Hi Charlotte, your concrens and questions are very valid and I think most of us have dealt with the same thing. Everyone here has said some very good things, so I really don't have anything else new to say, but I can re-itterate what they have said.
What you are feeling is very normal, this is why a lot of TS's are able to finish school, get married, have children, then when they are 40, it comes raisng to the surface, just like everyone else has said it does not go away, but becomes dormat for various reasons. Its these reasons that you have to work on. Thats why in my opion, when we go through theraphy we need to be working on more than just the GID thing. Many of us actually have many more emotional problems besides the GID, that may or may not be a direct result of the GID.
Okay now I'm not saying this to discourage you in anyway, nor am I doubting you in anyway, I just want to to be clear on what your motivations are, so you are actually in a good position right now. Tell your theraoist about your feelings, talk about everything that is going on in your life and everthing that has happened to you in your life, and try and seoerate everything that is related to GID and everything that is not.
When I was in theraphy, my therapist did a really neat thing. She had me start from the begining and right out my entire life, from birth all the way up to graduating high school, what was happeneing with me, my activities, my interactions, my insecurties, everything. Then she put all that on poster boards, and laid them all out and at my sessions, we would go through them a year at a time, and we began to seperate issuees in my life that were actually caused by GID, and issues that were actually caused by something else, and she would keep track of those events and feelings, that would sort of create a fork in te road, and at the end she was able to tell what issues, events and actions came back to being about GID. It was really a good expereince for me, it was sort of like watching my happen before my eyes, and being disconected from it like that I was really able to think about things. Maybe you could suggest this project to your therapist.
What this excersice was able to do, is seperate issues, to determine if in all actually I was just suffering from other problems that for one reason or another were manifesting into GID, and making me think that my life would be better and I would be more emotionally secure as a girl. There are a lot of personality disorders and emotional problems that will sometims cause enough psychosis, that it makes someone think they they are transsexual. Thats why it is good to deal with your whole psyche, when you are in theraphy, just to get everything out in the open, and deal with it all, then you can start to figure out what you are feeling and what is best for you.
You will be able to figure all this out, just keep working at it, and don't be afraid to explore all your issues and all your options.
-pass-
