Hi,
after quite a rocky time getting over a girl I liked last year, I hope I might have finally find somebody worth my time.
This girl, which I fancy for quite a while now, sent me a message on Fb and we started talking about different topics and communicating every 3-4 days. This is now lasting for a month. We have a lot of things in common. Sometimes she sends me a message first, sometimes I do it. I've also helped her with one problem and she thanked me by sending a customized thanks message. She also really likes that I'm a scorpio in the horoscope because she is a cancer.
To make it more clear, before we started texting, we had two drinks in a group of people (we work in the same industry, so it was 2 companies hanging out).
Since I really like her I decided to ask her out. She was totally up for it (she said that) and we had a really great conversation that lasted for 3 hours. I learned a lot about her and she asked me a bunch of things as well. I just can't tell if she considered that as a date or just a couple of people meeting (we never had a 1 on 1 before).
We talked about a lot of stuff, but we didn't open the topic of relationships with other people. She is also really shy from times to times and for example at the end of the date she seemed a little bit nervous - looking at my eyes less and just firing up cigarettes (what would this mean at the end of a date)? It could also be she was just tired since she had a long day.
What is bugging me now is the fact that she mentioned she had boyfriends before and I'm transgender. I believe she is bisexual perhaps since she is all up for women's rights, LGBTQ as a community and she is astonished by Black Mirror's San Junipero episode. And, basically, she knows me as a woman since I'm not openly out yet.
I would just like to get to know if she likes me as a person or just as a friend and I don't know how to do it?
I presume you will probably say I would have to ask, but as we work in the same industry and our companies sometimes hang, I don't want to bring anything weird if she doesn't feel anything. And I don't want to be too pushy since she can be really shy. And especially since I lost a person completely last year by saying to her that I like her (she stopped communicating with me), I don't want to go through the same stuff again because it hurts a lot.
Our first date (at least that is how I call it) was 2 days ago and I just send her a message on which she gladly responded and continued the conversation.
Thanks for your help!
She is now texting me every day. Anybody, please help?
I would carry on hanging out and getting to know her. As your conversations over time move into more in-depth discussions and sexuality, then you can find out if the friendship can turn into something.
If it does not turn into something then at least you have gained a good friend with lots in common.
Thanks a lot for your answer!
We are now texting almost every day and next week we are meeting together again (going to watch a movie in the open). Once again I asked her out and she said yes! I also started flirting with her more openly, telling her I think she's really cool and that I'm really looking forward tocsee her.
I'm really anxious, but happy at the same time because I really like her.
Quote from: SueNZ on June 15, 2017, 03:35:51 PM
I would carry on hanging out and getting to know her. As your conversations over time move into more in-depth discussions and sexuality, then you can find out if the friendship can turn into something.
If it does not turn into something then at least you have gained a good friend with lots in common.
Quote from: cookielover77 on June 15, 2017, 03:28:24 PM
She is now texting me every day. Anybody, please help?
Awwwwwwww!!!!!!
Hooray! Which....this doesn't necessarily mean she's romantically interested, but it definitely means she wants you to be a part of her life.
I personally stress so it would be hypocritical of me to tell you not to, but at least don't let it consume. Be her friend, take it slow and if the time feels right tell her how you feel....All things have a way of working out if they're meant to be.
Good luck!!!! ;D
Thanks a lot for your support :)
I am taking it slow, but just trying to show her I care through some romantic textings, like for example letting her know that something reminded me of her.
But also, just the other day she said she is also really looking forward to our time together!
Quote from: transguymac on June 21, 2017, 10:04:16 AM
Awwwwwwww!!!!!!
Hooray! Which....this doesn't necessarily mean she's romantically interested, but it definitely means she wants you to be a part of her life.
I personally stress so it would be hypocritical of me to tell you not to, but at least don't let it consume. Be her friend, take it slow and if the time feels right tell her how you feel....All things have a way of working out if they're meant to be.
Good luck!!!! ;D
Quote from: cookielover77 on June 21, 2017, 10:21:16 AM
Thanks a lot for your support :)
I am taking it slow, but just trying to show her I care through some romantic textings, like for example letting her know that something reminded me of her.
But also, just the other day she said she is also really looking forward to our time together!
That's so awesome! I am going through something similar with one my exes currently.
I always think about her and dream about her, even when I'm with someone else, and even though we've been on and off so many times I just feel like it's meant to be.
She's in therapy and I'm in therapy, so now we're both working on our negatives, and I wanted to show that I was still interested.
I sent her flowers but they screwed up the delivery and I had to ruin the secret surprise so I just spilled it all out...
She's not opposed to us getting together again one day, but she agreed that we should take it slow and just chill and see what happens...
But the giddiness is real.
I really hope your lady likes you back. (I don't even know you or what either of you look like, but I am totally shipping it!)
Sometimes and sometimes often friends is how things start and early on we really should not feel pressured to figure out the difference. I know our culture loves things in neat little boxes and comes up with terms like "friend zone" and the like, but relationships are way more wonderful and complex than that. I get the urgency though, if this is love you want to get on with all the good stuff :)
Maybe just enjoy one another and figure it out later and with a lack of pressure something will develop that is better than would have if you went the cultural sort of route. There is no reason you can't feel excited, giddy or in love with anyone and still keep all of your other options open.
I probably saw my boyfriend within our group of friends perhaps 20 times before he somewhat shockingly asked me out and believe me i was beginning to really daydream about him toward the end of those 20 times.
Thanks!
I hope everything works out between you two. I had problems with dreams about an ex, probably because I was really hurt before. I love those small romantic gestures! And I'm sure she loved the flowers. For example, I noticed the other day my girl was having a bad day at the office (she posted that on Facebook), so I just sent her a funny GIF that said "Survive" without anything else, she really liked that. Or when we were discussing when we will see each other, I said I'll always have time for her. I hope that wasn't too much :)
Everything with this girl is all really new to me since this is the first time a girl intiated the contact. With everybody else I was initiating everything. And I feel like we can both be weird with each other, which is great. We are going to the movies in open on Friday next week, I am so looking forward to that! I'll just try to keep my cool and make her feel comfortable with me. I know I make her laugh. She has the sweetest laughter 🙂
Quote from: transguymac on June 21, 2017, 02:11:54 PM
That's so awesome! I am going through something similar with one my exes currently.
I always think about her and dream about her, even when I'm with someone else, and even though we've been on and off so many times I just feel like it's meant to be.
She's in therapy and I'm in therapy, so now we're both working on our negatives, and I wanted to show that I was still interested.
I sent her flowers but they screwed up the delivery and I had to ruin the secret surprise so I just spilled it all out...
She's not opposed to us getting together again one day, but she agreed that we should take it slow and just chill and see what happens...
But the giddiness is real.
I really hope your lady likes you back. (I don't even know you or what either of you look like, but I am totally shipping it!)
Thanks for commenting :)
I really enjoy just in everything with her. I don't believe we are pushing forwards too fast, we were texting for a month before I had the courage to ask to see her. And it will be 1 more month after the first outing when we will see each other again (we are now texting every day). Previously, she was actually in one business training I held (1 year ago), we saw each other a bunch of times in conferences and had two group outings.
And I have more self-confidence through texting, so I suppose I will just try to have a great time when I see her (without trying to kiss her or anything, because I just don't have
it me if I'm not sure she's into it).
I am definitely willing to give her the time to figure this out, to figure me out too. It just seems she really has a lot of trust in me already. It's true I am really excited, although since I've been through much I said to myself I won't cross the friends line with this one and it happend. I fell for her and in the begging I didn't want that to happen.
Quote from: RobynD on June 21, 2017, 02:26:57 PM
Sometimes and sometimes often friends is how things start and early on we really should not feel pressured to figure out the difference. I know our culture loves things in neat little boxes and comes up with terms like "friend zone" and the like, but relationships are way more wonderful and complex than that. I get the urgency though, if this is love you want to get on with all the good stuff :)
Maybe just enjoy one another and figure it out later and with a lack of pressure something will develop that is better than would have if you went the cultural sort of route. There is no reason you can't feel excited, giddy or in love with anyone and still keep all of your other options open.
I probably saw my boyfriend within our group of friends perhaps 20 times before he somewhat shockingly asked me out and believe me i was beginning to really daydream about him toward the end of those 20 times.
So - I told her I liked her through a text since she said she hopes we
can be friends. I decided to tell her everything. First I said I like her, she said she was hererosexual and that she cant have the same feelings. But that she is supporting me and wants to be there for me and remain my friend.
After that I told her I was trans. She just said she'll be there for me and wont allow me to close and shut down.
I said I need to take some time.