Do you ever worry that it's just a phase?

[Renton]

For quite a long time I've felt uncomfortable in this body, and have questioned my gender. Often I feel so sure of myself, but because I'm still young, I wonder if these feelings are something that will pass. People have always told me that young people of all ages go through trends and phrases, and I worry that this is one of those things. I think this is what keeps me from seeking help, and coming out to my family and friends. I guess I'm afraid of doing something I'll regret or not being taken seriously since I'm only nineteen. I'm still unsure on how to go about things, and where to start, I guess I've made my start here in this community, but some how it doesn't feel like enough.

Has anyone else experienced this, or have you always been so sure of yourselves?

[YinYanga]

I came 'out' to my mother at 18, so around your age and I know SHE has always questioned whether it was a phase or if it wasnt just me being confused over homosexuality. Now I am nearly 27 and started wondering myself if it wasn't a phase just...why? I think it's because my bond with her has detoriated so much and we had so many verbal fights over my identity that I don't want to fight about it anymore. I also think that I might not live up to her view standard of women and that she might she views me as unsuited for it.....this particular thought infuriates me, as if I am just not good enough and hence why its a phase....it might sound wacky to you but Ive tried to think of every reason she might have for not supporting me

Sometimes I think "Hmm, so, if this is a phase and it will get 'better' ...why has this taken 8 years of fighting with her?"  I can't believe it's a phase because it absorbs so much energy from me, took so many years of my life to understand, trying to accept and be open to her about it that .

The last two years I feel this phase is getting worse (Which is why I started going back to support groups and my gendertherapist and it gives me a very safe and "This is Right" feeling), so maybe Ill just have to tell my mom that it will have to take a few more years!

I hope you can take your time with your doubts and family, maybe write from time to time about your feelings so you can look back on how you felt and experienced things before, it really helps me and when I let someone who is really close -not family sadly-  read it I feel like a relief, because it gives them insight  in how I feel with all emotions than come with it

[Hikari]

I am not sure if I ever really thought it was a phase or not, I know I tried to convince myself that it was, but it turned out to be only wishful thinking, no matter how hard I try my feelings of gender incongruence always come back. As soon as I think "maybe I could live as a feminine man, maybe that is enough..." It hits me hard that I am just not a man, and no pretending will help.

So, yeah, there have been times where I have said to myself "it's just a phase" but, here I am many years later, and my feelings more sure of my true gender than ever. I am not saying that it is like that for everyone, maybe some people decide this stuff is just a phase for them, but to go through the wpath standards of care on a phase would be a very impressive phase indeed.

[Ann Onymous]

If it is a phase, then it is one of the longest effing phases I have ever had with ANYTHING in my life...after all, it would now be a phase well over more than 30 years in duration...

[Renton]

That's another thing I wonder.
Maybe I'm just convincing myself that it's a phase to avoid my problems, but then again...

I mean, I've read so many stories of people knowing from a young child of their true gender, but I didn't even come to this realisation officially until about 5-6 years ago. I mean as a younger kid, I always felt something was "wrong", but gender never came to mind.

I'd like to see a proper therapist, but I don't know how to begin.

[YinYanga]

It is one of the reasons I want(ed) to know exactly how my gender identity works for ME Renton, because I have a similair story: I cant say I knew from very early on because I felt genderless for a long time and peddled between boy and girl activities,  it just didnt really have much meaning for me until puberty and then especially the overall body and social differences struck me very hard. I felt excluded from girls, didnt identify with boys, still did activities that you could label as both boyish and girlish and avoided contact with any peer groups
My mom said I wasnt very girlish or boyish as a child but she only saw I was more girlish emotionally and very to myself

To me this all makes sense for how I view my Genderdysphoria and whether its a phase or not. It's not a phase and I have a mild/severe form of dysforia. It's just as an adult I 'feel' more and start to define it better and that I know whether to choose to go for the physical changes I desire; its too strong to ignore but I also know there are people who have been suffering more

Ps: If you are able to contact and start talks with just a regular psychologist you can adress your genderissues...in my case I eventually started seeing a specialized therapist after my psychologist made an appointment with one for me

[Joelene9]

If it is a phase, then it is one of the longest effing phases I have ever had with ANYTHING in my life...after all, it would now be a phase well over more than 30 years in duration...

Try over fifty!  This is something I repeatedly tried to get over with.  My mom thought it was a phase at first then accepted my situation probably because I did not practice this.  She may have suspected that I was still transgendered on her deathbed because I didn't have a girlfriend, and lived alone. 
  Joelene

[YinYanga]

  Try over fifty!  This is something I repeatedly tried to get over with.  My mom thought it was a phase at first then accepted my situation probably because I did not practice this.  She may have suspected that I was still transgendered on her deathbed because I didn't have a girlfriend, and lived alone. 
  Joelene

30 and 50 years..I have a lot of respect for you both, and I hope you can enjoy every moment of being free tenfold as long and intense as youd ever hoped it would feel

I've actively struggling with it for 10 years now but it feels like it has been an eternity of horror. They say it's easier now and that people are tolerant but I guess I had to have an elephant-thick skin to avoid depression suicidal periods no matter what period were living in...

[Pinkfluff]

Nope, never thought it was a phase. Even as young as kindergarten I always identified more with the girls than boys. Every now and then I try to imagine pretending to the world to be a male, but every time I come to the conclusion that I simply could not live like that.

If you have the resources to see a therapist, you should. Best if you can get referred to one by someone you know, or your doctor, school, whoever. Once you find one that people have talked positively about just go. It is their job to help you begin going through this stuff. You don't need to know what to do or what to say ahead of time, besides a little background digging on the person to make sure you get a good one.

[Ann Onymous]

  Try over fifty!  This is something I repeatedly tried to get over with.  My mom thought it was a phase at first then accepted my situation probably because I did not practice this.  She may have suspected that I was still transgendered on her deathbed because I didn't have a girlfriend, and lived alone. 
  Joelene

eh...I cannot claim 50 since I have not quite gotten to even be that age...but I was out and about in the lesbian bars of Houston by the age of 15 and I knew where I was headed at least a few years before that.  Hence my 'more than 30' timeline

[Silas]

I've wondered if I wasn't androgynous rather than male, although I've never thought I was a girl and just kidding myself. I've tried to convince myself of it, but rarely did it ever last more than 15 minutes. I have briefly worried it was a phase, but I always laugh at the thought, even if the moment's sad.

I'm told I'm a bit of a child in that respect... nothing's a huge deal for too long. I'm very confident in my gender identity. ^_^

Just relax; it's not a huge deal. Whatever you feel your gender is, that's what it is. Be confident. It may evolve over time, and that's not a problem either. Do what makes you comfortable.

[MarinaM]

It comes and goes for me. I have my days of "meh" and then I go outside and get called a gentleman or sir- Bam! It hits me. Best to just girl it up all the time, that way I don't have to go sit in my car for five minutes after the event and gather myself before I can concentrate enough to drive. My interpretation of female shifts often, and you will see me put up different avatars of myself in varying modes because I'm comfortable here, and I believe girls come in all shapes and sizes.

I guess the definition of "phase" for me is whether I can currently handle the transsexualism or not and the intensity of the dysphoria. Unfortunately it has always been there. Through transition we all kind of work on making it a phase- just depends on your point of view.

[xXRebeccaXx]

For quite a long time I've felt uncomfortable in this body, and have questioned my gender. Often I feel so sure of myself, but because I'm still young, I wonder if these feelings are something that will pass. People have always told me that young people of all ages go through trends and phrases, and I worry that this is one of those things. I think this is what keeps me from seeking help, and coming out to my family and friends. I guess I'm afraid of doing something I'll regret or not being taken seriously since I'm only nineteen. I'm still unsure on how to go about things, and where to start, I guess I've made my start here in this community, but some how it doesn't feel like enough.

Has anyone else experienced this, or have you always been so sure of yourselves?

13 years is an awful long time to be going through a phase. Im just sayin

[LordKAT]

No

[findingreason]

Sometimes I think I have thought it was a phase...or hoped it was. I've tried anything to escape it, and have ran several times to try and get away. It would last anywhere from a couple weeks to several months, but no matter how much I tried it would return. I have come to full realization I will never be able to "escape" it, because it is part of me. 12 years of facing this in clear memory, and living a whole life feeling different in some unexplainable way when I younger tell me it is no phase.

[Farm Boy]

Kind of.  I'm 21 and I don't believe my feelings will ever change, but I do worry that transitioning may not be right for me.  Kind of an "Oh, no, that stuff only happens to other people!" thing.  I wonder if it would be easier to just stay as I am, and be a tomboy.  It would be much easier socially, since that sort of thing is widely accepted, but I know I wouldn't be happy.  I don't want to feel uncomfortable in my own body, or be called "miss," "ma'am," and "young lady" for the rest of my life.  So, I guess I kind of am afraid it's a phase, and that I'll wake up one day and say "Oh, never mind, I'm actually just a tomboy!"  That's what really scares me.

Don't worry about what age you realized, either.  There's no special age requirement!  For myself, since I learned the term 'transgender,' did my research, and got the guts to go see a therapist, I've been able to make sense of a lot of things I didn't understand about myself before.  I learned it when I was 19, and I still come to realizations about why I felt a certain way, or said a particular thing all those years ago.  Just take it easy and go with it.  Any path you take is the right one, as long as it's what you want, and it may take several before you find the understanding you're looking for.

[Sephirah]

Do I ever worry that it's just a phase? No. It's probably the only thing in my life that I am sure of. That certainty didn't appear overnight, however. At the start I tried to attribute it to everything that seemed even remotely plausible, like seeing a ghost. But the ghost refused to be explained away and, in the end, haunted me into acceptance.

[Renton]

I suppose my only solution is to speak with someone professionally to help me come to an answer, but it's intimidating. I wish this were a problem I could deal with myself.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Absolutely. I've only seriously considered that I might be transsexual for about a year. While I'm sure this is what I want, I'm worried that I might change my mind.

[Amazon D]

I have had many phases in my life.  My life is a phase. It seems i have a few 9 yr phases and transitioning was one of them like recovery was one and the hippie life. I also had the builder life which i am back doing presently. However, i am still connected to each phase just in a distant form now or in an active phase. You will find that life will have many phases and realizing it and staying open to changes will allow you to see the many choices which some lock out by claiming they are always this or that. I have a friend who is in recovery and just had 25 yrs clean and sober but also still has a sex addiction. Myself i was able to resolve some issues in my life by being open to different phases. I have been doing a caregiver phase since 2004 taking care of three different elders of which one is my mom. Now i have 6 siblings who just couldn't dare think giving their time to their mother in her last yrs. They have familes you know. Yea having two sons was a phase for me but i stay connected and they know i love them and yet i had to transition to be any good for them. All i know is i have had many many phases and many overlap others and some come and go and come back again. Its like i am ageless because it is the phase that rules me and not my geneology. I guess some want to live one life and then die. Myself i like being an individual and walking a narrow road or a road less traveled. Yes i have many phases and i have left the Transgender world before and i have come back and i am sure i will leave again to points unknown.