I'm so frustrated. I feel like I am just sitting here waiting to know what to do next. I don't want to push Erin away. That's the last thing I want, but I feel like I'm a sitting here on idle. I'm just waiting for Erin to tell me what she wants from me. I know where my heart and head is, but I don't have a clue where hers is. That's the part that's getting to me. She is tearing me apart a week ago for the whole deal with the letter and trust issues, then I'm over there and her arms are around me all night long.
It's so hard. I feel like I'm in limbo. I'm trying hard to be patient. Give her a few weeks to reveal what she wants. Not put pressure on her, but in the meantime I feel like I'm a nervous wreck inside. I feel moody. I feel sad.
What I really want and need to know is if we are both on the same page. I don't mind taking a few steps back as I said and working on regaining our trust. I don't mind being her friend and giving her my support. I am willing to do that and try to rebuild what we had together, but when we were together last Thursday night and Friday, not one word was mentioned of anything that was an issue for us. What I really would like to know is that we are both going to work on this as our common goal. That we both love each other enough to rebuild our relationship. Maybe that will come in the next few weeks, but it would be nice to know.
Then to be there in Erin's bed, close to her body, feelings all those loving thoughts and feelings that I feel for her and not knowing what to do with them....I get a little upset. Why won't she talk to me and tell me what she wants and where she's at? Her eyes, her behavior seems to say I still love you. They say I'm a bit scared, but I still love you, but there are no words. I have yet to hear from her since Friday. Still waiting patiently...
