(screams)

[jillian]

I want to pour my heart out about all the bull->-bleeped-<- going on in my head, but you've all heard it before....

WTF...

I had to have an MRI today just to try to get my parents to accept me. You know what its like getting an mri on your head? HUMILIATING
then after dinner I gained a pound. I am exercising, I am extremely conscious of what I am eating and I gained a pound. I know its nothing, but it feels like the end of the world...
I know, I am a whiney bitch, but it hurts so bad to see beautiful girls and then there is me...the wannabe.
hair growing everywhere, 10,000 dollars to remove just the stuff that biological woman dont have.
Insurance dont cover it because its cosmetic. I pay 7.50/hr for my health insurance.  They should rub my ass for me if its sore...

I hate America, for all of it supposed freedom, its messed up.

I just want to be happy. I wwant to look in the mirror and look like I do inside my head.

I know this will pass and another day Ill feel all pretty, but right now it sucks.
Not to mention I got a massage on saturday and my back has hurt since. Only when I stand, but I stand for 10 hours a day.

Sometimes I feel like this life is a cruel joke. Dont get me wrong, I am so lucky. I have an amazing spouse, a wonderful house, awesome doggies, and a good job....I dont know how to explain it.


************************************end rant********************************************breathe*********************************************************

[LivingInGrey]

I'm sorry if this comes off wrong but I've had a long week...

"I pay 7.50/hr for my health insurance.  They should rub my ass for me if its sore..."

that made my day.

I know where your coming from. I don't have insurance because of how expensive it is. And you have a right to be pissed about all of this, I think it's BS that we (... as in the ones of us that are here and haven't found happiness yet) just cant be happy.

I mean hell, even prisoners have more rights to happiness then I have access to it seems. I was just listening to NPR today about a story where a prison ended a hunger strike by the prisoners in order to have more freedoms... a prison... prisoners with ... more freedom...

So if I go on a hunger strike will I have more freedom?

/end rage... (at least for now...)

[Forever21Chic]

   It gets better jillian, hang in there 

[Cindy]

Hugs Girls

It does get better.

Hang in

Cindy

[AbraCadabra]

Hi babe,
* You know what its like getting an mri on your head? HUMILIATING *

I'll have my 3rd one (Ct scan) pretty soon to come, due to subdural haematome (look it up if in doubt).
Now there's NOTHING whatever humiliating in that! Just take that of your list --- will ya?

As for the rest most of us are in the same boat regards everything you mentioned! So? No big deal, it's all about realistic EXPECTATIONS, honey.

Of course saying it, I had another minor GID attack this morning (low on E?) and had a GOOD cry, sob, scream and crunch because I have nowhere near as nice a femme can (bottom) as the girl that passed in my half-sleep state. Aaaaaaaaaaah, why, oh why?
Gimme a nice bottom and I'd be OK with fried-egg flat boobs!

End of my rant (for now) --- hee, hee, hee.
Also, no partner, doggy, no job, no... you will appreciate a lot better if they'd be no more. I happen to KNOW!

Now be a good girl and learn to toughen up hon, (also speaking to self :-)
Axelle

[justmeinoz]

Look at it this way, the weight will stay on your boobs and hips, when it goes from all the places guys carry it.
As I read somewhere, if you want norgs eat more pies!

It really does get better,  just have to put the boobies on and get back onto the field.

Karen.

[jillian]

thanks for smiles.

It is so easy for me to get down.

Axelle, I meant nothing personal towards you.

My dad called and said he saw an episode of law and order with my mom, and a pedophile turned out to have a brain tumor that was making her want to rape kids.
He said that if they could clear me of that him and my mom would maybe be able to begin to accept me.
I did anything for them, at a drop of a hat I would be there in anyway I could.

And now they compare me to a pedophile

[spacial]

I'm sorry if I've missed a few of your posts and appear somewhat ignorant of your situation, especially with your parents.

It's so fruatrating when people you need to turst, put conditions on their love. It takes a while to get it into your own head that they don't and never did really love you. Quite simply because they don't love themselves. They can't give what they don't have, sadly. And their lives are empty.

I wish there were an easy solution, for you and for the rest of us. Sadly, coming to terms with that one just takes time. All I can say is, until that point comes, to not stop believeing in yourself. You do know who you are and you haven't made any mistakes.

Great that you've been able to express it here though.

Take care. <massive hugg>

[AbraCadabra]

Honey bunch Jillian, no prob. I was just saying that MRI or Ct scans, SO WHAT?!

If you a girl inside not even a tumor or some such will affect it.

After my brain op for subdural-haematoma, I'm sure there was some scheming that "now the bitch's brains get set straight" hee-hee.

You are who you are - I say, unless you start digging in my BSTc area of the hypothalamus and add some neuron connections. Unfortunately no good if you still alive and kicking.

Was just saying, you may want to reduce your "rant list" --- unless it felt too good to have nice and long one. Hey, size matters, no? :-)

Axelle

[madirocks]

I'm really sorry for the rubbish they're putting you through. I am curious though what an MRI will do. I have thought about doing the same to prove to my parents as well.

[JennX]

I feel your pain honey. I'm super health conscious and work out every day. Yesterday, after consuming less than 1500 calories and a tough 15 mile bike ride... I still somehow gained 1 pound today. WTF! I was about to throw the scale out the window. Sometimes you just gotta say F-it and push on... life's too short. Be happy.

[A]

I'm not sure how a MRI would help in anything trans-related... I'm not a doctor, but my understanding is that tumors will usually cause headaches before changing a person's gender identity, and will likely kill the patient a few years following such improbable symptoms, so you wouldn't have gotten to how old you are.

[Sunnynight]

$10,000 for hair removal? Are you not a good candidate for laser. I'm sorry if that's the case.