age and taking the plunge

[Centcomm01]

im a bit annoyed i will have to go to a head doctor just to do what i want, one i made the desicision i felt like a huuuge wieght was lifted off me , now i ive told all my friends and trying to arrange things ( only being constrained by cash flow ) do i NEED a head doctor proably not . but i dont mind going once or twice but i dont feel down about my decision

[Robert Scott]

Ya, I was pretty annoyed with having to go to a counselor .... however, I am glad I did.   I mainly went without reluctance b/c my wife was so overwhelmed by it all -- she helped us work through that and my wife adjust to the man I am.  On my second private apt with my counselor she said - do you want me to write the letter -- I totally think your ready and able to do it and I only request that you see me a couple times after your surgery with your wife to make sure you have the support you need.   So if you get the right person then you don't have to do a ton of counseling.  One benefit I found from being older is that I have good health insurance and my transitioning has cost me nothing thus far.

[Centcomm01]

AUGH! im so green .. my so called health insurance at work costs 200 plus a check for one person and covers almost nothing but emergency stuff - ie practicaly nothing so i didnt bother with it and yes i plan on going , i am still looking for a good one with hopfully a sliding scale

[Deanna_Renee]

im 46 . and just now gaining the courage to realize whats wrong , sigh .. im worryed about age and pretty much everything that could go wrong can . my finances are garbage because of a lack of self worth i guess .. ive never felt "right" or correct .. and find myself at war with my self ive dabbled in CD and feel very comfy in womens clothing - oddly enough it doesnt cause a "omg" fetish reaction .. it just feels "better" i know the path im choosing is difficult and expensive , im worryed about medical issues . costs ect ect so far ive told a very few close friends and they have been positive .. my ex of 10 years was saying .. "ok.. why didnt you do it sooner .. im lucky in regards to looking my age i look younger .. im hoping to "pass:" i know i shouldnt expect miracles but im hoping to find people in my area that can help me .. im kinda lost on what to do first ( located in phx/tempe .. Arizona )any help or advice would be appreceated and apologys if this isnt in the right area ..

CENTCOMM01

I just popped in and saw this, so I guess just a wee bit late (3 pages late), but I thought I would make a comment or two. While I was reading your post I was wondering if maybe you copied my story - only subtracted two years from mine. The lightbulb came on for me at 48 (2 years ago) and I realized that my biggest problem all of these years was that I was transsexual and found this haven, where I spent the better part of several months glued to reading thousands of posts. I was also quite reluctant in the beginning, being 48 and wondering if I missed the transitioning train a couple decades ago. Well, after two years of therapy, 10 1/2 months on spironolactone and now 5 weeks on estrogen (also 10 1/2 months of anti-depressants) I am a totally different woman. I had gone from severely and painfully introverted and terrified about going out dressed, to being out in public just about every day as me. I'm not quite yet able to go full time, because of my living situation, but am looking to move in the next couple of months - at which time I will be going full time and never looking back. Once I got started on the spiro and the anti-depressants my confidence level soared. I starting going out a lot more, I felt so much more alive than I had ever felt before, for the first time in my life I felt comfortable (mostly) with myself. I really don't pass in public and get sired more than m'amed regardless of how I'm dressed (but I get the female pronouns enough that it makes me happy). The point is that now I am finally feeling like I'm who I was supposed to have been all of these decades and I honestly don't care what others say - because for the most part people are understanding and supportive - they just don't know enough about how to respond/address and when they screw it up it is most often out of ignorance as opposed to be cruel.
I think a good gauge is if you can look at the surgical processes and read about the meds and the other things that we sometimes have to endure during transition and you can still say that it is worth it and it is what I always wanted at some level, then that is all that matters. In the words of Nike - Just Do It!
Deanna

[Deanna_Renee]

just told another friend tonight , he reacted very positively .. also he knows a post-op gal that has already been though this from back in 2002 , we are setting up a get togather so we can get a plan of action on this , .. and yet again another of my friends " isnt the least bit surprised " ok how did i miss this and they didnt ...   

LMAO
I still shake my head when I come out to old friends and tell them that I am trans and all and they respond with "Oh, that makes sense" or " I figured it was something like that", "hmm, I thought gay and in denial, but trans fits" and other such responses. Okay, if you knew this all those years ago, why didn't you enlighten me?
I have gone through the why didn't I do this 20-30 years ago and I wish I did this and that for the first year. I came to realization that I didn't do it then because I wasn't ready to do it then and I can't do anything about that now, all I can do is do it now. Yes, I wish I had known and done something about it years/decades ago and would have had all these years of happiness, but then I wouldn't be who I am today. Okay a broke freelance graphic designer working out of her bedroom and scrimping and pinching pennies is not the best life, but at least I am incredibly happy and getting out and  enjoying my life with all my other broke friends
On the broke front, if you can, find a therapist who is willing to work on a sliding scale (I think you said you are already looking), you may also find a doctor who is wiling to do likewise. I was very fortunate to find an internist who works with a lot of transsexual patients and has a lot of experience in that area and he has been so incredibly generous with his services and I would not be here if it weren't for him and my therapist. As for the prescriptions, there are ways of getting them quite cheap. A lot of pharmacies have $4 generic drugs and my doctor writes the scrips for X many Xmg pills (at $4 for 30 or $10 for 90) per day. This way I get the same dosage as the far more expensive Ymg for a fraction of the cost (does this make any sense? We are not able to post specific dosages of specific meds). In other words there are ways of doing this right for little money and no insurance, you just need to do a bit more homework.
Best of luck to you.
Deanna

[Centcomm01]

thanks Deanna - and yes i understand about a doc scribing a composite of drugs to make up a higher doseage my prymary does that or uses samples to make up the same dosage as a "brand name " . im not the best at research so its kinda tough and im waiting till i have cash in hand and chomping at the bit - sighs , should i just go ahead and try to schedule anyway and ask if they will wait for payment?

[Deanna_Renee]

thanks Deanna - and yes i understand about a doc scribing a composite of drugs to make up a higher doseage my prymary does that or uses samples to make up the same dosage as a "brand name " . im not the best at research so its kinda tough and im waiting till i have cash in hand and chomping at the bit - sighs , should i just go ahead and try to schedule anyway and ask if they will wait for payment?

It would certainly do you good to at least contact a therapist and explain your situation and circumstances - especially financial - and see where that takes you. They may well have options available locally that we don't know about or they may be willing to work with you around your finances. If they are good professionals that are compassionate and understanding of the issue, then they will feel obligated/inclined to do everything they can to help you. I have learned the hard way that there is no pain in asking for help and telling your dilemmas. Waiting for cash in hand could prolong your need far longer - because there will always be something come along to take that money.
For me, starting therapy (my life has been really messed up) was the best thing that could ever happen for me. My whole outlook on life, not just mine, improved immensely. That fresh perspective has helped me to gain the confidence to go out and get work. Granted I'm not getting even remotely wealthy, but I am getting work and I am making ends meet and the calamities are fewer and further apart.

Best wishes,

Deanna

[Centcomm01]

sigh waiting for cash in hand has been the most distructive part of my life .. augh .. ok looks like i need to start calling some of these also can someone explain this ?  >>>>>>AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist<<<< found it in my hunt also is it against the rules to post doctors here for advice ?

[Deanna_Renee]

I'm not familiar with AASECT, but Certified Sex Therapist may not likely be the best choice, unless they are also familiar with transsexual issues. I would try searching for gender therapist, or transgender/transsexual therapist/counselor. I don't know anyone in your area that I could recommend. You may also want to search on this site for Tempe / Phoenix to see if there is anyone here that is from that area, or if there are any threads on therapists in your area. I don't believe there are any rules against posting doctors for advice, as long as you aren't marketing their practice or bad mouthing them without the chance to defend themselves.

Deanna

[Tammy Hope]

This quote disturbs me more that what you actually say. If you feel you are "defective", obviously you are going to fight depression for the rest of your life.

Clearly transitioning is going to radically change our lives and we will lose things in the process.  I think anyone who goes into this process thinking things will basically stay the same is delusional and hasn't thought this through. Again, some people clearly need to seek therapy to get though this and probably other things in their life as well, but that isn't something that should be a requirement or assume everyone needs it.

You became suicidal, I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I don't think lack of therapy explains both does it?

for the record - that quote was not from my post.

[Centcomm01]

found a head doctor to start the process , ill have my first appt next week any advice ? the receptionist was really cool , advised me that the doctor is concerened with making sure im making the right choice , warned me about some old school doctors that think they have to "cure" me ( sounded odd for him to say that ) and helping me learn how to pass , said they follow the "standards of care "
has 6 to 10 patients right now in various stages.  she can write the "letter" as he put it - im a bit scared but looking forward to it as well

[SandraJane]

First to CentComm1, know the feeling about the therapist, I'm scheduled to see one this week. As to the "guidelines", being in healthcare its a must, HRT is not something to take lightly. I know some will say I don't know what I'm talking about, but Hormones especially, they regulate and change our bodies, good & bad. They are a drug, and as such need to be controlled, granted the provider(MD, etc) can have you over a barrel, misuse of Hormones can seriously injurer or KILL you. I don't like the idea of hoops to jump through and gate keepers to please either.

To Deana Renee, thank you for sharing your experiences! I am 53 and had asked myself the same question many times...WHY DIDN'T I DO IT EARLIER? I wasn't ready either of the three times prior that I tried or seriously wanted to.

[SandraJane]

Oh...by the way...when I first contacted the THERAPIST and told them why I called for an appointment they immediately said they don't give "LETTERS" the first session and that they follow the guidelines!Oh well, whatever...

[Francis Ann Burgett]

im 46 . and just now gaining the courage to realize whats wrong , sigh .. im worryed about age and pretty much everything that could go wrong can . my finances are garbage because of a lack of self worth i guess .. ive never felt "right" or correct .. and find myself at war with my self ive dabbled in CD and feel very comfy in womens clothing - oddly enough it doesnt cause a "omg" fetish reaction .. it just feels "better" i know the path im choosing is difficult and expensive , im worryed about medical issues . costs ect ect so far ive told a very few close friends and they have been positive .. my ex of 10 years was saying .. "ok.. why didnt you do it sooner .. im lucky in regards to looking my age i look younger .. im hoping to "pass:" i know i shouldnt expect miracles but im hoping to find people in my area that can help me .. im kinda lost on what to do first ( located in phx/tempe .. Arizona )any help or advice would be appreceated and apologys if this isnt in the right area ..

First 46 is OK, 46 years old for anyone is OK. It takes a while to know what you want out of life. I fought it since early teenager, dressed as a girl then/wanted always to be a girl before then, my mother knew, supported me but way in the ice ages, there was nothing anyone could do. My father a good man pushed & made me a boy I guess. I left a week after high school for colleger to get away be myself, etc........

Now mid fifities & still trying again, finally have the money & time since retired but I would trade it all to be 46 again.

Be smart, do what you can, enjoy as much of your feminine side as you can, if you have to be male for a job or money do it to make the money, plan things out, enjoy all you can of your feminine self, forget the other folks that give you a hard time