Family issues. :(

[Darrin Scott]

I will start off by saying that I'm pretty damn lucky because it's not as bad as some people have expressed here. Someone recently had to quit coming here because their parents found out about this site. I feel great that I can come here and not worry about anything. So, I don't mean to come off as whining or anything. I know other's have it worse than I do.

My family hates that I bind and think it looks stupid. I don't know if I've said this elsewhere, but a family friend commented that it looked like I had bubble wrap in my chest. Before that, I was fairly confident when I bound and am confident when I bind now. I quit binding for a few months because people said stuff. I went over a family member's house yesterday in which they commented "Oh, you've got that stupid thing on" and when I said I'm wearing it because I feel more confident in it they started laughing and said "You're so full of ->-bleeped-<-". I did say I was uncomfortable in it before because of people's comments. Basically, from what I'm told, my family and family friends don't like it because it makes me look like I have no boobs (duh  ) and they know I'm a girl etc etc. So, I guess it's just them being uncomfortable with it or whatever. It still pisses me off because I feel guilty for doing it and guilty for thinking about transitioning and stuff. I don't see having their support, but I know that the idea of transitioning makes me happy. Other people that I'm actually out to noticed it too. It just sucks that I can't be who I am without people giving me ->-bleeped-<-. Sorry for the rant and I know that people have it worse and I don't mean to whine about it like it's the worst situation ever. Just wanted to vent.

[Squirrel698]

The fact that other people have bad experiences and families doesn't negate your own bad experiences.  You have every right to your feelings and to ask for support.

So are your parents understanding at all?  Do they have anything resembling an open mind?   A book that is often sited around here is called True Selves  http://www.amazon.com/True-Selves-Understanding-Transsexualism---Professionals/dp/0787967025/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311551879&sr=8-1  It might be worth getting your parents to read.  Perhaps they might gleam some understanding from it.   

PFlag also has a booklet you can download from here.  http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=380  Also good information to pass around.  It's nice to have a piece of material to back up your statements.  If you could get them to go to a meeting, that's even better.

Right now you need advocates because your extended family sounds like a bunch of ignorant pricks.  They have no right to talk to you like that as a fellow human being worthy of respect.  They can't shame you into being someone else no matter how hard they try. 

[Alexmakenoise]

It just sucks that I can't be who I am without people giving me ->-bleeped-<-.

You need to find some better people to be around, and spend more time with them than the ones who are giving you ->-bleeped-<-.

[N.Chaos]

Squirrel is absolutely right. Everyone has bad ->-bleeped-<-, and everyone's bad ->-bleeped-<- is different, but (with a few exceptions) that doesn't make anyone's ->-bleeped-<- less ->-bleeped-<-ty than anyone else's.

That sucks, a lot. Have you told them off about it, basically told them to piss off your personal comfort and leave you alone? I'd lose my mind putting up with that, I give you a lot of credit.

[Darrin Scott]

Thanks all!

I'm hoping to meet more lgbt/trans friendly people around my area. I'm not "out" to my family which is why I think they find my binder weird since I haven't REALLY explained it to them. I'm not ready to talk about it.....

[Natkat]

oh thats suchs I know simular parrents, and my own mother also hate when I whore a binder,

she found out about the bandage and wanted me to stop but I refused. in the end she understood there where no way she could make me leave outside the door to go to school, without binding, and she kinda accepted me getting binders because it hurted less and made me smell less terrible than when I had old bandage hanging around. I guess it kinda the same for you, if there really no way you could refuse they would probebly give up a time or another.

but your felling bad for giving them trouble, I got the same problem,
I feel somehow to be standing up for myself I sinning myself from my famely.
but when you look at it in the big picture. people make fake boobs, stuff there bras, make them look bigger,
and nobody minds, so why should they mind the other way? its pretty pointless..

[Darrin Scott]

but when you look at it in the big picture. people make fake boobs, stuff there bras, make them look bigger,
and nobody minds, so why should they mind the other way? its pretty pointless..

Very True. Lets not forget all the cisgendered people that get plastic surgery to look 20 again or the people that dye their hair. I'm not bashing anyone for doing those things, but should wearing a binder even matter?

[Natkat]

Very True. Lets not forget all the cisgendered people that get plastic surgery to look 20 again or the people that dye their hair. I'm not bashing anyone for doing those things, but should wearing a binder even matter?

no it shouldn't people are just applying dobble standerds.

I could say you should just do whatever you like, because your not doing anything wrong so far,
but I know it hard because you still feel your making your famelly unhappy.
I dont feel my famely issues is to compared to yours, my famely dont questionate my clothes anymore and such,
but I did fell very hardbroken when my mom seamed aganst me like being embarrased of other to know, while I said to her I never been ashamed of my mom because of her illness or anything abnormal about her like she was.

Im not about that with my famely, but even how good they threat me I got this mixed felling of letting people down.

[RyGuy]

The fact that other people have bad experiences and families doesn't negate your own bad experiences.  You have every right to your feelings and to ask for support.

this. i hate when it becomes a competition on whose life has been harder. you are obviously going through some rough things and the fact that other people go through rough things as well doesn't make it any easier for you. sorry i don't really have any advice though. good luck.