Which First... Tell or Not... Theropy... MMMMMM

[Lucy]

I gave my introduction earlier and many people worked out that I am looking for advice and guidence, if it was up to me I would live my life in this body, even thou I know it will make me unhappy. I just dont want the confict, anger and dissapointment. I dont like agression... The question I want to ask the forum here is this. My partner knows I am Bi, but is it more improtant now to come-out to her or get theropy for my condition. I love her but at the same time want to know why I cant be me? The girl inside.....  She has many problems of her own and I dont think I should share mine with her. Should I jjust live ouit my life alone in this male body or come out and tell every on e who I really am. This isn't easy for me to ask and I probobly  wont pay any attention to what you say, but I will ask and listento what you all have to say...

I know what the awnser is anyway.

So how should I aproch the subject, not forgetting we have been married 2 years. I only told her last week I was Bi. WOW. Thats was eaisier that I thorght, she said as long as it was her I picked she didnt care. OW ->-bleeped-<-.. It was but now I have to say I am a woman in a male body and yes I loved you but I also want to be me. I am female or beleive I am anyway.

Sorry for all the dribble.. The question is

Come out to my wife or Theropy first..

dont forget. I may take yourt advice, and my life may depend on it..

By the way thanks for all your replies I havent smiled and felt belonging for ages, I hope I can help your members as well as you helping me.

XXX TY Lucy XXX

[Kimberly]

...
probobly  wont pay any attention to what you say
...

^*chortle* I understand that frame of mind.



From what I know of the subject denial gets to the point that something MUST be done. I am not saying this happens in all cases just that it is the probable outcome. From my own experience and being the stubborn little kid that I am I had to break before I would even admit something was wrong. Never mind that I knew full well, that didn't matter.  Then one day came along and I fell apart.

So, my basic advice is that if you turn your back on who you are (which is basically what it amounts to I think.) please both be prepared for the world imploding and don't hurt yourself too much. It is only life, it is not worth living in pain.


Now, this said I deeply do not like the idea of hiding anything from one's spouse.

This said I am generally in the minding that it is not WORTH hiding nor running away from. While I am single now I feel that this outcome was better than a false life for us both.


^*shrug*
Go where your heart leads.

My hope is that that will be to your spouse, because no one deserves being lied too.


I wish you strength, luck and good wishes.

[BrandiOK]

  Perhaps instead of an either or situation you could combine the two.  Maybe discuss with your wife that you would like to talk to a therapist about your sexuality since you have already told her you were bi.  Once in therapy you can work on finding a solution to the gender issue. 

  The most important thing is taking the time to do everything right not only for yourself but your partner also.   I would suggest seeing a therapist before telling your wife about any specific "gender" issues. 

[Suzy]

I agree with Brandi.  First see a counselor.  See what is going on.  Then s/he can help you decide how, when, and what to tell your wife.

Good luck!

Kristi

[beth]

                  Make an appointment with an experienced gender therapist first. Let your spouse know you are going but leave the reason untold for now. Don't lie but try to get by with "I have some things to work out" or something similar. Spend some time with the gender therapist and when you are sure you know the path you have to follow tell your spouse. The experience of the therapist you choose is very important. He/she will be able to help you weigh your options and the consequences of certain paths.  Research here in the forums and the wiki can be helpful but remember some information will apply to your situation and some will not. I wish you the very best.



beth

[cindianna_jones]

I'd encourage you to talk to a qualified therapist.  You definitely need some help in dealing with these issues and a therapist can provide that.  You already know that you want to tell your wife. I encourage that.. but get some help first. 

Chin up

Cindi

[Lucy]

                Don't lie but try to get by with "I have some things to work out" or something similar.

Ow my... How many times have I used this line befor. I have a few things to sort out... My wife knows me very well and knows I am a complicated person, so theropy shouldnt be such an issue.

As for lying to my spouse, I think thats a little harsh... The only person Ive lyed to is myself for pertending that everything was normal. I told myself to put up and shut up. Dont be so stupid, and many other words. When the time is right I will talk to my wife and explain the situation but as advice goes I may have to see a theropist first.  Am I ill?.  Should I not be having these feelings? What can a theropist tell me about me that I dont know?

Im going to look around to see if there is anyone local I can see about this. I'm treding and new grownd never having done this befor, but once again I want to thank you all for your speedy replys. Its nice to know that I do have some one I can turn to in the world. May be Im not alone after all.

Sent will all my love and kisses
     XXX  LUCY XXX