How do you feel ?

[foosnark]

Down. I feel like I wasted the weekend, though part of that was because I wasn't feeling well.   Sore.  Unhappy.  Whiny.

Friday my wife and I are going on a two week trip to visit my folks and then hers for the holidays.  We aren't ready.  I'm not particularly thrilled, not that I don't want to see my parents and my brother, I think it's just the depression talking.  There isn't anything I particularly want to do.

[Julian]

Stunned.

So. Um. Okay.

I'm probably having top surgery at the end of March.

Holy ->-bleeped-<-.

[Sevan]

Stunned.

So. Um. Okay.

I'm probably having top surgery at the end of March.

Holy ->-bleeped-<-.

Hooray hooray hooray!!!!

[caseyyy]

Omg! Congrats!! How did you get the money issue sorted?

[Julian]

Honestly, I just sat down and talked with my parents. I'd had a long talk with my dad about my being trans a few days before, and that helped him understand where I was coming from. Last night we went over finances and discussed where the money was coming from and going to, why they weren't initially sure they could say yes to March. But it turns out that we can make it work, and even with the more expensive local doctor who can do DI without grafts.

I am so incredibly blessed. I woke up this morning and had to text my mom to make sure it was still true. This is the best Christmas ever.

[Julian]

Whenever I think about my situation, transition in general even, this song comes to mind.



Good night to the person I have been. To the place that I am in, good night.

[caseyyy]

Wow, that's awesome that they came around. So happy for you.

[foosnark]

Hooray Julian!

[Joeyboo~ :3]

A little out-of-line.

Got news that an old friend committed suicide.

The horrible thing is that no one could tell he really was going to do it, no one talked him out of it.
I think thats what he was going for though.
This is really weird.

[YinYanga]

I'm sorry to hear it Joey, hope you will remember the nice times in the end.. Muc love

About myself, I feel sad and weak today ...all because of one phonecall with my mom. I shouldn't have called her but I did, because I wanted to wish her somewhat of a nice Christmas.

Sadly she always goes on and on about how the city (Rotterdam, Netherlands) I live in is full of thugs, criminal circuits and that the social works I talk to are involved with them aswell. Fine, that's something I got used to by know..but then she says : "Well I was followed by a group of girls who were gossiping about you and that you wanted to change" . So I was annoyed and asked if she talked with her neighbours, but no, she doesnt do those things and how dare I ask that. No, instead it had to be people who live near me who have 'connections' etcetc

The most painly thing is that she started about gender dysphoria again and questioned whether it was the periods of loneliness, medication (I used anti-depressants for +/- 5 years when I was a teen) and the society of today that makes me feel this way...oh and that I should get my DNA and my brain examined to make sure. She was very interested in that

I can understand she wants to know why and I'll try to ask my therapist for a test that might give answers to it but I felt very small and unsure of myself after she hung up

So I feel broken really

[foosnark]

I feel at peace, and generally a lot better than I did the other day.

[Joeyboo~ :3]

Cutting.

[Julian]

Cutting.

That makes me sad. I know what it's like to deal with self-injury; I've only just recently stopped. Please PM me if you need to talk?

[EmmaM]

Cutting.

Sad and helpless.

I saw this and I didn't know what to do. I fell asleep, confused,  rather than try to be a good friend.

Joey, you know how to get a hold of me. Julian is a good person, those with experience are best able to help.

[espo]

I was getting all bent out of shape because I'm such a ->-bleeped-<-up and totally destroy anything good that comes nears me but maybe thats just how its suppose to be cuz it seems so frigg'n easy to do.  So basically I'm resigned to whatever

[caseyyy]

Why would you say such horrible things about yourself espo?

[espo]

About being resigned to it ?  Well, its glaringly obvious I have to change but I'm concentrating on getting my spring employmented secured which is absolutely necessary and its beyond me to do both.

[EmmaM]

Intrigued.

I have a girlfriend at work, she was talking with her sister, I overheard her ask my friend whether I knew she had a crush on me. Then a supervisor I never see asked if I got mad at people calling me he or she. I prefer to be called she.

[YinYanga]

Intrigued.

I have a girlfriend at work, she was talking with her sister, I overheard her ask my friend whether I knew she had a crush on me. Then a supervisor I never see asked if I got mad at people calling me he or she. I prefer to be called she.

Do you know if she talked with her sister knowing you might be overhearing it? So on purpose?  I hate those situations

All in all sounds like an exciting day

[caseyyy]

espo: No, about you supposedly effing everything up. I doubt that's the case. *hug* I used to feel that way pretty much all the time but i've come to see that while I do make mistakes (we all do), very few of us are as bad as we give ourselves credit for.

Emma: do you like her back?

Apparently things told to a family member in confidence were not kept in confidence. The darker part of myself wants to go "well who can you trust? You can't tell anyone anything." But, I don't want to believe that. I'm struggling now to find a balance between being open and sharing too much. It's a difficult line to draw.