Can Feel My Soon to Be Wife's Pain

[qUiRkY qUeEn]

Long story short is I am a biological female and my "wife" is transitioning from MTF. I told her I will support her no matter what and want her to be happy. She thinks she will look like a monster, she will be completely alone, her one and only wish is to be beautiful!! I tell her she will be and hormone replacement takes a bit to work. PLEASE be patient. I am 9 weeks pregnant with our child and we both are VERY happy about it!! We have really great communication towards one another and I just want her to be truly happy with herself!!! I felt I needed to tell ONE person I can trust about what I am dealing with and I messed up and told my mom.. BUT she was really understanding and told me if I want to tell my spouse that she will accept her.. I felt it was wonderful news so I told her and understandably she felt disrespected. I royally missed up.... We are seeing a therapist..This road is so rocky for her right now I want to read what out MTF individuals have gone thorough within themselves, so I can feel like there is hope for her too!!!!! I LOVE HER SOOOOOOOOO MUCH and can not wait tell she feels the same about herself too...

[ToriJo]

Don't be too hard on yourself - you recognized the mistake and learned from it, that's all that anyone can expect.

I'd also suggest that you do some of the things you did when you first fell in love, that you both enjoyed (and would respect both your child and your wife's identity, obviously).  Those times can be anchors for some of the rougher times.

And congratulations regarding the baby!!!  It also sounds like your mom is an awesome person who raised her kid right, which will be something you and your wife can pass on to another generation. 

[spacial]

I agree with Slanan but would say she made the mistake really. Though I'm sure we can understand.

She's managed to get to the stage of accepting herself. Then to the stage of you accepting her. But her self doubts remain very strong. That would seem to be perfectly normal.

Sure, seh wants to appear right. But eventually, she will get to the stage that every transisioning woman and man needs to, not worrying about what the world thinks. The only person who really matters, to her, is you.

Having said that, You should not feel bad that she is taking time to get that notion into her head. But your mother is just another positive affirmation.

Now may I strongly advise you you get on with your pregnancy? The problems your partner is having aren't going to go away regardless.

[JessicaH]

I truely wish you both the best but please don't underestimate the seriousness of what your spouse may consider a betrayal of trust. I can only imagine how hard it may be to be the spouse of someone transitioning and hasn't gone public with that information. If your spouse is like me, they spent many years hidding their feelings as a VERY dark, deep secret. I probably would have killed or died to keep that secret.

They finally got to the point that they could trust and confide in you with this secret that they feel could destroy them and your relationship. Then you tell your mom without asking...  I have figured out one thing for sure so far about telling people this secret and that is: No matter how well you know someone or think they will take the transitioning news, you just don't know how they will end up taking it and if they will end up not wanting you in their life.

I hope you are able to keep your relationship together and be happy. I personally would find it hard to trust someone ever again that betrayed my trust to that level. I hope I don't come off as too critical or anything but what good is making a post and only getting the feedback you want to hear instead of honest feedback?

[cynthialee]

I like Jessica was very protective of this secret.
I would have been rather devastated if my secret had been let out to my mother in law before I was ready to come out.....

Congrats on the baby! Your wife is very lucky to have you and a child on the way.

Transition can do amazing things. You girls won't know how well she will transition, until she has transitioned.

Stick around, read the MTF and transssexual forums and the spouse boards. There are many wonderful people here in all stages of transition who would be more than happy to answer questions, offer advice and a sympathetic ear.