Hi everyone

[Ivy Y]

Hi everybody. My name is Ian, I'm younger, from New Jersey. I'm currently finding myself struggling with my sexuality and thinking a lot about MtF trans. These topics cause me to suffer from severe depression, as no one besides an extremely close friend understand how much it affects every aspect of my life. My parents are slightly old fashioned, and have not even the slightest idea of my situation.
I've been dressing up for 3 years about, but I've always felt my mind doesn't fit my body. Ever since I was very little, I would wish I had been born a girl, pray that in some strange miracle it would happen.
I've never been religious in anyway, nor has anyone in my family besides my mother, who's an accepting Christian. However, I'm still afraid that explaining my situation to my family would turn them against me, or even have them laugh at me. Their reactions to things are never predictable. I feel almost like I would be letting them down if I came out.
I don't think I did a great job explaining myself, but it's the best I can do

[Adabelle]

Hey Ivy,

Welcome to Susans! Being a member of this site changed my life in a good way. The people here are so kind and helpful.

You are in the right place to ask the questions you are asking. Of course only you will have the real answers to the questions you seek, but there is so much wisdom here. I'm sure that you can find what you need by reading all the collective knowledge here.

)hug(

Madelyn

[Padma]

Hi (not sure if you'd rather be called Ian or Ivy here? let us know ), you did fine - and welcome to Susan's! We're a diverse and friendly bunch here (the head count is over 7800) - get into things as slowly or as quickly as you feel comfortable, I'm sure you'll find plenty of support here.

And be sure to check out these links for the bobby on the house rules:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos)
  
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[Cindy]

Hi Ivy,

Welcome Hon, Don't worry we have all had the same sort of problems, thoughts, issues and confusions. But now you are here that is fine because there are lots of us to help each other.  So post away and question away.

Cindy

[Jennie]

Hi Ivy, WELCOME, you will find that this is the best place for information, you will find that there are so many others just like you and you will find that you are normal, you are not crazy for feeling this way.
You will find a lot if information in the Science and Medical news area of this forum.  Aloha from Hawaii.

Jennie

[Jillieann Rose]

Hello,
Welcome to Susan's.

I'm still afraid that explaining my situation to my family would turn them against me, or even have them laugh at me. Their reactions to things are never predictable. I feel almost like I would be letting them down if I came out.

Coming out is always a scary thing. But often we are surprised at how coming out changes everything.
I would get a gender therapist first. It is the best way to go.
The therapist will be able to help you to decide when, how to come out to your family and friends.
Hon I am glad you joined.
Jillieann

[grrl1nside]

Welcome Ivy!

I felt similar in my (now understood) early days. I never prayed to be a girl, but I used to hope that some special magic out there could just make it happen. I watched a movie when I was about 13 where a side character was magicked into a beautiful female (of course  ) and although the whole scene was aimed at turning on young males, I was stunned and not aroused. Honestly, right there and then I was thinking please, why cannot some person just turn me into a woman. That's all that I thought for the whole damn movie and next part of a week. Hmmm... Person looking back goes, a hint Dr. Watson?

At this point, I think I could even handle being some old crone (and I'm only 39). That scene has never left me and for another 20 plus years I would frequently revisit it and think again if only magic in a body instant shift was truly possible that I would be happy. Obviously, there is so much more in terms of connecting the dots, but I know that is one of those moments that were a you-got-it-moment-but-ignored-it sort of thing.

I think I thrived on others crises in order to never have to face myself. Then it clicked, in light of coming across more mainstream images and stories of transsexuals, that in fact this is possible, just not by magic and that my thoughts and feelings really aren't a mistake or something that I can ignore or stomp down forever.

May your prayers come true in whatever way shape or form you make them. I just need to find my qualifed magician...