For me, it's the physical act of realistically passing while also conveying my sense of fashion and personality. I have distinctly masculine features that do not occur on 99% of the females (or even males) out there in my age group (according to statistics and studies), so passing as female is incredibly hard for me to do. One of those features is my nose, which is impossible to cover up, and my browbone, which is coverable by really ugly out-of-place bangs, but since bangs make my lower face look horrible, I innately love having an open-style haircut that shows my foerhead. I only move toward surgical options when alternatives do not work for me, and I know the brow bone reduction is something that will help me confidently wear the open-banged haircuts that I truly love on me.
So as of right now, I identify as male, but I dress very Androgynously - a bit like Ellen to be honest. I specifically focus on wearing specific shapes of male clothing that help me look more shaped and slender, a big emphasis on body and facial equality that still strikes people as 'Okay, this guy knows what to wear.' I do like looking well composed and being able to "equal out" some of my larger features with larger clothing pieces. I pretty much wear what I would wear if I looked female, though right now, I sort of wear the "male versions" of my personal clothing style, and if I looked more female, I'd be wearing the female pieces. I still convey who I am in all ways possible, just using touches that don't look unnatural or ill fitting for my current male look.
Basically, I would say I border on dressing like Michael Jackson, though because of a low self-confidence and a facial appearance that I feel is too haggard to express my identity, I'm still not as flashy as I love being. I love fitted blazer jackets, I love very specific shapes of shorts or pants, and my outfits are always complex and layered - even if it's 100 degrees outside, I will wear what I feel expresses me because I get really suicidal if I'm not able to. Say if I just were to throw on a wifebeater and some slacky jeans and boots like some ugly Tapout teen guy, I would *wish I could* commit suicide the first mirror I saw. It's so horrible seeing a haggard guy looking back at you in the mirror. Thankfully, certain outfits, make-up styles, and hairstyles "help" me feel more "me", but it won't be until surgical procedures and hormones that I even get a glimpse of finally feeling me - I've been through FFS before and I know that it works wonders for my mentality.
