Whatever people say about love they are going to be wrong most of the time. But I never hear anyone really say 'you can reason a person into love.' 'you can bargain a person into love,' or 'you can negotiate a person into love.' That's because those things are not wrong most of the time, they are wrong all of the time.
At some point, I will need those direct answers.
You will never, ever get them most likely, and here's why:
And to this day, more than a decade later, I *STILL* don't know what exactly went through my ex's mind
Yeah. Damn Skippy. Me either. And I don't think we ever will either. If they even really know. You never really know what's in someone's heart. That's because often we don't even know ourselves. Love doesn't just die. It doesn't. Perhaps not (though many would argue) like energy it can't be created or destroyed, but it can move on. And it does. Sometimes you just get up in the morning and something has changed, and you can't quite ever figure out what it is, but sure enough, it's there (or it's not there) and it's not going away (or coming back). Might not even be a big thing, could be the tiniest thing in the world that just set off a chain reaction of thoughts - perhaps not always connected - that led you right here, to this moment, that moment where you just say: "Hey, I'm really tired of this person's ->-bleeped-<-." And that's it. If you're really lucky, your partner will tell you and at least you can both ease on down the road. If you're not lucky every day from that day out is going to be a steaming pile of resentments that fester and build on top of each other until you get to know true hate. Be happy you're not that person. And those people are a lot of people.
Be extremely happy that you are not one of those people.
And, know this. It's really a happy thought when you think it all the way through. No movie star, rock star, political type, model, preacher man, jock, diplomat, whatever... not a single one of those - and any and all - people don't have certain someone in their life who is tired of their ->-bleeped-<-. Everyone's got an ex. That's my secret comforting thought when I have to deal with famous people. That guy, no matter how cool he is, or thinks he is, and how ultra-cool everyone else apparently thinks he is - somewhere there is a girl who knows, FIRST-HAND, that he's a total douche. That girl, no matter how hot she looks and acts (and she's got both of them down), has an ex who swears - and has some damn good war stories to back it up with - she's proof that there is a fast lane to earth from hell. It's Kat's version of 'everyone puts their pants on one leg at at time.'
Oh yeah, and even though it's true, and just about everyone reading this knows it's true because they have been in both those roles, no one ever gets to really say it. We make up reasons. We take the blame (this is a real power trip deal, very ugly) - it's the only place were humans love to take the blame, somehow it absolves us of guilt.
I think Erin is judging me by her behavior.
Oh yeah, we all drag those ex's through our lives with us. Ghosts in the machine. It's the only reality (amid a culture that is awash in other people's notions of what love, romance and all that is) we really have to go by.
kind of like an outline of the subjects you want to talk about
My god, that's not a conversation, that's an emotional ambush. I mean the reason - and it's going to suck, that's how you know it's most likely true - that you have no idea how she's feeling about everything, is because at this point is because she doesn't want you to know. Perhaps - and very possible - she doesn't know herself. This is a confusing process no matter what road one chooses to go down. Sometimes you just need to clear out your head from everybody else's voice and just try to hear your own. Sometimes the songs that we sing are just songs of our own. And you have to get out and find out what that is.
We all want an answer so we can rationalize, make sense of it....
Yeah, well, that's most of the plays, movies, all of the love songs, the books, stories, poems, a big pile of scientific studies even. All that, still no making sense of love, either falling in or falling out.
Einstein says that we can't blame gravity for people falling in love. That's about the most we know.
