Better late than never, Jamie

[Rae321]

I'm only on the lowest dose of spiro that they do right now.  I have to wait till next week to start E.  I am rather excited though.  This is such a strange journey that i never thought i'd be going on and it's hard to believe that I'm actually doing it. Hope to keep in touch, it would be nice to have a friend of a similar age to walk and share the experience with! <3<3

That's wonderful news! I'm very happy for you. Those first few days of taking Spiro and E are so amazing. I try and keep up to date with you 😘

[gracefulhat]

Rae, if you have Facebook my online is Jamie Cannon (same pic)

I'm only on the lowest dose of spiro that they do right now.  I have to wait till next week to start E.  I am rather excited though.  This is such a strange journey that i never thought i'd be going on and it's hard to believe that I'm actually doing it. Hope to keep in touch, it would be nice to have a friend of a similar age to walk and share the experience with! <3<3

[Rae321]

I've always avoided the facebook because there's a lot of people I don't want to connect with whom i don't want to tell that to. This experience is making me rethink the value in it though.  Maybe i can make a stealth account.  Not even sure that's allowed but i'll have to look into it.

Rae, if you have Facebook my online is Jamie Cannon (same pic)

[gracefulhat]

I was always the same way untill transitioning. I found out that the trans community here in Kentuckiana all connect through FB

I've always avoided the facebook because there's a lot of people I don't want to connect with whom i don't want to tell that to. This experience is making me rethink the value in it though.  Maybe i can make a stealth account.  Not even sure that's allowed but i'll have to look into it.

[gracefulhat]

I have been on micronized progesterone for 10 days now. After reading the following article www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/30608551/. I requested to start it from my endocrinologist and she agreed saying she had also read the article. Within 2 days I saw my body hair growth (speed) cut in half. My girls grew and are changing shape (and itch a lot).  I sleep 7 hours straight because it makes you really sleepy 30 minutes after taking it. So very exciting 

Even though I have been full time for a while I avoided places like the mall, but in the last few weeks my spouse and I have been having mucho fun shopping. We still fight a lot but we definitely have fun together. She even gendered me correctly to a sales woman. We we're walking together and a salesman asked if we ladies wanted a free sample  It's funny, but in that moment I want to take that and run because once we have a conversation you get weird faces. I have been going to the grocery alone and, to my knowledge, not getting stares which I feel is a good sign. Of course when I have to speak the cats out of the bag.

I've also been having some interesting moments at work. One patient asked if I was a boy or a girl? I replied, "I am your nurse." 

[Rae321]

I have been on micronized progesterone for 10 days now. After reading the following article www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/30608551/. I requested to start it from my endocrinologist and she agreed saying she had also read the article. Within 2 days I saw my body hair growth (speed) cut in half. My girls grew and are changing shape (and itch a lot).  I sleep 7 hours straight because it makes you really sleepy 30 minutes after taking it. So very exciting 

Even though I have been full time for a while I avoided places like the mall, but in the last few weeks my spouse and I have been having mucho fun shopping. We still fight a lot but we definitely have fun together. She even gendered me correctly to a sales woman. We we're walking together and a salesman asked if we ladies wanted a free sample  It's funny, but in that moment I want to take that and run because once we have a conversation you get weird faces. I have been going to the grocery alone and, to my knowledge, not getting stares which I feel is a good sign. Of course when I have to speak the cats out of the bag.

I've also been having some interesting moments at work. One patient asked if I was a boy or a girl? I replied, "I am your nurse." 

Im sorry but that is hilarious.  "I'm your nurse." I hope you delivered that in dead pan while pretending to need to fish around in their flesh with a needle to find the vein. That progress sounds amazing though.  Especially with your wife gendering you correctly.  That must have been really affirming considering some of the past stuff.  That's a huge step forward for her,  even if she doesn't realize it.  Im excited for you.  Yay! (Insert clappy hands here)   im definitely going to have to check this article out for future reference.

[gracefulhat]

Thanks Rae! The patient next to them actually said, "That was rude!" I'm excited for you too 

Im sorry but that is hilarious.  "I'm your nurse." I hope you delivered that in dead pan while pretending to need to fish around in their flesh with a needle to find the vein. That progress sounds amazing though.  Especially with your wife gendering you correctly.  That must have been really affirming considering some of the past stuff.  That's a huge step forward for her,  even if she doesn't realize it.  Im excited for you.  Yay! (Insert clappy hands here)   im definitely going to have to check this article out for future reference.

[gracefulhat]

A few personal observations (this is not universal I'm sure so please don't get upseta):

I had been on a vegan diet from August 2017 to November 2018. My weight dropped from 168# to 148# (6ft 2in) and I did not have an ounce of fat on me, legit! During this period I had almost zero patience/endurance and any type of stress just set me into panic mode. I believe this diet also increased my dysphoria as well (which I  am thankful for because it was a catalyst for me to decide to medically transition). I think the diet did cleanse my body and all my lab work was amazing. However, 4 months into hrt and the whole vegan diet died a slow death. My body CRAVED fats, specifically cheese, which is about 70% fat. I have since gained back 15# mostly in feminine areas. It's hard to differentiate between hrt and the diet change as far as my endurance/patience goes, I'm sure hrt is the major reason for my new found endurance/contentment, yet a sliver is due to diet I feel. Fat is looked at as a negative in many places, (too much fat is known to cause major diseases such as heart disease and type two diabetes) yet fat is what? Stored energy. It's a reservoir of energy that your body stores in time of lack. The food that we eat immediately only supplies hours worth of energy, that's why we eat multiple meals a day. If we don't eat for an extended period then our bodies begin to break down our stored fat and use this as energy. If you don't have any reservoirs of fat then you will have very little endurance (by you I mean me, from personal experience). I am not against a vegan diet, but I believe some fat is necessary, especially for breasts. Therefore my current diet is a minimalist (don't know if this is a real diet or not).  I still strive for a vegan diet, but I will eat minimally what I feel my body is craving. And yes, I will even eat meat, but maybe only once or twice a month. I have no doubt I will change this diet at some point in the future, but this is where I'm at currently (and this is my story  ). XOXO

[Rae321]

This is true,  protien is for building but we are already built.  Losing meat should in theory help your transition but fat will help it to.  Start adding olive oil to anything you can for a nice safer fat that is still vegan.  Fat is not the enemy,  cholesterol sugar and carbs are,  and even those should not be treated like poison. Ive been trying to eat a lot less meat and a lot more soy and tofu,  fried in olive oil of course:) (stupid phone corrected soy to s**t, lol, moderator would have had fun with that!). Also you will find that all the best sources of natural and healthy phytoestrogens come from plants like soy and broccoli so ive been egg bbn booting those a lot more knowing that they pile on my little blue pills.
*been enjoying. Not bbn booting! Technology is dumb! 🤨

[gracefulhat]

This is true,  protien is for building but we are already built.  Losing meat should in theory help your transition but fat will help it to.  Start adding olive oil to anything you can for a nice safer fat that is still vegan.  Fat is not the enemy,  cholesterol sugar and carbs are,  and even those should not be treated like poison. Ive been trying to eat a lot less meat and a lot more soy and tofu,  fried in olive oil of course:) (stupid phone corrected soy to s**t, lol, moderator would have had fun with that!). Also you will find that all the best sources of natural and healthy phytoestrogens come from plants like soy and broccoli so ive been egg bbn booting those a lot more knowing that they pile on my little blue pills.
*been enjoying. Not bbn booting! Technology is dumb! 🤨

MMM love me some flatbread with olive oil,  Ms. Dash  and sea salt

[gracefulhat]

Just reached 12 months hair growth. One year ago I was on the verge of ending my life, so glad I stuck around. I didn't sing before, but throughout my transition music has really saved me . Hope you enjoy video

[Northern Star Girl]

@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie:
Thank you for your 12 month update....  things for you will just keep getting better and better....
... and YES, I am very glad that you "stuck around" to continue with your transtion journey.

Thank you for sharing,
As always, I will continue to follow your posts... best wishes to you.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Linde]

@gracefulhat
Jamie I really liked this little performance!  well done girl, and the changes are amazing!  Keep on going!
Hugs
Linde

[gracefulhat]

Thank you Danielle and Linde 
I read an article yesterday and it not only made me really frustrated at the misinformation but it also broke my heart for the mother cited and who is being used for political purposes. It inspired me to not only write her a comment, but I also sent it to my own mom,

"Dear Mom,
I know you love me and want the best for me. I know you had dreams for me, cried and prayed over me. I know you don't want me to be abused, cursed at by society, misunderstood, fired, raped, or murdered. I know you had hope for me being happily married with my own children, your grandchildren. I know you have firmly held beliefs and that those beliefs keep you holding on to your sanity in the unsure world.
Mom, thank you for going beyond what you can comprehend and holding on to one thing, love. Thank you for realizing that the only thing eternal in this life is me, your child. Thank you for going beyond your beliefs at times and holding onto me. Thank you for saying my preferred name and pronouns, even though it hurts you. Thank you for showing me how to apply make up, where to buy a wig, and for giving me your own clothes, makeup and jewelry. Thank you for telling me I am beautiful so I will not look for it in the wrong places. Thank you for knowing that I am not dead, but more myself. Thank you for being my mom, the only person in this world guaranteed to love and accept me.
I love you Mom!

Jamie"

My mom responded the following,
"Jamie,
Thank you for your touching note. It means the world to me. You are beautiful, special, kind, and smart. I want the best for you in this world. You deserve to be happy. I hope you know how important you are to your family and me.

Love you always,

Mom"

[gracefulhat]

Intimacy:

So we haven't been intimate for nearly one year. I haven't had a big sex drive and so the famine hasn't been difficult...until now. Not that I'm wanting to have sex necessarily, but I want someone physically closer.  Maybe I'm advertising this to others unknowingly because I am receiving signals from others and it scares me. I am married and I don't want to be polyamorous because I know it would ruine my marriage (because of her spiritual beliefs), and I don't want that. I love her but it's getting more difficult because my mind and emotions sometimes stray.

[Northern Star Girl]

@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie:
Most definitely you are not alone with how you described things that you are experiencing.   
HRT and hormones play havoc with our emotions and with our libido. 

Certainly being married does throw an extra factor in how you will address all of this....
...but if you are continuing in your marriage then I trust that you will find a way to deal with this in concert with your wife. 

Hang in there, I am wishing you the best as always.

Hugs,
Danielle

Intimacy:

So we haven't been intimate for nearly one year. I haven't had a big sex drive and so the famine hasn't been difficult...until now. Not that I'm wanting to have sex necessarily, but I want someone physically closer.  Maybe I'm advertising this to others unknowingly because I am receiving signals from others and it scares me. I am married and I don't want to be polyamorous because I know it would ruine my marriage, and I don't want that. I love her but it's getting more difficult because my mind and emotions sometimes stray.

[gracefulhat]

Wow I have alot to write about lately. So as far as the previous post on intimacy I think I figured something out while speaking to my psych today. I think it's the progesterone... Pretty sure. And that's ok. I have really enjoyed the effects progesterone have given me over the last three weeks and this is just something I'll have to adjust to.
Also, I've noticed people give me really ugly looks when I interact with them which is something new in my life. I know I don't pass once someone is up close talking to me and I'm also pretty sure it's because of this. My wife actually said the same thing today after noticing multiple people do it at multiple places. So it is what it is. People really suck sometimes. Is professionalism dead? Can't imagine myself doing that to a drug addict or criminal who I take care of frequently.
That leads me into this topic. I got my final letter for my orchiectomy in August, yay!  However, I went to drop it off @ the urologist's office and the person upfront not only kept misgendering me (used to it) but she opened the letter and began reading the effin thing to some other person on the phone,  including my name as Ms. Jamie and then she changed back to Mr Right in my face. Sigh... I know that I shouldn't be upset, but what about HIPPA!

[Northern Star Girl]

@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie:
What the "upfront" person at your Urologist's office did (mis-gendering and talking on the phone about you) is completely unacceptable AND it sounds to me that she not only did not show proper professional medical respect to you but also she might have violated HIPAA guidelines.

HIPAA is a serious thing, and is a punishable crime if convicted.  Doctors and medical professionals are usually very, very careful with stuff like this.

I might suggest that you have a in-person talk directly with your Urologist about this... or at least serious a person to person phone call.

Wishing you well,
Hugs,
Danielle

Wow I have alot to write about lately. So as far as the previous post on intimacy I think I figured something out while speaking to my psych today. I think it's the progesterone... Pretty sure. And that's ok. I have really enjoyed the effects progesterone have given me over the last three weeks and this is just something I'll have to adjust to.
Also, I've noticed people give me really ugly looks when I interact with them which is something new in my life. I know I don't pass once someone is up close talking to me and I'm also pretty sure it's because of this. My wife actually said the same thing today after noticing multiple people do it at multiple places. So it is what it is. People really suck sometimes. Is professionalism dead? Can't imagine myself doing that to a drug addict or criminal who I take care of frequently.
That leads me into this topic. I got my final letter for my orchiectomy in August, yay!  However, I went to drop it off @ the urologist's office and the person upfront not only kept misgendering me (used to it) but she opened the letter and began reading the effin thing to some other person on the phone,  including my name as Ms. Jamie and then she changed back to Mr Right in my face. Sigh... I know that I shouldn't be upset, but what about HIPPA!

[gracefulhat]

I know "I should" but I know I won't because confrontation is what I dread most in life (especially if it's just concerning me). Also, this is one of only two doctors around who perform this surgery, I know all of the urologists personally, and I don't want to make a big splash for fear I am told they no longer will perform this surgery. Sigh, I know I'm wrong, but... I'm going back to bed

@gracefulhat
Dear Jamie:
What the "upfront" person at your Urologist's office did (mis-gendering and talking on the phone about you) is completely unacceptable AND it sounds to me that she not only did not show proper professional medical respect to you but also she might have violated HIPAA guidelines.

HIPAA is a serious thing, and is a punishable crime if convicted.  Doctors and medical professionals are usually very, very careful with stuff like this.

I might suggest that you have a in-person talk directly with your Urologist about this... or at least serious a person to person phone call.

Wishing you well,
Hugs,
Danielle

[Rae321]

I know "I should" but I know I won't because confrontation is what I dread most in life (especially if it's just concerning me). Also, this is one of only two doctors around who perform this surgery, I know all of the urologists personally, and I don't want to make a big splash for fear I am told they no longer will perform this surgery. Sigh, I know I'm wrong, but... I'm going back to bed

That all sucks. It sounds like this has been a hell of a week. Lots of ups and downs. Yay for orchi though. Consider that the rude woman at the Dr office might have been reading the letter to someone else in the HIPPA chain like at that office or insurance or someone else who contracts with them to provide services. Cant know since i wasnt there. I havent started presenting so i dont know how it feels to be living out and be misgendered. Im not sure how id react to that. I can say for sure it would depress me though.
Dont worry though,  the rest of your week will be easy. People will respect your pronouns, your patients will all be healthy and only need easy care, your boss will only place reasonable expectations on you and all the things you attempt will be accomplished and fulfilling.
(Sorry,  it's a thing a coworker and i do when one of us is having a bad shift.  Like the positive affirmation will come true or something like that. Couldn't help myself cuz it sounds like you need it.)
I really do hope you're week gets better though.  And maybe if you can manage the side effects the progesterone will eventually start to help you feel better as it's positive effects start to show.  Uoy live in a place where you'll have to be perfect to not be misgendered (me too) so that one just sucks, i don't have high hopes for acceptance in my future in the general public so I'm hedging my bets but i really only care what some of them think. You should too.  Only people who are living brave and finding strength in vulnerability have opinions that should matter.  Everyone else is hiding from life and has no right to armchair quarterback in your head.  You look gorgeous,  you sing well,  you're kind,  and i personally think you're awesome. 🧚‍♀️ hugs and fairy dust