How do you feel ?

[ativan]

I'm not sure exactly what Dr Bockting is working on at the moment or even if he's seeing anyone.
It's been since Dec '12, that I last talked.
Anyone that you see in NY can find info from PHS at the UofM.
It's based on many really good peoples collaborations.
Only some of it is his, although he is a main contributor there.
Ativan

[ativan]

I'm scared of change, I think.
I feel like I'm closing a door on a chapter of my life. I know I'm opening all sorts of new doors, but it's a big scary world out there.
I'm scared of what the future holds. I'm taking a lot of chances right now, and there are a lot of ways that things can go wrong.
I'm scared that the decisions I'm making will turn out to be wrong.
I'm just really afraid right now.

'It took me a long time to understand the beauty of just letting go.'

Closing doors is like that, you just have to let go sometimes. There is a certain beauty in just doing it.
Change is hard to do, I don't like it. The future is always uncertain. Things can go wrong.
Just keep paying attention, and keep an eye on those things that can go wrong.
As well as those things that are going to be right.
Being afraid is yourself's way of making you pay attention.
Just don't let fear become your decision maker for you.
I'm gonna go see my therapist for the last time in about an hour.
That door is closing and I don't have another one lined up yet.
I'm afraid I won't find one I like. But really, I know I will.
Even in the face of that uncertainty, I refuse to let it get to me.
Today I'm just going to enjoy the beauty of letting go of my therapist.
You know how to do that, too. I know you do. You've done it before.
Sty in touch
Ativan

[androgynoid]

Thank you, Shan. I needed some reassurance.

Closing doors is like that, you just have to let go sometimes. There is a certain beauty in just doing it.
Change is hard to do, I don't like it. The future is always uncertain. Things can go wrong.
Just keep paying attention, and keep an eye on those things that can go wrong.
As well as those things that are going to be right.
Being afraid is yourself's way of making you pay attention.
Just don't let fear become your decision maker for you.

Well, my friend took me out to lunch yesterday, and I gave her the clothes. All gone. The actual getting rid of things is hard, but once they're gone I realize I don't need them and I feel lighter. I'll hold onto that.

I think I need to learn the difference between keeping an eye on things and the constant-vigilance type of anxiety I'm prone to. I've been better lately at not letting myself make decisions out of fear, though. So that's progress.

In other news, I swear I'm gaining weight and I swear it's going to my chest. It's freaking me out so much, but that might mostly be because I'm in such a high-stress state already.

[ativan]

I showed up at my therapist's and she had her replacement there to meet me.
We got along really well.
I am on her schedule, same day of the week, each week at the same time.
It was great! My old therapist was able to make the arrangement a couple days ago.
I was worried, I was wondering, I was concerned,.... What if?....
I'm anxiety prone (Ativan), it's a part of why I see a therapist.
And getting into manic modes just amplifies it to that constant-vigilance kind of thing, for me too.
Hyper-awareness. My pupils actually dilate more than normal.
All of which is really just the normal to me, after all these years.
It is difficult to just let it go, I have to stay on top of it consistently to keep it from overrunning me.
Ativan

[Taka]

better than ten minutes ago. eating something at lunch really helps...

also getting rid of some unnecessary anxiety after getting a job where i at times curse my superiors for giving me too difficult tasks. doing the impossible apparently helps me get some perspective on the insignificant things i tend to overthink and make into something that seemingly will result in a personal apocalypse. got some good experiences with people being helpful and thankful, it works wonders with my self confidence even though i know that the helpful ones do it as part of their job.

[hazelspikes]

(Oh look, I'm back!) The last few weeks were rough.  Most of it came from complications with a friend, but I'm less angry, sad, and jealous, so that's a plus. 

Today, I feel really good.  I found an app called "Zombies, Run!" and started the 8K training adventure (think video game through your ears while exercising).  And, I'm becoming a part of the band fraternity on campus, and started learning more about that.  I was really worried about this group project that I had to do for my Social Science Education class...Where we learn how to teach.  But, that went way better than expected, and my group was highly praised.

[Shantel]

(Oh look, I'm back!) The last few weeks were rough.  Most of it came from complications with a friend, but I'm less angry, sad, and jealous, so that's a plus. 

Today, I feel really good.  I found an app called "Zombies, Run!" and started the 8K training adventure (think video game through your ears while exercising).  And, I'm becoming a part of the band fraternity on campus, and started learning more about that.  I was really worried about this group project that I had to do for my Social Science Education class...Where we learn how to teach.  But, that went way better than expected, and my group was highly praised.

Don't think that you weren't missed, sounds like you're doing well, welcome back!

[hazelspikes]

Don't think that you weren't missed, sounds like you're doing well, welcome back!

Aw, thanks! It's good to be back. My life had got really hectic. 

[Taka]

welcome back. i also just recently came by again, after having dealing with real life.

right now, i'm feeling sad. my family is falling apart, and there's nothing i can or want to do about it. we haven't been much of a family for far too long, but what makes me sad is that this might end with my step father moving away. i don't want that, he's the only person i have who comes near being a parent to me, and i don't know what will happen to my childhood home if he leaves. but it's not like i can ask him to stay with my mother when even i am leaving her now. the only relation that will be left between me and her is that she's my child's grandmother, and my younger siblings' mother. they're the only ones she's almost managed to treat right.

anyway, i'm sad. but the feeling is not bitter. we'll probably all be better off with some distance between us.

[Carolina1983]

I am sucidal and depressed.


I dont want to do anything just stay in the bedroom with the curtains down.

[Taka]

that's not very good. if i knew you better, i'd cuddle you and whisper sweet words to you until either the feeling went away, or you got so tired of me that you gave up staying in your room doing nothing.

is there anything you want to talk about, or are you just feeling down for a moment?

[Carolina1983]

That would have been nice indeed .


No there is nothing to talk about really, it is just me and my stupid feelings. I dont even know why I am so low sometimes.

Hopefully time will bring  improvement. But right now I am just dissatisfied.

that's not very good. if i knew you better, i'd cuddle you and whisper sweet words to you until either the feeling went away, or you got so tired of me that you gave up staying in your room doing nothing.

is there anything you want to talk about, or are you just feeling down for a moment?

[ativan]

No there is nothing to talk about really, it is just me and my stupid feelings. I dont even know why I am so low sometimes.
Hopefully time will bring  improvement. But right now I am just dissatisfied.

I get this. I do it on an almost regular basis. Suicidal Ideation.
I have a small, but efficient network of trusted people. I can tell them without repercussion, and they just keep an eye on me.
Feelings like this or that are never stupid. They usually have more meaning than you credit them for.
Time is always the biggest factor. Riding out the storm,...
You take care and talk to us all you want. Email if you want.
* whispering softly and hoping the words cuddle you like Taka said...
I care. We care. You matter more than you know.
Ativan

[Shantel]

I get this. I do it on an almost regular basis. Suicidal Ideation.
I have a small, but efficient network of trusted people. I can tell them without repercussion, and they just keep an eye on me.
Feelings like this or that are never stupid. They usually have more meaning than you credit them for.
Time is always the biggest factor. Riding out the storm,...
You take care and talk to us all you want. Email if you want.
* whispering softly and hoping the words cuddle you like Taka said...
I care. We care. You matter more than you know.
Ativan

+1 Yes count me in on that plan too Carolina, you are a worthy human being and a lovely woman, stay in touch with us and don't do anything to harm yourself, we all care for you dear!

[hazelspikes]

+1 Yes count me in on that plan too Carolina, you are a worthy human being and a lovely woman, stay in touch with us and don't do anything to harm yourself, we all care for you dear!

I'm also in on this plan.  Everybody is important.

[Jamie D]

For some reason, completely unknown to me, I am on top of the world.  I have been happy and smiling and enjoying life.

I don't get it. 

[Taka]

don't worry, jamie, i'm sure that feeling will pass too... though it would be nice if the good feelings lasted.

[Kaelin]

For some reason, completely unknown to me, I am on top of the world.

Gravity explains the sensation.  If you oriented your body any differently, you couldn't stand up.

[ativan]

For some reason, completely unknown to me, I am on top of the world.  I have been happy and smiling and enjoying life.

I don't get it. 

The Arctic will do that to a person.... 

[ativan]

Gravity explains the sensation.  If you oriented your body any differently, you couldn't stand up.

That's just a theory. Nobody really knows how they stand up.