Another post, I know, Sorry to bug you guys but I do really need some advice here!
I've been thinking, since I'm a year on T, had my legal name change and will probably have my hysterectomy before next year... if I should go back to school. (I'll be a year and a half on t by then!)
You see I dropped out, three times! Once when I was 15 for bullying. I was only out of school for three months and went to an independent learning school (alternative education). Unfortunately having headaches I had to leave, started homeschooling with another school, then I went back to the alternative education school, but I had to drop out as I started getting bullied for being a lesbian... they had a zero policy for bullying but I didn't want to run to the principle about it because last time I did that at my first high school the bullying got so bad I ended up losing my second semester. Also I kept asking the teachers and principle (small school and I saw her every day!) to call me by my androgynous name but they never did and while trying to be androgynous they were constantly outing me to all the other students by using Miss in front of my last name. :| I came out as trans soon as I dropped out, after being called HE on the bus one day lol.
Anyways after dropping out for a year I went back to school but then I dropped out for a final time for getting severe headaches. Might be from the endometriosis (there were even spots on my mri for excessive bleeding that was causing bruises) Right now I'm still in too much pain (endometriosis) and I can hardly stay up very long to be in school. My only option is the adult school program which I did home schooling with (you do the work at home, on your own time and bring it in whenever for them to mark) I can however only enter after the hysterectomy!
I just don't know if it's worth it. I'm 20 (and a half
). I'm not sure if I want to go to college. I want to own my own clothing line but in my opinion I don't need college to get into that career. I know my designs are awesome because everyone I've showed them too wants to buy almost every single outfit... and they are ten times better looking than the boring clothes sold in places like Wal-mart and Stitches and such. I've also come up with some pretty humorous t-shirts. I'm proud of that. I also want to be an author... and lets face it, if someone like the person who wrote twilight could get published, I can too. But people always piss me off about having their grade 12 and I feel like I'm looked down upon for it. I plan to get a job after my hysterectomy as well but it'd nice to not be 21 and working a menial job...it'd be nice to be in school and say I got that going for me as well. The job could be like my excuse to not have a full time career.
Now I want to go in this time, it's all independent, no home schooling because I'm too lazy for that, but I feel since I don't have to worry so much about all this gender bull->-bleeped-<-, that I might actually be able to get my grade 12. My teachers have always said I am highly intelligent, I just don't apply myself. When I do though my grades are through the roof and teachers are amazed by me... that sounds way to cocky. I also think that my intelligence is dropping since being out of school these past few years.
But should I go back? I mean there will be people who are 18 and up there, and I am kind of scared of possible bullying outside the building if I don't pass or a teacher giving my gender away. How have your experiences been with people who were adults/older teens? I don't really have much experience to even have an idea of how they could react. Most people will be busy doing their work but there's always some ->-bleeped-<- somewhere waiting to ruin peoples lives to make theirs better, whether old or young!
Advice? I know I have to make my own decision but I need some input.
