I AM HAPPY!!

[qUiRkY qUeEn]

Hello Everyone,

I am seeing the light of my "situation" these days. I still have my spouse. She has not changed as much as I was afraid of. My therapist is AWESOME!!!! I have picked up new methods on how to meditate. I no longer am terrified of my spouse leaving me for a man. She is devoted to me. She has been on HRT for 2 or 3 so months and I can start to see the softening of her features. She is going to be getting her acne scars on her face removed!!!! She will have really smooth skin and will feel closer to her goal.

So lets talk about what I feel we have gained in our marriage.

1) Great communication.
2) Better understanding.
3) Spouse is shining like a butterfly (most of the time) at least it seems to me.
4) We got a second wind to our marriage and are finding new things to do together.
5) Closer Intimacy.
6) I am finding that I might be learning more about myself that I didn't know possible. (BIG SMILES)
7) My inner peace will be found.
Both partner and I will be connected more and more.
Etc....

Please do not get me wrong I do have my bad day and so does she..... but as of right now this is where I am at...

[Hikari]

That is great, I am happy for you!
I have went through some really rough times with my wife as of late, and it always puts a smile on my face to know people can work things out. I wish you both the best of luck.

[Cindy]

Beautiful news,

Now I just hope your are similar dress and shoe sizes, my wife and I are, the shopping trips were awesome . No one complained about maxing the card.  We would then get dressed and go out to dinner or a club and enjoy. And we only ever enjoyed our own company, after all we are the ones in love.

Cindy

[marelivki]

May I ask a question? Are you both transgender women (you who were for longer time on HRT and she just beginning), or you are genetic gay woman in relationship with a transsexual woman?

[Cindy]

Hi Hon,
These questions are always difficult and thank you for being sensitive. I'm a XY woman who was born with physical defects. My wife is a XX female who does not have those defects. I told her about the defects very early in the relationship, I think it was the second date. She is heterosexual as am I. Which means we both like guys BTW. We have never been unfaithful to each other no matter our desires. We love each other .
I'm also sterile as I was forcibly castrated so birth control has not been a problem.

Let  me know how I can help.

Cindy

[marelivki]

So you are married, and never had sex?

How about you, Quirky Queen? (I refer to my first question here)

[Cindy]

Your questions are becoming offensive.

[marelivki]

Ok, i'm sorry, never mind, didn't mean to offend you in any way

[qUiRkY qUeEn]

I am a biological female married. I am not offended in any way. I am going through this with an open mind and positive attitude. My spouse needs that from me more then anything, she needs my love. Her family is treating her like utter crap and I never thought my inlaws would EVER and I repeat EVER say the things that have said to her. It does break our hearts BUT we chose to not let that bring us down. We are happy and that is all that matters. One day at a time!!!

[marelivki]

You intend on staying with her in a relationship?

[Hikari]

May I ask a question? Are you both transgender women (you who were for longer time on HRT and she just beginning), or you are genetic gay woman in relationship with a transsexual woman?

I would just like to point out for clarities sake, that someone doesn't have to identify as gay or lesbian or even bi to be in a same sex relationship with a transperson that is or has transitioned. Plenty of people who are heterosexual have made an "exception" in the case of this person, since they love that person, not the parts between their legs.

In my particular case, whatever my wifes attractions are, I don't think, even if everything works out well and we stay together forever, that she will call herself a lesbian, She may call herself hetroflexible at best. She likes men (Though I do not) and only has a slight attraction to women but, that doesn't mean that we can't have a fulfilling even sexual relationship, based on the fact that we love each other as people regardless of gender.

Just as a disclaimer, I am only speaking for myself and my spouse.

[marelivki]

Would you feel fulfilled in that relationship? I know you love her, but being loved for some phantom of who you used to be isn't what it takes to be happy... At least for me. I wouldn't feel comfortable if person i'm partners with weren't attracted to sex I'm representative of.

[regan]

Would you feel fulfilled in that relationship? I know you love her, but being loved for some phantom of who you used to be isn't what it takes to be happy... At least for me. I wouldn't feel comfortable if person i'm partners with weren't attracted to sex I'm representative of.

I thought she was pretty clear that it took more then what was between your legs to make a relationship successful.  Yes its unusual, but plenty of people have stayed in relationships because they love the other person.  While its a rather major change, change is a fundamental part of life.  The person you loved in the past is never going to be the person you love today - human beings change.  Love and sex are two seperate things, in some relationships you have both, in some you only have one or the other.

[marelivki]

I really admire your idealistic point of view, but in my opinion, love goes only with two factors: body, and mind. I know it sounds pretty high-flown to love despite the body but dont forget about reality... Love is a complex feeling, and without craving each other's bodies it doesn't work. I dont believe love can be based only on who we are, and what we feel (I refer to our mental personality).

[regan]

I really admire your idealistic point of view, but in my opinion, love goes only with two factors: body, and mind. I know it sounds pretty high-flown to love despite the body but dont forget about reality... Love is a complex feeling, and without craving each other's bodies it doesn't work. I dont believe love can be based only on who we are, and what we feel (I refer to our mental personality).

I shudder to think of my grandparents as "craving each other's bodies" (as long as I knew them, they slept in seperate rooms) but I don't doubt for a second that they loved each other.  Love lasts long after the physical appeal has passed...

[marelivki]

Are you at least listening to what you're saying? I dont know if I need to explain why your point is not good, but I hope not... Older people have history, they loved each other, they craved each other's bodies, now, when they are old, they are each other's support and help, because of what they have been through... But it wouldn't work if they didn't have history they did.

[Hikari]

Are you at least listening to what you're saying? I dont know if I need to explain why your point is not good, but I hope not... Older people have history, they loved each other, they craved each other's bodies, now, when they are old, they are each other's support and help, because of what they have been through... But it wouldn't work if they didn't have history they did.

And people who were married before transition don't have history? Who is to say my seven years are any less valuable than older people's time? I am trying to follow your thoughts, but I guess I can't I am just not that way.

If I love someone and they love me, then everything else is just details. So what if my wife isn't really attracted to the outfits I am wearing, I don't like the fact she shaved all her hair to only be an inch long, but of course I can still be attracted and even sexual with her because I like her not her body, not her clothes, her. In fact if she were to come out as an FTM, while it would frustrate me a bit (eww stubble) I am sure I could find a way for us to meet each others need monogamously because we love each other, and frankly in my view to not, is to be a bit shallow, like leaving someone because they gained weight or similar.

To me, romantic love is something you work out, sure some primal lust helps, but it isn't really required in the least. I am not even into the same fetishes that my spouse is, but it doesn't matter I participate because I love her, I want her to feel good, and I will do just about anything that doesn't compromise who I am (She does have to love me for me, as I am) and doesn't compromise monogamy. That is what romantic love is about to me, working together and compromising, in order to realize the love you have for someone, and to continue renewing it.

In any case, this has got very off topic I feel.

[qUiRkY qUeEn]

You intend on staying with her in a relationship?

Yes I do no matter what and she does too!! We are totally commited to one another and she is not attracted to men. I love her and she loves me more then anything in this world!!! We have been together for 9 years, married for 6 out of those 9 years. So what is your story?

[qUiRkY qUeEn]

I would just like to point out for clarities sake, that someone doesn't have to identify as gay or lesbian or even bi to be in a same sex relationship with a transperson that is or has transitioned. Plenty of people who are heterosexual have made an "exception" in the case of this person, since they love that person, not the parts between their legs.

I agree.

[qUiRkY qUeEn]

I have found that since my spouse (MTF) came out to me our attraction to one another has increased!!! My love for her runs super deep. I have a rather open mind and I can see myself with her till the end. Without getting to detailed, she is more into our "moments" then I have ever seen her before. Me the same... I do not consider myself a lesbian or bi-sexual just me loving my spouse unconditionally and learning our new journey of life.

We have pictures of us up in her "male" mode and I felt as if I would offend her if I kept them up, but she states, no please leave them up. I told her I am going to have the same feelings I had towards "her" as I had before. She is fine with this.

I consider them our "first life" together. Any pictures now, will be our "second life" together. This is how I can still accept looking at our old pictures and keeps me happy. I still get somewhat confused as to how I am supposed to feel BUT I will soon figure that out.