Starting to doubt

[NightWing]

I've been really thinking about myself lately, how I feel, when I feel, and paying careful attention to everything.  And, just to clear this up, I know I'm male.  It isn't that part I'm doubting. 

I am doubting if I can, or if it's even worth, going through and getting on T and a hysto. I just don't see any reason to put myself all through that.  I can still be male with my normal parts.  At least, that's how I feel.  I know most others would disagree.   

However, there are two things with my body that make me extremely dysphoric more than anything else.  My breasts and my time of the month.  There is nothing I can do about that time, but getting my breasts removed...I'm not sure.  I don't know if any psychologist/psychiatrist would authorize that without me being on T, which at this point, I don't want to do. Plus, I've heard horror stories of them growing back after they've been removed (when the person isn't on T). 

I know that attempting to do this is pretty much social suicide (since it isn't even transitioning all the way, but at this point I don't care)

So, I'm not sure what I'm asking.  Does anybody else feel this way?  Or can anybody tell me some information of breast-removal without T?  (if it matters, I'm quite small, like an A cup or something).  Will any therapist or anybody even allow that? 

[N.Chaos]

If it makes you feel any better, I don't plan on going on T ever. I'm pretty sure it depends on a lot of things, where you live being one of them.
If you find any information though, I hope you post it. You're definitely not the only person out there like this.

[jessman3]

rain - there are lots of transguys who, for whatever reason, dont go on T. It is completely possible to have top surgery and not hrt, but as you said, there is also the risk of them growing back. I suppose, being small chested however, you may be able to get breast reduction surgery and acheive the same effect (no letter from a therapist, just a wad of cash to a cosmetic surgeon). Although I think therapy is a good decision either way, that way there is no worry of aproval.

edit to add:
the risk of them growing back would be dependant on the female hormones in your body. a hysto would probably lessen the risk, although you would then need to replace the hormones your ovaries produced in order to avoid a large risk of osteoporosis(sp?).
Furthermore, a therapist can help you make the decision of whether you want to transition or not, as well as a transition plan. That combined with a medical doctor's help, will help you weigh the pros and cons of each aspect of your transition.

[quinn]

Not everyone goes on T. Lucas Silveira never took T, and he was voted Canada's Sexiest Man (www.tqnation.wordpress.com/2010/01/27/first-trans-man-to-be-voted-canadas-sexiest-man/). And like Kvall said, there are surgeons in the U.S. who don't require you to be on T before top surgery. For example, Dr. Garramone only requires a letter of recommendation from a therapist.

[mm]

Rain, I have the same problems, my chesticles and monthly leakage.  Mine are somewhat firm and don't flatten as I like with a binder which is also hot iand sweats in the summer. Between the cramps and blood flow I am out of it for about 2 days every month, no guy would ever put up with this life.  I have wondered how large a t rate would be necessary to stop everything ever month.  I have thought about a hyster or a total hyster removing all the internal parts, but don't know how I can find a surgeon or pay for it.

[NightWing]

Thanks for all the help guys .  It just seems like a rare thing to not want to go all the way. 

Top surgery without T is not likely to be a problem if you're in the US. If you're in a country where you're planning to transition on the public health system, they may have a policy that you have to be on testosterone before getting top surgery. :/ Check ahead with your locality's policies, if you're outside the US.

I have never heard of anything more than very slight regrowth after top surgery and off T, and even that slight regrowth seems rare. There are many trans guys (and genderqueers and others) who have had top surgery and who have never been on T who have totally flat chests. If it concerns you, you can ask your surgeon to do a more complete removal of breast tissue than they would typically do (caveat: this can create a slightly sunk in look unless you've worked out your pecs).

The bleeding is the hard part, if you don't want T or a hysto. You could take combined or progestin-only birth control pills, but these may have feminizing effects on your body (although progestin can have masculinizing effects as well--but it's a bit of a grab bag what you get). You could go on a low dose of T and figure out what the lowest dose necessary to stop your bleeding is. Or you could have a hysto and completely remove the possibility of bleeding, but then you would need to take one hormone or the other.

Just curious, you mention that these things 'aren't worth it' and that you don't want to put yourself through them. I'm not clear if this means that you do actually want the masculinizing effects but just don't want to go through the legal, economic, social, etc., process of obtaining and taking T, or if you don't want those effects in the first place. Can you clarify?

Ooh, very helpful!  But as for your question: it's a mix.  The process takes up a lot of money I don't have.  Even if I go to informed consent route, it would still be expensive and stressful.  I've tried getting over my fear of needles and I don't want to have to dread anything.  I just want as stress-free of a life as possible.  Having to go get my blood drawn once a year, not being able to travel without carrying my T, actually shooting it/rubbing it on/whatever method every week would be burdening.  Then I probably need a hysto, but if I  get that then I will HAVE to take T the rest of my life.  It just sounds like a crippling thing.  Then even if I do that, I'll still be missing a critical component.  I might re-consider if science does provide a fine penis, but for now, I don't want to go through with it.  Yeah I still want the effects of T and all that, but there is no reason to put myself through all that now.  I hope that made sense, it's all jumbled in my mind :>

[NightWing]

Not everyone goes on T. Lucas Silveira never took T, and he was voted Canada's Sexiest Man (www.tqnation.wordpress.com/2010/01/27/first-trans-man-to-be-voted-canadas-sexiest-man/). And like Kvall said, there are surgeons in the U.S. who don't require you to be on T before top surgery. For example, Dr. Garramone only requires a letter of recommendation from a therapist.

Oh, thanks for that info. 

And what?  He was never on T?  He looks like it though :O  That's pretty awesome!

[JudahLiam]

Not everyone goes on T. Lucas Silveira never took T, and he was voted Canada's Sexiest Man (www.tqnation.wordpress.com/2010/01/27/first-trans-man-to-be-voted-canadas-sexiest-man/). And like Kvall said, there are surgeons in the U.S. who don't require you to be on T before top surgery. For example, Dr. Garramone only requires a letter of recommendation from a therapist.

Lucas Silveira is very much on testosterone.  I met him a few months ago when he played in Tampa and we talked about how testosterone had affected his singing.  Super nice guy

[quinn]

Ah, well, in the article it said he doesn't take T 

[JudahLiam]

ya he didn't start T till sept 2010, everyone is different i guess.