to win anyone over to my way of thinking. I simply offer my perspective and my experience to those who may find something of value in it.
Naturally, anyone here is apparently free to offer up opinions on any topic of their choosing. It certainly does change the value of the post op forum when this happens.
1. I deleted many posts that week because of two worthless trolls who decided to come back here and spouted out garbage and acted like asses whom decided to smite me and other people on every single post we made. Those posts were deleted because I refused to give them the childish enjoyment of finding other posts to attack. Trust me, it wasn't just in the post operative section. I deleted many that week.
2. As I stated before, it is no one's damn business here on the exact details, procedures, and dates to prove I had a surgery
3. I do not value nor do I take seriously the elite status on post op versus pre ops so I have nothing to gain or lose from stating I am post op in every post I make. Matter of fact, I avoid stating I am post op on Susans.org because of the negative outlook the post ops have here from the history of posts that some have made. Out of 1600+ posts I have made, I may have made about 10 references of my status. Both of my smites here have been made by post ops for defending pre ops against their bigotry.
4. Post op doesn't define me nor did pre op defined me. I define myself based upon who I am internally. So i don't go around making blogs and diary entries nor do I tell the world or these forums when I got a vagina. Nor will I lift up my skirt and pull down my panties or fax you a copy of my medical records to you or anyone else other than the State and Federal Government when I was required to show the records for my birth certificate.
5. If you have an issue with me then take it to me in PMs and don't hijack the thread with your conspiracy about my surgery.
6. If you do not believe me then that's fine. Trust me when I say this: I won't lose any sleep tonight because some forum member named Re:Joyce on the internet doesn't believe me.
Now, that's out of the way, the thread can continue and I will no longer hijack this thread to respond to this.
*just started having sex* Oh By The Way..... Theres no way hes gonna pull out.
I'm joking lol that could turn ugly. but a few dates in, when hes mildly aroused. That way the little boy friend will be thinking about your chest while his bigger brain is taking the T-girl stuff in. Is that a horrible idea? I honestly had my first strait guy try to pick me up last night. I'm pre-op and well he wasn't my type. So it was scary as hell. So I'm kind of talking out my butt.
Quote from: Annah on December 20, 2011, 09:28:26 PM
1. I deleted many posts that week because of two worthless trolls who decided to come back here and spouted out garbage and acted like asses whom decided to smite me and other people on every single post we made. Those posts were deleted because I refused to give them the childish enjoyment of finding other posts to attack. Trust me, it wasn't just in the post operative section. I deleted many that week.
2. As I stated before, it is no one's damn business here on the exact details, procedures, and dates to prove I had a surgery
3. I do not value nor do I take seriously the elite status on post op versus pre ops so I have nothing to gain or lose from stating I am post op in every post I make. Matter of fact, I avoid stating I am post op on Susans.org because of the negative outlook the post ops have here from the history of posts that some have made. Out of 1600+ posts I have made, I may have made about 10 references of my status. Both of my smites here have been made by post ops for defending pre ops against their bigotry.
4. Post op doesn't define me nor did pre op defined me. I define myself based upon who I am internally. So i don't go around making blogs and diary entries nor do I tell the world or these forums when I got a vagina. Nor will I lift up my skirt and pull down my panties or fax you a copy of my medical records to you or anyone else other than the State and Federal Government when I was required to show the records for my birth certificate.
5. If you have an issue with me then take it to me in PMs and don't hijack the thread with your conspiracy about my surgery.
6. If you do not believe me then that's fine. Trust me when I say this: I won't lose any sleep tonight because some forum member named Re:Joyce on the internet doesn't believe me.
Now, that's out of the way, the thread can continue and I will no longer hijack this thread to respond to this.
I am sorry you are being harrassed. Many newly post ops think they have the total understanding of truth. (there are also a few long term post ops who have closed minds to changes in society) I know because i was one once. I am glad people today can be anything they want. I know i break post op stereotypes. Keep sharing and don't worry about the smites.. we all know you care and help.
It's how good you are, and comfortable you are, in maintaining a lie. A FAT lie.
Many ggs surpass me in that 'quality' to start with, I KNOW!
How on earth are you going to 'bend' all the things about your past without becoming some very, VERY accomplished liar?
If you can pull that off, and really think you will get away with it - for EVER... then go for it.
In my case I'm just too 'simple' to pull this of. So I would have to tell, more sooner - then later.
This is about REATIONSHIPS! One-night-stands... ? You can become the Queen of Sheba for all that guy would care, you just a quick lay... - so long you fine by it, go with it :-)
Axélle
Quote from: Axélle on December 21, 2011, 10:18:37 AM
It's how good you are, and comfortable you are, in maintaining a lie. A FAT lie.
Many ggs surpass me in that 'quality' to start with, I KNOW!
How on earth are you going to 'bend' all the things about your past without becoming some very, VERY accomplished liar?
If you can pull that off, and really think you will get away with it - for EVER... then go for it.
In my case I'm just too 'simple' to pull this of. So I would have to tell, more sooner - then later.
This is about REATIONSHIPS! One-night-stands... ? You can become the Queen of Sheba for all that guy would care - so long you fine by it, go with it :-)
Axélle
I agree. It will be a heck of an re-invented back-history to a greater extent than most ts' thinking of it even realize.
Speaking of it, I knew a MTF once that had, after much back and forward-reasoning, descided to transition and not only that, but going super Stealth, too, by burning up exactly every picture from the life before as a male.
I acually adviced her not to do it as she one day would very likely risk regretting that she didn't have any pics whatsoever from her childhood, friends, family or anything, but she was totally adamant about it.
Anyway, I think the following clip gives the meaning of "Going Stealth" a very good description of what it actually means.
"Transproofed" starring Calpernia and Andrea James (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3sRjS1jcMGk#)
OK, hand up from everyone who responded to this thread who has *really been* in the situation the OP described.
Seriously, I've had one-night stands, minor relationships and longer relationships and if you are a few years post-op, your history will simply not be an issue in most situations unless you make it an issue. You are not living a lie because you can discuss pretty much every aspect of your present and your history without really giving away that you have had surgery. Most guys don't ask you about your period so you don't talk about it so to speak. All this while not lying.
If you disclose, you risk breaking stealth. This can be a huge problem for those of us who have gone to great extents to try to rid ourselves of the stigma of being a TS. It is a really, really, REALLY tough choice to decide whether the relationship is worth risking years of serenity knowing that you blend in. All that can be ruined if you disclose to a partner that decides to later out you. Is that relationship worth having to move, change jobs, friends, phone number and perhaps last name... AGAIN?
If you have not been in this situation then perhaps you can relate to a situation where someone disclose being gay to a close friend and said friend then goes on telling all of high-school about it. Or perhaps you yourselves have experienced when you first realized you were TS and had to "come out". You want to go through that again? As I read, that is a really tough situation (I never had to do that, different story...)
Life. As. You. Know. It. Ends.
My BF knows I can't have children. We never discussed why because I said I didn't want to talk about it. When we discuss childhood memories I never lie about them. They are mostly gender neutral anyway, aren't yours? We've been together a year and the only lie I ever told him that is even related to my past was that I had a period the night we met. And that lie I told because I didn't want to have sex that night.
It's true what someone wrote that some recent post-op act as know-it-alls but that feeling passes with time. After a few years you will simply stop caring about these issues for the most part. Some of us returns occasionally to forums like Susan's and when I read some of the replies to this thread I remember why... because post-op TOO need people to talk to in the same situation about certain experiences and problems. Key word there is "in the same situation" and not people with an opinion about a problem that is strictly hypothetical to them since they either are not post-op or either have not experienced the situation themselves.
Quote from: Bishounen on December 21, 2011, 10:30:12 AM
Speaking of it, I knew a MTF once that had, after much back and forward-reasoning, descided to transition and not only that, but going super Stealth, too, by burning up exactly every picture from the life before as a male.
I acually adviced her not to do it as she one day would very likely risk regretting that she didn't have any pics whatsoever from her childhood, friends, family or anything, but she was totally adamant about it.
i agree with you about this point.
I knew a girl who did the same thing. She burnt photoalbums of herself in the fireplace ...pictures of her childhood years. Her mother pleaded with her to just give them to her but my friend wouldn't listen.
Some TS think that to go stealth you have to destroy any remnants of your life like a top secret spy. It doesn't have to be that complicated. However, if someone pursues a serious relationship then that's exactly what that person is doing: lying about their past, lying about their family, lying about why they can't do this or that, coming up with an excuse to not have their significant other (SO) visit them in the hospital for fear the doctors might "rat them out."
I couldn't live like that. There has to be a balance between stealth where society and friends know you are a female through and through and going out on a limb and sharing your
whole life with someone you could be romantically involved with. In my opinion, it's easier to tell your SO before any serious romance occurs than to keep secrets that would make a triple agent spy look like an amateur.
Axelle was also right that you have to be pretty damn good at lying if you plan on keeping important parts of your life from someone you love.
Quote from: sweetie87 on December 19, 2011, 11:31:34 AM
I would not tell him straightaway as it might scare him off... First i would take the chance to get to know each other better. If we then still like each other I would tell him without feeling ashamed.
Sweetie is so right about this, especially the last part.....without feeling ashamed, that's very important, because you don't have anything to be ashamed for.
You're a woman and he felt in love with a woman, sure, a woman with an unique history and he can hear this history if you know eachother better.
What he gets is what he sees.
And it's true, after a few years you don't think about it anymore, why should you, you're a woman. living a womanly life.
If the guy can't handle it....he's not worth you.
To speak about my own experience, I have never been rejected by a partner, because of my history.
I'll hope this will give you some courage.
hugs
Annette
As I'm an SO, my advice on this is not from the perspective of the girl, but from the man. Feel free to discard what isn't good from it (even if that is all of it).
I think it depends on the type of relationship. I can talk about mine. My wife and I could be classified as "middle aged" when we met. We were each other's first serious relationship. Neither of us did the dating scene, neither of us wanted a quick fling. We met at an event where we both shared a common interest. I saw this very interesting person, and she likewise felt similarly about me. So we arranged for a lunch after the event together. We started corresponding and talking to each other, as friends.
Over a few weeks, it was clear to both of us that we were attracted to each other. She told me about things she felt I needed to know, and I did the same. This included a brief, non-detailed, explanation that she wasn't always seen as who she really was, but is now. It was matter-of-fact and done confidently. I won't say I was terribly surprised, nor will I say I ever considered dating anyone who didn't always have the right letter on her birth certificate. But there was a real attraction there.
In addition, at this point, she knew enough about me to know how I respond to diversity. I was glad she told me something she had no reason or need to tell me, but which is obviously something few would want to feel that they need to tell another person. I felt it showed tremendous trust in who I am and how I would respond. Since then, this trust has deepened our relationship - she can talk to me about her struggles, and I'm glad I can be a help to her when she's having a hard time in the world (just as I'm glad she can and does help me when I go through my own issues). I feel that there would be a depth missing from our relationship without it - I might not know it, if she didn't tell me, but I'm glad she was willing to share. Over time, we've both shared more about our past. I know there is nothing I can tell her about my past which would change how she sees me, even the things I am not proud of. Likewise, I believe she feels the same with me.
That said, it isn't my place to tell her or expect her to tell me anything she doesn't choose to. That's part of my trust and respect for her - I trust my wife 100%. If she doesn't tell me something, that's fine, I don't need to know. I would be shocked if there was much she wouldn't be willing to tell me, but at the same time that comes from trust and respect, and cannot be demanded.
I would say for marriage and adoption in the USA, it's a good idea legally for the spouse to know. It's also a good idea to remember that not all jurisdictions respect SRS or even changed birth certificates for purposes of marriage (so don't live or marry there if it would not be respected!). That's something as a spouse that is important to me too, because I do not want to have our marriage placed at risk either. I want to know my spouse will have no problem, for instance, claiming a life insurance policy if I die - even if the insurer doesn't want to pay up.
So...long post to say: you need to make your own decision, and you very well may do things differently - particularly if you aren't looking for a spouse! I would say in closing to dump any guy that "needs" to know and to dump any guy that wouldn't be able to handle it. You deserve what everyone does: a partner who loves and respects you.
NEVER expose yourself to ANYONE. Most of the men you will meet are just MEN. They r they for the pleasure and thats it. U will know when the time is right. I have only revealed myself ONCE and that is the man I am with now. I have had multiple partners and some have been suspicious but I will NEVA admit it. No need 2. You are a WOMAN TOTALLY and u r young. You are still in child bearing yrs and a man might want children with you and that is the ONLY time u reveal yourself. Why go through what u have gone through to relive the past and have a man LOOK at u differently. The only way he WONT is if he sees the WOMAN you are internally and not view u as a street walking >-bleeped-< who thinks about nothing but performing oral sex on a man and moving on.
It is a tricky subject BUT I told my man that i had a correction yrs ago and i was intersexed and it was something that did not define my womanhood. He cried and was in shock but he loved the WOMAN i am, not what society says u might be. But NEVER just run around telling men because if u do, the word will get out and you will be pushed right back to pre status and men will go into a relationship ie sexual, romantic etc, looking at u as being a man with a vagina INSTEAD of a WOMAN with a vagina..
U WILL KNOW IN YOUR HEART WHEN TO REVEAL YOUR PAST but just a fly by night romance, NO NEED.
Quote from: missyzanta on December 27, 2011, 10:53:35 AM
You are a WOMAN TOTALLY and u r young. You are still in child bearing yrs and a man might want children with you and that is the ONLY time u reveal yourself.
If you're in a relationship to the point where your partner is talking about having children with you and you have never told him or her, it's going to make yourself look like a deceiver.
This isn't against you. Men or women who have been kept in the dark that long will have every right to walk away from the relationship because they would feel that they weren't worthy enough of your trust and they will feel that you were lying to them.
If stealth is that important to you then that's your path. With me, I get it out in the open so I don't have to worry about it down the road. And I have never run into someone blowing my stealth because of it.
It's a touch and go issue. But i personally will take my chances to let them know after they ask me out rather than making my family and friends lie to the one who loves me for years on end.
Quote from: missyzanta on December 27, 2011, 10:53:35 AM
It is a tricky subject BUT I told my man that i had a correction yrs ago and i was intersexed and it was something that did not define my womanhood. He cried and was in shock but he loved the WOMAN i am, not what society says u might be. But NEVER just run around telling men because if u do, the word will get out and you will be pushed right back to pre status and men will go into a relationship ie sexual, romantic etc, looking at u as being a man with a vagina INSTEAD of a WOMAN with a vagina..
The difference between a drag queen on hormones and a transgirl is perspective. One sees them mentally as a female, the other does not...no matter how convincing the appearance may be. Therefore realistically, we can hope for society to respect us despite the contrary.
Sorry hun, I can't ignore my past...and I don't expect a man to do so. I can't deny who I was once was and I don't expect anyone else to keep up the delusion that I was never was a whoring fag.
Getting any form of surgery can't change who I was raised as or lived as at one time. I'd rather be at peace with my own past...as opposed to completely denying I was "never that man". Therefore, I prefer a man who loves me be either gay or bisexual...
Plus men who kiss other men are hot. I know, because I used to be a man shoving his tongue down a throat of another man.
For me there isn't much that would make me break stealth since I know it risks turning my life into darkness. I can only think of one thing I'd risk it for, true love, and even then I'd hesitate if it was worth it (that's the situation I'm in now). I might actually decide not to settle down rather than tell someone.
It is a very hard choice to make if you should tell or not. The stakes can be very high and the only one who can decide if it's worth the risk it is the person who has to live with the consequences if things doesn't go well. You have to weigh what you might lose against what you might gain so to speak. I've nearly been raped by a "date" I told prematurely some years ago, I've had to move and change jobs... I really wouldn't want to risk going through that mess again. All it takes is one person who by malice, ignorance, mistake, good intentions or whatever spreads the word. And by doing so ruining my life. Is it worth trusting too many people with that kind of power over your life? I came to the conclusion that it isn't but someone else might see it differently.
Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on December 27, 2011, 03:05:04 PM
The difference between a drag queen on hormones and a transgirl is perspective. One sees them mentally as a female, the other does not...no matter how convincing the appearance may be. Therefore realistically, we can hope for society to respect us despite the contrary.
Maybe it's a matter of perspective and perhaps if you think about it that is exactly why some of us like our stealthy lives? To not have to deal with that?
Maybe you want to hope for "society" (meaning all the people in it) to change. Until then, no thanks. I'd rather have a decent life while you wait for society to change. If that happens then perhaps I'd be open about it. I doubt it though, I don't see the point.
Do you have any experience in the situation the OP writes about or are you just throwing around opinions on other people problems? If that's what you are doing then the OP is equally well off asking the same question at her hairdresser. If you don't know what you are talking about, perhaps your little crusade is better fought in a different thread in a different part of the forum?
Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on December 27, 2011, 03:05:04 PM
Therefore, I prefer a man who loves me be either gay or bisexual...
You will never find a genuinly gay male that wants a relationship with an MTF, simply because someone that is a genuinly homosexual male, are not turned on by femininity and breasts, but by masculinity, which is also the reason that the very same gay males(Not including you here, sorry :laugh:) that are turned of by an MTF, often is turned ON by an FTM, even if that FTM do not have a penis, simply because the gay male
sees a man, whereas the same male
sees a chick in an MTF, regsrdless of birthassigned Sex, hence the truly homosexual male is uninterested.
I know you will disagree and perhaps take you own experiences as proof that this is not so, but fact remains that it is, as it is not a matter of opinion but simply how it goes.
Hence, the only type of guy that would truly "accept" you in an intimate way aswell as in regards of a relationship, will be an openly Bisexual male- Not a gay male.
QuotePlus men who kiss other men are hot. I know, because I used to be a man shoving his tongue down a throat of another man.
That has nothing to do with having been gay at all, as even loads of heterosexual Cis-females finds guys making out, hot, just in the same way that a lot of heterosexual Cis-males gets turned on by seeing two chicks making out, too.
I have never told another person I used to be a boy, never, PERIOD. Nobody in my town nor my city knows who i used to be, I will probably tell my fiance (been living together for 2 years) before he puts that ring on my finger...but that is about it. I think i can get away with it though, we shall see...if not there are plenty of guys out there =].
I personally do not feel that anyone needs to know post SRS...just live your life and enjoy your new womanhood for once and enjoy whatever good relationship goes your way. If you MUST tell him, tell him after several months AFTER he has already gotten to know your personality and who YOU ARE. If you tell him off the bat you are trans, than that is all he will see you as...a trans woman. But if he actually got to know you, you will be a woman who is trans. Get it?
Girl, if you can get away with being a hot chick, and men are chasing you around the playground...then enjoy it responsibly. Only downside to nobody knowing you are trans is the loneliness...i get that a lot...especially when i want to talk about my situation, and how i used to be as a boy. But he doesnt know that and it sucks when you can't tell him your issues. My outlet is this forum...this is where i go when i cannot vent.
Funny parts are when he asks me why i have glass dildos with numbers on them (my dilators) lmaaaaaaaaaaao, i told him i like to know how deep i can go...which isnt so far from the truth i guess =P
Thanks for the reminder to throw away my dilators ^_^ .
The problem with bringing it up to non trans people is by bringing it up you are communicating to them that it is an issue. I don't bring it up because it isn't an issue, and I don't want to make it an issue.
More and more I realize I was never a boy. So why would I cause someone to believe I was one? Saying you were something implies ownership.
Quote from: KillBelle on January 12, 2012, 11:50:12 PM
I have never told another person I used to be a boy, never, PERIOD. Nobody in my town nor my city knows who i used to be, I will probably tell my fiance (been living together for 2 years) before he puts that ring on my finger...but that is about it. I think i can get away with it though, we shall see...if not there are plenty of guys out there =].
I personally do not feel that anyone needs to know post SRS...just live your life and enjoy your new womanhood for once and enjoy whatever good relationship goes your way. If you MUST tell him, tell him after several months AFTER he has already gotten to know your personality and who YOU ARE. If you tell him off the bat you are trans, than that is all he will see you as...a trans woman. But if he actually got to know you, you will be a woman who is trans. Get it?
Girl, if you can get away with being a hot chick, and men are chasing you around the playground...then enjoy it responsibly. Only downside to nobody knowing you are trans is the loneliness...i get that a lot...especially when i want to talk about my situation, and how i used to be as a boy. But he doesnt know that and it sucks when you can't tell him your issues. My outlet is this forum...this is where i go when i cannot vent.
Funny parts are when he asks me why i have glass dildos with numbers on them (my dilators) lmaaaaaaaaaaao, i told him i like to know how deep i can go...which isnt so far from the truth i guess =P
I do however remember you telling you previous boyfriend, though.
Although it is fully understandable that you really do not want to tell anyone again after that experience.
I truly wish you all luck in the current relationship.
I think there is an age thing here also... and not just for passing...
If you have spend decades in male-guise it become almost impossible to cover your tracks with non-information, twisted truth, and BS in general.
A life situation that would be as, if not more, stressful then it was pre-transition.
So the old girls, I guess, would HAVE to own up.
What say you?
Axélle
Quote from: Beverley on January 13, 2012, 01:30:17 PM
I will be 50 this year so I guess that I am an 'old girl'. I have no intention of owning up for anyone. My life is mine and my private matters are private to me. "Bugger off" is the only answer required to a nosey question.
;D
Beverley
We are talking about intimate relationships, or?
Like, - now put in your thingy --- and shut-up your face... really?
Not too sure about that now,
Axélle
Quote from: KillBelle on January 12, 2012, 11:50:12 PM
If you MUST tell him, tell him after several months AFTER he has already gotten to know your personality and who YOU ARE. If you tell him off the bat you are trans, than that is all he will see you as...a trans woman. But if he actually got to know you, you will be a woman who is trans. Get it?
Lots of good points in this thread, but thats about the best advice although every situation is different.
My own situation, I was dating my boyfriend / Fiancé for nearly 18months and had no idea I was trans, he only ever saw me and only ever knew me as a woman, I did eventually tell him my history when he wanted to get engaged and put that diamond engagement on my finger, it was a bit of a shock, but I was relieved, its now a non issue, in the past, distance history, we never speak about it now, we got married in August 2010, he's now a working husband, Im just another boring housewife.
p
Quote from: Bishounen on January 13, 2012, 09:53:38 AM
I do however remember you telling you previous boyfriend, though.
Although it is fully understandable that you really do not want to tell anyone again after that experience.
I truly wish you all luck in the current relationship.
Yes that was the case, however...I have since moved to a different city, people here do not know...yet.
And honestly i wish i have the courage to tell people, but I don't have that mental strength. All the more power to the women who pass very very well but are completely open about who they are to the public. Personally i don't see why i need to walk around with a target board on my chest that screams (yay me i'm trans and proud!), because I perceive myself as a very dynamic person with more important personality traits than just the fact that I am transgendered...yet i don't need to display THOSE qualities publicly either. I guess the situation is different from people to people, perhaps i am not mature enough to grasp it...who knows.
I've lived most of my life as a boy and wondered every day about whether or not i will ever be a girl...now that my day has come...i just want to enjoy the peace and quiet without having to worry about any more gender issues. My destination to womanhood is finally here.
Quote from: pretty pauline on January 13, 2012, 05:21:25 PM
Lots of good points in this thread, but thats about the best advice although every situation is different.
My own situation, I was dating my boyfriend / Fiancé for nearly 18months and had no idea I was trans, he only ever saw me and only ever knew me as a woman, I did eventually tell him my history when he wanted to get engaged and put that diamond engagement on my finger, it was a bit of a shock, but I was relieved, its now a non issue, in the past, distance history, we never speak about it now, we got married in August 2010, he's now a working husband, Im just another boring housewife.
p
If you don't mind me asking, were you two sexually intimate before you told him?
This is a subject where I have actual experience. My hair was blond and my guy was in another line of the construction business. Otherwise.... yep, that was me.
I dated much more than I ever thought that I would. I didn't tell any of them. For most of the people I saw, it was one or two get togethers at most. I just wasn't interested. Most importantly, I was very firm about intimacy. NO.
Before I met HIM, I had decided that I could never love anyone without becoming friends first. Friends learn to talk about things, politics, relationships, religion, and so on. And so when I met Mr. Right, we became friends first. I told him right off that I was a complex person to get to know and that was how I would build a relationship. We did things that friends do in addition to regular date type stuff. Backpacking was the ultimate in getting to know him. When you're out like that, you depend on each other and develop a certain sense of trust.... or not. But with him, it was strong. When the time came for intimacy (anything more than a peck on the cheek), I had a really good idea that he might be open to the idea. I told him, he didn't give it a second thought. He was my best friend and to him, I was the love of his life. It got better from there.....
Cindi
Quote from: Robertina on January 13, 2012, 06:08:29 PM
If you don't mind me asking, were you two sexually intimate before you told him?
Robertina, no I don't mind you asking, yes we where sexually intimate before I tolded him, Im post op since 1985 so Iv had the right equipment to have a sexual relationship as a woman with a straight guy, it would be complicated if I didn't, Iv always said its less complicated for a woman to wait till she has her surgery to have a successful sexual relationship with a straight guy.
My Husband has tolded me that he could never tell the difference that I wasn't born with my pussy and could never know it was created by surgery, he's a completely straight guy and had girlfriends before me, this issue has been discussed many times before on this forum, I posted here https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,77703.msg538355.html#msg538355 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,77703.msg538355.html#msg538355) I hope my Husband continues to be attracted to me and I hope I can continue to please Him in that way as a woman. He did get over the shock, but now fully excepts my history and reassures me that Iv always been a woman he fell in love with, the exceptance and the way He still looks at me, has given me great confidence as a woman.
Pauline