Greetings

[valkyrie256]

   Greetings, good people of Susan's place! You can call me Valkyrie, or Valk, for short.

   I'm  21 years old, a biological male, but it has occurred to me recently that something is not quite right with my given gender. Mostly, it is that I am not a big fan of my male body.  I dislike how hairy the body I've been given is, and wished that I looked more feminine, and possibly might prefer  a female body. The kicker, however, is that my personality is not that feminine. I despise shopping (except for books, or games), love computer games (I'm a big time computer nerd), and am not that knowledgeable, or interested, in fashion. I am relatively comfortable with my current dress sense, jeans and a t-shirt, though I would like to at some point experiment with looking a little more feminine.

    I dislike many things that are considered 'masculine'. I do not wish to be Mr. Superman who can lift 500 pounds with one arm.  I do not enjoy most sports, and I do not understand how people get so worked up about them. If a team wins, good for them. If not, too bad. Also, I am almost never aggressive, unless someone backs me into a metaphorical (or literal) corner. I am sure that there are other things, but I can't think of them at this very moment.

   I consider my pansexual; I love someone because of who they are, not their gender.  In fact, I am in a relationship with a wonderful individual who is biologically female, and also pansexual, but has essentially confided in me that they may be a transman (they're not sure at this point). As such, I consider myself extremely lucky to be in a relationship where we can love each other for who we are, and not our genders, and give each other support for whatever may come our way.

   I guess my concern is, what am I? My intuition tells me that I'm either A. an Androgyne, an individual who identifies as neither male or female, or B. a  male-to-female transgender, who is pretty much a tomboy. To add to the confusion, it wasn't until maybe 4-6 months ago that I had any sort of doubts.  I would be extremely grateful for any assistance you can render this young, confused soul. If you have further questions for me, and need me to help you, help me, please ask!

Valkyrie

[Padma]

Hi, Valk, and welcome to Susan's .

What are you? It sounds like you have that covered: you're uncertain, and you're exploring, and that's fine. I know it's tempting to want a label, but you don't need one of those so much as you just need to let yourself get to know yourself, I think. And it sounds like you're in an ideal relationship in which to be exploring that in your own time, which is great. So my suggestion is, sure, try some labels on for size in the same way you might try on different outfits to see if you feel comfortable in them - but you don't have to pick one and wear it forever! We're a very diverse bunch on here, feel free to be you here, and to have that change and shift, if it does.

[justmeinoz]

From what you have said, definitely an intelligent human, everything after that is optional and subject to change.

Welcome and have fun! It's an interesting ride.

Karen.

[Devlyn]

Hi Valk, welcome to Susans! Around here we like to say "I yam what I yam!" Well, I like to say it, anyway! See you around, hugs, Tracey

[CarlieElizabeth]

Hi valk im new also but i do have one bit of advice well really a quote I heard long ago " We can be only who we are no more and no less, to do otherwise is to profane the createor."  hugs and kisses Carlie

[YinYanga]

Hi Valkyrie, welcome!

No matter how far your gender 'feeling' go, you are welcome to talk and discuss it here, you dont have to feel 100% the other sex to do something with your feelings. Maybe you'll end up changing something simple in your life that makes you comfy enough or a more drastic change

I also think about this myself, although for me its really a combination of having  'feminine' interests like shopping, dancing, certain way of conversating with others, fashion sense    but also an interest in gaming, watching Tour de France or my local footieclub  .

What's really masculine or feminine? I don't know but I just enjoy the diversity of things , just sad I feel I need to justify this to my environment and you get labelled

There are MtF's who are more feminine than me in how they feel and express things, some who are way more 'butch' in their hobbies but who are going a lot further in their pshysical transformation and I spoke to an FtM only last month who I can already imagine as a very femme gayman, and he's beautiful in that way

I hope you can talk to your partner about it, I think its someone who will understand you but also how important it is to be honest and to exactly find out what you want

[valkyrie256]

Thank you, one and all, for your kind and enlightening responses! I'm glad to have received a very warm welcome! 

Padma: You're right, I don't need to choose one label right away, I do have quite a bit of time to explore with labels. I've never been a big one for uncertainty, but I accept that it's a fact of life. In time, I'm sure I'll find the one that's correct.

Justmeinoz: Well, life is an interesting ride; this just makes it a little extra interesting.

Carlie and Tracy: I agree, both are very wise words of advice.

YingYanga: You're also right. Earlier on, I had some silly notion that I would have to be feminine to be female, but after doing a bit of research, and of course, from your words, I realize not all cis-gender women are feminine; why would a MtF necessarily have to be such? In fact, quite a few of my close friends could be described as tomboys, and they are awesome!