Few Questions/worries about being Socially Transitioned but not on T

[Jeatyn]

My social transition has come as far as getting my gender marker changed on my passport/drivers licence ....yet I am still not on T

While it's brilliant to be "legally" recognised as male, it brings up other issues...mainly involving my daughter

Toddler groups - they are mainly for women, there are dads groups now and again but not often. Each time I've gone to one I've felt horribly out of place because there's no guys there at all, but I fear if I went to the ones specifically for dads they would wonder what a woman was doing there. I don't really pass, especially when I open my mouth. I would just avoid them altogether if I had friends or family around with young children she could socialise with, but I don't, and I don't want her to miss out.

Swimming - I'd love to take her swimming, but that is a massive fear zone for me. I haven't been swimming since I was a very young child - pre puberty, after that I have never considered it an option. What is the protocol in swimming baths for trans people? Rash guards are no good for me, my chest is way too big. I would be sort of comfortable if I could wear and binder, shorts, and t-shirt. Do they allow that sort of thing? Can I use the male changing rooms? Can I take my daughter in the male changing rooms? Do I have to get permission from the manager or what? Very confusing area for me 

All other areas I find a bit annoying, the moments of "this says mr, is it supposed to be miss?" in banks and whatnot, but I can make do with that. Any advice appreciated!

[regan]

The world is full of single parents, I would go to a group I was interested in and hold your head high.  I'd imagine most people would just assume you're a single parent.  If that doesn't work there are GLBT (parent) play groups, I would think you would feel more at home expressing yourself there.

As for swimming, I don't know if there is much you can do. 

I have to wonder, though, if you "don't really pass" what pushed you into a social/legal transition in the first place?

[TheAwesomePrussia]

I don't really have much of an answer for you. I'm not legally transitioned myself, nor am I a parent. But my only question is, how did you get your driver's license/passport to read male?

[Banf]

I have to wonder, though, if you "don't really pass" what pushed you into a social/legal transition in the first place?

In the UK, psych's count "changing your ID" as beginning a real life experience. Whether going NHS or privately for hormones you need a minimum of either 3 months of 'RLE' or 3 months of therapy before you can talk about starting T. Of course, 3 months of therapy is very short, and people should do that anyways!
Prussia, here you can get both passport and DL changed with a simple note from your doctor + a copy of your name change doc. P:

Anyways Jeatyn, I'm afraid I have no clue about the parenting classes. But for the swimming, you can wear a binder under a rash guard, if that'd help? Some swimming pools are fine with t-shirts too, so you could phone them up first and ask. Just say "for medical reasons" if you do. Also ask if they have a disabled changing room you can use with your daughter.
There's also a current thread about swimming here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,103502.0.html

[TheAwesomePrussia]

In the UK, psych's count "changing your ID" as beginning a real life experience. Whether going NHS or privately for hormones you need a minimum of either 3 months of 'RLE' or 3 months of therapy before you can talk about starting T. Of course, 3 months of therapy is very short, and people should do that anyways!
Prussia, here you can get both passport and DL changed with a simple note from your doctor + a copy of your name change doc. P:

Yea. The problem in the States is that there are different rules in all states and territories. Nothing's ever consistent, so it complicates things. The only definite way is to change your birth certificate, according to the laws of your birth state. Here in Tennessee they don't allow gender change on a birth certificate for any reason whatsoever (not even after SRS). Luckily I was born in Iowa, where they allow it as soon as you reach the level of transition that you and your therapist have deemed necessary.
As for DL and Passport? I believe the passport would fall into federal jurisdiction, but I haven't looked into it yet. And DL could go either way. Again, I just need to look into it. But it's much easier doing things in person. So I plan to ask about it after my name change, since I have to go in for new documents anyway.



As far as swimming, I know that underworks has a swimsuit made specifically for FTM, you might check them out.

[Ann Onymous]

Yea. The problem in the States is that there are different rules in all states and territories. Nothing's ever consistent, so it complicates things. The only definite way is to change your birth certificate, according to the laws of your birth state. Here in Tennessee they don't allow gender change on a birth certificate for any reason whatsoever (not even after SRS). Luckily I was born in Iowa, where they allow it as soon as you reach the level of transition that you and your therapist have deemed necessary.

There have been some threads over in legal that deal with changing the BC, but yeah, every State is different.  And, even once corrected, there are other issues that can STILL come into play in an ever-evolving (or devolving as it sometimes seems) legal landscape...

As for DL and Passport? I believe the passport would fall into federal jurisdiction, but I haven't looked into it yet. And DL could go either way. Again, I just need to look into it. But it's much easier doing things in person. So I plan to ask about it after my name change, since I have to go in for new documents anyway.

DL is like BC- it is State-dependent.  Cannot offer much current advice though since everything I did was in a pre-9/11 world and was finagled without the need for ever getting a court order.  It helped tremendously when I had a trooper point out the 'error' in the sex designator during a traffic stop...and when I went to a tiny DPS office afterwards, they apologized profusely and made the correction.

As far as passports go, I think it was Val that had a recent thread in Legal about changing those documents.  And yes, those are a federal issue.   

[TheAwesomePrussia]

DL is like BC- it is State-dependent.     

Ah. Bad phrasing on my part. By "could go either way" I meant that for my state, it may be easily changeable or not. Sometimes they're lenient, sometimes they're not. The DMV in Tennessee is a bit of a roulette...sometimes you get a good visit, sometimes you don't. Sometimes you can get a "special exception" made if you just happen to get a really understanding worker. I've known one or two people who have at least been able to get the gender on their DL to say "N/A" or "ON FILE" rather than posting it directly onto the license.

[Ann Onymous]

Ah. Bad phrasing on my part. By "could go either way" I meant that for my state, it may be easily changeable or not. Sometimes they're lenient, sometimes they're not. The DMV in Tennessee is a bit of a roulette...sometimes you get a good visit, sometimes you don't.

Lots of States are like that...I know there was one location in Austin that I preferred to use because nobody ever seemed to realize they did DL photos in there.  I could go at lunch and have no line despite it being across from the Capitol complex...and they would let me see the pic and decide if I wanted to keep it. 

And years ago, when I had my license changed, it was a small-town location that I used where they tended not to be real focused on what policy might or might not have required.  If you talked a good game, you usually got what you needed in those offices...which was a big part of how I avoided ever having to get a court order. 

[regan]

And years ago, when I had my license changed, it was a small-town location that I used where they tended not to be real focused on what policy might or might not have required.  If you talked a good game, you usually got what you needed in those offices...which was a big part of how I avoided ever having to get a court order.

It seems to be in life, in general, the further you are away from "headquarters", the more lenient it is.

[Jeatyn]

Yeah in england it's super easy to change gender markers and names, all I needed was a note from my doctor saying the change was permanent.

I used to pass before I had my daughter now post-pregnancy I have massive moobs and I'm all podgy in all the female areas  I still look androgynous, but I think having a young baby with me all the time tends to tip the scale to female in peoples minds. Plus having a cis male partner immediately puts me in "mum" territory. There's nothing I can do about that unfortunately, just gotta wait for T to make me look undoubtedly male.

I'll have to call the swimming places and see exactly what their policies are, I'm just not entirely sure what to say. If people were fully aware of trans people I would, but I know it won't be a simple conversation, I'll have to explain EVERYTHING xD

Or maybe I should just not bother and go in as female

[TheAwesomePrussia]

I'd just explain it. And see what they say.
But then, for me, going in as female is always my last resort. If I can get in as a male, I will. Another thing, perhaps they have a disabled dressing room? I know some places do. And they tend to be mixed gender. If you explain your situation, and they have such a room, they'd probably let you use it.