Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So this thread is not starting pre hrt. I am now 14 weeks since starting hormones and blockers, but maybe starting a little late is ok. I am 36 years old and I am a transgender woman.
I have known, like many of you, about my being different from the normal since 5 or 6 years old. My most vivid memory was of my dad shaving in the bathroom while I was sitting next to him on the sink. I loved to go around acting as cute as I could and smiling really big to try and get others to smile back at me. I did this to my dad and he said, not in a negative way, that I would have made a really good girl. This was the first time that someone had seen "me" and I felt so validated! I never spoke about this to anyone until this year, and I grew up knowing that how I felt was not "acceptable". I have three other brothers and I grew up in a very masculine household. My dad played college football,  was always lifting weights, constantly took us to gun shows or target shooting, and had us in martial arts at the age of 4.
I had no sisters and my mom was the only feminine source I had. I can remember in 1st grade, my hand being smacked by the teacher for braiding a girls hair. In middle school my nickname was "switch", because of the way I walked (wide hips). I purposely went as far away from anything feminine for fear of my true self being revealed.
At 17 things became only worse when I had a Christian experience and felt self condemned for my feelings. I became a pharisee among pharisees and judged not only myself but others around me. This dark period continued for 13 more years until I reached a tipping point, relizing how foolish I was, and also begining to understand forgiveness and grace.
I married at the age of 21 and we have now been married for going on 15 years. She has helped me grow in love and understanding so much and thus far we are still together. But everyday is different.
In May of this year I had another tipping point. Thus far I had been able to keep my dysphoria secret, but I had several stressful incidents occur including selling our house, preparing to possibly move across the county, job worries, family difficulties, and giant diet change (changed to vegan). I quickly found my dysphoria out of control.
I could no longer continue to live without life, to be walking dead, not myself.

I didn't know who or where to turn. My mind/emotions/despair was so deep that I was having tunnel vision. I was able to find a local psychologist who was lgbt friendly, but I would have to wait for an appointment. I googled transgender chat and found myself chatting with a live person, whom I told what was happening to me. The person was very patient with me and after all my ranting wrote, "What your writing is that you are 'coming out'". It was like a revalation! Yes, I was coming out! What a perfect saying. I had heard this before, but now the saying was meaningful/personal. For some reason I felt a joy/comfort/peace after this.
This gave me a deep appreciation for people who volunteer to help through these chat lines. I am honestly not sure who I would have turned to or what I would have done because I was in a desperate state.

Thus began a series of events for coming out. I did and am still doing so much self learning about what it means to be transgender, and I have learned sooooooo much through you all here in Susan's Place. I could literally write a book about the last six months since coming out. There have been so many ups and downs, so many moments of joy and grief, of love and fear.

I must say that one of the greatest joys I have received from coming out is finding my voice. Literally. I never used to talk. My own parents tell me this, and I now know that it was a self defense mechanism because when I speak I inevitably will reveal who I am. But I started voice training 5 months ago and through it discovered that I really love to sing! And others tell me that I have a good voice. In order for me to voice train at home, I have found that singing is the best way for me to do so. My pitch has greatly improved through this and it is so much fun, especially through a singing app I use.

Another fun thing I have been doing is taking at least one selfie a week to document my changes. I will try to post a picture, but it is amazing to see how the facial expressions have changed. I could not smile or express joy before coming out but slowly that has changed.

Here's a short video I made of just the changes over the last 6 months  ><

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4qz8OAooBdc


On the darker side. My family have basically outcasted me. I have made a thread on this already, but the current climate is that I am an embarrassment to the family. My siblings refuse to not only not communicate with me, but they will not let me see my nephews and neices. My parents still see and speak with me, but it is guarded conversations. My wife is slowly accepting things. I am not sure how things will go when I get my adams apple reduction in 3 months and orchiectomy in 9 months.

I have met wonderful trans friends, especially through Susan's. I have met multiple trans persons in the last 6 months working as a PACU nurse. I don't know if I was just ignorant before, but since coming out I somehow run into our peeps all the time!

For the medical/psychological portion: My mind became almost immediately more calm (2 or 3 days in). My endocrinologist started me on Estradiol patches and spironolactone, and my 4 month appointment is early December, when hopefully she will at least double my doses. Physically I haven't seen too many changes. My chest/buds definately are always tender and there is a little growth. I have had 5 facial hair laser treatments, and have seen 85% reduction. I stopped exercising for a few months because I have alot of lean muscle and veins on my arms. I will resume yoga and cardio in maybe 3 more months. My diet has been vegan since 08/2017.

Measurements:
07/13/2018
Height: 74 in
Weight: 150#
Neck: 14in
Shoulders: 44in
Chest: 37in
Waist: 28.5in
Hips: 36.5in

Labs:
05/02/18 (pre hrt)
Hgba1c: 4.6
Cholesterol: 142
Triglycerides: 33
VLDL Cholesterol: 7
LDL cholesterol: 62
Cholesterol/HDL Ratio: 1.9
HLD: 73

08/01/18 (pre hrt)
Hgb: 15.7
Plt: 185
K+: 4.2
BUN: 9
Creatinine: 0.8
Protein: 6.9
Estradiol, serum: 32.6
Prolactin, serum: 5.1
Testosterone, total: 460
Testosterone, free: 15
T4 free: 0.96
TSH: 1.230

08/30/18 (3 weeks HRT)
K+: 3.8
BUN: 15
Creatinine: 0.7

Thank you for sharing this intimate telling of your experiences that led you on this path.
In future posts, as you transition, you may want to chronicle your successes, failures, hates, loves, what makes you cry and what makes you laugh.
You will reread this later on and watch how life unfolded for you in your transition to the woman you are...............and remember.

Hugs, Jessica

@gracefulhat
Wow, your experiences which eventually led you to your transition journey describe the kinds of rocky roads that most of us that transition travel down.   I am most happy that you have now come to a good place in your life where you are committed to reaching your transition goals.  Compared to many on here on the forums you started HRT comparatively young when you were 35 years old.   I started HRT when I was 35 years old in March 2015 so we are similar in that regard.

I am happy that your started your own personal transition and life-events thread to not only chronicle your transition progress but also your life events and life endeavors during your journey.

As our lovely member  @Jessica  mentioned in her previous comment, this is something that at any time you can sit down and read about your your ups and downs and your good times and your not-so-good times.... and here on the forums when you share with your readers and followers you can trade comments and suggestions with each other that can be most helpful to all.

I might also suggest that you keep a more private personal pen & paper journal for things that you do not desire to necessarily share with everyone.   
I have kept a diary/journal since I was in school and have continued making entrees and notations currently.   Not only will it be "fun" to read later on in your life but also can provide insight as to how you dealt with your life issues.

Again, thank you for posting and sharing, I will be eagerly looking for your future postings on your journal thread but also as you continue with your postings on various threads around the forums as you have been doing.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: gracefulhat on November 17, 2018, 05:33:22 PM

...I never spoke about this to anyone...

...I grew up knowing that how I felt was not an "acceptable"...

...because of the way I walked...

I could no longer continue to live without life, to be walking dead, not myself.

I can relate to a lot of things you wrote, the ones in the quote could have been written about me as well. I quickly learned that my feelings are not "normal" from the perspective of the average people so I learned to hide my feelings.
Later, after a "You walk like a girl.." comment from a classmate, I spent considerable effort to suppress my feminine mannerisms as well. I still couldn't really fit in as a boy but at least my emotions were hidden from everyone, including my parents.

I tried to hold everything inside but I couldn't, so at first I started to write a journal to myself but I was afraid to discuss my feelings with anyone, even on the Internet. I knew that if I would start posting on sites like this one, that would start a chain reaction in me and I would loose control. That worked for a few years, I was secretly crossdressing, then I started to buy shoes and clothes and after some time I just needed to do something more. Most of the time it still feels like I just exist instead of really living. Really living my life feels so close, yet so far away as there are still things to solve after years of switching between male and female presentation.

Quote from: Jessica on November 17, 2018, 06:01:08 PM
Thank you for sharing this intimate telling of your experiences that led you on this path.
In future posts, as you transition, you may want to chronicle your successes, failures, hates, loves, what makes you cry and what makes you laugh.
You will reread this later on and watch how life unfolded for you in your transition to the woman you are...............and remember.

Hugs, Jessica

Thank you Jessica for the advice, I will take it to heart, because I do like to make things appear more pleasant than reality at times. Thus far I have had trouble really opening up to my psychologist as well, because it takes me a long........ time to trust people.

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 17, 2018, 06:49:11 PM
@gracefulhat
Wow, your experiences which eventually led you to your transition journey describe the kinds of rocky roads that most of us that transition travel down.   I am most happy that you have now come to a good place in your life where you are committed to reaching your transition goals.  Compared to many on here on the forums you started HRT comparatively young when you were 35 years old.   I started HRT when I was 35 years old in March 2015 so we are similar in that regard.

I am happy that your started your own personal transition and life-events thread to not only chronicle your transition progress but also your life events and life endeavors during your journey.

As our lovely member  @Jessica  mentioned in her previous comment, this is something that at any time you can sit down and read about your your ups and downs and your good times and your not-so-good times.... and here on the forums when you share with your readers and followers you can trade comments and suggestions with each other that can be most helpful to all.

I might also suggest that you keep a more private personal pen & paper journal for things that you do not desire to necessarily share with everyone.   
I have kept a diary/journal since I was in school and have continued making entrees and notations currently.   Not only will it be "fun" to read later on in your life but also can provide insight as to how you dealt with your life issues.

Again, thank you for posting and sharing, I will be eagerly looking for your future postings on your journal thread but also as you continue with your postings on various threads around the forums as you have been doing.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Thank you Danielle! Making a diary of the really intimate things is a good idea.

Quote from: Lynne on November 17, 2018, 06:52:57 PM
Most of the time it still feels like I just exist instead of really living. Really living my life feels so close, yet so far away as there are still things to solve after years of switching between male and female presentation.

Lynne, my heart goes out to you!

Just had an interesting date with my parents. My dad is big into guns, and I am not, but I have decided that if I want a relationship with him than I need to do what he enjoys. Since deciding to transition, we have not had a meaningful conversation. But after going target shooting with my parents today, we then went to Marks Feed Store where my dad sincerely asked about being transgender. They really wanted to understand this time, unlike before when I felt like he wanted to debate (which I refuse to debate about my gender). So I explained things to them that they had never heard and afterwards they both said that it really helps them to understand what being trans really is. It was a really beautiful moment, rare indeed.

Yes advice and education is a worthwhile tool even with parents.

I am glad your parents have appreciated your explanation and hopefuly the next stage will indeed be understanding followed by complete acceptance.

I wish you success.

Hugs

Pamela

Quote from: gracefulhat on November 18, 2018, 03:56:06 PM
Just had an interesting date with my parents. My dad is big into guns, and I am not, but I have decided that if I want a relationship with him than I need to do what he enjoys. Since deciding to transition, we have not had a meaningful conversation. But after going target shooting with my parents today, we then went to Marks Feed Store where my dad sincerely asked about being transgender. They really wanted to understand this time, unlike before when I felt like he wanted to debate (which I refuse to debate about my gender). So I explained things to them that they had never heard and afterwards they both said that it really helps them to understand what being trans really is. It was a really beautiful moment, rare indeed.

That's awesome!  To me, that sounds like a huge step forward.  Hopefully things will begin to build on that in the right direction with them. 

Quote from: pamelatransuk on November 19, 2018, 07:15:56 AM
Yes advice and education is a worthwhile tool even with parents.

I am glad your parents have appreciated your explanation and hopefuly the next stage will indeed be understanding followed by complete acceptance.

I wish you success.

Hugs

Pamela

Wow, complete acceptance is something I would never even dream of, but maybe!

Quote from: BrianaJ on November 19, 2018, 07:46:31 AM
That's awesome!  To me, that sounds like a huge step forward.  Hopefully things will begin to build on that in the right direction with them.

thx Briana!

Quote from: gracefulhat on November 17, 2018, 05:33:22 PM

QuoteSo this thread is not starting pre hrt. I am now 14 weeks since starting hormones and blockers, but maybe starting a little late is ok. I am 36 years old and I am a transgender woman.

Quote

I have to smile that you think you are starting late.  What would you call transitioning at 70!   Actually we have a lot in common, the big difference being there was no one to understand what I was going through as a youth.   So when I told the psychiatrist 50 years ago that I wanted to be a woman and hated my genitals, he had no idea what I was talking about.   Just another line to add to my mental illness file.    You are so fortunate to have found answers EARLY in life, that modern psychology and medicine has progressed tremendously in the last 50 years.

I really wish you the best, life has dealt us a difficult hand but there are answers today.  For myself, I can truly say better late than never!   Hooray!

Quote from: Dorit on November 19, 2018, 11:57:16 AM


I have to smile that you think you are starting late.  What would you call transitioning at 70!   Actually we have a lot in common, the big difference being there was no one to understand what I was going through as a youth.   So when I told the psychiatrist 50 years ago that I wanted to be a woman and hated my genitals, he had no idea what I was talking about.   Just another line to add to my mental illness file.    You are so fortunate to have found answers EARLY in life, that modern psychology and medicine has progressed tremendously in the last 50 years.

I really wish you the best, life has dealt us a difficult hand but there are answers today.  For myself, I can truly say better late than never!   Hooray!

Dorit, thank you for your kind words! I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for no one to be able to validate you for so long. I am definately thankful to be alive at this time and in this country. God bless.

QuoteAt 17 things became only worse when I had a Christian experience and felt self condemned for my feelings. I became a pharisee among pharisees and judged not only myself but others around me. This dark period continued for 13 more years until I reached a tipping point, relizing how foolish I was, and also begining to understand forgiveness and grace

I too went through a religious period that in retrospect lasted too many years.   It just added to my self condemnation.  I would pray and ask God to forgive me and heal me.   I used to Google healing for crossdressing.   About ten years ago I started to read other sites and discovered what it meant to be born transgender.   Also, I began a shift from judgemental Judeo-Christian religion to a more accepting Buddhist expression.   The world has changed tremendously, and the internet has opened it to all.   I am so grateful that even in this last chapter of life I have found the healing and joy of self acceptance and the gift of being able to transition.   Like you too, I have paid a price of some serious rejection, but I bought the field and found the pearl!

Quote from: Dorit on November 19, 2018, 12:48:35 PM
I too went through a religious period that in retrospect lasted too many years.   It just added to my self condemnation.  I would pray and ask God to forgive me and heal me.   I used to Google healing for crossdressing.   About ten years ago I started to read other sites and discovered what it meant to be born transgender.   Also, I began a shift from judgemental Judeo-Christian religion to a more accepting Buddhist expression.   The world has changed tremendously, and the internet has opened it to all.   I am so grateful that even in this last chapter of life I have found the healing and joy of self acceptance and the gift of being able to transition.   Like you too, I have paid a price of some serious rejection, but I bought the field and found the pearl!

You look so amazing, can't believe that your 70 yo!

Dorit please check out this article about a 99 year old ww2 veteran who transtioned at 70 years old after her wife passed away, it will melt your heart, she is so beautiful  :D
https://www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-england-south-yorkshire-45937939/meet-the-99-year-old-transgender-ww2-veteran

So I began wearing Lancome liquid primer and foundation to work 2 weeks ago. I was really nervous the first day, but no one noticed I was wearing it! I told my manager at the end of the day and she was legit suprised I had it on, so I know it's not a case of me just thinking that its ok, and everyone thinking to themselves the opposite. So for two weeks I have only had one girl I work with ask me about it, and she asked if I had done something to my face since my complection looked clearer.
Fast foward to yesterday and I walked into the bathroom and accidently saw my face because I was helping a patient, and it startled me. To me, when I saw myself I felt like all I could see was the foundation! I have been trying to be as low key as possible, not trying to be too obvious about transitioning because I don't want to freak patients and their families out. All the people I work directly with have known since before I started hrt.
But it embarrassed me, to myself. I feel like my face is way too thin and masculine to ever pass without ffs, and that leads me to a dilemma. Should I back off the makeup and wait longer? I know hormones take years and I need to be patient with myself. I can see that I am getting closer to the middle of the road though where I won't be able to hide things like long hair, breast... and I am a little nervous about it because it will be so apparent for everyone that I am trans. I don't want to dress like a boy anymore and I threw out almost all my boy clothes.

Well I wasn't invited to Thanksgiving @ my parents with everyone else this morning because my siblings don't want their children around me since I'm transtioning. So I was pretty depressed this afternoon. My mom called around 4pm, which I knew she would, and wanted me to come visit since everyone else had left. I had mixed emotions during the drive to their house which included some curse words in my mind, then tears, then prayer. I know if I get upset then it will only be bad for me and i just need to let it slide off of me. So after getting there I ended up having a good time. I ate with my parents and then one of my older brothers came back over by himself and we all played spades together. I found myself laughing and smiling the most since... I can't remember it's been so long.

Quote from: gracefulhat on November 22, 2018, 08:43:36 PM
Well I wasn't invited to Thanksgiving @ my parents with everyone else this morning because my siblings don't want their children around me since I'm transtioning. So I was pretty depressed this afternoon. My mom called around 4pm, which I knew she would, and wanted me to come visit since everyone else had left. I had mixed emotions during the drive to their house which included some curse words in my mind, then tears, then prayer. I know if I get upset then it will only be bad for me and i just need to let it slide off of me. So after getting there I ended up having a good time. I ate with my parents and then one of my older brothers came back over by himself and we all played spades together. I found myself laughing and smiling the most since... I can't remember it's been so long.

@gracefulhat
When I started reading your update I was feeling very sad for you regarding not being included in your family Thanksgiving dinner... then I kept reading and I realized that the ending was a much happier time for you.

I am glad that you day ended well.... but I am still sad about your siblings rejecting you... based on my own transition experience I can definitely feel your pain.   I know exactly how your are feeling about all of this.

Hang in there girl, I am glad that your parents and your brother all got together at your parents home to have a post Thanksgiving meal time ... and a card game too.   Finally laughing and smiling is a good thing.

Thanks for sharing.
Lots of hugs and more hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: gracefulhat on November 19, 2018, 10:39:59 PM
Dorit please check out this article about a 99 year old ww2 veteran who transtioned at 70 years old after her wife passed away, it will melt your heart, she is so beautiful  :D
https://www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-england-south-yorkshire-45937939/meet-the-99-year-old-transgender-ww2-veteran

I am over 70 years old, and still in the midst of transition!  It has nothing to do with age, it is a mental thing,  But one has to be sure to keep ones body in shape to handle this!  Physically I am not afraid to compete with any person in his/her late 50s!

Gracefulhat

Thank you for sharing. I am also starting late. I'm 49 and just came out to my doctor. Hopefully starting HRT soon. I am hoping for injection instead of the patch. I wonder if its my choice?

I'll be watching your progress.

Jenny

Quote from: Jenny1969 on November 24, 2018, 01:59:56 PM
Gracefulhat

Thank you for sharing. I am also starting late. I'm 49 and just came out to my doctor. Hopefully starting HRT soon. I am hoping for injection instead of the patch. I wonder if its my choice?

I'll be watching your progress.

Jenny

Congrats Jenny on starting your medical transition soon! We will do it together  :D My endo really preferred the patches because its a consistent dose and it bypasses the liver. So I thinknit depends on your provider. I'm sure she would switch me to pills if I wanted though, but blood clots I've read are more often associated with the pills. Keep us updated on your progress please.

Quote from: Dietlind on November 23, 2018, 03:05:36 AM
I am over 70 years old, and still in the midst of transition!  It has nothing to do with age, it is a mental thing,  But one has to be sure to keep ones body in shape to handle this!  Physically I am not afraid to compete with any person in his/her late 50s!

Maybe Indiana Jones was right, "It's not the years, it's the mileage." My dad is 72 years young and he still runs 2 miles a day, lifts weights, and rides his motorcycle. I think baby boomers have revolutionized every stage of life  ;D

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 22, 2018, 11:10:59 PM

@gracefulhat
When I started reading your update I was feeling very sad for you regarding not being included in your family Thanksgiving dinner... then I kept reading and I realized that the ending was a much happier time for you.

I am glad that you day ended well.... but I am still sad about your siblings rejecting you... based on my own transition experience I can definitely feel your pain.   I know exactly how your are feeling about all of this.

Hang in there girl, I am glad that your parents and your brother all got together at your parents home to have a post Thanksgiving meal time ... and a card game too.   Finally laughing and smiling is a good thing.

Thanks for sharing.
Lots of hugs and more hugs,
Danielle

Thanks Danielle! Btw, can you see the mountains where you live?

Quote from: gracefulhat on November 17, 2018, 05:33:22 PM
I could no longer continue to live without life, to be walking dead, not myself.

I so relate to this. I was a "zombie" before coming out. Just going through the motions.

So glad to hear about the break-through with your parents after you went shooting.

Couldn't suppress a little smile about the "starting late". Oh, I wish I started at your age! But yes, any time is late when you have wasted time not living to the fullest.

Thanks for sharing this.

Quote from: dee82 on November 24, 2018, 05:17:16 PM
I so relate to this. I was a "zombie" before coming out. Just going through the motions.

So glad to hear about the break-through with your parents after you went shooting.

Couldn't suppress a little smile about the "starting late". Oh, I wish I started at your age! But yes, any time is late when you have wasted time not living to the fullest.

Thanks for sharing this.

I guess if we are still alive, then it's never too late!

Hello,

You are very lucky to have parents that are trying to learn and a brother that is there for you too. It will take time and understanding on their part to see you are you but in a different wrapper.

I understand it must have been very difficult to be treated differently than before by your family. It will take time for them to understand and get over the change. In the end if they truly love you then your happiness is what should matter.

Quote from: gracefulhat on November 24, 2018, 02:47:41 PM
Thanks Danielle! Btw, can you see the mountains where you live?

@gracefulhat
Dear Grace:
Yes indeed, close up mountain views right behind my house... 

Here are some photos from mid-July last summer when I went for a hike up into the hills behind my home.
This link below will take you to a posting I made on m Hunted Prey thread on July 14, 2018
        https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,236395.msg2154312.html#msg2154312

Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 24, 2018, 07:30:35 PM
@gracefulhat
Dear Grace:
Yes indeed, close up mountain views right behind my house... 

Here are some photos from mid-July last summer when I went for a hike up into the hills behind my home.
This link below will take you to a posting I made on m Hunted Prey thread on July 14, 2018
        https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,236395.msg2154312.html#msg2154312

Hugs,
Danielle

Oh how wonderfully beautiful! We went to Mount Raineer in May and these remind me of that experience. You are blessed to live there. Thanks for the link btw, I haven't yet read through your story, but I will now.

Quote from: Rachel on November 24, 2018, 06:43:35 PM
Hello,

You are very lucky to have parents that are trying to learn and a brother that is there for you too. It will take time and understanding on their part to see you are you but in a different wrapper.

I understand it must have been very difficult to be treated differently than before by your family. It will take time for them to understand and get over the change. In the end if they truly love you then your happiness is what should matter.

I know that I am very lucky, especially compared to so many of our trans family around the world, so I can't complain. But it still hurts, yet it's good to keep perspective.

Quote from: gracefulhat on November 24, 2018, 02:46:32 PM
Maybe Indiana Jones was right, "It's not the years, it's the mileage." My dad is 72 years young and he still runs 2 miles a day, lifts weights, and rides his motorcycle. I think baby boomers have revolutionized every stage of life  ;D

I can't run anymore, because of a back problem, But I walk every day possible about 4 miles, and go to the gym twice a week for two hours each to do strength training.  An older body does not mean to be  decaying body,  healthy nutrition and physical activity combined with mental activity can make people live a long time with a good life.  I have a 89 year old female friend, who drives a Mini Cooper S, and boy, does she push that baby!  I bet she could participate in Rallys, if she would want to!

Quote from: gracefulhat on November 24, 2018, 02:46:32 PMI think baby boomers have revolutionized every stage of life  ;D

LOL!  You are welcome!  :D  I am 64, right in the middle of the baby boom, and loving life at last.

Quote from: gracefulhat on November 24, 2018, 05:45:19 PM
I guess if we are still alive, then it's never too late!

Amen!

Count me in at 71!    I also practice a healthy lifestyle with daily exercise and a very natural Mediterranean diet.   I would like to say that it is also genetic to a certain extent.    However, while I am very genetically similar to my mother, she died of Leukemia at 45.   Life is wild!

As you say, "Better late than never, Jamie".

You are 36; reverse the digits and you find my age - 63. I am 9 months HRT and publicly transitioning in 2019.

I am a baby boomer and thank you for your thoughts on us.

We only start to live, when we accept who we are as trans and take positive action - therapy, HRT, transition etc.

Hugs

Pamela

Had my 6th laser treatment this am and wow, my upper lip and chin is so swollen! Usually I go home and avoid the public for the rest of the day, but I received a message from my psychologist saying that someone had dropped out of a group therapy that she runs for trans persons and I can join today if I wanted.
So I admit, I am vain. My first thought was, I can't go because my face looks like crap! I did end up deciding to go and I am so glad I did. There were 7 other trans persons plus two psychologists and we had a lovely time. I got to meet new people like myself and we will meet every week for 15 more weeks. Ah and I wore a face mask throughout the meeting ><  :laugh: :D. It's good sometimes to be uncomfortable.

4 month update =_=

I had my first follow up appointment with my endocrinologist this AM and she was really kind. I told her about my changes since starting hrt and she seemed pleased. My chest has been tender for he last month, decreased libido, slight decrease in body hair growth, decreased anxiety, able to concentrate/focus. We went over my complete metabolic panel, which showed everything as within normal limits. She did not want my estradiol and testosterone levels checked yet, but will do so February 28th, one week before the next appointment. My estradiol patch has been increased by 1.5x and spironolactone was doubled (+_+) yay!!! I am really relieved about this and I am ready for some new changes. Ah and I have gained 6 pounds which is a good thing.

(//)Feminnized old faded tattoo https://imgur.com/gallery/2QflUk7

Here's a link to my modified tattoo done today. The dragon was done when I turned 17, 19 years ago (+_+)
Wish someone would write how I can post the actual picture on the page.

@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie:
Thank you for posting your good news update.  It sounds like that you are well on your way...  at 4 months of HRT as you are now you should soon be experiencing more significant changes at a quicker pace.  This is certainly an exciting time for you in your journey.   

I will continue to eagerly follow your thread as you post more updates and comments regarding your transition
journey...
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: gracefulhat on December 05, 2018, 11:21:46 AM
4 month update =_=

I had my first follow up appointment with my endocrinologist this AM and she was really kind. I told her about my changes since starting hrt and she seemed pleased. My chest has been tender for he last month, decreased libido, slight decrease in body hair growth, decreased anxiety, able to concentrate/focus. We went over my complete metabolic panel, which showed everything as within normal limits. She did not want my estradiol and testosterone levels checked yet, but will do so February 28th, one week before the next appointment. My estradiol patch has been increased by 1.5x and spironolactone was doubled (+_+) yay!!! I am really relieved about this and I am ready for some new changes. Ah and I have gained 6 pounds which is a good thing.

Glad to hear everything is going good for you Jamie. Cool tattoo also. I've been thinking a lot lately about getting a tat.

Quote from: cargurl72 on December 05, 2018, 09:35:32 PM
Glad to hear everything is going good for you Jamie. Cool tattoo also. I've been thinking a lot lately about getting a tat.

Thx, I have to laugh at myself. Imgur is so brutally honest, but that's good. I think I'll just get it lasered.

Our marriage is a train wreck. We had a long argument this morning and she wants to see a marriage counselor but I am reluctant because how likely is it to find a counselor who has experience with this and is a trans ally and not biased? Even if I do go it seems pointless since she told me just this morning that her end goal is for me to stop transitioning. That is not happening and she thinks I am so selfish for this. I've tried to explain that for me this is life or death, it's not like deciding to buy a car. She can't understand why I didn't let her know about the dysphoria before deciding to transition and why we couldn't first talk about it and go through all the options. For me it wasn't optional. I was literally fighting for my life. How can I focus on her when I myself was dead inside and  becoming more and more depressed?

Sorry things aren't going so well in your marriage. Jamie, if you ever need someone to talk to I'm just a phone call away. I can't relate in what you're going through since I've never been married, but I'm a darn good listener. Hang in there girl.

Quote from: cargurl72 on December 16, 2018, 07:38:33 PM
Sorry things aren't going so well in your marriage. Jamie, if you ever need someone to talk to I'm just a phone call away. I can't relate in what you're going through since I've never been married, but I'm a darn good listener. Hang in there girl.

That really means a lot, thank you. We talked again and it seems that the plan is for us to move in September to Washington State where she wants to finish school and then hopefully start a career so she can be independent. I am getting an orchiectomy in August if all goes as planned. We will then divorce when she feels financially stable, in fact we may divorce while still living together. Life is full of twists and who knows how this will actually pan out.

Jamie, I am saddened to hear about your wife being so against this. My wife was mad as hell when I told her, and I did not give her a say in my transition. I was on HRT for several months before I told her I had started. My HRT doctor suggested a therapist, and amazingly enough the therapist's husband had transitioned (MTF) several years ago. Their marriage did not survive, but it certainly gave her insight into the situation. Every time it looked like things were falling apart for us I asked my wife if she wanted to leave. She always said 'no' and told me that she loved me. My wife is happier now than she had been in many years. It is hard when the person you love can't see the pain in your life and recognize that you are doing this for them, as well as yourself. How can your partner be happy when you are in pain?

If your marriage does come to an end, please consider it to be a new beginning. Love will find it's way back into your life one day, and you will find a partner who loves you for who you are.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on December 16, 2018, 08:50:12 PM
Jamie, I am saddened to hear about your wife being so against this. My wife was mad as hell when I told her, and I did not give her a say in my transition. I was on HRT for several months before I told her I had started. My HRT doctor suggested a therapist, and amazingly enough the therapist's husband had transitioned (MTF) several years ago. Their marriage did not survive, but it certainly gave her insight into the situation. Every time it looked like things were falling apart for us I asked my wife if she wanted to leave. She always said 'no' and told me that she loved me. My wife is happier now than she had been in many years. It is hard when the person you love can't see the pain in your life and recognize that you are doing this for them, as well as yourself. How can your partner be happy when you are in pain?

If your marriage does come to an end, please consider it to be a new beginning. Love will find it's way back into your life one day, and you will find a partner who loves you for who you are.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

bless you Jessica. Who knows, we may survive this, but either way I know I am loved and blessed wherever I go. Thank you

My name has officially been changed to Jamie Kyla ...  ;D :D :D ;D 
I had to appear before a judge on Thursday and I was a little nervous that there would be all kinds of people there for various reasons and I thought the government workers would be cold. It was the exact opposite! There were only people changing their names and half of us were trans women, one who I happen to know. The judge and assistant were very kind and they even helped me to fill out some blank areas I had left on my papers.
This morning I had the paper certified by the Clerk's Office. I wasn't aware there was a fee, thankfully the clerk waived the  fee out of kindness and I wished her a Merry Christmas beforr zooming over to the social security office to change their records, which is free. 
In the morning I plan to  have my driver's license changed and then I'll start working on a passport, the bank, work...etc

@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie Kyla:
Very exciting news, you must be very thrilled to have this important and big step in your transition journey completed.

Lots of footwork and paper work to continue to get all the documents and licenses changed to your proper gender and legal name...   that task can take longer than you think it will because just when you thought that everything was done, something new pops up, or some important letter comes in the mail or email that may require your attention to those details.

You will however continue to get junk mail junk email and spam email for a long time with the wrong name and gender.

Again, very exciting news for sure, I am so very happy for you.
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Congratulations Jamie!!!  :eusa_clap:

This was a giant step forward in your journey. All of the government offices I worked with were great about the name change process, unfortunately some of the private companies are not so easy to deal with. I had to simply abandon a few of the credit card and online store accounts. As Danielle mentioned, this is a very time-consuming process, so start now. I have found the further down the road I travel, the more painful seeing my dead name becomes.

Let me be one of the first to wish Jamie Kyla a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Congratulations Jamie!
I plan the same steps for the first part of next year, once my orchidektomie has been done.
I wait until than with the name change, because I want to have some kind of physical evidence that there is nor way back for me!
With my name changing, I hope I will have an as smooth sailing as you had!

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 22, 2018, 01:13:49 AM
@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie Kyla:
Very exciting news, you must be very thrilled to have this important and big step in your transition journey completed.

Lots of footwork and paper work to continue to get all the documents and licenses changed to your proper gender and legal name...   that task can take longer than you think it will because just when you thought that everything was done, something new pops up, or some important letter comes in the mail or email that may require your attention to those details.

You will however continue to get junk mail junk email and spam email for a long time with the wrong name and gender.

Again, very exciting news for sure, I am so very happy for you.
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Yes, I think I'm mentally prepared that it's going to be a journey. I created a new email 6 months ago with my new name and have been using that since so the junk email hopefully won't be too bad

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on December 22, 2018, 05:31:56 AM
Congratulations Jamie!!!  :eusa_clap:

This was a giant step forward in your journey. All of the government offices I worked with were great about the name change process, unfortunately some of the private companies are not so easy to deal with. I had to simply abandon a few of the credit card and online store accounts. As Danielle mentioned, this is a very time-consuming process, so start now. I have found the further down the road I travel, the more painful seeing my dead name becomes.

Let me be one of the first to wish Jamie Kyla a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Thank you!  Merry Christmas to you too😋

Quote from: Dietlind on December 22, 2018, 07:15:50 AM
Congratulations Jamie!
I plan the same steps for the first part of next year, once my orchidektomie has been done.
I wait until than with the name change, because I want to have some kind of physical evidence that there is nor way back for me!
With my name changing, I hope I will have an as smooth sailing as you had!

I'm so happy for you getting the orchiectomy soon. I hope to have it done in August

Quote from: gracefulhat on December 22, 2018, 09:25:45 AM
I'm so happy for you getting the orchiectomy soon. I hope to have it done in August

Let's see if we can do a race who gets it first!

Quote from: Dietlind on December 22, 2018, 03:46:15 PM
Let's see if we can do a race who gets it first!

You're on!

Coming up on 6 months HRT ☺️ Time has been ridiculously slow and fast and I thought physically I would be further but it's good to celebrate a milestone
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cfQnJZtPvKs

Quote from: gracefulhat on January 26, 2019, 10:40:11 PM
Coming up on 6 months HRT ☺️ Time has been ridiculously slow and fast and I thought physically I would be further but it's good to celebrate a milestone
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cfQnJZtPvKs

I feel that our face/hair line has made quite a change towards femininity!

Nice video Jamie. Funny I was just thinking about you today. Hadn't talked to you in a couple of weeks. I hope to find out something on Monday on starting speech therapy.

Quote from: cargurl72 on January 27, 2019, 01:13:15 AM
Nice video Jamie. Funny I was just thinking about you today. Hadn't talked to you in a couple of weeks. I hope to find out something on Monday on starting speech therapy.

Thank you for thinking thinking about me girl! Please post on how it goes Monday about the speech therapy ☺️. I've been trying to stay busy lately so the time will  go faster. I've also been in two different trans support groups that meet weekly and it's so nice to be around our people. There's an understanding and acceptance that I've never experienced.

So quick update: I've been on hrt for over 7 months. My Endo increased both spironolactone and estradiol doses  which even within a week I can see alot of changes. I had a consultation with Dr. Jeffrey Goodwin of First Urology and it seems my surgery date for an orchiectomy will be August 27th  :D. I have been somewhat active in a trans support group and have met many new and lovely trans persons and even some spouses. Work is going okay, everyone has been kind so far. Last week I bought new Spring cloths and have changed from wearing a sports bra in public to a 34A bra. Mmm guess that covers alot of it. Thanks for reading  ;D

That's some really good news!! I go back to my doctor next week. I'll get to find out if my last spiro increase has made any difference in my numbers. I certainly feel better.

Quote from: cargurl72 on March 15, 2019, 11:44:38 PM
That's some really good news!! I go back to my doctor next week. I'll get to find out if my last spiro increase has made any difference in my numbers. I certainly feel better.

Hi cargurl! Are you on Facebook  btw? Maybe feeling better is the litmus test because my lab work was at first really upsetting. My T level doubled and my E level hardly increased. My Endo said it was expected because she didn't have me on a high dose patches of estradiol. She said the spironolactone was blocking the Testosterone so my body was trying to increase production in order to compensate, but that me being in higher dosage of estradiol now should bring that To level down. Like you I have felt better and I had seen changes so I stopped freaking out. I am so excited to have the orchiectomy so I won't have to worry about The at all and can get off spironolactone.

Quote from: gracefulhat on March 15, 2019, 11:09:36 PM
So quick update: I've been on hrt for over 7 months. My Endo increased both spironolactone and estradiol doses  which even within a week I can see alot of changes. I had a consultation with Dr. Jeffrey Goodwin of First Urology and it seems my surgery date for an orchiectomy will be August 27th  :D. I have been somewhat active in a trans support group and have met many new and lovely trans persons and even some spouses. Work is going okay, everyone has been kind so far. Last week I bought new Spring cloths and have changed from wearing a sports bra in public to a 34A bra. Mmm guess that covers alot of it. Thanks for reading  ;D

@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie
This a a wonderful and affirming update that you just posted. 

Terrific news on many fronts...  continue on and keep us all updated as you have been doing.

Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle

Hi, you will not believe how good you will feel after not having to take spiro.

I am happy for you about getting an orchi. I know how hard it is to have those things and how incredibly good it feels when they are no longer there. 

Thank you Danielle and Rachel :D.  Here's a little venting about something that happened a few hours ago. My spouse and I haven't been going out together to places for a few weeks. Today I asked her to go walking because the weather was nice, the sun was out. So we went to  the park in Louisville where we were married 14 years ago. I needed to use the BR so we stopped by the public golf course country club to use the BR and I was a little nervous since both the men's and women's are  multi stalls with showers in the very back. I've been full time for a while and decided the women's BR was best since there's usually no women at all the likely hood of running into someone in the BR was slim. I didn't want to use the men's for obvious reasons, especially since there is a good chance of running into guys, and the guys there are usually not too progressive from my experience. So I used the women's without issue and once I left the BR, on my way back outside I hear my dead name yelled out from the front concession stand. I could have died. It was my wife who had decided to come in and get food. She never uses my dead name or my real name, but instead will always say Honey... I could have died in that moment  :embarrassed:  :o  Once outside I told her to please not use my dead name and she said, well then what should I call you? I said, how about, Hey! Or how about my name! She then said she didn't even think about it. But it's really strange since she NEVER uses my name. Later tonight I couldn't stop thinking about it and brought the issue back up while she was talking about wanting me to take off work in a few weeks for vacation. Because of what happened today it really spooked me and makes me not want to go out in public with her at all. She obviously denied doing it on purpose which is most likely true, strange but probably true. She then told me that I look like a man still and the rest is history. The night just ended with a laying on of hands from her and praying a demon would come out of me, that she was happy with herself and why can't I just be happy too. Sigh.

Quote from: gracefulhat on March 17, 2019, 01:00:24 AM
The night just ended with a laying on of hands from her and praying a demon would come out of me, that she was happy with herself and why can't I just be happy too. Sigh.

Hi Jamie,

I would be easy on her using your dead name.   My SO still does it a year later, when she is in a hurry to get my attention and not thinking.   It is the above quote that seems to be a problem.   I had Christian friends that said the same thing to me when I came out of the closet two years ago.   They all eventually ended any friendship, but I was not married to any of them.   I really hope she can come to a more enlightened understanding.   I hope the best for you.

Thank you Dorit, you look beautiful btw. I guess it was made worse by the fact that I was already a little nervous since it wasn't a private bathroom. Yes, the whole demon thing, unless a miracle happens and her mind changes will probably be the end of our...

Jamie, I hate that this is happening to you. You are such a sweet person. Don't let her drag you down. You definitely don't look like a man. I really hope someday she accepts things as they are. I wish we lived a little closer to each other. You're such a good friend. Anytime you want someone to talk to you know you can call me.

Hugs ;-)

Quote from: cargurl72 on March 17, 2019, 02:13:40 PM
Jamie, I hate that this is happening to you. You are such a sweet person. Don't let her drag you down. You definitely don't look like a man. I really hope someday she accepts things as they are. I wish we lived a little closer to each other. You're such a good friend. Anytime you want someone to talk to you know you can call me.

Hugs ;-)

Thank you cargurl! You're a good friend too.

My current makeup routine (8 months HRT)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jgMGpH-nXEg

Awesome video!!! Made me smile! You look fabulous Jamie.

You are beautiful and a natural female!   Only 8 months HRT, minimal make-up, and you are so feminine. 

Thank you Dorit! I really wanted to document my routine because it seems to be evolving every few months.

@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie:
WOWzers!!!   
Nice update and with your posted video shows a wonderful and very impressive transition journey to date. 
....   and there is more to come for sure.
I will be eagerly following your future updates as you feel free to post them.

Thank you for sharing your story.
Big Hugs to you...
Danielle  

Jamie,
    I've noticed you worrying about how feminine you look and watching your videos that you posted your markedly handsome and attractive male face is morphing very rapidly into a very beautiful and obviously feminine face.  I think it won't be long before you don't see the old you at all and you start to see the beautiful woman you're becoming. Also, you are very sweet and endearing. It is apparent that you are empathetic and caring and those are strengths that cannot be under appreciated no matter what challenge you're facing.  I hope that your wife starts to mellow and accept the new you, even if things don't go an ideal way. 
My husband and I just had "the talk" last night over a bottle of wine and he isn't sure where this goes or how he fits in to it but I'm keeping my appointment with the clinic on Tuesday to be evaluated for hormones and I'm crossing my fingers that it goes well and they help me find some peace because I sure carry a demon and every day since I stopped fighting and started coming out and embracing my inner self it has steadily faded but it's a very bright image and will take a lot of fading to exorcise it.  I'm a couple of years ahead of you (40) and a few months behind you so I will be following your posts closely since we are so close in time.  I hope things keep getting better for you, and for all of us. You're worth it. Hugs.
Rae.

Thank you for your support Danielle💗

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 31, 2019, 02:15:22 PM
@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie:
WOWzers!!!   
Nice update and with your posted video shows a wonderful and very impressive transition journey to date. 
....   and there is more to come for sure.
I will be eagerly following your future updates as you feel free to post them.

Thank you for sharing your story.
Big Hugs to you...
Danielle  

Wow Rae, thank you soooooooooooo much for your kind words and for posting your story. I apologize for not responding sooner. How did the appointment go yesterday?  I'm sorry your having to go through all of this as well and I also hope your spouse will grow together with you and your love will be maintained. I'm also very excited for you also starting on your journey and we can definitely travel it together.
XOXO Jamie

Quote from: Rae321 on March 31, 2019, 07:38:38 PM
Jamie,
    I've noticed you worrying about how feminine you look and watching your videos that you posted your markedly handsome and attractive male face is morphing very rapidly into a very beautiful and obviously feminine face.  I think it won't be long before you don't see the old you at all and you start to see the beautiful woman you're becoming. Also, you are very sweet and endearing. It is apparent that you are empathetic and caring and those are strengths that cannot be under appreciated no matter what challenge you're facing.  I hope that your wife starts to mellow and accept the new you, even if things don't go an ideal way. 
My husband and I just had "the talk" last night over a bottle of wine and he isn't sure where this goes or how he fits in to it but I'm keeping my appointment with the clinic on Tuesday to be evaluated for hormones and I'm crossing my fingers that it goes well and they help me find some peace because I sure carry a demon and every day since I stopped fighting and started coming out and embracing my inner self it has steadily faded but it's a very bright image and will take a lot of fading to exorcise it.  I'm a couple of years ahead of you (40) and a few months behind you so I will be following your posts closely since we are so close in time.  I hope things keep getting better for you, and for all of us. You're worth it. Hugs.
Rae.

Thank you cargurl 💗💛💚

Quote from: cargurl72 on March 30, 2019, 11:28:16 PM
Awesome video!!! Made me smile! You look fabulous Jamie.

It went really well, thank you for checking, and I hope your today was better than your yesterday.  I did my coming out to the last girlfriend who didn't know (they're the only ones I'm telling right now-extended freinds can wait) over some lunch and she was really sweet and supportive.  I went to the appointment after, only cried once, and left with a placebo dose of spiro. It's terrifying still but exhilirating to be doing something concrete about it all.  I was so excited I ordered a new pair of cute boots from Sally's.  In a week they'll check my potassium levels and if all looks good they'll up my dose to something more normal and add the E in the mix. I posted last night that looking at the pills it gives a very "Alice" feeling to it all. fingers crossed we all come out the other side intact and happy. :)

Quote from: gracefulhat on April 03, 2019, 03:01:36 PM
Wow Rae, thank you soooooooooooo much for your kind words and for posting your story. I apologize for not responding sooner. How did the appointment go yesterday?  I'm sorry your having to go through all of this as well and I also hope your spouse will grow together with you and your love will be maintained. I'm also very excited for you also starting on your journey and we can definitely travel it together.
XOXO Jamie

That's wonderful news! I'm very happy for you. Those first few days of taking Spiro and E are so amazing. I try and keep up to date with you 😘

Quote from: Rae321 on April 03, 2019, 03:36:51 PM
It went really well, thank you for checking, and I hope your today was better than your yesterday.  I did my coming out to the last girlfriend who didn't know (they're the only ones I'm telling right now-extended freinds can wait) over some lunch and she was really sweet and supportive.  I went to the appointment after, only cried once, and left with a placebo dose of spiro. It's terrifying still but exhilirating to be doing something concrete about it all.  I was so excited I ordered a new pair of cute boots from Sally's.  In a week they'll check my potassium levels and if all looks good they'll up my dose to something more normal and add the E in the mix. I posted last night that looking at the pills it gives a very "Alice" feeling to it all. fingers crossed we all come out the other side intact and happy. :)

I'm only on the lowest dose of spiro that they do right now.  I have to wait till next week to start E.  I am rather excited though.  This is such a strange journey that i never thought i'd be going on and it's hard to believe that I'm actually doing it. Hope to keep in touch, it would be nice to have a friend of a similar age to walk and share the experience with! <3<3

Quote from: gracefulhat on April 03, 2019, 03:54:45 PM
That's wonderful news! I'm very happy for you. Those first few days of taking Spiro and E are so amazing. I try and keep up to date with you 😘

Rae, if you have Facebook my online is Jamie Cannon (same pic)

Quote from: Rae321 on April 03, 2019, 04:32:00 PM
I'm only on the lowest dose of spiro that they do right now.  I have to wait till next week to start E.  I am rather excited though.  This is such a strange journey that i never thought i'd be going on and it's hard to believe that I'm actually doing it. Hope to keep in touch, it would be nice to have a friend of a similar age to walk and share the experience with! <3<3

I've always avoided the facebook because there's a lot of people I don't want to connect with whom i don't want to tell that to. This experience is making me rethink the value in it though.  Maybe i can make a stealth account.  Not even sure that's allowed but i'll have to look into it. :)

Quote from: gracefulhat on April 03, 2019, 06:50:29 PM
Rae, if you have Facebook my online is Jamie Cannon (same pic)

I was always the same way untill transitioning. I found out that the trans community here in Kentuckiana all connect through FB

Quote from: Rae321 on April 03, 2019, 08:10:24 PM
I've always avoided the facebook because there's a lot of people I don't want to connect with whom i don't want to tell that to. This experience is making me rethink the value in it though.  Maybe i can make a stealth account.  Not even sure that's allowed but i'll have to look into it. :)

I have been on micronized progesterone for 10 days now. After reading the following article www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/30608551/. I requested to start it from my endocrinologist and she agreed saying she had also read the article. Within 2 days I saw my body hair growth (speed) cut in half. My girls grew and are changing shape (and itch a lot).  I sleep 7 hours straight because it makes you really sleepy 30 minutes after taking it. So very exciting  :laugh:

Even though I have been full time for a while I avoided places like the mall, but in the last few weeks my spouse and I have been having mucho fun shopping. We still fight a lot but we definitely have fun together. She even gendered me correctly to a sales woman. We we're walking together and a salesman asked if we ladies wanted a free sample  :angel: It's funny, but in that moment I want to take that and run because once we have a conversation you get weird faces. I have been going to the grocery alone and, to my knowledge, not getting stares which I feel is a good sign. Of course when I have to speak the cats out of the bag.

I've also been having some interesting moments at work. One patient asked if I was a boy or a girl? I replied, "I am your nurse."  ;)

Quote from: gracefulhat on April 19, 2019, 11:01:53 PM
I have been on micronized progesterone for 10 days now. After reading the following article www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/30608551/. I requested to start it from my endocrinologist and she agreed saying she had also read the article. Within 2 days I saw my body hair growth (speed) cut in half. My girls grew and are changing shape (and itch a lot).  I sleep 7 hours straight because it makes you really sleepy 30 minutes after taking it. So very exciting  :laugh:

Even though I have been full time for a while I avoided places like the mall, but in the last few weeks my spouse and I have been having mucho fun shopping. We still fight a lot but we definitely have fun together. She even gendered me correctly to a sales woman. We we're walking together and a salesman asked if we ladies wanted a free sample  :angel: It's funny, but in that moment I want to take that and run because once we have a conversation you get weird faces. I have been going to the grocery alone and, to my knowledge, not getting stares which I feel is a good sign. Of course when I have to speak the cats out of the bag.

I've also been having some interesting moments at work. One patient asked if I was a boy or a girl? I replied, "I am your nurse."  ;)

Im sorry but that is hilarious.  "I'm your nurse." I hope you delivered that in dead pan while pretending to need to fish around in their flesh with a needle to find the vein. That progress sounds amazing though.  Especially with your wife gendering you correctly.  That must have been really affirming considering some of the past stuff.  That's a huge step forward for her,  even if she doesn't realize it.  Im excited for you.  Yay! (Insert clappy hands here) :)  im definitely going to have to check this article out for future reference.

Thanks Rae! The patient next to them actually said, "That was rude!" I'm excited for you too  :D

Quote from: Rae321 on April 19, 2019, 11:30:11 PM
Im sorry but that is hilarious.  "I'm your nurse." I hope you delivered that in dead pan while pretending to need to fish around in their flesh with a needle to find the vein. That progress sounds amazing though.  Especially with your wife gendering you correctly.  That must have been really affirming considering some of the past stuff.  That's a huge step forward for her,  even if she doesn't realize it.  Im excited for you.  Yay! (Insert clappy hands here) :)  im definitely going to have to check this article out for future reference.

A few personal observations (this is not universal I'm sure so please don't get upseta):

I had been on a vegan diet from August 2017 to November 2018. My weight dropped from 168# to 148# (6ft 2in) and I did not have an ounce of fat on me, legit! During this period I had almost zero patience/endurance and any type of stress just set me into panic mode. I believe this diet also increased my dysphoria as well (which I  am thankful for because it was a catalyst for me to decide to medically transition). I think the diet did cleanse my body and all my lab work was amazing. However, 4 months into hrt and the whole vegan diet died a slow death. My body CRAVED fats, specifically cheese, which is about 70% fat. I have since gained back 15# mostly in feminine areas. It's hard to differentiate between hrt and the diet change as far as my endurance/patience goes, I'm sure hrt is the major reason for my new found endurance/contentment, yet a sliver is due to diet I feel. Fat is looked at as a negative in many places, (too much fat is known to cause major diseases such as heart disease and type two diabetes) yet fat is what? Stored energy. It's a reservoir of energy that your body stores in time of lack. The food that we eat immediately only supplies hours worth of energy, that's why we eat multiple meals a day. If we don't eat for an extended period then our bodies begin to break down our stored fat and use this as energy. If you don't have any reservoirs of fat then you will have very little endurance (by you I mean me, from personal experience). I am not against a vegan diet, but I believe some fat is necessary, especially for breasts. Therefore my current diet is a minimalist (don't know if this is a real diet or not).  I still strive for a vegan diet, but I will eat minimally what I feel my body is craving. And yes, I will even eat meat, but maybe only once or twice a month. I have no doubt I will change this diet at some point in the future, but this is where I'm at currently (and this is my story  :D). XOXO

This is true,  protien is for building but we are already built.  Losing meat should in theory help your transition but fat will help it to.  Start adding olive oil to anything you can for a nice safer fat that is still vegan.  Fat is not the enemy,  cholesterol sugar and carbs are,  and even those should not be treated like poison. Ive been trying to eat a lot less meat and a lot more soy and tofu,  fried in olive oil of course:) (stupid phone corrected soy to s**t, lol, moderator would have had fun with that!). Also you will find that all the best sources of natural and healthy phytoestrogens come from plants like soy and broccoli so ive been egg bbn booting those a lot more knowing that they pile on my little blue pills.
*been enjoying. Not bbn booting! Technology is dumb! 🤨

Quote from: Rae321 on April 20, 2019, 11:36:05 AM
This is true,  protien is for building but we are already built.  Losing meat should in theory help your transition but fat will help it to.  Start adding olive oil to anything you can for a nice safer fat that is still vegan.  Fat is not the enemy,  cholesterol sugar and carbs are,  and even those should not be treated like poison. Ive been trying to eat a lot less meat and a lot more soy and tofu,  fried in olive oil of course:) (stupid phone corrected soy to s**t, lol, moderator would have had fun with that!). Also you will find that all the best sources of natural and healthy phytoestrogens come from plants like soy and broccoli so ive been egg bbn booting those a lot more knowing that they pile on my little blue pills.
*been enjoying. Not bbn booting! Technology is dumb! 🤨

MMM love me some flatbread with olive oil,  Ms. Dash  and sea salt

Just reached 12 months hair growth. One year ago I was on the verge of ending my life, so glad I stuck around. I didn't sing before, but throughout my transition music has really saved me . Hope you enjoy video

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=V8ysdQCDwZQ

@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie:
Thank you for your 12 month update....  things for you will just keep getting better and better....
... and YES, I am very glad that you "stuck around" to continue with your transtion journey.

Thank you for sharing,
As always, I will continue to follow your posts... best wishes to you.
Hugs,
Danielle

@gracefulhat
Jamie I really liked this little performance!  well done girl, and the changes are amazing!  Keep on going!
Hugs
Linde

Thank you Danielle and Linde  :D
I read an article yesterday and it not only made me really frustrated at the misinformation but it also broke my heart for the mother cited and who is being used for political purposes. It inspired me to not only write her a comment, but I also sent it to my own mom,

"Dear Mom,
I know you love me and want the best for me. I know you had dreams for me, cried and prayed over me. I know you don't want me to be abused, cursed at by society, misunderstood, fired, raped, or murdered. I know you had hope for me being happily married with my own children, your grandchildren. I know you have firmly held beliefs and that those beliefs keep you holding on to your sanity in the unsure world.
Mom, thank you for going beyond what you can comprehend and holding on to one thing, love. Thank you for realizing that the only thing eternal in this life is me, your child. Thank you for going beyond your beliefs at times and holding onto me. Thank you for saying my preferred name and pronouns, even though it hurts you. Thank you for showing me how to apply make up, where to buy a wig, and for giving me your own clothes, makeup and jewelry. Thank you for telling me I am beautiful so I will not look for it in the wrong places. Thank you for knowing that I am not dead, but more myself. Thank you for being my mom, the only person in this world guaranteed to love and accept me.
I love you Mom!

Jamie"

My mom responded the following,
"Jamie,
Thank you for your touching note. It means the world to me. You are beautiful, special, kind, and smart. I want the best for you in this world. You deserve to be happy. I hope you know how important you are to your family and me.

Love you always,

Mom"

Intimacy:

So we haven't been intimate for nearly one year. I haven't had a big sex drive and so the famine hasn't been difficult...until now. Not that I'm wanting to have sex necessarily, but I want someone physically closer.  Maybe I'm advertising this to others unknowingly because I am receiving signals from others and it scares me. I am married and I don't want to be polyamorous because I know it would ruine my marriage (because of her spiritual beliefs), and I don't want that. I love her but it's getting more difficult because my mind and emotions sometimes stray.

@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie:
Most definitely you are not alone with how you described things that you are experiencing.   
HRT and hormones play havoc with our emotions and with our libido. 

Certainly being married does throw an extra factor in how you will address all of this....
...but if you are continuing in your marriage then I trust that you will find a way to deal with this in concert with your wife. 

Hang in there, I am wishing you the best as always.

Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: gracefulhat on May 01, 2019, 12:14:35 PM
Intimacy:

So we haven't been intimate for nearly one year. I haven't had a big sex drive and so the famine hasn't been difficult...until now. Not that I'm wanting to have sex necessarily, but I want someone physically closer.  Maybe I'm advertising this to others unknowingly because I am receiving signals from others and it scares me. I am married and I don't want to be polyamorous because I know it would ruine my marriage, and I don't want that. I love her but it's getting more difficult because my mind and emotions sometimes stray.

Wow I have alot to write about lately. So as far as the previous post on intimacy I think I figured something out while speaking to my psych today. I think it's the progesterone... Pretty sure. And that's ok. I have really enjoyed the effects progesterone have given me over the last three weeks and this is just something I'll have to adjust to.
Also, I've noticed people give me really ugly looks when I interact with them which is something new in my life. I know I don't pass once someone is up close talking to me and I'm also pretty sure it's because of this. My wife actually said the same thing today after noticing multiple people do it at multiple places. So it is what it is. People really suck sometimes. Is professionalism dead? Can't imagine myself doing that to a drug addict or criminal who I take care of frequently.
That leads me into this topic. I got my final letter for my orchiectomy in August, yay!  However, I went to drop it off @ the urologist's office and the person upfront not only kept misgendering me (used to it) but she opened the letter and began reading the effin thing to some other person on the phone,  including my name as Ms. Jamie and then she changed back to Mr Right in my face. Sigh... I know that I shouldn't be upset, but what about HIPPA!

@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie:
What the "upfront" person at your Urologist's office did (mis-gendering and talking on the phone about you) is completely unacceptable AND it sounds to me that she not only did not show proper professional medical respect to you but also she might have violated HIPAA guidelines.

HIPAA is a serious thing, and is a punishable crime if convicted.  Doctors and medical professionals are usually very, very careful with stuff like this.

I might suggest that you have a in-person talk directly with your Urologist about this... or at least serious a person to person phone call.

Wishing you well,
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: gracefulhat on May 01, 2019, 04:44:26 PM
Wow I have alot to write about lately. So as far as the previous post on intimacy I think I figured something out while speaking to my psych today. I think it's the progesterone... Pretty sure. And that's ok. I have really enjoyed the effects progesterone have given me over the last three weeks and this is just something I'll have to adjust to.
Also, I've noticed people give me really ugly looks when I interact with them which is something new in my life. I know I don't pass once someone is up close talking to me and I'm also pretty sure it's because of this. My wife actually said the same thing today after noticing multiple people do it at multiple places. So it is what it is. People really suck sometimes. Is professionalism dead? Can't imagine myself doing that to a drug addict or criminal who I take care of frequently.
That leads me into this topic. I got my final letter for my orchiectomy in August, yay!  However, I went to drop it off @ the urologist's office and the person upfront not only kept misgendering me (used to it) but she opened the letter and began reading the effin thing to some other person on the phone,  including my name as Ms. Jamie and then she changed back to Mr Right in my face. Sigh... I know that I shouldn't be upset, but what about HIPPA!

I know "I should" but I know I won't because confrontation is what I dread most in life (especially if it's just concerning me). Also, this is one of only two doctors around who perform this surgery, I know all of the urologists personally, and I don't want to make a big splash for fear I am told they no longer will perform this surgery. Sigh, I know I'm wrong, but... I'm going back to bed

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on May 01, 2019, 04:53:14 PM
@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie:
What the "upfront" person at your Urologist's office did (mis-gendering and talking on the phone about you) is completely unacceptable AND it sounds to me that she not only did not show proper professional medical respect to you but also she might have violated HIPAA guidelines.

HIPAA is a serious thing, and is a punishable crime if convicted.  Doctors and medical professionals are usually very, very careful with stuff like this.

I might suggest that you have a in-person talk directly with your Urologist about this... or at least serious a person to person phone call.

Wishing you well,
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: gracefulhat on May 01, 2019, 06:30:44 PM
I know "I should" but I know I won't because confrontation is what I dread most in life (especially if it's just concerning me). Also, this is one of only two doctors around who perform this surgery, I know all of the urologists personally, and I don't want to make a big splash for fear I am told they no longer will perform this surgery. Sigh, I know I'm wrong, but... I'm going back to bed

That all sucks. It sounds like this has been a hell of a week. Lots of ups and downs. Yay for orchi though. Consider that the rude woman at the Dr office might have been reading the letter to someone else in the HIPPA chain like at that office or insurance or someone else who contracts with them to provide services. Cant know since i wasnt there. I havent started presenting so i dont know how it feels to be living out and be misgendered. Im not sure how id react to that. I can say for sure it would depress me though.
Dont worry though,  the rest of your week will be easy. People will respect your pronouns, your patients will all be healthy and only need easy care, your boss will only place reasonable expectations on you and all the things you attempt will be accomplished and fulfilling. :)
(Sorry,  it's a thing a coworker and i do when one of us is having a bad shift.  Like the positive affirmation will come true or something like that. Couldn't help myself cuz it sounds like you need it.)
I really do hope you're week gets better though.  And maybe if you can manage the side effects the progesterone will eventually start to help you feel better as it's positive effects start to show.  Uoy live in a place where you'll have to be perfect to not be misgendered (me too) so that one just sucks, i don't have high hopes for acceptance in my future in the general public so I'm hedging my bets but i really only care what some of them think. You should too.  Only people who are living brave and finding strength in vulnerability have opinions that should matter.  Everyone else is hiding from life and has no right to armchair quarterback in your head.  You look gorgeous,  you sing well,  you're kind,  and i personally think you're awesome. 🧚‍♀️ hugs and fairy dust

Oh Rae, I really needed this. Yes, I'm sure the person wasn't purposely trying to be hurtful, it's just that it stings and it was one of many stings today. The worst thing I feel like I could have done was get upset at her because most cis people have no idea how much they hurt us. And don't worry, your time is coming too 😁. If I could give you reputation I would give +10 for healing me tonight. XOXO. Also, I absolutely love that little blessing you and your friend do at work. I memorized and recite Psalm 91 each day driving to work, of course trying to increase my pitch too 😉. "Only people who are living brave and finding strength in vulnerability have opinions that should matter." Wow,! Hopefully I can give back to you someday too.
Thanks Rae!

Quote from: gracefulhat on May 01, 2019, 09:35:36 PM
Oh Rae, I really needed this. Yes, I'm sure the person wasn't purposely trying to be hurtful, it's just that it stings and it was one of many stings today. The worst thing I feel like I could have done was get upset at her because most cis people have no idea how much they hurt us. And don't worry, your time is coming too 😁. If I could give you reputation I would give +10 for healing me tonight. XOXO. Also, I absolutely love that little blessing you and your friend do at work. I memorized and recite Psalm 91 each day driving to work, of course trying to increase my pitch too 😉. "Only people who are living brave and finding strength in vulnerability have opinions that should matter." Wow,! Hopefully I can give back to you someday too.
Thanks Rae!

If you have Netflix you should watch the Brene Brown special.  She'll make you cry, but she is awesome and all about strength and courage through vulnerability and risk.  She'll show you how what you do everyday makes you a more whole person than the haters who hide behind their armor.  <3

Just wow!!! That video was so great!! I always look forwards to your post. I really wanna come up and hang out with you again soon. That letter to your mom nearly brought me to tears. Really made me think about my mother, and the changes she has faced with me.

I don't have Netflix, but I just now went into YouTube and watched a 20 minute Tedtalk by her called the Power of Vulnerability. Eye opening and also affirming. I recently through transitioning learned the importance of connection in my own life, and though I lost some things and people by transitioning, I gained an entire community and have met so many amazing people like you, so I think it's a more than fair trade. I do find being vulnerable as beautiful.

Quote from: Rae321 on May 01, 2019, 09:49:29 PM
If you have Netflix you should watch the Brene Brown special.  She'll make you cry, but she is awesome and all about strength and courage through vulnerability and risk.  She'll show you how what you do everyday makes you a more whole person than the haters who hide behind their armor.  <3

Thanks cargurl, I want to see you again soon. Maybe at the next Sunday group?  I just sent an email to the plastic surgeon asking about a tracheal shave in September or October. Maybe I can sleep @ your place for a night? Thank you for your kind words. Making the videos keeps my mind occupied and lifts my spirit. In August I will do a 12 mo hrt video. Yes, I'm thankful to have a mom still. She is struggling with all of this but in the end she's my mom 😊

Quote from: cargurl72 on May 01, 2019, 10:10:59 PM
Just wow!!! That video was so great!! I always look forwards to your post. I really wanna come up and hang out with you again soon. That letter to your mom nearly brought me to tears. Really made me think about my mother, and the changes she has faced with me.

Jamie dear I just loved your music video.   It so touched me that it brought tears to my eyes.   Thank you!

XOXO

Quote from: Dorit on May 01, 2019, 11:43:59 PM
Jamie dear I just loved your music video.   It so touched me that it brought tears to my eyes.   Thank you!

Jamie.  Good morning,  new day new start.  Hug your wife and make her feel it,  take 5 deep breaths,  smile,  and go kill it cuz you got this. You're my heroine today!

Ok Rae, you're officially my motivational girlfriend. Hope you had a wonderful day too.

Quote from: Rae321 on May 02, 2019, 09:29:36 AM
Jamie.  Good morning,  new day new start.  Hug your wife and make her feel it,  take 5 deep breaths,  smile,  and go kill it cuz you got this. You're my heroine today!

Couldn't help myself.  😁

Quote from: gracefulhat on May 01, 2019, 12:14:35 PM
Intimacy:

So we haven't been intimate for nearly one year. I haven't had a big sex drive and so the famine hasn't been difficult...until now. Not that I'm wanting to have sex necessarily, but I want someone physically closer.  Maybe I'm advertising this to others unknowingly because I am receiving signals from others and it scares me. I am married and I don't want to be polyamorous because I know it would ruine my marriage (because of her spiritual beliefs), and I don't want that. I love her but it's getting more difficult because my mind and emotions sometimes stray.

I'm hesitant to make a follow up about this post, but in order to keep this thread real I believe it's necessary. I am also posting about this because I know I made the right choice for everyone involved (personal details have been excluded for protection, purposely being vague)
In the previous post I had mentioned receiving and sending signals. I also mentioned "others" when infact it was just one person. I had just met them last week and it was like a magnet, not really sexually but personality and interests wise. After leaving them I found myself thinking about them for a few days. They had told me things that made me feel good about myself, and they were things that I have alot of insecurities about.  They also told me they were polyamorous which I had to educate myself on. After knowing what it meant I found my mind wandering and thinking about certain possibilities. This is all new for me, at least for the last 15 years and it gave me excitement that someone wanted to be with me and found me beautiful. We met again yesterday (both times in a group)  and the feelings/magnetism was not a fluke, but had elevated. I now found myself physically drawn to them and more possibilities were popping up. Was it just me? Was it all in my imagination?
After departing and driving home my mind was going bonkers. I am not someone who enjoys duality in my life. I love to be open and honest as possible (as evidence by this public thread) and guilt began to creep in. I hadn't done anything physically to feel guilty about, but mentally... And I know that thoughts give birth to action. There's also a thrill about secrets and I know that if the secret is opened then the excitement will often evaporate.
So I decided to call.
I told them that I was attracted them, that it felt like a magnet. To my surprise, they reciprocated the same feelings and was going to text me something similar when they arrived home. With my body screaming one thing and my mind screaming another my mind was grey.
My spouse and I had spoken about not restricting the other sexually, but I know that it was just talk. The reality of our expectations I intuitively know are that we will be faithful to each other and somehow in the end be one again as a couple (even sexually).
So I told them that they are an amazing person (which they also said about me and it felt good), but that I couldn't further the relationship. They were very kind, gentle and understanding. They assured me that our relationship could be whatever was comfortable for me, but that whenever I wanted we could take things further.
After the call I sat  in my car and there was still a nervous feeling in my stomach, like I haven't fully addressed the issue. There still remained that temptation that things could go further, and I am a very simple person. I am not able to keep a relationship like that. So I called them back and told them it's not fair for them because they shouldn't wait for me. That they have needs and need to be with someone that will meet them. That I am already mentally on edge and that I can't mentally take this right now (there were many explicits that I used). They asked me if I needed space and I said yes, that I'm sorry but I cannot do this relationship. They apologized multiple times and I ended it by saying I have to go. Afterwards I deleted and blocked their phone number and Facebook. Not because of them but because of me. I don't trust myself around them.
I then called my T-mom, an amazing woman who has been there for me through out my transition.  She answered and I with great emotion described what had happened. She listened and in the end told me that she thought I made the most responsible decision. That time will help decrease feelings.
So here I am the next morning and I am relieved by my decision. My body has calmed down and my mind is back in control. I thought I wasn't a very sexual person, but this last week has thrown me for a loop.

Jamie, as a polyamorous individual in a monogamous marriage and who anchors a lot of my identity in my marriage and loves my spouse deeply i can tell you this. if he was as hard on me for this transition as your wife has been on you i dont think i could stand to have a temptation like that around. Weve been intimate exactly once since i came out and while it was great its been pretty spotty over the last year. So if he was making me feel bad about myself at the same time and someone else i was attracted to was making moves i would have to cut them off. I would neved be able to work on him with someone else on my mind and i would never forgive myself if i let him go without driving this road with him till the wheels came off. We have to become ourselves but i suspect that becoming ourselves necessarily entails not forgetting ourselves in the process. We are not becoming new, we are becoming more whole. The women in you fell in love too. She married your wife, and made promises to her and to herself. Just because you recognize that the man in you was just a suit doesnt change the things that made you fall in love in the first place. If i were in your shoes i would have done the same thing and it sounds like you feel a lot better having done it. You are embodying a strong women and i feel like my instincts about you are being proven out. I find myself looking up to you more with each post. I really hope things get better at home and im sending you a big, teary, runny makeup stain on your shoulder, hug. Go pick yourself a flower and stay strong sister! <333

Quote from: Rae321 on May 05, 2019, 11:30:23 AM
We have to become ourselves but i suspect that becoming ourselves necessarily entails not forgetting ourselves in the process.We are not becoming new, we are becoming more whole. The women in you fell in love too. She married your wife, and made promises to her and to herself. Just because you recognize that the man in you was just a suit doesnt change the things that made you fall in love in the first place. <333

XOXO Rae

OMG......wow I jus read the whole thread.... that is some story.....I was so holding back from crying at the end....I'm still jus..... kinda speechless....... thanks for sharing.

Quote from: Nichole Kunis on May 05, 2019, 06:47:36 PM
OMG......wow I jus read the whole thread.... that is some story.....I was so holding back from crying at the end....I'm still jus..... kinda speechless....... thanks for sharing.

Thx girl

A little video for all the ladies out there who struggle with the vocals
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n5_8jNWe_ZA&t=22s

You are waay ahead of me girl.  Even though your pitch isn't perfectly avoiding low ranges your tone is excellent and sounds very female to me.  You're coming right along. Im going to have to try to find something i can recite to myself everyday like that to help train myself away from staccato speaking style.  It's working really well for you. It sounds good on you! <3

Quote from: Rae321 on May 08, 2019, 07:28:46 PM
You are waay ahead of me girl.  Even though your pitch isn't perfectly avoiding low ranges your tone is excellent and sounds very female to me.  You're coming right along. Im going to have to try to find something i can recite to myself everyday like that to help train myself away from staccato speaking style.  It's working really well for you. It sounds good on you! <3

Thx Rae! It's definitely all post puberty trans women's struggle 😔. And we don't HAVE to sound just like cis women but it certainly can make life easier, amen?

Quote from: gracefulhat on May 08, 2019, 07:50:36 PM
Thx Rae! It's definitely all post puberty trans women's struggle 😔. And we don't HAVE to sound just like cis women but it certainly can make life easier, amen?

You have to remember that the pitch of the voice is not everything. My natural voice is in a rather high pitch range (around low to mid female pitch), but even with this high pitched voice I was always identified as a guy!  It was the way I used my voice.  Male and female speech patterns and intonation patterns are different (you can find lots of info on this on Google), and as long as you do not unlearn the male way to talk, and learn the female way, you will always be looked at funny!
I am lucky in this aspect, because I have only female friends, and I learned along with being their friend.  My speech pattern is pretty much female now, and I can yap along with them for hours in a row.  It is now natural for me, I just sound like any older woman out there.

You are on the right path, and some day you will speak like any other woman of your age group!
Hugs
Linde

Quote from: Dietlind on May 08, 2019, 08:41:27 PM
You have to remember that the pitch of the voice is not everything. My natural voice is in a rather high pitch range (around low to mid female pitch), but even with this high pitched voice I was always identified as a guy!  It was the way I used my voice.  Male and female speech patterns and intonation patterns are different (you can find lots of info on this on Google), and as long as you do not unlearn the male way to talk, and learn the female way, you will always be looked at funny!
I am lucky in this aspect, because I have only female friends, and I learned along with being their friend.  My speech pattern is pretty much female now, and I can yap along with them for hours in a row.  It is now natural for me, I just sound like any older woman out there.

You are on the right path, and some day you will speak like any other woman of your age group!
Hugs
Linde

Linde, you're so pretty! Love your pic. Thx for the advice and support. It just takes time and effort I guess.

Quote from: gracefulhat on May 08, 2019, 08:53:41 PM
Linde, you're so pretty! Love your pic. Thx for the advice and support. It just takes time and effort I guess.

My face in this picture is heavily doctored up, I put it in for fun only! I don't look nearly as good without all the stuff on my face!  The only thing that is natural there is my hair!  I could look like this every day, If I would sit for makeup for two or three hours each time!

Yes, it takes time, and effort, and willpower!  I am working on this woman thing for about 16 years now.  But I am different than you anyway, because I am intersex, and a lot of my body was female already!  It was way earthier for me to switch from a guy o a woman.

But you are on the right path, too!  And one of these days you will slowly forget what life as a man was all about!

Good luck, and keep on ging!
Hugs
Linde

The below video is of me and my youngest brother on Mother's Day @ our parents. It was a wonderful day. I'll post pictures in an upcoming YouTube video, maybe 12 months HRT, 3 months from now

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wFLXIaOSMls

You guys do really nice.  I bet your mother liked this?

I liked it!! :)

Aw she still needs to see it but yes she'll enjoy it. Hope you both had a wonderful day as well.

Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. I now have an idea of what it would have been like to "know" instead of being repressed. While I have ended up with slightly more acceptance in my story, you got to start your life much younger than I did. I find it a very interesting example how we all get to where we are by different roads.

Huge hug to you!!!

Ricki

PS

Quote from: gracefulhat on April 19, 2019, 11:01:53 PM

I've also been having some interesting moments at work. One patient asked if I was a boy or a girl? I replied, "I am your nurse."  ;)

And this is totally epic and put a huge smile on my face. Thank you again. Your answer is much less snarky than I would have been. Bravo.

Thank you Ricki! Sorry for the late response

This will hopefully help to educate healthcare workers to better help us

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4WPnpDKbZNA&t=52s

Hi Jaime,

I just wanted to write and tell you how much I like the voice you've developed. To me you sound perfect. I only hope I can one day accomplish the same things you have. Great thread by the way!!

xoxo

Lexxi

Thank you SO much Lexxi, that really means the world to me! 

Quote from: Lexxi on May 26, 2019, 11:44:08 PM
Hi Jaime,

I just wanted to write and tell you how much I like the voice you've developed. To me you sound perfect. I only hope I can one day accomplish the same things you have. Great thread by the way!!

xoxo

Lexxi