Another superficial thread... (so don't open if you don't want to read it)

[Wild Flower]

Well... I found a guy to be with while I go to college, and he's going to go into law school this fall. He's not a rich guy, nor do I want one either since I am no longer a golddiger, but what I am seeking now is a boyfriend more or less.

But this one is triggering a lot of messages to me, so this was what caught me by surprise.

He wants me to do the cooking and cleaning (fine lol)
He wants me to throw away my clothes, and he's going to buy me new clothes (this is odd? He's in his 20s)
I then asked him, "Are you protective over the one you love", and he responded, "Yes, I think to myself that's mine"
But 'he's going to take care of me', that's how he worded it.
....

That's about it, he's bisexual too... and I am not doing the TG relationship with him right now, just living as a guy
.
But do you think he's a little too, chauvinistic? I guess is the proper word....

I think he already wants to be the husband or something in the household, from something from the 1950s.

[Padma]

Don't know for sure without meeting him - he's obviously caught up in the traditional M/F role models schtick, but I'd be more worried about his possessiveness! Do you want to be with someone who thinks you belong to them?

[Sephirah]

Sounds like he wants a maid.

[Ann Onymous]

Well... I found a guy to be with while I go to college, and he's going to go into law school this fall. He's not a rich guy, nor do I want one either since I am no longer a golddiger, but what I am seeking now is a boyfriend more or less.

the fact he is still in law school sends MANY flags...student loan debt burdens on law students are far more than a lot of people realize.  Few students get a full ride that includes housing and living expenses...and so they live on loans for three years of just oh so much fun (the ABA limits 1L's to 20 hours per week and some schools do not even LET their 1L's work- and yes, schools AND the ABA take honor code violations SERIOUSLY).  And if they did not have a full scholarship even for tuition, it is not at all uncommon to come out of LS with between $150K-$200K of student loan debt in the current economy.

But this one is triggering a lot of messages to me, so this was what caught me by surprise.

He wants me to do the cooking and cleaning (fine lol)
He wants me to throw away my clothes, and he's going to buy me new clothes (this is odd? He's in his 20s)
I then asked him, "Are you protective over the one you love", and he responded, "Yes, I think to myself that's mine"
But 'he's going to take care of me', that's how he worded it.

the first part falls in a quid pro quo sort of class I guess but the next two sentences are sending out the 'Danger Will Robinson' alerts...

That's about it, he's bisexual too... and I am not doing the TG relationship with him right now, just living as a guy
.
But do you think he's a little too, chauvinistic? I guess is the proper word....

I think he already wants to be the husband or something in the household, from something from the 1950s.

A quick trek through the law school forums or a step onto many of the major campuses will tell you that there are still a lot of chauvinistic attitudes entering law school.  Once out of law school, some of the shields come down...some of my best friends are actually straight male attorneys but we were often adversarial before becoming friends.  I also know very few practicing attorneys who are still in their first marriage...and even fewer law students who can make a relationship work during the three years of fun (four if you count the year some take off to study for the Bar and relax before entering the real world). 

[A]

That person is definitely suspicious. If he wants to "take care of you" and buy you all-new clothes, he probably wants to possess you and possibly has some weird fetish. Stay away.

[Wild Flower]

Don't know for sure without meeting him - he's obviously caught up in the traditional M/F role models schtick, but I'd be more worried about his possessiveness! Do you want to be with someone who thinks you belong to them?

I don't know. I like the "M/F roles" about him, which is what initially attracted me to him, well at least he's up-front about it and honest, since this is now day 2 of our relationship. He also told me he loved me (but I get 'i love you' quickly if I worked on it.. so no surprise here).  He really wants to protect me and all, and he wants to grow old with me, and he'll love me no matter how old I am. He's 26 right now.

I'll be honest sounds like he's a bit weird, but I find some of this attractive.

What makes me curious, if he wanted to do the M/F roles so well, then why couldn't he find a GG? I'm not even a transsexual woman... so that's why it's so bewildering... but everyone has their thing.

[Wild Flower]

Maybe he's showing you the mirror, and giving you what he thinks you want?

maybe? I think it's just him since he doesn't me that well.

[tekla]

something from the 1950 1850s.

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

my lover is not american, and not a law student  he's a saudi arabian 30 yr old. he really wants me to learn about muslim culture and get srs. he really wants me to fly over to spend time together. he kind of just came on to me, and we've been talking since... good luck finding the guy of your dreams. he likes me to show him my breasts, but i tell him a muslim girl should keep covered, unless we get married, like he really wants. since he's told all his family about me...

[Wild Flower]

my lover is not american, and not a law student  he's a saudi arabian 30 yr old. he really wants me to learn about muslim culture and get srs. he really wants me to fly over to spend time together. he kind of just came on to me, and we've been talking since... good luck finding the guy of your dreams. he likes me to show him my breasts, but i tell him a muslim girl should keep covered, unless we get married, like he really wants. since he's told all his family about me...

Where did you find him at?

[A]

I don't want to generalize, but I have heard of many stories of Arab men "in love" who brought their new wives with them to their homeland, only to possess them and strip them of their rights. I'm not saying he MUST be one of them, but do be careful, and I think you should not agree to move over there. And he may be honest about it, too. For some branches of Islam, true love towards a woman is possession (and dire punishment in case of disobedience).

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

Where did you find him at?

this started months ago. he must have found me through yahoo answers, and then he messages me. he starts by saying "i <3 you." something like that. i usually talk to some of those strangers that instant message me, because usually they are just bored and want a little conversation, so i give it to them. he definately wants more, and i've been replying to his instant messages since, because i don't want to be mean, but at the same time, i know i won't be able to offer what he wants.

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

I don't want to generalize, but I have heard of many stories of Arab men "in love" who brought their new wives with them to their homeland, only to possess them and strip them of their rights. I'm not saying he MUST be one of them, but do be careful, and I think you should not agree to move over there. And he may be honest about it, too. For some branches of Islam, true love towards a woman is possession (and dire punishment in case of disobedience).

maybe, he's been pressuring my plan to take a trip over there for day in and day out. now he's also going on about "when will you get surgery to become a girl?" he tells me "oh, i don't think it's that hard." even though it's a long healing process, and not something i should just jump into. it's a definate project. he also wants to know when we'll marry. the thing is, we never really talked or got to know each other, and that's what i would want to do before marrying a guy. spend a good amount of time to get to know them very well. especially since i've never had a relationship with a man or boy for that matter. i think he's losing interest by now, because he's on about "damit, i'm old! are you going to get surgery or what?" realistically, i am not ready for a relationship. i've just begun living fulltime as a female, and i just don't feel like it's the right time. i try to keep our conversation casual, but he really wants to move fast. he is 30, and i'm 19. those would be two very different stages of life, even though he thinks different.

[Ann Onymous]

Do y'all NOT see the red flags that get waved in those online communications?  I mean, really?  It amazes me that in this day and age that people fall for that stuff hook, line and sinker... 

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

Do y'all NOT see the red flags that get waved in those online communications?  I mean, really?  It amazes me that in this day and age that people fall for that stuff hook, line and sinker...

for some people, it's the best way to meet with people. someone like me, especially. i don't have the means of going out in public and finding some guy that turns me on, and ask, "are you single?" "let's go on a date." some people it doesn't come so well to. there's consequences of trying to have relationships in real life, and consequences of trying relationships on line. you have to approach them both wisely.

[A]

She's not talking about online communications in general but the ones you two are talking about. They are the most known, almost stereotypical in themselves, examples of bad ideas. Students "take care of you" and Arabs who want to marry tomorrow... Come on, the alarm light must be rusty if it hasn't flashed bright yet.

[Amazon D]

She's not talking about online communications in general but the ones you two are talking about. They are the most known, almost stereotypical in themselves, examples of bad ideas. Students "take care of you" and Arabs who want to marry tomorrow... Come on, the alarm light must be rusty if it hasn't flashed bright yet.

a giant DITTO

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

She's not talking about online communications in general but the ones you two are talking about. They are the most known, almost stereotypical in themselves, examples of bad ideas. Students "take care of you" and Arabs who want to marry tomorrow... Come on, the alarm light must be rusty if it hasn't flashed bright yet.

the thing is, we never really talked or got to know each other, and that's what i would want to do before marrying a guy. spend a good amount of time to get to know them very well. especially since i've never had a relationship with a man or boy for that matter.

[Ann Onymous]

for some people, it's the best way to meet with people. someone like me, especially. i don't have the means of going out in public and finding some guy that turns me on, and ask, "are you single?" "let's go on a date." some people it doesn't come so well to. there's consequences of trying to have relationships in real life, and consequences of trying relationships on line. you have to approach them both wisely.

Apparently you are not paying attention to the number of online scams that are out there, especially that involve peeps that ARE NOT who they claim to be.  If someone wants to use the interwebs as a replacement for the old 1-900 number chats where someone gets their jollies talking dirty then so be it, but do not believe for a moment that those communications even remotely pass for a real relationship...

Maybe I am jaded after reading far too many online sting transcripts in my career, but the failure to heed the warnings in this thread just leave me shaking my head...there are still a couple of warning flags that have yet to trip, but most all of them are flying at full mast right now.

[Nicole99]

Hey these guys just sound like bad news. So wrong in so many ways. Even if they were legitamate with no other agenda than what they say, you can do better, much better.

As others have been saying, these guys are just ringing alarm bells. Run a mile!!! Look after yourselves!